Editor’s note: This is the third article in a series of stories relating Bill Gothard’s sexual harassment of young girls at Headquarters. Click on these links to read the previous stories: Lizzie’s story Part 1 and Part 2, and Annette’s story, as well as a follow-up article, “A Call to Repentance.”
My story begins like so many others who got involved in the Advanced Training Institute (ATI). My parents were determined to raise their children “right” and decided to take the less-traveled path of homeschooling. In the early 80s, there wasn’t much support for homeschooling. Since they had been supporters of Bill Gothard since the mid-70s, my parents were very much interested in his new home education program. Our family enrolled in 1986, when I was six years old.
We were faithful followers of the ATI program. We studied our Wisdom Booklets every day. We had Wisdom Search every morning. We attended an “ATI” church where there were many families just like us. We didn’t listen to rock music, the girls didn’t wear pants, and we most certainly didn’t date. We rarely associated with anyone outside of ATI — If our close friends weren’t members it was only because they couldn’t afford to be. But everyone believed the same thing.
While attending an Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP) Counseling Seminar in 1997, Bill began smiling at me from the stage during one of the meetings. I wasn’t sure he was even looking at me, but immediately after the session he motioned for me and my sister to come speak with him. And so of course we went. He invited us down to his office where he told me how he had noticed my attentiveness and smile, and wanted to know if I would be willing to work for him at his Headquarters in Oak Brook, Illinois. I told him I would be interested, but that my parents would need to give their permission. I knew my parents would agree, as they had always told me that their dream for me was to be their “first-born sacrifice” by giving me back to (allowing me to work for) the ministry that had so blessed their lives.
So a few months later, at 18 years old, I said goodbye to my family and flew up to Chicago to my new job. My plan from the beginning was to work for six months as a volunteer before deciding if I wanted to become an employee. You could only be listed as an employee (and paid) if you agreed to work there for a year or more.
I was thrilled by the welcome I received at Headquarters! As I began my new position in the Telos department, I was singled out for attention by Bill Gothard on a regular basis at various functions. At the mandatory staff lunch every day, I was often invited to sit across from him, where he would touch my feet with his and play “footsie” under the table. My parents required me to attend the optional Sunday School class that Bill taught on Sunday mornings, and often, after the lesson, Bill would invite me and a few others to attend church with him and eat lunch together afterwards. Sometimes on my walk to work, Bill would drive by and offer me a ride in his big, blue car. On occasion, he even gave me special projects to work on that bypassed my direct supervisor and had me reporting directly to him. When my six months of volunteering were up, I signed on for another year and became a paid employee.
After meetings on Sunday nights, Bill began asking me to come to his office alone and talk with him while sitting next to him on his couch. Sometimes his assistant would be in the room, but often not. I remember jerking back when I felt his foot touch mine. I dismissed it again as an accident. But it kept happening. It happened more and more often. At lunch, in his office, riding in his van, sitting on his couch — his feet sought out mine whenever I was near him. When we sat on the couch in his office, he would sit very close to me and put his hand on my knee. During church he would lay his head on my shoulder and fall asleep. I would change positions, but so would he. He continued touching my feet but sometimes my leg as well. Sitting next to him was disconcerting as he wanted to sit very close. I began to feel more and more uncomfortable.
I called my parents and told them how uncomfortable I felt with Bill touching me. They assured me that Bill Gothard would never inappropriately touch anyone, but they gave me permission to be “less friendly” with him if I liked. Soon afterwards I was invited by Bill to travel with him to the Northwoods Conference Center, which at that time housed ALERT. I went, but in the van his feet began touching mine again. Only this time he had relaxed and taken off his shoes. I was disturbed and uneasy. I clearly remember him giving me a certain “look” when he would slide his foot over to touch mine, and I felt like something wasn’t right. I was nineteen by this time, but I had never been told what sex was, or what sexual behavior even looked like. I had read the encyclopedia’s entry on intercourse but that was extent of my knowledge about sexuality.
The next time Bill invited me to go on a trip with him (to Russia), I politely refused. I withdrew my “friendliness” and gradually Bill lost interest in me.
I continued to work at Headquarters after Telos moved to the Indianapolis Training Center the next year. I had already determined that when my year commitment was up, it was time to go home. Several instances had made me doubt the character of ATI, and Bill’s illegal employment practices (such as telling us not to turn in overtime hours for any work done at conferences or our pay would be deducted) made me anxious to leave. I didn’t have anyone else besides my parents to tell what had happened. I had heard plenty of stories of students being sent home from Headquarters when they complained or mentioned disagreement with Bill Gothard, so I didn’t dare open up to any of my friends there or share my concern about his uncomfortable actions. I had already been told by my parents that if I got sent home from Headquarters, I could consider myself kicked out of my parents’ home as well.
