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As a teenager I was sent to an Advanced Training Institute (ATI) young men’s program called Life Focus. Life Focus was not explicitly advertised as a program for the troubled youth or “rebels” of ATI, but, functionally, that is what it was. The young men in Life Focus were regarded as and spoken to as if they were deviants. The majority of the program consisted of performing manual labor at ATI training centers. We worked as “volunteer” construction workers, janitors, and kitchen assistants, and were loaned out to various ATI training centers and programs for projects.
One of the goals set for Life Focus participants was to memorize the New Testament book of James. Early in the program, I fell behind in my scripture memorization and was soon looked on as a problem student. One night, several Life Focus staff members sat me down and told me that I must not be willing to commit to God. They persisted in this accusation until I admitted that I was not committed, and I prayed to God asking forgiveness.
I was told that, until I had memorized the assigned scriptures, I would be allowed to work but not to take part in evening events with staff and other students. I was confined to my room for several nights while the rest of the group attended a baseball game, went out for ice cream, and went on an outing with Bill Gothard. I was not catching up on the assigned memorization, however, and over time it seemed that the Life Focus staff began to give up on me.
I was confined to what was called a “prayer room.” The room had a camera monitoring the door outside and a speaker playing hymns inside. I was told I would remain in the prayer room until I had memorized the remaining chapters of James. Meals would be brought to the room three times a day. I was allowed no more phone calls to my family, and I was permitted to exit the room only for a fire alarm. I “escaped” the prayer room and walked to the training center director’s office, pleading with him to allow me to call my father. My request was denied. I was told I needed to immediately return to the prayer room.
Some time before I had been placed in the prayer room, a young man in Life Focus had disappeared from our work and activities. Most of us assumed that he had left the program and gone home. One night as I sat in the prayer room, staring at the walls, I was startled by a crashing noise. I looked out my window and saw that a chair had been thrown through the window of the room adjacent to mine. A moment later, to my astonishment, the young man who had disappeared from the program climbed out of the window, placed a shard of broken glass in his mouth, and began climbing the fire escape ladder. I heard men rushing down the hallway and yelling. I waited a bit, then left my room to see what had happened. In the lobby, several staff members were walking this guy out the main lobby doors. He was covered in blood, which still dripped from his wrists, though there was a tie around each arm to stem the flow. I was later told that this student had climbed to the roof, threatened to jump, then slit his wrists with the glass he had carried in his mouth.
I returned to the prayer room and remained there until my father came to retrieve me on graduation day. My father had had no idea I was confined to a prayer room for twelve days.
At that point I cut ties with the ATI community.
Thank you for documenting this. The treatment of those labeled "rebels" was truly abusive and horrible.
I was very aware that many people at training centers experienced strong suicidal inclinations while there. Your story makes it obvious why this was happening.
This is the most chilling account of a training center. How long that young man was held in isolation and no one knew because of the don't talk rule is anyone's guess. I am horrified at what was done to both him and you.
Oh my word! Evil!!! And that part about you 'must not be willing' to commit to God because you fell behind... It's as if they do not take into consideration that not everyone has the same capacity for memorization, or that it doesn't make you unGodly if you do not memorize XYZ... Sickness! Good for you cutting ties with ATI.
Penn State incident...several young men came forth many many years later to complain and bring a a lawsuit against sexual abuse at Penn State...
why, other than blogs like this, haven't the young people abused in ATI gotten together to bring a lawsuit against ATI- it may not be to get even but to prevent further abuse. Or has there been change in programs in the ATI since events like this? Or can someone go undercover with a camera to get proof?
I can identify with this account. I was an "L.E.T." at Ok City when I was 15. People would literally pick up their plate and move to a different table after discovering I was an "L.E.T.". They would confuse the abbreviation for Life Experience Training with Leader In Training, two very different yet oh so similar programs. I didn't care that they left my table - I didn't want to be friends with people like that anyways!
My older sibling did various educational classes at the Indy training center for about 6 months. I remember she would call home about once per week, and talk for long periods of time to my folks in private. After the calls, I'd be like, What's going on??!?!?!, but my parents kept me in the dark. After she came home, I gathered that her time there did not bode well with her and she lost a lot of weight, and she never wanted to go back, and she hated all her teachers.
