9 Comments

1. 

   Jesi October 27, 2011 Reply

   This article really summed up what I am going through right now. I would be interested in reading more about why the author's family was expelled from ATI.

2. 

   Judi October 27, 2011 Reply

   Loved this article!!!

3. 

   NathanS October 28, 2011 Reply

   Not to downplay the uniqueness of your experience, but it seems that uncertainty about our identities is more prevalent now in general because of postmodernism. We're told to question everything, and once we do, we can't remember what's unquestionably true about our lives and our roles. But your kids do look up to you, and you will rise to the occasion, just as you have in writing this.

4. 

   LO October 28, 2011 Reply

   "My default mode is to feel the need to change when someone doesn’t like what I say or do. Which is not particularly healthy when raising children, since they rarely like what I say or do. How can I be me if even my kids don’t like me?"
   
   I struggle with this all the time. Thanks for sharing.

5. 

   Eden Marie October 30, 2011 Reply

   Yeah...I'm working through the same thing. Growing up, there was NOBODY who didn't like me (that I ever found out about, at least). So now, watching friends drop out of my life one-by-one, I don't even know how to answer - especially when I thought they were such great friends who really cared about me! Experiencing an "identity crisis" where I'm throwing out things that aren't based in truth, it's difficult to even know who *I* want to be. The great thing is, now I have a chance to be EXACTLY who I want to be...and that is an intimidating thought, but oh-so-incredibly-freeing at the same time.
   
   Thanks for sharing! It's comforting to know I'm not alone!

6. 

   Jaime October 31, 2011 Reply

   I've been struggling myself with that "default mode" of changing myself. I am too, too pliable--but I still feel programmed to believe that I am always wrong.

7. 

   Keren November 1, 2011 Reply

   I was reading your article and wondered who had crawled in my mind and typed it up into a nice article. I can identify with everything!

8. 

   TW September 24, 2012 Reply

   I can totally relate! "Identity theft" as you put it becomes a critical problem when you have children. I realized I have no foundation inside myself, what amounts to a broken compass, and can only conform myself to whatever voice (book, Christian leader, peer, husband) speaks the most compellingly. I've read Christian books and biographies voraciously in an attempt to find a pattern for my life. But I'm still lost...

9. 

   Sheryl March 21, 2014 Reply

   You have put into words what I have felt for the past 20+ years, but I come from the perspective of the ATI mom. We (my husband and I) began going to the IBYC seminars a year into our marriage and our receiving salvation. Mr. Gothard's teaching has been the building block of our lives for the past 35 years. The deeper we got into ATI, the more defeated I felt and became. The first few years after becoming a believer in Christ I grew in the love of Christ and in fellowship with Him. Then unbeknownst to me I found myself struggling daily to keep up with the demands that were required to be "blessed" as a believer. I couldn't see what was happening to me. The teachings on the umbrella of authority were interpreted to mean that I was to not do 'anything' without my husband's approval. I began to second guess everything I did, I couldn't think for myself or trust any decision that I made on my own. I was the wife and mother but I felt more like one of the children, or the maid, or the cook, or whatever role I was required to be in at the time, but it wasn't a wife or mother. I didn't know who I was or who I was suppose to be anymore. My husband and children didn't like who I was either, but I was trying my best to follow all of the rules: to be submissive, to serve cheerfully, to walk in faith, to honor my husband, to teach my children (from the Wisdom Booklets only), etc. But because I couldn't do it all perfectly then I was considered rebellious and had moved out from under my umbrella of authority and anything that happened negatively in the family was my fault. I checked out of the ATI mindset about 12 years ago but I still have not figured out who I am, nor how to find it. Everything I read from scripture is clouded with the IBLP/ATI teaching and training. Every time I try to read, a battle rages in my mind to what is truth and what was a lie. Yes, the enemy has stolen my identity and so far has kept me from finding it. Our oldest two children have completely rebelled against any form of Christian teaching or beliefs. My heart grieves in that I didn't stand up to those in authority when my spirit was telling me that something about the teaching was wrong. My prayer at this time is that the Lord will restore the years that the locust have eaten. While I do NOT rejoice in Mr. Gothard's misconduct, I am finding some freedom in discovering the lies that I have been taught all of these years. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I now know that I am not alone.