And so when my year was up I went back home. A few years later when I got married and expanded my sexual knowledge a bit, it didn’t take long to recognize that what Bill had done to me at Headquarters was sexual in nature. I had never heard of feet as a turn-on. At the time, I barely knew the mechanics of sex, let alone what would be considered a sexual fetish.
As I kept in touch with various friends, and as we would talk about our Headquarters experiences, I began to realize that I wasn’t the only girl this happened to — far from it. Other girls began mentioning to me that Bill had inappropriately touched them too. Almost everyone complained about his feet being just the start of his uncomfortable actions. Other girls mentioned the meetings alone, late at night in his office. Many said they had been uncomfortable with the intimate actions, looks, and whispers from Bill, but it took years for some of them to realize it was considered sexual harassment. Many of these girls, like me, came from sheltered homes and were clueless about sexuality. And it was hard to believe that someone who cared for them and took such a personal interest in them would be using them. While it didn’t feel right, they felt unable to stop it, and many were full of anger and fear — anger for what was happening, but fearful to be seen as ungrateful for all Bill had done to help them or their families. Some, like me, had been scared into silence because their parents had threatened to kick them out of the house if they “spread a bad report” or told anyone what Bill had done to them.
I am now happily married to the man of my dreams and we have a little girl. The desire to protect her is very strong, and now I’m able to see what happened to me in a new light. What if my daughter were invited to work for the head of a Christian organization? What if she were required to wear certain clothing, keep her hair in a certain style, and apply her make-up with a specific look? What if the leader were to specify the color of her nylons and nail polish, and then invite her to spend time alone with him in his office? What if he were to take her on overnight trips and touch her in ways that made her feel uncomfortable. How would I react? How should I react?
Add to the above scenario that the man in question is a leader without accountability and he has the power and influence to fire you from your job and send you home in disgrace if you come forward. Would my daughter feel the freedom to speak up?
I did the only thing I felt I could do at the time: I told my parents. And they chose to believe that the man they followed and trusted with their lives — and the life of their first-born daughter — was infallible.
See how the experiences Ruth, Annette, Charlotte, Rachel, Meg, Lizzie, and Grace had with Bill Gothard fit together chronologically here, and behaviorally here.
Grace's family joined ATI when she was six years old, and she left ATI when she married at 21. She lives in small town Georgia with the love of her life and their three children.
If this sexual abuse series brings up any emotions that you would like to process with a professional counselor, please e-mail us at:
[email protected]g. We would be happy to recommend some professional counselors who are associated with the Recovering Grace ministry and who are familiar with the fundamentalist background of ATI and IBLP.
This lies underneath a rigid inexhaustable morally unattainable code of perfection only a few elite claim to attain.And from the pinnacle of their acheivements they can slam the door on any and every one that falls short and keep going on their own momentum.This lies underneath the thin veneer of a formulistic, mechanistic theology of condemnation and shunning.This...If there was no eloquence to argue against this,no rhetoric would this be less horrible?"The infallibility of the man and his system".My prayers are going out to these victims.
thanks for sharing your story, Grace! :)
There sure are an awful lot of these stories. I wonder how long the smoke will billow before someone decides there is a fire at 707 W. Ogden that needs to be put out.
In 1982 the Los Angeles Times also reported allegations that "Bill Gothard was seen by staff members patting and fondling women employees. Later, he admitted in staff meetings that these actions were 'moral failures' on his part."
He was fired, took back control, and has maintained his moral failures ever since. At least he's consistent.
Your statement is stout but unfortunately seems to be confirmed by the evidence, Jay.
I'm not John MacArthur's biggest fan but I think Gothard would benefit greatly from taking this piece to heart: http://www.gty.org/blog/B120828
On one hand, Gothard has never really modeled true repentance. On the other, his confidence is placed "in the flesh" (in his own best efforts) rather than in faith. His life and ministry are deficient in both of the important aspects of MacArthur's article: repentance and faith. Time is running out for him in this life. May he stop hardening his heart before God and truly bring "fruits of repentance" even in these autumn hours of his life.
Or who will be the child who pipes up and says "but the Emperor isn't wearing any clothes"........
God bless you, Grace.
This just continues to show how wrong legalistic, controlling religious organizations (including churches) can be. Some leaders misuse that control to do things like what was done to sweet Grace--an innocent young woman who didn't know that what was being done was wrong. Grace--may the Lord bring healing to your heart and mind. I am so glad you have found a wonderful husband!