As an added side note, ATI destroyed my family. To this day, my family is broken and will probably never "get back together" again. I know of many other ATI families from our "era" that are in shambles as well. ATI breaks up and ruins families - the opposite of what it claims to do.
I went to the ATI website to further research what is involved with this program and found the following---
*Menial and Difficult Work Projects---Life Focus students participate in intense physical labor, both indoors and outdoors. The goal is to help meet the needs of others in any way they can. Mowing, weeding, sweeping, painting, landscaping, laying carpet, drywall, construction, demolition, kitchen cleanup, mopping, vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms, and picking up trash are typical activities that Life Focus students may be involved in.
Why would anyone pay $75 Preparatory Correspondence Course plus $1650 for their child to become basically a free laborer and get mentally and emotionally berated besides?
For those who attended this program it says you would be involved in outreaches such as the following....how many of the following places did you go and how much witnessing did you actually get to do?
*Community Outreach---We partner with local neighborhood associations to introduce the students to a wide variety of community involvement that can be easily reproduced at home.”
*Urban Youth Outreach---Local Bible clubs and kids programs allow us to participate in their ministries on a limited basis.
*Homeless Shelters---We participate by painting fences, serving meals, cleaning rooms, or even preaching on occasion.
*The students are taught how to present the Gospel clearly and effectively. After they spend time in preparation, learning key Scriptures and several different presentations of the Gospel, the students go out witnessing in small groups.
*Open Lines of Communication---Throughout the course there are many times that the relationships within the family are emphasized and discussed. Students are prompted regularly to share their desires, burdens, and struggles with their parents. During the last three days of the program, Bob Norvell, director of the Eagle Mountain Training Center, and his son, Joe, lead a series of discussions designed to help fathers and sons grow closer together.
From what I gather from these stories, there were no open lines of communication, only one sided accusations putting down one’s faith and beliefs.
ATI started coming up with this sort of program during our final years in the program. I remember my dad getting the letters in the mail declaring the glories of these programs and he would say, "I'm not sending my kids to be Bill's slave labor." I don't know why more people didn't see through it.....except for the fact that we were so conditioned to always seek the lowest place and serve without complaining.
Thanks for sharing. It really helps me with my processing through my life now and how it is affected by my family's years in ATI.
This has to be a Life Focus IV story. I was in there, on Gold Team. There one someone on Green Team (I won't name names) who fell behind on memorization and ended up getting sent to the prayer room...all because he had difficulty memorizing. I too remember one of the guys breaking out of the prayer room (I was later put in the same prayer room with a boarded up window) and attempting to slit his wrists. There was a huge commotion outside. I went to take the elevator down to the main floor....and the doors opened up to reveal 3 team leaders and this guy. There was blood on his hands and ties wrapped around his wrists. I'll never forget it. He looked at me, gave me a smile that said "....It's hopeless" and said "Hi, Nick".
The elevator doors shut....and I just stood there frozen for a while.
p.s. I got put in the prayer room because one of the girls from Equip talked seemed to take a shine to me, and I told the other guys about it. Evidently that was me "glorifying and promoting an immoral lifestyle".
Nick I remember you, crazy to hear from someone else who was there
My stomach dropped when I read this...I was in EQUIP when this happened. I was somehow linked to this guy who tried to kill himself. He was caught writing something on my cup on the 13 floor. I was questioned after my parents were called. ..I knew nothing about a note on a cup. They believed me one of the leaders said he watched me and I never read the cup (so crazy now to think about it). I heard he was sent to the prayer room....(I have been there two) I saw him leave the training center. Always wondered if he was okay after that. I left 2 weeks early from EQUIP when a male ministry student almost raped me and the leadership basically said I asked for it. What a crazy time....so glad my family was not a crazy ATI family and I had their support!
This is crazy stuff. I never saw anything like this... man, I feel horrible for anyone who went through anything like this, including the friends and family of those who were confined and mistreated.
omg!! In hind sight I'm really really glad ITC is no longer ITC...seems like most of the worst training center experiences are from there...kinda scares me too..makes me wonder what was REALLY going on there and what the people I saw when I was there were REALLY esperienceing. I remember going as a young girl and feeling almost in awe of all the "cool" older guys and girls that were interns there in various programs...I remember want to hand around them and be like them...and do what they were doing when I got older...
