As a teenager in the 1960s, living near Atlanta, Georgia, I often wondered about God and heaven and hoped I had been good enough to get in. Being a normal male who enjoyed life, I wasn’t so sure. My grandparents took me to church, but that stopped when I was 13.
During my junior year of high school, people talked about God’s grace and the free gift of salvation. It sounded too good to be true. So I went on with the belief system I had developed through my childhood, memorizing some scripture and figuring God out for myself.
A thought from God
My life plan was to own a business, perhaps in retail sporting goods. Then in my senior year of high school, a small thing happened that would have great significance in the future. On my way to play ball, in the field my friends and I had made for baseball, John 6:47 popped to mind: “…He that believeth on me hath everlasting life.”
I stopped and told God, “Okay, if there was anything else—aside from believing you died for me and my sins—you would have made it clear. So I trust you. You are enough. I don’t have to do anything but trust you.” Nothing I can do, all Him. Little did I know how important that thought was.
That spring, I went to a retreat sponsored by Atlanta Youth Ranch. The camp was great; full of girls, sports, good music, and a sense of belonging to something important. I found many of the things I’d been looking for but hadn’t known how to put into words. There, I learned that for life to make sense, one needs to study God’s Word, memorize Scripture, pray, and (a real biggie that set apart the truly devoted) witness for Christ.
Do this, do that
Most of all, one must follow rules and obey principles. Learn how to witness better than anyone else. Do this, and God will bless you. Want a great marriage? Do that. Want peace and joy? Do this. Want financial security? Do that. Want your kids to love God? Do this. It is up to us! God will bless you if you believe, work, keep commandments, wear the right clothes, listen to the right music, go the the right places, don’t go to the wrong places, eat the right things, say the right things, and do the right things. Then life will be more than you could ever ask or imagine.
So I did. I dedicated my life to Christ at that retreat and headed to Florida Bible College. Even made Dean’s list a couple of times. I stayed out of school for a year to work and save money so I could go back and finish. Leah Greene and I began dating when I was directing a youth ministry in Red Oak, Georgia. Leah had also dedicated her life to Christ. We married in 1972, and I graduated in 1974.
Back in Atlanta, we did youth work, and I taught and coached at Clayton Christian School. Our church was heavily involved with Institute in Basic Youth Conflicts (IBYC, now IBLP). The church won multiple chalk talks and had them framed and hung in the hallways. Our leadership adopted many of the edicts proclaimed by Bill Gothard, and we strove to implement his ideas in our Christian school.
A year or two later, the Advanced Training Institute of America (ATIA) program was born. My wife and I began a home school program that was tied into Clayton Christian School. In the second year of ATIA, my wife and I joined the program. We moved from our old, large church to a small church that I was chosen to pastor about fifty miles north in Woodstock, Georgia.
I looked forward to God blessing all our hard work and to seeing how following all the steps and principles I had learned would work in people’s lives. What I was about to discover was…they don’t. Now some 25 years later, they still don’t. They do bring out a lot of pride in people, cause disunity in local assemblies, and rip families apart.
Reaping the fruit of legalism
Trying to get people to lead a life that would honor God was killing me. I felt sorely inadequate, and the people I looked up to told me I was not cut out for this. Actually, I was told they never thought I could do the job. Apparently they had been given the gift of leadership, but I had not.
After years of being a Christ follower—years of teaching, memorizing, tithing, giving, praying, living up to the standards, keeping the principles, adhering to the keys—I found myself without a church, without a job, and without skills to find adequate work. I, as well as the original pastor of the church, had been promised money to start a new business (or pay off my house or just put in the bank) upon the sale of the church property. However, we were defrauded by one of the church leaders in a real estate deal. That money disappeared, and the church was foreclosed upon.
So I had other names to call myself besides Sinner saved by grace. “Stupid” was one of my favorites. I felt very much like the failure others had predicted I would be. I thought, At least my kids will be alright. God will eventually see me through this, and the world will see a tremendous testimony of God rewarding faithfulness.
Guess again. My oldest son and daughter delved into sex and alcohol, a little bit of drugs, and just plain stupidity. I got so mad! I screamed at God for being a rip-off. “Don’t tell me you love me if this is the way you show it!” I could not sleep. I had to stay away from the kids and Leah because my anger spilled over on them. “You have lied to me about everything. I did all you expected of a disciple.” There were no secret sins, and I really did pray, tithe, and study enough. I kept my part of the deal, and God did not keep His.
My crisis of faith, and silence from God
To reach this point, I rode a downward spiral of trusting God, seeking answers, and redoubling every effort to find what I must be doing wrong. That process of one step forward and two back took years. Along the way, I heard the truth of living through Christ, but it didn’t make sense—much like when I was a young boy. Living by law had been ingrained in me for many years, and the religious system had actually made me feel good about myself for a long while.
I became an atheist. I told my wife that there can’t be a God, because everything we had been taught about how to follow Him did not work. He is not a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
Since my senior year of high school, verses would stick in my brain, and I could hear the Holy Spirit speak to me in my thoughts. All my life in Christ, this was true. Now, no verses were coming to my mind, and no thoughts from the Holy Spirit. I said to myself, This proves it. There is no God. I need to figure out a way to make money, because all that matters is the here and now. Thinking this way was actually calming to me. I was less angry at everyone else. None of this was their fault; I had simply been wrong.
Renewing my mind and my family
After a season of silence, one day a verse I knew even before I was in Christ popped to mind. My God! My God! Why have you forsaken me? Immediately, the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, Donny, now you know how I felt! God showed me in that instant that He was there! I realized He loved me, and I also realized everything I had ever been taught about following Him was wrong.
God does not bless us because we keep His laws. God does not answer our prayers because we discover how to say them a certain way. God does not hide Himself so we have to work to find Him. Galatians 2:20 says:
I ( the old me, dead in trespass and sin) am crucified with Christ; nevertheless, I ( the new me, the spirit I, which is alive in Christ, and He in my earthly body) live, yet not I ( the old dead spirit me) but Christ lives in me, and the life that I (the new me) live I live by the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me.
I discovered what God had been trying to tell me on the way to play baseball so many years earlier. I want you! I want a relationship with you that you don’t have to do anything for, just accept. I will make you new. I will make you adequate. I will be your Life—you don’t have to “follow” a person (Jesus) that you are already part of. Where I go, you go. The law served its purpose as it made you understand your need for Me. Now that you have Me, you don’t need the law. It is the strength of sin. (1 Cor. 15:56) In My eyes, you are not a sinner, but a sinless, justified, purified saint. If you forget and try to live out of your old ways, religious or non-religious, things will never work out. Because that is not who you are! I will never leave you or forsake you.
Is God faithful? Yes. Is He a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him? Yes.
Not long after this, I gathered all my kids together. They had been to Christian school, home school, ATI, church, Sunday school, camps, mission trips, and youth groups. I told them: “Everything I have ever taught you about Christianity and following Christ and the Christian life…forget it. It was all wrong!” Then I simply began to live through the Life of Christ that was in me, and be who I am in Him.
Choosing Truth over lies
The most important thing for us to understand is that Bill Gothard is not the problem. Florida Bible College is not the problem. Churches following these Pharisaical practices are not the problem. These are all symptoms. Symptoms of the lies the enemy causes us to believe as he tears us away from our love and trust in God.
Take away all the Pharisees, all the ATI’s, all the legalistic churches, and we will still fall for the lie of our inadequacy. After all, we have been taught that we are just old, wretched Sinners saved by grace. Once I got saved and got my ticket to heaven, I was still a sinner, and I thought I needed to work hard to clean up and change my ways to earn this Life given to me that I don’t deserve.
God has a better plan. I will change you. I will give you a new Spirit, My Holy Spirit. My Spirit is sinless, loving, kind, complete. Your spirit and My Spirit are one. I give you a new identity—My identity. You are sinless, loving, kind, complete. The Scriptures are clear that flesh and blood does not inherit the kingdom of God. So our brains do not get saved. However, they can be transformed.
We can choose to believe the truth of who we are—in Him. Instead of working to live up to His perfection, we can simply just live through Him. He does the work. We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works. After all, good works are the only kind of works He does.
Today, all seven of our children understand who they are in Christ and are involved in a variety of churches. They are enjoying life and seeing God bless them every day. The four oldest are married, and Leah is making “Grammy” her full-time occupation.
I continue to share with others about God’s grace through counseling and seminars. My desire is to expose the lies of the enemy and illuminate the freedom of being in Christ, and the joy of His Life. I have named my ministry ReCreation. I am enjoying Life and being blessed every day.
Donny Hamrick, 60, is a devoted husband to Leah and father of seven grown children—three boys , four girls—and grandfather of five, soon to be six, wonderful grandsons. He came to know the Lord as his Savior when he was a teenager and has been sharing his life in Christ ever since.
After graduating from Florida Bible College with a BA degree in 1974, Donny taught at Clayton Christian School and worked as a youth pastor for many years, and he went on to pastor Trinity Bible Church. He was later called to be a counselor and gained certification from Grace Ministries International.