I'm so saddened to read these three articles. I had known of problems in the organization, but to add sexual harassment at the highest level is appalling. I had thought of ATI as just another valid choice for my friends involved in it, even though I disagreed with many of the principles.
I am so sorry for what has happened to these young ladies, and I do pray that they will find comfort in the God of all comfort and that they will have a vibrant relationship with Jesus Christ.
This is another danger of zero sexual education. My parents told me nothing about sex. I too learned everything I knew about sexuality (even the mechanics, like menstruation) from the World Book Encyclopedia until I was much older. These girls were (and presumably still are) completely unprepared to deal with sexual abuse of any kind. If I ever have a daughter (I have a young son), I will never leave her so vulnerable and unprepared, and will NEVER dismiss her concerns about inappropriate behavior from anyone. No one is "infallible."
This story brought back some not so good memories. I too, tried to be extra attentive, smile and nod for different speakers but particularly for BG. I think he may have even stressed the importance of this in a session or something. I wouldn't be surprised if my "attentiveness" is the reason I was asked to come serve at HQ. When I was asked to come work at HQ, I had very few skills and was not even graduated from high school. I was a blonde smiling girl who was totally naive about life, the Institute, and BG. I thought it was my godly character but even that was often a manufactured, fake, Institute approved type of character.
whoa. I could have written this. I mean, it's not my article, but the similarities are CREEPY!! We are the same age, worked at HQ at the same time, had the same type of encounters with BG... whoa.
This is in some ways very sad, the more i think about it... this man has apparently never known normal, affectionate, appropriate physical contact. This is the only way he expresses his humanity...
On the other hand, I find it totally reprehensible on his part. To create such a demanding system of christian perfectionism with codes of conduct, thought speech, behavior and then act so contrary to his own teaching - what he presented as God's Inspired Truth...?
One - this man should have been married at least 50 yrs ago.
Two - he should never have convinced himself that God was using him more than the other Christians around him.
As sad as this is, I sincerely hope that these stories become so well-known that Bill Gothard, IBLP and ATI lose their credibility in the Christian community.
Will, Do you not think he/they (IBLP) have already lost their credibility?
No. Not on a national scale.
The great majority of Basic seminar attendees from the 60's-80's still defend him as a man of God used by God to change their lives.
Waiting for a CNN expose or something along those lines. Public denunciation by creditable, popular Christian leaders.
Yes please!
I completely disagree with your notion that "This man should have been married at least 50 years ago." You are very naïve if you think marriage is a cure for people with the compulsion to harass. Plenty of people live well-adjusted lives and never sexually harass, all while being single. Bill's problems run far deeper than his singleness. I for one am glad that he's not married. Some poor woman's fate was spared. And I am completely confident that Bill's creepy, terrible behavior would have continued whether or not he was married.
I agree 100% with is!
This happened to one of my best friends there while we were there. He singled her out and did exactly the same thing. I never could figure out how he was so strict on my other friends (sending them home) for mild guy/girl relationships, when he would be quite forward with students himself.
Thank you, Grace, for sharing your story; you are a brave woman!
I know this is a horrible question to ask but how long can we ignore the elephant in the room? The Question being if he had a history of this behavior, did it stop at inappropriate touching and the other things described here or did it go further?
I am not accusing the man but it begs the question
Chris, You're not the only one thinking it. This is exactly my concern, too. I'm not accusing either, but I will make an observation: From these three stories shared and reading through the comments, Gothard's behavior sounds like a form of sex addiction (as you might know, not all sex addictions necessarily involve intercourse). Sex addictions, apart from counseling and accountability will usually get worse, not better. So if it starts out non-physical, there's a high probably it will eventually end up there without direct intervention. Of course I hope that is not the case, but I would not be at all surprised to hear there have been girls who have been physically touched in even more inappropriate ways.
Even if that is not the case, his behavior is inexcusable. How he is still in ministry with this many sexual complaints against him personally (not to mention complaints of not reporting sexual abuse in ATI families) is a mystery to me. He needs to step down from ministry leadership and seek help for his problems.
I sometimes wonder if he is so strict with himself about pornography as he would have his followers being.
Hey, you know he said, "I have never seen or touched the private parts of a woman." Like 20-30 years ago.. Ya never know, although to be completely fair on my end, I would not accuse him of it unless there is any kind of proof, even a little bit of proof.
I guess we will never know Charlie, speculation can be dangerous. Based on what we do know now I would simply say keep your daughters away from
Thanks for being brave and speaking up girl. Great article! I like the perspective that come when we have children ourselves. It helps me see what a "normal" parental response would be for the situations I wasn't in control of as a child/teen.