It's just so hard for me to get my head around all this. Unbelievable in some ways, but I know it's true. How can anyone think that by treating someone in this way that they are demonstrating the love of Christ? Truly this stuff is of the devil. So sad that anyone had to go through this abuse. Thank God it is finally being exposed.
Wow I'm so sorry this happened to you. I pray God's blessing on your life and healing from this spiritual abuse. Thank you for sharing.
It seems this organization falls under the category of spiritual abuse. Here's some of the characteristics of organizations that foster spiritual abuse:
1a. Undue Loyalty to Leaders – The leadership is held to be anointed by God and followers taught they should submit in anything it requires. This authority supposedly comes from the position they occupy. Many names are used but in the abusive system this is a position of power, not moral authority. The assumption is that God operates among His people through a hierarchy, or "chain of command." In this abusive system unconditional submission is often called a "covering," or "umbrella of protection" which will provide some spiritual blessing to those who fully submit. Followers may be told that God will bless their submission even if the leadership is wrong. It is not their place to judge or correct the leadership - God will see to that.
1b. Biblical Response: In John 9 the Pharisees "cast out" the man born blind simply because the truth he told about his healing exposed their own corruption. In Acts 7:51-56, Stephen called the Jewish leaders to account over their spiritual abuse. His testimony of Christ vindicated Jesus, whom they had abused, and condemned them. The legalistic Jews were so angry they stoned Stephen to death. In Galatians Paul addressed a performance based Christianity which leads to the abuse of legalism.
2a. Authoritarian – The system is characterized by rules and a power structure that is unaccountable to those who follow. Because the religious system is not based on the truth it cannot allow questions, dissent, or open discussions about issues. The person who dissents becomes the problem rather than the issue he raised. The truth about any issue is settled and handed down from the top of the hierarchy. Questioning anything is considered a challenge to authority. Thinking for oneself is suppressed by pointing out that it leads to doubts. This is portrayed as unbelief in God and His anointed leaders. Thus the follower controls his own thoughts by fear of doubting God. An authoritarian leader will seek to be unaccountable for his actions, or inactions, this side of heaven.
2b. Biblical Response: As God in human flesh, Jesus had legitimate spiritual authority. But He did not exercise it to gain power for Himself, or to abuse and control others with rules and regulations. He said, "Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest" (Matt. 11:28). The Greek word for "heavy laden" is phortizo which means here "to overburden with ceremony (or spiritual anxiety)" (Strong's Concordance #5412). Jesus gave a balanced perspective on positional authority when he said, "But be not ye called Rabbi: for one is your Master, even Christ; and all ye are brethren" (Matthew 23:8). He gave another key to discernment when He taught, "He that speaketh of himself seeketh his own glory..." (John 7:18a).
3a. Appearance is Everything – The abusive religious system is scrupulous to maintain an image of righteousness. Impossibly high legalistic standards of thought and behavior may be imposed on the members. Their failure to live up to these standards is a constant reminder of the follower's inferiority to his leaders, and the necessity of submission to them. Abusive religion is, at heart, legalism. Abusive religion is also paranoid. Because the truth about the abusive religious system would be quickly rejected if recognized, outsiders are shown only a positive image of the group.
3b. Biblical Response: Jesus was not "image conscious." He was willing to associate with wine drinkers, cheating tax collectors and even prostitutes. He accused the legalistic Pharisees of "teaching for doctrine the commandments of men" (Matthew 15:9) and likened their showy, hypocritical outward righteousness to "whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness" (Matthew 23:27).
4a. Perfectionism - Works are necessary for salvation, to keep one's salvation, or to keep God's blessing. A most natural assumption is that a person does not get something for nothing. Failure is strongly condemned so there is only one alternative, perfection. So long as he thinks he is succeeding in his observation of the rules, the follower typically exhibits pride, elitism, and arrogance. However, when reality and failure eventually set in, the result is the person experiences spiritual burnout, or even shipwreck of his faith. Those who fail in their efforts are labeled as apostates, weak, or some other such term so that they can be discarded by the system.
