Dear Recovering Grace Readers,
April is National Sexual Assault Awareness month. Current statistics show that one out of every four girls, and one out of every six boys are sexually abused (usually by someone they know) before they turn 18 years old. The problem of sexual abuse is systemic, and unfortunately it’s not just out there in “the world.” These statistics are the same across the board, even in “good” Christian homes. Because this is such a relevant issue, we at Recovering Grace have decided to focus this month on stories of hidden sexual abuse within ATI (Advanced Training Institute) families.
Within the world of Christian fundamentalism, this abuse often went unnoticed because of the attitudes and beliefs that place much of the blame on the victim. The person who was abused was often shamed into silence and they were told (or it was insinuated) that they were the cause of their own abuse. If only they had not dressed a certain way, or been provocative by wearing attractive clothing, or shown some leg or collar bone, they would not have been abused. If only they had followed certain “principles,” their life would have turned out much happier for them. In many cases, those who were abused were denied counseling treatment or help, so that details of the abuse would not be released. This was a form of defending and shielding the abuser to protect the “Christian witness” (a.k.a. the reputation) of a family, church, or organization. Or in the spirit of keeping families together, the wife was often encouraged (or pressured) not to turn her husband in for physically abusing their children.
Many of the stories in our Sexual Abuse Awareness series will illustrate how this fundamentalist system created a perfect storm of abuse-breeding circumstances, including:
- The sexual repression of both fathers and children. There was often no “safe place” for fathers to confess their struggles and find help. Older children were often kept in sexual ignorance and some turned to “experimentation” because they had hormones they didn’t know how to deal with.
- A system which encouraged isolation from the world. Because “the family” was elevated to such a high level, many fathers discouraged their wife and children from having friendships outside the home. Because of this family isolation, children had no one whom they trusted or could speak with about the abuse, even if they had the courage to try.
- Authoritarian structures in which the father was to be protected at all cost for the sake of the family–even in abusive situations.
- An emphasis on keeping up external appearances. It was taboo for any family member to speak out or risk giving a bad reputation to the family.
- Faulty interpretation of Scripture that blamed victims in causing/allowing abuse to happen.
For many young adults writing these stories, this is the first time they have put pen to paper in sharing what they have gone through. It’s a terrifying prospect, often doubly so because of the threats they endured for years to try to ensure their silence. But the first step to healing is acknowledging abuse and bringing to light the things hidden in darkness. They need to know they are not alone, and that many are facing the same battle that they are. And because many have been abused within Christian homes, it can be difficult to understand the healing and grace that can be found in Jesus Christ—the name under which they were abused.
We do want to be very clear on one point: As far as we know, Bill Gothard has never verbally endorsed sexual abuse. But many of the “perfect” children you saw each year at Knoxville, Big Sandy, or Sacramento lived through hell at home. No, Gothard didn’t create the abusers. But he gave them an authoritarian system in which to hide by using “God’s principles” (such as the father’s unquestioning umbrella of authority, and a system of appeals that would break down when appealing to an abuser) as a cover for evil.
This will not be an easy series to read. It hasn’t been easy for us to put together, but we feel strongly that we are called to help people find freedom and recovery through God’s grace. For this to happen, the truth must be told. This is the first step.
“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32)
~The RG Leadership Team
If this sexual abuse series brings up any emotions that you would like to process with a professional counselor, please e-mail us at:
[email protected]g. We would be happy to recommend some professional counselors who are associated with the Recovering Grace ministry and who are familiar with the fundamentalist backgrounds of ATI and IBLP.
Thank you for addressing this. It is much needed.
I'm not at all looking forward to this series. It's not something I was subjected to, and it's hard reading others' pain. But I'm glad you're addressing it.
On a personal level I appreciate Recovering Grace addressing this issue. I'm certain the majority of former and current ATI families have no idea how prevalent it was in ATI homes. I'm sure, like myself, everyone wants to believe it didn't happen. Yet in my own home, it did happen - and I still didn't think it was happening in other homes. How wrong I was. It breaks my heart. Thank you, Recovering Grace for offering your support and helping to get out the truth of what was really going on being closed doors in some ATI families.
I had a counselor tell me once that there are 4 ways children are abused in families: physical, emotional, spiritual, and sexual. ("You experienced 3 out of 4" he said).
Sexual abuse was not a reality in my home but it's been downright distressing to learn that it was a reality for so many. A study was done in recent years that incidence rate of childhood sexual abuse between women at a Christian college compared to a secular one. It was shocking to most involved to discover that the percentage was roughly the same at the Christian school as it was for the secular. This was disturbing to some of the researchers who had expected that the religious background should have a better outcome. But when you think about it, even religious people are still sinful creatures, and even Christian families still have relatives around that behave in wrong ways.
This whole horrible subject has been too-often ignored by churches and religious groups, with the sad outcome of letting some of these problems fester in the dark. I do not enjoy this subject at all but I'm glad RG is addressing and dealing with this, and validating the experience of those who have suffered in this way. God help us all, and may he give us all grace to heal.
Thank You for tackling this issue.
Its virtually impossible for someone to emerge from teachings that the Institute promotes without having a warped approach to sexuality :(
I just found out about this website, and I had no idea that this sort of thing was out there. I was raped by a counselor at one of the training institutes and I had no idea it was such a massive epidemic. Thank you for addressing this apparent issue.
Bryce, I'm so glad you found out about this website. It's stories like yours that need to be made known. So sorry you were raped. I pray you've already experienced healing, but if not, I pray you begin your healing process today for a complete recovery.
Bryce, I am so sorry to hear that. If you are interested, I invite you to join one of the Recovery groups on Facebook (support groups). Links to these groups can be found at the top of the page.
I ran across a link I'd like to share: http://www.rpmministries.org/2012/04/womens-history-month-part-5-elizabeth-keckley-a-tornado-of-sorrow/
It's not about sexual assault but it is about sorrow and friendship. A "tornado of sorrow".
"In those days, of all people, a formerly enslaved black woman was the one human being on the face of the earth who could comfort the President’s widow. And how? With her empathy. With her silence. With her physical presence. With her loving companionship."
I am an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Although my family was not in ATI, some very good friends were (my abuse had nothing to do with that particular organization). I want to say that I am so thankful that RG is addressing this issue. I think as parents we have to be every careful with who has access to our children. It is VERY important to trust that first 'instinct' when you meet someone, even if it is a known friend or family member. If you have had in the past or suddenly get a 'bad' feeling about someone, trust that and pray that God will make it clear to you. Do NOT allow your children to ever be alone with that person. It doesn't matter what others think of you, and you don't owe them any explanation as to why. Do not be manipulated into having people you feel uncomfortable with getting access to your children. Sexual abuse often begins with a 'grooming' period. If you don't know what this is or if you have any history with abuse I would recommend the Wounded Heart book and study guide by Dan Allender.
It absolutely sickens me that scripture would ever be used to justify the abuse, look the other way or blame the victim. Jesus meant what he said when he said it would be better for a 'mill stone to be tied around the neck and have the person thrown in the river/ sea than the cause one of his [precious] little ones to stumble.' Protect the victim, prosecute the perpetrator and make sure they never have access to children again. Forgiveness may come; but consequences are a MUST (and further forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean 'restoration' of the relationship).
In addition, we live in a world of free choice. People have the choice to sin. That means that people with evil hearts choose to violate others, including children. God does not cause evil to happen, these things are NOT apart of His plan. To say such a thing to an abuse victim in horrific. Rather, focus on the healing that Christ can offer as we open up those weaping, crusty wounds and allow his healing balm to work. It takes time and the residual effects remain; but God does heal.
Again, I highly recommend good Christian counseling (a true certified counselor - AACC or CAPS are great organizations) and the Dan Allender book.
God bless you as you face the truth and shine a light into the darkness!!
Wow. My Mom and Dad got sucked into the seminars and I got dragged to a couple. I experienced abuse in a southern baptist church (5 yrs old) and I never felt more condemned than when we would leave one of those horrible gothard meetings.I didn't tell till I was older. My family was very isolated/homeshool/homebirths/ No tv or radio. My parents finally got free from this stuff but it has taken years for my faith to recover. I'm glad I found this site. I googled gothard out of curiosity. I always knew deep down inside the guy was a wack job.I'm just relieved to know I'm not the only one. I knew it then...but to question Bills "authority" was...blasphemy!I also know God was whispering His love to my heart in every one of those wretched training sessions and I'm so thankful to Him. Sorry for those of you who have been so hurt.I'm glad to "meet" fellow basically baloney life imprisonment survivors. :-)
I was not exposed to Gothard until my teens, when I attended IBYC each year with the church-school I was enrolled in. I was already being sexually abused by a trusted adult but was blaming myself; after IBYC one year, I "confessed" to my pastor, who insisted that I repent of "this sin" and tell no one in case others should be tempted to try the "evil lifestyle you've been living." This kept me locked in secrecy until adulthood. :-(
Now I am a sexual assault victim advocate, providing information, resources, empowerment, support, etc. for victims of rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse. Thank you for bringing this issue to light.
Although childhood sexual abuse is much worse,it is true that many ATI / submissive wives are also sexually abused beacuse they feel they have no right to say no to their husbands demands
This is truly a shame and very sad :-(
fwiw, It is also specifically opposed to Scripture. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:4 "The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife." Whatever else one can say about the rest of the marriage, Paul was completely egalitarian when it came to the marriage bed. The New Testament also talks about love and respect. The Song of Solomon gives an image of longing for love and of being fulfilled. It is abuse of people and abuse of Scripture when people teach that one spouse has a right to make demands of the other that makes them feel unloved and disrespected.
[…] April 2012 and 2013, we published some very difficult stories of sexual abuse in ATI families. Some critics […]