Let's put this in perspective: If a secular, older man, with no claims to being a man of God, let alone a minister, conducted himself in this way around young girls, he would be called exactly what he is. He is a pervert who is grooming girls for the next steps. But because it was Bill Gothard, even the victims doubted their own feelings and observations. Even their own parents would not believe them. This is what happens in a cult-like environment, where no one dares question the so-called authority. In addition, these testimonies are so numerous and so alike as to method and approach, it is clear that Gothard knows exactly what he is doing, and that it is indeed planned and premeditated. Bill Gothard is not only a false teacher who teaches, "another gospel," but he is evidently a spiritually diseased man who needs, not the admiration and following of other Christians, but their help. But I am wasting my time. Bill Gothard's authority teaching will always protect him. You cannot question authority within a system that forbids it.
These testimonies all corroborate with what Pastor Jones witnessed, and what was reported in A Matter of Basic Principles. That book came out in 2002, so this has been going on a very, very long time. Evidently, the book's reporting of this kind of thing did not stop the behavior. Very sad, and I will be praying for God to bring healing for the victims, and the accountability that is needed for Bill Gothard.
I would like to point out that my parents *DID* believe me. They didn't doubt that it happened. They just didn't think it was a big deal that I was touched in ways that made me feel uncomfortable.
Hi Grace,
I just want to tell you that I am so sorry they did not think it was a big deal. I understand how much that does to mute and not validate your concerns and emotional abuse, even if they did believe you a little. I was never in ATI or anything, but the culture spread to the ends of the homeschooling community where I am. I am truly so sorry and in tears for you all right now.
Rebecca
Reading through this, and the other two articles deeply saddened me. I lived in Brooke Manor for 5 years, and throughout those 5 years, I would often see BG's office lights on, late into the night, and him "praying" on the couch with a young blonde girl. The girls would come and go over the years, always blond, always 16-20 years old and usually the girls were from Brooke Manor. Which now begs the question, were they purposefully assigned to live there? Easy access to the Staff Center?
So many times I wanted to storm into his office, and demand to know what he was doing to these poor girls. I mentioned my concerns to a few people, but the response was always the same, horror that I could even suggest such a thing.
I wish that I had been braver. That I had stood up to what was going on. Sadly, he isn't even accountable to his board of directors. If he doesn't like what they say, he finds a convenient way to excuse them from his board.
I also am a little angry at BG's many assistants. They obviously saw what was going on, the girls, the touching. How inappropriate it all was. Why have so many of us stayed silent over the years, and why is it STILL taking place?!
JP - I've wondered the same thing since during my time at HQ several of his favorites were housed at Brook Manor.
Now I feel sick that I was one of the Brookies. Ugh.
JP,
I also am a little angry at BG’s many assistants. They obviously saw what was going on, the girls, the touching. How inappropriate it all was. Why have so many of us stayed silent over the years, and why is it STILL taking place?! Great question!
fyi, I know that Recovering Grace is always soliciting stories from people with those kind of experiences to tell. The email address is [email protected], and the page on this site about that is: https://www.recoveringgrace.org/submissions/ If you (and anyone else reading this) feels so inclined, you never know how your story might help.
And these stories do help. They help communicate to others that they are not alone, and they help communicate to those who are still "in" that there is a problem.
I know that many people in ATI/IBLP are very well-meaning and are very committed to helping a ministry that they see as a good thing, but may God give them the courage and the vision to see what they have been winking at and helping to cover up, and to speak up and tell the truth in love. Sunlight is the best disinfectant, they say.
Many are asking HOW this could happen, and WHY? Why do so many dismiss their own observations? Why do assistants and employees stay silent? The answer is that this is a CULT. Pure and simple. I have been in a cult. A cult is governed by a spirit of deception. Thus, we are dealing here with irrational forces. We are dealing with a spirit of fear that makes people afraid to accept what their own brains are telling them. People look the Truth right in the face and are afraid to accept it because they have been told it is rebellion to do so. So they continue to drink the kool-aid. In short, a spirit of deception states, "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. The great and powerful Oz commands you." This is real, it is destructive, and only the solution is the freedom that comes from knowing the Truth, Jesus Christ.
Yes, I've asked myself this a hundred times!
Someone needs to write - Where were the Men? I mean, where were the men and women that should have been protecting us at these various places? Did Mrs. Bowman never think, huh, why does he (Mr. Bowman) always go to these girls breakfasts? Shouldn't a mom being doing those and not two men?
