Recently a friend of mine, “Kay,” who also went through the Advanced Training Institute (ATI) was told by an acquaintance to just get over it. This acquaintance had come out of the ATI program without too much trauma. However, Kay had gone through some pretty horrific experiences at the hands of those in charge of the Training Centers and by her parents’ implementation of Bill Gothard’s program. I was disturbed to discover that Kay was responded to in this way by someone who had also spent a considerable amount of time in ATI. Kay had only shared with me and just a few others her ATI past. Why are some Christians, who should be sharing Christ’s compassion and mercy, so quick to judge others unless they’ve experienced for themselves the same level of pain?
"In my spiritual life, I can see can that the work of the Holy Spirit is like that of a personal trainer."
To me, this is the core of legalism… the formula… the cookie-cutter response: “I turned out fine. Everyone should have the same positive results and thus turn out the same. After all, 1 plus 1 always equals 2.” I do not believe this can be the case in a personal relationship with Christ. Where is the Holy Spirit in this equation? Where does the variable of Him fit? I believe the Holy Spirit personalizes our walk with Christ, making it just for us, for WHO we are, WHERE we are.
To borrow one of Bill Gothard’s favorite ways of demonstrating a point, I will use an analogy of a personal trainer: A personal trainer’s job is to assist the person who has hired them to get fit, tone up, lose weight, train for a marathon, etc. If this trainer uses a one-size-fits-all approach (i.e. 7 steps to success in health) he will not make a very good living at his job. Some of his clients may have immediate success by his program. Some may come out with a moderate level of fitness. And some may have no success at all. Some could even be damaged physically, emotionally and mentally because of their failure to achieve physical fitness success. Is it the fault of the client who submitted to the trainer? His friends seemed to have success in this program and it was highly recommended! Dare I say, the fault lies in the trainer’s tactics, approach and program? None of us are alike. None of us are the same. We come from different backgrounds. Different sizes, metabolisms, genetics and personalities.
A trainer must find out what the strongest and weakest parts are in his client to help make him successful. How was his client raised to view food and exercise? How long has the client been working out? How long has the client been a vegetarian? What kind of medications is he taking? These are all specific things that the trainer should know in order to find the best program for his client to achieve life-long success in physical fitness and health.
In my spiritual life, I can see that the work of the Holy Spirit is like that of a personal trainer. Only the Holy Spirit can know the details of my life: my weakest parts and my strongest abilities. This is how the Holy Spirit makes my relationship personal with Christ. We may come from different backgrounds. We may come from different churches. Some of us might have never been to Sunday School. And yet, some of us have spent our entire lives teaching it. We have addictions. We have successes. Some of us were raised by godly parents. Some were raised in foster-homes. Believers come from everywhere and every walk of life. One single program is not a cure-all. 7-steps-to-this is just not going to work in the reality of our lives. The answer is in Jesus Christ and our helper, the Holy Spirit.
In the case of my friend Kay, her acquaintance came out of the program feeling fine. Kay came out feeling beaten down and unworthy of life. Same ATI program. Two completely different individuals. Two different experiences. Two opposite outcomes. Because the program worked for one, does that make it okay when another one is damaged? Or, dare I say… when thousands of children and teens are damaged?
May I suggest a different response to our fellow brothers and sisters that are on their own individual healing journey … rather than saying, “Get over it” … since we can’t see through their hurt eyes, maybe we ought to say, “I’m sorry.”
After pouring out my heart to a friend regarding ATI they said three simple words, "I'm so sorry". Those words brought validation, acceptance and more healing than I could ever have imagined.
I never went through ATI, but in the course of 14 months I had quit a job, gone to college, buried my husband, quit school, went back to work, got into a new relationship, gotten pregnant, lot my job & couldn't find another one, moved, and had a baby. A year later I buried my only living parent. I had gone through a deep depression for 2 years over all of this and I couldn't be pulled out of it until I finally agreed to antidepressants. I got the same response from friends and family, though. "Bad things happen. Get over it." I think those 3 words are the most inconsiderate ones on the planet!
Dawn, I wish I could give you a hug. It is obvious that you have been through a lot of heartache. What you stated is true. "Bad things do happen!" But, we seldom can just get over it. Scripture says that it rains on the just and the unjust. This world has been cursed since the fall of Adam and Eve. Sometimes life just stinks! To tell someone to "just get over something" is truly insensitive and hurtful. Can we get over a tragedy and hurt? Of course we can! Many of us are living proof of that, but it didn't happened overnight. Dawn, getting over something doesn't mean we've forgotten about it. I said this before in other posts, but I believe it is worth saying again. We don't all of the sudden get spiritual amnesia. All of us can recall hurtful experiences and often like it happened yesterday. With time and with the help of a loving God, our wounds can be healed and the pain diminishes.
Thanks Aimee for sharing this story.
Thanks Mrs. Cornish :D
I've been learning how important grieving is as I reflect on my life story. Grieving over the damage done to me and by me in my involvement in ATI is important for me to heal and recover, and grieving takes time. I wonder if those who say "Just get over it" have ever allowed themselves time to grieve over their losses and hurts.
i agree. i was in ati and at indianapolis training centerr when my dad died and went home for 1 month. when i came back and was still crying when i missed my dad, people were asking why i didnt get over it. had they just lost their dads??? had they just had to watch their mom grieve for her mate. we need to have sensitivity for others who dont have the same lives as we do. JESUS was always compassionate, even to the christians. we should as well.
Lori,
That is so sad that you weren't allowed to grieve and that no one at ITC just sat and grieved with you! Losing your dad is a huge thing, and you needed time to grieve. I hope you have been able to grieve his loss freely now. I feel for you!
I really enjoyed your analogy of a trainer - very clear explanation!
[...] someone else for your problems; you should be on your knees asking God to help you; you need to get over it; read your Bible; etc…” Or something to that effect. And that’s if they’re [...]