Those of us who have left the IBLP/ATI (the Institute in Basic Life Principles and the Advanced Training Institute) background have often heard things similar to the following:

“Why can’t you just get over it already?”
“Just move on and leave the past in the past.”
“Let it go and just enjoy your life.”

This becomes very frustrating for those of us desperately trying to “move on.” We would dearly love to be able to just start enjoying life. But every time we try to ignore the past, it keeps jumping out at us from around the next corner.

As I thought about this, I realized that Bill Gothard was right about one thing: Anyone remember the strongholds diagram? You know, the one where we give ground to the enemy and then ask God to take it back piece by piece? We were told that each piece (lie, thought pattern, rock song, etc.) had been given to the enemy one at a time and would have to be taken back the same way. Each lie had to be recognized and confessed, and then the truth had to be built on that ground in its place.

We were told that the world and the enemy were doing their best to build these lies in our souls. That we needed to be constantly vigilant against them. To always plant “truth” so the lies wouldn’t have a place to take over. To put it in different words, we were being subjected to mind control all the time from the world and the enemy. They were always trying to find a way in and make us believe what they wanted us to believe.

Now, looking back on my time in IBLP and ATI, I realize that I was being subjected to mind control from the very people who were warning me about it. We were clearly taught that we should not study opposing views. We should only ever study the “truth.” We should limit our exposure to outside influences. Things like media, internet, relatives, friends — all were to be avoided or filtered unless they were “like-minded.” Many of us watched very few movies and almost no TV, had extremely strict internet filters if we had internet at all, were very guarded with relatives, and were taught that friends were unnecessary. Family, Scripture, and IBLP materials were the important things.

We were taught to “stand alone” against the world but to conform without murmur to the expected ATI standard. There was a lot of peer pressure within ATI to not stray from “God’s best.” It was pretty much assumed that “God’s best” was the same for everyone. Photography was okay; acting was not (unless it was in Children’s Institute skits). Playing an instrument was highly encouraged, as long as it wasn’t the drums or saxophone. We were supposed to accept how God made us, but Gothard encouraged the girls at Headquarters to use makeup and, on occasion, to lighten their hair to a blonder color. He also asked a number of women to remove their head coverings while working at Headquarters. We were supposed to marry a person at least as godly as we were and have a lot of children, but not before spending a certain number of years in single service (preferably to IBLP/ATI). These are just a few examples.

So I agree with Gothard on this: when you have been subjected to mind control, you have to deal with each lie and thought pattern individually. You cannot combat mind control in one big battle. There are going to be some big battles, and a ton of small skirmishes before that section of ground is cleared. And yes, new thought patterns or truth must be built on those sections as well or we will go back to the old ways of thinking.

This means that for every little thing we have been taught, we must recognize the error, change the thought pattern by correcting our understanding, and learn to live by the new pattern. That’s at least three separate things we have to do with each erroneous thing we believe. This takes time. Way more time than most of us would like.

So when you see us struggling with the past, please be patient. Remind us of the progress we have made. Give us hope that we will get through this particular struggle as well. Validate the pain. Affirm us. Tell us that in Christ, we are free; that it is okay to throw off the bondage of the legalism. Help us find balance if our equilibrium is off. Stand by us without lecturing. Listen, listen, listen. And we will thank you for it as we find our wings and fly.