Did the board never think after what happened in the 80's that maybe someone should be checking up on Bill to make sure it didn't happen again?
Mr. Bowman went to girls' breakfasts? Yikes. Fwiw, when my husband came home from Russia once, he and his father both contacted BG about Gothard's suite being in the girls' wing of the TC. They were both ignored. My husband's home church, at the time, donated large sums of money to the "ministry". They quit because of the obvious lack of accountability. So, some people tried. They were just ignored.
Yes, Mr. Bowman and Bill. There was never another married woman that I remember. A man also did the house checks on the girls homes.
I'm so glad that this particular church stopped their donations. If only huge corporations like Hobby Lobby would do so!
You know, for all of Mr. Gothard's talk about avoiding the appearance of evil, he sure never worked very hard at it. I've now heard of a couple of people who expressed concern about him staying on the girls' floor at the Moscow Training Center. The protocol for every training center was to have gender separated floors, and no males were allowed on female floors (except for construction purposes) and no females were allowed on the male floors. Now thinking about this protocol, NO ONE in leadership would automatically think to put Bill on a girls floor---unless he specifically requested it. They would have moved mountains and had other staff sleeping elsewhere (the guys doubled up in rooms or sleeping on the floor) if there was no other room available on the guys' hall during his visits. It wouldn't have mattered how much it inconvenienced other staff members if it was all for avoiding the appearance of evil. So the fact that he had a regular room on the girls' floor, despite vocalized concerns from the girls and parents, tells me it was very intentional. Reading these articles makes me wonder if he did that so he could be closer to his favorite girls and have them visit him for "talks"? What else are we supposed to think? I'd love to hear otherwise though, if someone has some details about this.
I forget the exact arrangement on the ships in Moscow, but I remember being annoyed (as a single guy that really did not understand what the situation was for the ladies) at the female students who would line the stairs up to Gothard's room in the morning, doing their quiet times. Gothard come out of his room and walk by them and smile and sit close to them. As a guy, it seemed there was no way to get close to him - back in the days when I would have thought it was a good thing to be close to him. Now it all just seems so... strange.
Hey Alfred, Can't wait to see what you come up w/ to excuse this behavior. There are too many testimonies here for this to all be made up... some people w/in the organization, or that are so in love w/ it, need to diligently open their hearts and minds and realize as was said earlier--"the emperor has no clothes" and challenge this whole organization b/f more people are destroyed...
Don't encourge him!! :)
You're funny Charlie but yes don't provoke that guy
Foot fetish? Just wondering...
When I was young, my family took a trip down the rabbit hole of ATI. We were already homeschooling, committed participants in a local church body, etc. We had used the IBYC (as it was called at the time) Character Sketches devotionals for years, and frankly I think those can be a fantastic resource for Bible study with small children.
HOWEVER, after a while I started to have some concerns, stuff just didn't feel right, things I was being taught directly from scripture at church didn't add up with the things I heard at the seminars. I think the final straw for me was when I was experiencing a conflict with one of my parents, and the parent said to me 'What does BILL GOTHARD say about this?' and my spirit suddenly went "Whoa, hold on, did they really just ask me what BILL GOTHARD says? How about what does the BIBLE say?"
From that point, I lost a lot of respect for that parent. I continued to honor them as God instructed, but I certainly didn't entrust my soul to their teaching and example. It wasn't long after this point God blessed me with a loving believing husband. We were hired to clean the church building, and one week in the course of cleaning the offices, I found a handout the senior pastor had photocopied. I don't know if it was for counseling, or for a future class, but it did a side-by-side comparison of "What does Bill Gothard say?" and "What does the Bible say?" complete with scripture references. It was like something that had been scratching at the back of my mind for years suddenly had a floodlight aimed at it.
Bill Gothard's dangerous and unbiblical works-based teaching hurts people. It wounds the souls of God's children, as I've seen sitting next to a dear friend in tears over the struggles in her soul started by being taught she had to measure up to these ridiculous standards. The focus on "Respect My Authority" unquestioningly leads to abuses by people in leadership positions, from Bill Gothard right on down to the angry parent venting their spleen on a young girl by screaming at them "What would Bill Gothard say about your behavior?"
Frankly, my dear, I don't give a dang what Bill Gothard would say. I do not answer to him. I do answer to God, and I know despite my failings He is not standing over me with folded arms refusing to bless me until I "shape up" and get with Bill Gothard's program. He is gently leading me, with the tenderness of a father.