Donny has always had a passion to help people and share in their lives. His journey and struggles with legalism, and being "beat up with it," has inspired him to share with others their own freedom in Christ. Freedom is a lifestyle. We live "out of" who God made us individually. To contact Donny please email: [email protected]
thank you for this. I do disagree that the organizations are not the problem. they are because they perpetrate the lies. and the man himself, Bill Gothard, thinks it works in spite of evidence to the contrary. He is deceived and is deceiving other.
Thank you for sharing this!
This is a very meaningful and touching story. I love that God did not kick you in the teeth for struggling and doubting. All along, the one thing he wanted from you was YOU, your heart.
The scene of a father telling his children that he was mistaken, and then just living out who he is in Christ... wow.
Awesome!!!! Thank you so much for telling your story!!! It is awesome to see it from another perspective!
We don't have to do anything anymore. Simply live in His love and forgiveness. Extending that love toward others is the opposite of following all the rules.
I wish that there weren't all the voices of the Gothard's and legalistic churches because they are Satan's tools to filling our heads and the heads of our youth with the timeless prideful lie that we need to do... whatever they feel. Because I believe that since Christ died on the cross people have been trying to take back that free gift and make it about what they do.
But the good news is that God finds us... each of us and reaches out to us all the time.
Thanks again!!! I love it!!!!
Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. I think you've put into words what many former ATI parents have experienced.
Thanks for writing! Great to have input from our parents' peers. Interestingly enough, my mom was saved through Youth Ranch, and she and my dad met @ FBC. They also graduated in '74. =)
I'd not had any hint of legalism in FBC, but of course, I heard only the best, and the families I knew who also went to FBC were solid, grace-centered folks. (I also understand we're talking a different time and culture in American Christianity...)
THIS was even more interesting to me. =)
"...Most of all, one must follow rules and obey principles. Learn how to witness better than anyone else. Do this, and God will bless you. Want a great marriage? Do that. Want peace and joy? Do this. Want financial security? Do that. Want your kids to love God? Do this. It is up to us! God will bless you if you believe, work, keep commandments, wear the right clothes, listen to the right music, go the the right places, don’t go to the wrong places, eat the right things, say the right things, and do the right things. Then life will be more than you could ever ask or imagine."
If this was the emphasis of Youth Ranch, then it makes much more sense why my mom specifically bought into, or at least agreed with much of what Gothard said. I always was under the impression that FBC taught folks to actually study the Word - as opposed to Gothard, who mostly just uses it for proof texts and worse.
Will, Which Ranch did your parents attend? FBC and Youth Ranches were and are big on telling people to study the Word and follow it. I totally agree. WE study to be approved workmen,rightly dividing the Word of Truth. We should be able to give an answer to every man.
My study of the Word will benefit in my ability to give answers, and be encouraged by God's love letter to me of how much He loves me. My comforter and teacher the Holy Spirit uses the Word to confirm His presense and loving power in my life. God is my Life.
It is interesting how people view legalism. At FBC we where sure we where not legalistic those guys at Bob Jones were. As you go to different churches you will see the same thing. A church that has no problem with members having a beer will be considered too liberal by another congregation that remains tea tottlers. But then the church who allows the beer or wine at dinner will condemn those that are not having their daily devotions. The beat goes on so to speak. My point is that I agree with Paul. All things are lawful for me but all things are not expedient (good). All things are lawful for me but I will not be put in bondage to any.
Rom.11 tells us all things are from Him, to Him and through Him. I agree, including and especially my relationship with my loving Father. Email me if you wish I would love to hear more about your folks.
Donny Gal.2:20
Will, I forgot to give you my email it is [email protected]
Donny
all i can say is WOWand thanks for your testimony to what happened in your life. i am glad that there are more and more waking up to this and seeing GOD for who HE REALLY IS.
Lori, Isn't it great to know this loving, kind, and good God. For the joy set before Him He endured the cross. You Lori,I believe, are that joy that was set before Him. Think about it was not the only thing that was not God's before the cross that He had attained after the cross were those who accepted His Life. He died to give us His Life.
Enjoy His Life
Donny Gal.2:20
[email protected]
What is the relationship between God's work and our response in sanctification, the Christian life? The opening discussion on this panel is useful I think. (This is from some friends of mine who went to Dallas Seminary. Dr. Fred Chay is on the faculty of Phoenix Seminary as well.)
http://vimeo.com/7542619
"It is interesting how people view legalism. At FBC we where sure we where not legalistic those guys at Bob Jones were."