4b. Biblical Response: Jesus upheld the high standard of the Law, yet He clearly placed the legitimate needs of people before any rules or regulations (Matthew 12:1-13; Mark 2:23-3:5). The scriptures make it clear that no one will cease to sin in this life (Ecclesiastes 7:20; 1 John 1:8). Jesus made it plain, however, that one can know in this life that one has eternal life (John 5:24; 6:37-40), a theme developed by Paul throughout his epistles, and by John (1 John 5:10-13).
5a. Unbalanced View – The imbalanced spiritual hobby-horse thus produced represents unique knowledge or practices which seem to validate the group's claim to special status with God.
5b. Biblical Response: Jesus illustrated the balance between the spirit and the letter when dealing with the woman taken in adultery. (John 8:1-11) The Pharisees, quintessential spiritually abusive leaders, were quite unbalanced in their perception of what mattered most to God. Jesus said they, "...pay tithe of mint and anise and cumin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, - judgment, mercy, and faith...." (Matthew 23:23).
For full articles by David Henke see: http://www.watchman.org/articles/cults-alternative-religions/spiritual_abuse-in-the-bible/
and http://www.watchman.org/profile/abusepro.htm
The more I think about this story, the more upset I get. If someone tried to commit suicide at a TC, what was done about it? Was he given medical treatment? Was he given a psychological evaluation? Was he sent home? Were his parents notified of the suicide attempt? Shouldn't the police have been called? Was he under 18?
As a parent, I would be more upset if my child tried to commit suicide and wasn't taken to the hospital than I would if he broke an arm and was denied medical care (and that would make me plenty mad.)
wow, no doubt. If someone put my son in a situation where he became suicidal, if they were to cover that up and refuse to get help... They would have to answer to a very upset parent.
Me too, and I would also involve the authorities.
the only problem with the kid who tried to commit suicide is he is in rebellion to God, does not accept who he is, ungrateful and any other myriad of sins and not the fault of generous Mr. Bill, who after all, has dedicated his life to outlining the proper and only way to live a christian life and if you dare deviate, will suffer such things as suicidal thoughts...case closed!!!!
Of curse, the faithful minions will never have an idependent thought of their own, that something, just something might be wrong with their system of how they teach youngsters the "love" (i.e. judgement) of God.
And there you have the circular reasoning that is in place which supports and enables abusive systems.
As far as I recall (I was part of that Life Focus group), the kid was taken to a hospital and was kept there for a few/several days. A few weeks later he stood up in front of everyone during the ITC lunch and said a few words about his rebellion and disobedience.
I didn't believe what he said for a second. I still remembered the look he gave me on the elevator as he stood there with blood dripping off his hands. He knew it was hopeless, and the only way to make it through to the end was to play along with their dog and pony show and hope that he made it out alive by the end of it.
Where is this kid today? Can he be found so he can come forward with his story? Has anyone reached out to minister to him (with the love of Jesus, not condemnation)? I would not be surprised if he completely chucked christianity.
All I remember is that his first name was Sean (hope that's not breaking any rules :-x). I can try to talk to some people and see if they can remember his last name. I might be able to track him down on Facebook if I had that info...
Yeah, Nick, it would be great if he could be tracked down...
Some random googling and wondering about these past issues of the year 2000 landed me on this thread. I was that boy, Sean Harding, who broke out the Prayer Room and slit my wrists. Thank you all for inquiring... I am alive and well; thankfully God had other plans for me in life. I never was truly suicidal, but only wanted a way out! A few months later, I threatened suicide again back home; this attempt succeeded in freeing my family from Gothardism and ultimately severing all ties with ATI and IBLP. Since then, I've tried to bottle those events and all those emotions, but I will say it completely rocked everything my parents' and IBLP had tried to instill in me. Thank you all for your concerns. It's really something to read about all the negative impacts of IBLP, but also to know that people are recovering through God's grace.
Sorry to say, but I am afraid bill's whole system is nothing but a legalistic dog and pony show....
You know, if you were under the age of 18, what they did to you is commonly known as "holding someone against their will" and you CAN report them to the police for that behaviour. I went to one of the Indianapolis TC's, where they told us they would put us in the basement (in cages) if we were in rebellion. I saw the cages, and that was enough to terrify me at 17. I hadn't done anything wrong, but was faced with the horrible prospect of sitting in one of those tiny areas.