I am deeply sad for Mr. Gothard. What does the Bible say? It says it would be better for him to have a millstone tied around his neck and be cast into the sea than to go to judgment without repenting of the grievous harm he has committed towards the children of God.
It is great to see this honesty about the improper conduct of Bill Gothard -- it is good to see that what has been going on for years is finally staring to come out. His conduct is without excuse. It is also possible to have valuable discussions about his many false, destructive teachings. But until people begin to understand that Bill Gothard actually teaches a completely false Christianity I'm not sure if the seriousness of what he has done will be realized. Gothard is a false teacher, who has deceived thousands with "another gospel." He absolutely is a cult leader. And his authority teaching is the, "glue," that holds it all together. This being the case, it is little wonder that these other, ugly facts are now coming out.
Well said, David. It is scary how much power one man can wield with false teaching. My hope and prayer is that many of the wounded will find healing and that this empire of will be brought down.
Wow, this is eye opener to me. Similar things happened to me almost every Pensioners meetings in December at MTC and several times at DTC when I went through Excel. I was totally blind and naive of his intentions in all those physical touches and comments of my appearance. He certainly had his favorite American young ladies as well as Russian good looking interpreters ladies. And yes his suite was built in the girls building A all the way from the beginning by his request. I just feel sick realizing that part of my past. And I totally agree with Will- this old bg should've married a long time ago if he's been burning so much for young ladies.
Wow, Maria, just wow. So his suite was built in the MTC girls building --from the beginning-- by his request. That is just mind-boggling. Thanks for verifying this. I know how hard it is to process everything. The more I hear, the harder it is for me, too. I wish it hadn't all turned out this way. I know there must be a lot of hurting girls out there who are still reeling from how Gothard manipulated or used them. :-(
That is shocking and it is not OK. That is just simply not OK.
And I betcha most Gothard lovers will find any excuse to get around this too.
I just found this site. What is so sad to me is that none of this is a surprise. My family was part of ATI for about 4 years during my time in high school. I was always uneasy with the vibe but the confirming moment happened for me during an event in Atlanta. Bill came to do a one day event at a large church in the Atlanta area and local ATI families were asked to send their students as volunteers. I worked the event with my brother and a number of our friends. At the end of the event Bill called us on stage to thank us which of course was a nice gesture. Then he motioned us all in closely and he said quietly to the group of guys and girls, "Thank you for your service today. And girls, please remember, God loves long hair and soft curls."
I just remember seeing the look in his eyes and as an 18-yr-old thinking, "There's something not right about this man."
I'm genuinely sad to find out I was right. I hope and pray for healing and justice for his victims.
"... And girls, please remember, God loves long hair and soft curls." That is just wrong in so many ways. Where is that in Scripture? Creepy.
I guess God must hate cancer patients. And African hair. And Asian hair. And... well nevermind.
Maybe "God" is mr. bill's nickname for himself...GO-thar-D!!!!
I love long hair as well but not for the same reason implied to BG. But yes Tammy it is very creepy
On the Yahoo discussion, there was a woman who was for a time at the Indy TC. She said she did not fit the mold for the appearance Gothard wanted in young women, for a couple reasons. I've met her -- a very wonderful Christian woman with a heart for missions. But I wonder about another group of women with respect to this - those, who for one reason or another, felt that they could never measure up. I just wonder how much devastation some of them felt for feeling not as special, or as worthy, simply because of outward appearances.
Lynn,
Your comment about the other side of the story - those who felt they didn't measure up is a good insight too. My mother was almost devastated sometimes that I never was picked to work at HQ. For me though, I had no interest in an office job or being a secretary at HQ. I knew he always went for the blond haired, outgoing, bubbly, and beautiful girls, and I was happy being in the background with my brown hair and reserved personality! For those who were wanting to be picked though, it could have been devastating for them to realize they didn't make the cut because of their personality type or color of hair.
I was not a favorite. Not surprising because even though I had the blond hair it wasn't curly, and I was also terribly shy and mousey. Which is probably a good thing for Mr. Gothard, because if I had seen what went on at the training centers I would have raised heck about it. Looks can be deceiving and even back then I was a rebel. However my younger sister was one of the girls handpicked by Mr. Gothard to work at Headquarters and I was always weird-ed out by that even before I heard these stories. Ugh, it makes my skin crawl now. I will have to ask my sister about her time working at Headquarters.
I worked at ITC for a while, and was definitely not a "favorite". Naturally introverted, "strong-willed", anything but petite, and practically ignored by BG, (for which I am now extremely thankful). I did however, work with a few LIT's who were favorites of his...that was creepy enough.