I had gotten that impression, but I'm also aware that not having been there, my insight would be very limited to say the least. Especially 35 yrs. down the road. =)
Recovering Grace, If you say Mr Gothard is legalistic then you would probably say Jesus was too as He taught us severely to avoid sin and to deny ourselves so we could enter the straight gate into heaven, By what standard are you judging ILBP by? Is it the bible in its context or by someone else s standard or twisted teachings? We have attended seminars in the past of Mr Gothard and have been tremendously blessed by his teachings, He probably has a bit of an attitude that his way is the right way sometimes but who doesn't do that, Let me ask you this? The book of Daniel says "That those who shall shine like the stars are those who turn many to righteous" And Jesus says "wisdom is justified by her children" Just how many people are you turning to righteousness through the work you are doing? Answer me please?
Grace is the essence of the Gospel. To turn someone to grace is to turn them to God's righteousness through Christ, since all our human righteousness is as filthy rags. Jesus took the ot law, and raised the bar even higher, showing us that even if we did everything right, our heart attitudes were still far from God and therefore, it was IMPOSSIBLE for us to attain righteousness. The only solution, as later expounded upon by Paul, was to trade our own "righteousness" for Christ's. Will is right, the "narrow", unexpected way is by faith in Jesus Christ. A person cannot enter the kingdom of heaven any other way. If anything, the "broad" way would be a religion of works, since that is what all other major world religions espouse as the way to get to god. I can tell you that RG is a group of people coming together from various theological backgrounds, not following any one teacher (unless you count Christ).
"He taught us severely to avoid sin and to deny ourselves so we could enter the straight gate into heaven"
Are you saying that we have to avoid sin and deny ourselves in order to be saved? Because that sounds an awful lot like a works salvation to me. Please tell me that is not what you meant!
Even Mr. Gothard does not claim that we are saved by works. He only says that works help us get God's grace for sanctification. Which is also wrong, according to Galatians.
Joseph~
Jesus taught us to "...to avoid sin and to deny ourselves so we could enter the straight gate into heaven" ??? When did Jesus say this?
Holy living is critical in our walk with God... I would agree. But just as Bill Gothard does, you are mistaking the result for the cause. This is a popular error which results in gross heresy.
For the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus: that if One died for all, then all died; and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again. (2 Corinthians 5:14,15)
Check out today's article at https://www.recoveringgrace.org/2011/09/dandelions/
~Donna
"Straight is the gate, narrow the way" could/should be better understood in light of Jesus' declaration of "I am THE way, the truth and the life, no man comes to the Father except by me."
Makes sense? The whole book of John speaks about Jesus' claims of exclusivity, with faith in Him being the ONLY way that someone could be be born again, enter the kingdom of heaven, have eternal life, etc.
(also, the book of John was written 'so that people would believe and have eternal life'/Jn20:31/...but strangely enough, there is very little mention of the works of discipleship, or even 'repentance.' Interesting, eh?)
Context is vital, yeah, but I think we may disagree in paradigms more than in proof texts. =)
"We have attended seminars in the past of Mr Gothard and have been tremendously blessed by his teachings..."
The whole point of this site is to expose the truth that many, many people have been hurt through the application of Mr.Gothard's teachings - which he claims as God's.
That is a problem that should be made known. What good there is in Gothard's seminars can be found elsewhere, hopefully somewhere without his astounding disrespect for the very Scripture he claims to exalt.
"Just how many people are you turning to righteousness through the work you are doing? Answer me please?"
The purpose of this site is not for us to turn people to righteousness as defined by... anyone.
The purpose is to help people turn away from (or at least reconsider) a man-centered, works-based churchianity which has harmed many. Our desire would be that people might turn to a new reconsideration of the God of grace who desires reconciliation with each and every one of us - by His grace and mercy, apart from our efforts and merit.
I keep coming back to what a dear friend of mine used to say about Mr. Gothard's teachings: "What is good in these teachings is not unique, and what is unique in these teachings is not good."
That evaluation has certainly proved true for me. And the danger is that when we hit upon the "good," we are more likely to accept the "unique" because of the "good." And that can very quickly lead us into accepting error.
Wendy, that is an excellent, concise, statement that sums it all up.
Donny, loved reading this and seeing your journey. Very true words here. You give me hope for those who have walked away from the faith after coming out of a spiritually abusive situation.
[...] Being in my 30s now, I’ve seen what happened to my generation when we tried to lift ourselves to that call. I also saw what happened to the generation slightly younger than myself (those roughly 5 to 6 years younger). Very often this pursuit of significance turns into depression or an identity crisis. Very often one doesn’t even know why they are depressed or going through a “midlife crisis” in their 30s. Though some of my friends have worked it out, from listening to many of their stories it seems to me that the thought that we were supposed to be world changers played a big part in their emotional crisis. We were groomed to make a huge impact. And even after we rejected ATI and its teachings, the compelling need to do something more significant than the average Joe wouldn’t let go of us, and so it drove us into disappointment with our less-than-perfect outcomes. [...]