11 Comments

1. 

   Laura Iversen October 3, 2011 Reply

   So thankful you've started this journey...it really is about layers and onions. :) (to quote shrek) I've had a similar one, but it is amazing how God surprises us and brings up back to him! :) Blessings to you on your continued journey.

2. 

   RyanR October 3, 2011 Reply

   Thank you for the reminder that the person on the other side of our hurt/frustration, is a person too, (more often than not) also broken, hurting, confused, etc.
   
   I'm so glad for the healing God has brought and is continuing to bring to you. Thanks for sharing!!

3. 

   Tammy October 3, 2011 Reply

   "Having a real relationship with God helped me choose to forgive. I continue to choose forgiveness." So glad God has brought you to this point in your life and has enabled you to forgive. Forgiveness is all about choice. Thanks for sharing your story.
   
   Some people equate forgiveness with forgetting. That's so not true. Anyone who has been deeply hurt knows that painful memories stick. They can't be willed away. Pray as we might, they aren't erased. Sadly, having decided that it's not possible to forget, many of us also mistakenly decide it's not possible to forgive at least when it comes to the big stuff.
   
   "When we offer forgiveness to those who have no excuse ~~ and for things most of the world would consider unforgivable ~~ we become most like Jesus. Remember, he died for sins he never committed to forgive people who had no right to be forgiven. Maybe that's why it's such a big deal to him that we learn to forgive as we've been forgiven." Larry Osborne

4. 

   MatthewS October 4, 2011 Reply

   Oh wow. I don't know how to put into words the emotions I had when I read how your church helped and encouraged you. I wish more churches would be that way; I hope our church is that way. I feel so bad for how wrongly you were mistreated. I'm struggling with some bitterness this morning and I guess the Lord knew I needed to read about your journey and be encouraged. Thanks for sharing!

5. 

   Donna October 4, 2011 Reply

   Only in recent years have I become involved in the same type of church that you have described here. It has done wonders for chiseling away at those horrible bricks of pain and heaviness built by years of legalism and working hard to build my tower high enough to reach God. He is so good to have pulled me out of all that!
   
   I'm intrigued by this idea of forgiveness. I haven't quite wrapped my mind around all that yet.
   
   I'm really interested in Tammy's comment on forgiveness: "When we offer forgiveness to those who have no excuse ~~ and for things most of the world would consider unforgivable ~~ we become most like Jesus. Remember, he died for sins he never committed to forgive people who had no right to be forgiven. Maybe that's why it's such a big deal to him that we learn to forgive as we've been forgiven." Larry Osborne

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     Tammy October 4, 2011 Reply

     Donna, In response to your comment "I'm intrigued by this idea of forgiveness. I haven't quite wrapped my mind around all that yet."
     
     Forgiving isn't easy and often is a process that takes time. Perhaps it's so hard to forgive because we have the wrong idea of what forgiveness means and we don't really understand it. Often, I think we are afraid that if we forgive that we are somehow letting the offender(s) off the hook. And as I already mentioned in my earlier post; forgiveness is not forgetting what happened when it comes to the big stuff. Unless we've had a brain injury, we can all pretty much recall verbatim something traumatic and hurtful that happened to us whether it happened yesterday or ten years ago or longer. The stories written and told us on this RG website is one example of this truth.

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       Donna October 5, 2011 Reply

       See, that's the thing. I was taught that forgiveness is a 3-part system: 1)take them off my hook. 2) release them to God. 3) choose to remember (mull over) the offense no more. There are triggers or reminders throughout the day or week or month that will force the memories or feelings of hurt back that I try to bury, while "giving the situation to God," again and again. I've recently come to realize that maybe hurts and painful memories are to be used to drive us -or motivate us- into activity. ??? Kind of like a cancer survivor is obsessed with survivor walks, public speeches, charities, and such. I don't know... still thinking all this through. =)

6. 

   Michael October 11, 2011 Reply

   Nice article, just a caution. Be careful with the "encounter" thing. Some are good and helpful, but some churches use them in manipulative and coercive ways.

7. Parents in a Potemkin Village: Six Weeks in the Moscow Training Center | Recovering Grace January 14, 2013 Reply

   [...] staff mother who informed me, “Mrs. Hall, I can tell that Diana came from a good home, but she’s fallen in with the wrong crowd.” I thanked her for warning me and was very worried, watching carefully to see who these young [...]

8. 

   HH August 30, 2015 Reply

   I have to disagree with forgiveness. This was an insidious part of my abuse. Think about what is said about people who can't/don't forgive: they're a bad person. This lays an additional burden on some victims, who feel they have to make themselves feel forgiving.
   
   If forgiveness helps, that's great. I object to it being touted as a cure-all for everyone. For me, it was more pressure.
   
   If you can't forgive, or don't want to forgive, that's okay too. Paths to healing are very personal.

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     Todd k August 31, 2015 Reply

     Points well taken. There are a lot of misunderstandings on what forgiveness is. Forgiveness does not mean that one has to be "buddy buddy" with the perp, but it is releasing that person(s) unto God, rather than harboring vengeful thoughts. Certainly persons need to be held accountable and even in some cases brought to court for their actions or neglect thereof. It appears that BG and the Gothardites do not want any kind of accountability.