At the time I thought I needed to do more or be more in order to "measure up". I remember close friends of mine who were asked to work at HQ, and I wasn't and I was jealous. In fact, it was as if Bill Gothard never remembered me even though I worked at the ITC for several *years*. He never remembered my name, always had some sort of amnesia about him when he saw me. He definitely didn't go for the tall, strong, determined type of girls. But, regardless, I worked myself ragged for that "ministry", almost to the point of a physical/mental/emotional breakdown--all as a "volunteer". How I wish my parents would've pulled me away from there and told me to go to college. It's taken years to make up for what I lost during that part of my life.
I don't care to venture into dark speculation, but the more I think about this and read these accounts ... do you all think there is a correlation with this deviant behavior and his seeming fascination with a woman's cycle? That teaching in the Advanced gave me immediate doubts (although I brushed them aside because he's so "godly"). But now in light of these stories, I kind of want to puke.
Grateful, when I look back over all of Gothard's teachings (both seminar, written, and verbal form over years in the program) I see an obsession with "sex" in general. Sure, it was always in light of "avoid this," "stay away from that," "purify your mind from this," etc, but it was still all focused on sex and not the power of the gospel. David did a great job writing about Gothard's sexual rules here: https://www.recoveringgrace.org/2011/12/the-sexual-rules-of-mr-gothard/. I will enter your dark speculation and say that I don't believe Gothard ever experienced the power of the gospel in controlling his sexual desires. That was clear to me years ago after leaving the program and I realized that the key to conquering your lust was NOT memorizing Romans 6, 7, and 8, and other methods like everyone was taught in the program. The key is Jesus---a real, thriving, living relationship with Him, where you get to the end of your rope and lay your whole self down before Him and trust HIM for the victory. You are in such need of Him, you feel you have no back-up plan. That's where you have to start. And I mean REALLY start---not just give a nod to it and then go on your way to fix your issues yourself. All the self-help steps, no matter how well meaning or Scriptural they might sound (like memorizing Scripture), will never fully work apart from Jesus and His power over sin. Sure, that might help some people--for a season. But apart from a full, living, reliant trust in Jesus, you can literally do NOTHING (Jn 15). And that includes conquering sexual sin. That's why I believe Gothard still struggles with his sexual addictions. He has only given a nod to Jesus, and then goes about trying to conquer his sin apart from Jesus and the power of the gospel. I know that sounds harsh, but this is the truth of the gospel: Jesus plus NOTHING.
You know Bev, you just made me feel really sorry for him. At least I"ve experienced what he probably never has; REAL victory in Jesus. Without any effort on my part.
Amen. It is encouraging to read the comments and see the real power of our Living God who has graciously brought so many through the false front teachings of IBLP. I look forward to how God will use the organized and mobilized believers who are standing up and saying 'enough'.
Very well put Beverly! Fantastic truth!
I just wish I could hear of one young woman who was so shocked by his game of footsies that she spontaneously exclaimed, "Keep your feet to yourself!".
But the girls BG selected were the meek and quiet-spirited type who had been totally taught to respect authority, and nearly venerated BG. He is very wise, to surround himself with such people as will never confront him. He knows how to manage his little kingdom.
Yes, he was and is very smart and absolutely knows how to pick out the girls!
One thing I dont understand with people like Bill Gothard (and also the Catholic priests who were molesting little boys) is do they actually believe what they are preaching? Surely as Christians they believe in Heaven and Hell, and are aware that they are probably going to go to Hell for what theyre doing. Gothard breaks all of his own rules about how unmarried men and women are supposed to act around eachother (except rape, which theres no proof of him doing, yet, I think he has the potential to). If anyone else did that, theyd be condemned to Hell by everyone in ATI who knew about it.
I wonder if thats why he makes such strict rules about sex and modesty, and thinks women have to completely cover themselves in case they "defraud" a man, and basically teaches that men are sex addicted potential rapists. Because he feels that way and presumes all men are the same, and he doesnt want the other men molesting his girls as he thinks all ATI girls belong to him. The psychology term for this is projection.
Also he finds the dress code hot.
The only reason he is not in jail right now or a registered sex offender is for a few reasons:
1. The victim blaming culture. Theyre taught that dressing or acting immodestly causes men to lust, and this is what leads to rape/molestation/sexual harassment. The girls will then believe they werent modest enough and defrauded him, and blame themselves.
2. Girls are groomed from birth to be complete meek doormats and that they have to do whatever men say. Also the insistence of first time obedience teaches that theyre supposed to unquestioningly obey an authority figure in way less time that it takes to think.