Forgot to mention the reason I was threatened with the "basement" area: I asked a twelve year old boy (the only person on the ground floor) if I could use the elevator to bring a 15 gallon bucket of water to the third floor. He said yes, then reported me to the leaders (also his parents.) I got in trouble for (a) leading him away from the tasks he was set to accomplish (He was on the couch, reading, when I asked) (b) using the elevator to promote my laziness (I'm female, had almost no upper body strength, and was MOST definitely not going to carry the heavy water bucket up three flights of stairs)and (c) finally, my personal favorite, I attempted to lead a Leader's son down the path of lust, because I drew his attention to myself and my female nature.
REALLY.
When we were first married, my husband was called before the baptist preacher of our church because I rode a horse to church. Also the matter of wearing pants everywhere I went when I had been told by the preacher not to when we first moved there. (This was before I even knew who Mr. Bill was. Our experience with him came just a few years later.)
The preacher told my husband to give a public apology in churchy for my actions. My hubby refused and said he did not think I had done anything wrong. The preacher was about to fire him but the deacons stepped in and did not think it was something that needed to be done. Apparently, they were happy with my husband and me, since we worked closely with their kids and the kids loved us...said we were the first ones to actually help them in their christian walk and growth. We left very soon after (the youth begged us not to leave) because there was talk of a split, that the deacons were not happy with the preacher but we did not want to get in the middle of who is right or wrong crap.
I think back and wonder if others saw me as such a rebellious person or if I was just walking to the beat of God's drum for me?
Cat, it's positively enraging to hear your story. That is so far fetched and out there! To me, I see those leaders as red eyed, salivating old farts who are drunk on their own 'power'. Makes me furious! also, to think that people are actually held in cages? Are we in the medieval ages or something? Might as well put them in chains in a dungeon and be done with it!
Oops, let me clarify... when I said far fetched and outrageous, I wasn't suggesting that your story isn't true, I was saying that the system and ways of thinking are outrageous and far fetched, absurd, etc... Not in line with Scripture. I believe your story.
insane!
I had heard of the kid on the roof...right before I showed up.
This story is very similar to my LF experience...LF 5. I was the last kid to get awarded the shirt (the day my Dad showed up) which means you were seen as an good kid. Why? Because I had a power-tripping leader who would haze us (ex-ALERT guy) because he would get bored. There was no logic to any of the crap that got dealt out. I was put on voice lock-down for a week (no speaking unless spoken too). I was thrown in solitary confinement twice for finally breaking down due to stress, poor treatment, and guilt for not being good enough for their confusing standards.
After I went the first time, I was offered to go to Advanced Life Focus. Take a bunch of new LF'ers and match them up with LITs (Leaders in Training) for like 3 months. We had a few days of preparation, and then we had to assume leadership - some of the most bizarre spiritual experiences of my life. While I was locked in solitary confinement...the local government was inspecting ITC to lock it down - they locked me away to ensure that I wouldn't affect the investigation. Nice guys, that's what Christianity is about.
They locked you away so you wouldn't get in the way of the investigation?? What did you do about it? Did your parents find out later?
THIS SOUNDS LIKE SCIENTOLOGY!
SPECIFICALLY, STORIES ABOUT THE "RPF", SCIENTOLOGY'S INTERNAL PRISON SYSTEM!
david auge. i remember you. i was also in V. this is blowing my mind right now. i've blocked out pretty much everything about that experience.
Evan f....ahhh! were you in LF Advanced or LF 5? or did i go to 7? I can't remember...
Honestlt, everybody, this is so fascinating to me. I heard there were Indiana locations, and wondered what they were "about." I am so sorry to hear that these things went on, and glad for these3 descriptions. I have been going through similar abuse at the hands of church leaders and my littlest daughter was bullied in the community we are part of because she wasn't "fitting in" to the authorities' "Box." It is becoming obvious in what I read, that this is a brand of Christianity where if you "don't fit in the little box", you are subject to punishment. (I do genealogy, and was just reading of my ancestor being "fined" in 15th century MA for fornicating. The jails and prisons that you see in Colonial Williamsburg have cages and dungeons. (all that to say, I am distressed to hear of the poor young man, Sean, with slit wrists and a broken window to escape. He is a hero in my book!)
whoops- I meant-"honestly". There is a funny skit in the movie, "ELF" where the boss tells Buddy. "From now on make work your favorite. