Taking the Bait

You are here:

Home
Featured Article
Taking the Bait

Taking the Bait

12 September 2011, 06:00

Hooked on Principles

My story is unique in that I first heard about Bill Gothard when I was an adult. As a college student, I joined a small church in a community in north Austin, Texas. I’d thought about going to seminary much over the previous year but I wasn’t certain that I wanted to spend another 3-4 years studying. I wanted to work and be “in life.” One Sunday morning a man stood in the pulpit and told us about a seminar that taught Biblical principles.

The way he described it, I thought it would supply me with the seminary education without the seminary.

After the first night of the Basic Seminar in Austin, I was hooked. I’d heard things that made the Bible seem to come alive; it felt as though the Disciples were real people! The personal illustrations told me that I could be personally involved with the Lord, too. And, of course, the chalk drawings drew me in completely.

Then, the Advanced Seminar told me things about myself that seemed to make so much sense, particularly about spiritual gifts. I thought I was finally coming to understand myself. I’d been looking for someone who could tell me how to get to know the Lord more personally, and here Bill Gothard was. It felt like I was getting all I had ever wanted, and more.

I was so hooked that I burned comic books, regular books, music tapes – and probably a bunch of other stuff I don’t remember now. I wanted to make sure Satan did not have any “ground” in my soul, or even my house. I even confessed all kinds of things to people. Some of the confessions were probably good for my soul, but none of them were motivated by grace.

Hooked on Legalism

In the winter of 1993, the year after graduating from college, I received a letter from IBLP inviting me to Russia. I went from September to December of that year. There I saw what appeared to be families that loved each other deeply. I’d longed for that with my family since my parents divorced when I was five. So, upon returning to the States, I talked to my mom and step-dad about moving into their house to live with them. I had these grand ideas of having a family like the ones I saw while in Russia. This was a disaster on both sides; nothing went as hoped. I moved out several months later, and a few months after this I received a call from IBLP Headquarters (HQ) asking if I’d work in the Finance Department. I moved to Hinsdale/Oak Brook on February 8, 1995.

While at HQ, I found myself feeling more and more oppressed in heart. It’s difficult to put into words how I felt. If there was a rule I made it higher. If there was a law, then everyone was to follow it; if you didn’t obey, then you were simply a rebel. Eventually, I began to see the fruit of my involvement. Bitterness didn’t leave my heart; joy didn’t flood my soul. All the steps I’d learned were unable to help me. Yet, at the same time, I kept hearing others tell me of how great things were for them. Other folks appeared “free” to me – especially the “rebels.” I wondered what was wrong with me. I came to think, more and more, that I was simply not favored by God.

Hooked on Grace

Somehow I came to see that all I was getting were rules and judgments; I wasn’t getting the Lord. I longed to know Him. Finally, after seven years of not heeding the call to attend seminary, I applied to Reformed Theological Seminary in Jackson, Mississippi; after over four years at Headquarters, I drove away from Chicago and headed for Jackson.

However, after Mr.Gothard’s (public and private) warnings about attending “cemetery”, I was nervous going. At the same time, though, I was never more convinced in my heart that I was supposed to be there. Right from the beginning, I was confronted with everything I’d been taught and had come to accept about holiness. From dancing and music to movies and alcohol, I was challenged – not necessarily directly, but just by seeing other students’ behaviors. It took over two years for me to begin a serious unwinding and pull my two lists out of my pockets: the left pocket list of all the things I was supposed to not do to be holy, and the right pocket list of all the things I was supposed to do to be holy. I vividly remember one evening of studying at seminary. While lying on my bed, reading one of my theology books for class, tears began to fill my eyes. I was finally getting that for which I had longed: the knowledge of God. It was satisfying. This sort of experience never happened in my life through IBLP.

After the two-and-a-half years of unwinding I was finally in a place that I could ask a certain girl out for a date. I was 32, she was 28, and yet I still had fears that I was breaking some Biblical principle of courtship and that God was going to be displeased. (The rules had sunk their claws deep into my sinful soul.) After a few months of serious talking, we were engaged; a few months more and we were married in March 2003. Now we have four wonderful sinners – that is, children – running around (from six years to twenty months old). And, darn it, they don’t always obey, and they don’t know anything about seven principles or thirteen steps of reprobation.

It would be great to say that all my troubles with moralism and legalism are over. But, alas, the ugly monster likes to dog at my backside again and again. After so many years of thinking in terms of rules and principles – and still fighting the fallen nature – self-righteousness still plagues me. But, the grace of Jesus is growing sweeter and sweeter.

All articles on this site reflect the views of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of other Recovering Grace contributors or the leadership of the site. Students who have survived Gothardism tend to end up at a wide variety of places on the spiritual and theological spectrum, thus the diversity of opinions expressed on this website reflects that. For our official statement of beliefs, click here.

About the author

Rick Holbert currently pastors a small Presbyterian (PCA) church in Learned, MS. He has served there four years. Rick and his wife have been married eight years and have four children.

11 Comments

RachelG September 12, 2011 Reply

Rick, it has been great at different point in our lives (Russia, HQ and then reconnecting recently)to walk the journey and to be challenged by your life. All those discussions about music and standards have come full circle, haven't they?!
MatthewS September 12, 2011 Reply

"I vividly remember one evening of studying at seminary. While lying on my bed, reading one of my theology books for class, tears began to fill my eyes. I was finally getting that for which I had longed: the knowledge of God. It was satisfying. This sort of experience never happened in my life through IBLP."

Rick, so much of your story resonates with me, including this vignette. God did not punish me for questioning him, instead he led me to a similar experience. Sometimes I sit in the seminary library and I see all the books and I think of all the lives represented, instructors and students alike, and I'm just overwhelmed to be a part of the whole thing. I love it! And I love God! Imperfectly, slowly, I'm growing to actually love him.
Julie T September 12, 2011 Reply

Rick! I LOVED this. You probably don't remember me (I worked at the main switchboard at HQ), but I remember you! I am SO happy to hear of the grace and peace and joy you have found living OUT from under all the rules. Thank you for sharing!!
Rachael Lamb September 12, 2011 Reply

Thank you for sharing, I found this article refreshing, free of bitterness, grounded.
Ileata Lundmark September 12, 2011 Reply

Thank you for sharing. I just told my husband that letting go of being governed by principles is scary. I feel so much more vulnerable. I mean, what if I make a mistake in this walking by faith in the Spirit thing? :-) But walking by principles instead of faith is such a joyless walk, isn't it? Jesus came to give us abundant life, and that's not what I've experienced the last several years. Thank God that He redeems!!
Wendy Blake September 12, 2011 Reply

"...the left pocket list of all the things I was supposed to not do to be holy, and the right pocket list of all the things I was supposed to do to be holy."
This has been my struggle too!!! It was when I discovered that HIS holiness is MY holiness and that my lists amount to filthy rags that I started to actually "get it." LOL
Thanks so much for the inspiring story!!!!
Joel Campbell September 13, 2011 Reply

Rick, thanks for sharing. My wife told me about this site, and your post was the first thing I stumbled upon. It's encouraging to see God's work in all our lives. I met you at HQ in 1995 when I was fifteen and a legalistic dork whose goal was to be BG's assistant (wow, that's hard to believe). Since then God showed me the importance of the doctrines of grace and I've had all kinds of mutual friends with you ... first attending RPC in Beaumont, and now worshiping at Sierra View PCA where your seminary buddy Brian Peterson is the pastor. Hope you can come out to California some time to visit. It'd be great to catch up with you again.
Will Hunsucker September 15, 2011 Reply

Thanks for sharing. This sounds like me. too. to some extent. It's amazing how much the legalism and rule-controlled mindset creeps in even when consciously you're trying to resist it somewhat and think for yourself.

I only had two years of Bible school, but those two years were a wonderful, powerful, grace-filled antidote to the three years in a TC that preceded them.

Isn't it great that God keeps trying to get through to us, to show us what He's really like, even when we've got Him, Holiness, and Christian Living worked out to the Nth degree...? =)
Rich Gall September 18, 2011 Reply

Richaaaaaaard,

It was our times at HQ, our mutual struggles and personal deep discussions that started me on the road out. We have taken similar, but slightly divergent paths since then, but I always look to our times and the renewing of our minds with joy.

Thanks always,
Richaaaaaaard
Denise H September 20, 2011 Reply

I just sooo enjoy reading these testamonies of God's grace. Thanks for sharing!

I felt the same inner struggles, when you know that your free to choose a path but the guilt is so hard to shake. Thank the Lord that He gave us the strength to keep pressing on inspite of the guilt and on into freedom. When Jesus sets us free we are truely free!
Jennifer Holbert November 5, 2011 Reply

Praise God that you Rick were being changed when we met in seminary. You have changed so much and I am very proud of the man that God gave me almost 9 years ago. It is great to read all the encouraging notes of people that have been freed from legalism and are still growing in godliness. We would have never worked if God had not changed us both to meet when we did. Thank for sharing and for being such a fine man.
I love you,
Jen

Taking the Bait

About the author

11 Comments

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Explore All Content

Seen "Shiny Happy People?"

Their Day in Court: Part Three

Their Day in Court: Part Two

Their Day in Court: Part One

Statement from Recovering Grace regarding the lawsuit a ...

Rethinking the Nativity

Bill Gothard’s Powerless Gospel

Plaintiffs Amend Lawsuit Against IBLP, Also Sue Bill Go ...

An ATI Education, Final Chapter: Guilty Silence

Introducing our IBYC/IBLP Facebook Recovery Group

Plaintiffs Amend Lawsuit Against IBLP, Also Sue Bill Go ...

Charlotte's Story

Bill’s Cabin: Uncovering Sin

Sacred Grooming, Part Six: A Secretary's Account of Lif ...

Trapped in the Shadow of 'God's Anointed': Breaking fre ...

Our Response to Bill Gothard’s Statement

A Call to Repentance

Bill Gothard Issues Public Statement

The Agent of Satan

Confident Statements Do Not a Solid Argument Make

Search Recovering Grace

Recent Posts

Tags

Taking the Bait

About the author

Related posts

11 Comments

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Explore All Content

Search Recovering Grace

Recent Posts

Tags