3. He is seen as a man of God, and they pretty much worship him over Jesus. Of course he can do no wrong, he is a Godly man. Most of these girls parents wouldnt believe him because they dont think he would do such a thing.
He is an awful, disgusting man.
Thank you for sharing your story. Gothard needs to be exposed and brought to justice before any more girls can become his victims.
Referencing the Catholic priests who were pedaphiles: I am a Catholic and one priest said it correctly. There is always a gradual, but consistent breakdown in the prayer life that preceeds the actions of someone who eventually succumbs to committing this evil. I agree.
Many Christian men never had, or have lost their understanding of right boundaries. This may be because they started out with boundaries that were too rigid and automatic, so they couldn't learn to pick up on cues.
Many Christian men generally mean well, and would never intentionally do something dishonorable, but seem to see pretty young girls in the same way we might see cute little toddlers. You can tease and pat and even tickle a toddler -- hopefully without sexual ideas. Such a man can deceive himself with the idea that the pretty girl is so pure minded that she would never think that this attention was anything. Yes, very self-deceived, blinded and deafened.
(Meaning no reflection on those who are literally blind or deaf, who may as a result be even more perceptive than usual!)
When I was in college, I had a church friend in his 40s who treated me as a sister, and my trust was never betrayed. Wanting to make sure I would not be confused by his question, he once asked me whether there was a difference in hand-holding, if fingers were interlocked. I explained the difference to him by comparing the way I held hands with my mother. It was hard for me to imagine that he couldn't *just know* about this difference, but he had just recently observed it.
My dear (and long departed) father was always as pure-hearted as an adult human can be, but he was ignorant about how to express affection with his adolescent and increasingly-adult daughter. Some things made me feel disrespected, and my resistance was misunderstood. I did not feel as loving toward him in those days as I had when I was a little child. And no, I could not speak to him about how his behavior made me feel -- partly because I felt certain that his thoughts were innocent.
Elisabeth - I read your post and immediately thought of this quote I had read recently: "People will tell you that ‘abusers’ don’t really know what they are doing, but if that is the truth, how do they know that they need to make sure you don’t tell?"~ Darlene Ouimet
I've known many an older man that was affectionate. That was their personality and any form of affection was always public and all inclusive, not exclusive. Bill Gothard ONLY acted out on these physical urges in private. I worked at his HQ for two years - I wouldn't say he has a warm or affectionate personality. He had favorites - even the adults who worked there would laugh it off.
If this behavior is truly because of ignorance of normal boundaries with young womrn, then why are the young men who just get friendly with a young woman at headquarters shamefully disgraced and sent packing? And why doesn't Bill act this way with young women in full public view? I have a hard time seeing it as innocent in the light of all these restimonies.
Preach it, "Tangent"! There is no excuse for this man. His whole "ministry" is based on separation of sexes and the evils of defrauding others, "giving up ground to Satan," etc etc. He is a hypocrite and a liar, does not live out even HALF of what he preaches. And he hides it very well. No....there is no chance he is innocently and misguidedly acting on some good intentions of his. Clearly, he feels that he is exempt from any rules or social norms he has dished out to the rest of his followers!
I read, with tears flowing, the three testimonies. Thank you for sharing! I feel your pain. As a parent of ATI students in the '80s and 90's, I well remember the pride I felt that we were raising roses, not dandelions; leaders, not followers. Our teens worked in orphanages in Russia and Indy. They were not "the favorites", but, I wonder if they were, would I have listened and reported or excused? I was sexually abused as a child, and know the resulting pain and anguish. After the long years of recovery, I sought training to help others, and do so. But I wonder... though I always considered our family to be free thinkers that never fit a mold, (so never swallowed the "5 steps to overcome...," or "7 steps to freedom in..."), how are my adult children now affected? I will find out.
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I stood up to him, disagreed with him. Gave him chapter and verse about how he was wrong. I was a favorite. He did look for opportunities to touch and I pulled away and didn't trust him as far as I could throw him. My Daddy came up to HQ and gave him a piece of his mind and took me home. He wasn't interested in right or wrong. He wasn't interested in what God's word had to say about issues we brought to his attention. He was only interested in having people blindly follow and agree. The Lord will avenge.
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Is there concern about Mr.Bowman?
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Grace,
I have only just read your story and the others posted on this website. Thank you so much for letting the truth be known.
I was at ALERT when you made your visit with BG. He didn't come up to The Northwoods very often but always did seem to have a cute girl with him, and only cute girls. For men who were constantly being reprimanded for the "appearance of evil" the whole thing looked very strange.
I am so sorry that you and by the sounds of it many young woman, had to go through what you did.
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