Having been raised for 13 years in the Advanced Training Institute (ATI) home school program I was confident of a successful marriage. I followed the formula. I waited for God’s Best. I saved my first kiss until after engagement (though I’m sure I should have saved it for the wedding day). I had my parents’ blessing. I had a godly man.  Therefore we would sail blissfully into the sunset.

And sail we did…. Only the ship got lost at sea and ended on a rocky shore.

I’m actually not going to write about all the little things that caused my marriage to end. I’ve learned that everyone has a story… and until I have walked a mile in someone’s shoes I cannot even begin to make assumptions on what they should/should not have done.

I would like talk about what happens when you are a girl, raised in ATI to be a wife/mother (stay at home, of course) and suddenly find yourself faced with being a single, working mother. To say my respect and admiration for single working moms has grown 10x would be an understatement. And for my friends who are ex-ATI, single, working moms, it’s grown 100x. Why? Because when we were growing up we were taught that a college degree was not necessary–in fact, it would only undermine everything the Bible teaches. Ministry should be our focus. We became experts at going into other women’s homes and helping them organize and clean, teach/care for their children, bake bread, etc. These are really wonderful things for teenagers to learn–but without an educational balance it fails to equip them for life outside the home.

When I entered marriage my dream had really been to attend college. I quickly forgot this and moved into motherhood. After a couple of children I began realizing that I still have that desire, that dream. The plan was set in motion for me to go to school when my youngest started school. This was put to rest when I became pregnant again. Fast forward a few years and here I sit. My marriage ended, little ones, no job, and no degree. Okay, but no problem, right? Because of course I have CHARACTER!  Isn’t that what we were told? If you had character you would not need to waste four years attending college for a “piece of paper” that was actually a waste of time and for which employers did not really care about.

I suppose our parents and Bill Gothard didn’t factor in a few things. One of which was the economy. I searched almost 4 months before finding a job. When I wrote up my resume it was woefully lacking in education and recent experience. In fact, every time I got the question, “No college?”–it was like a knife.

My situation has made me think very hard on the “why” behind the way I was raised. Why is a vocational or college education considered wrong for a girl? Why is it not seen as an asset? Even if you don’t anticipate divorce, what about becoming a widow? What if your husband becomes disabled? There are so many unknown factors in life, why not prepare our daughters as much as possible?

And then I think about the verse, “Train up a child in the way they should go…” I have a friend who from the time she was little bitty wanted to be a wife and mom. It was her heart’s desire. And her dream came true. She is an amazing wife and mom! And then there was me. My thoughts of marriage and children were always distant–someday… one day… but what I really wanted was to go to college and work on the mission field. If we truly are to raise our children according to their natural bent, then why is it thought worldly and ungodly to want something other than immediate marriage/motherhood at the age of 18? Is it possible that God made us–women–as individuals?

So I write this to you daughters who are not yet married: Please, PLEASE find a vocation or decide on a degree, and GO FOR IT! I know it will be scary. I know it’s taking steps that will feel unsteady. But I also know that it is much easier having no spouse and no children. If you find yourself married but with that desire to gain further education–GO FOR IT! Don’t wait! There are so many options now with night classes and on-line classes. And if you find yourself like me–I am NOT giving up my dream. I might have to postpone it for the immediate need of providing for my children, but I already have a plan in mind of when and how I can start working on my degree. So to us I say–GO FOR IT! What do we have to lose, really?

And to any parents who might be reading this and still have daughters at home: I beg of you, let them be individuals. Let them grow and mature into the desires God has put in their hearts. Give them every asset possible, because honestly, who knows what lies ahead of them.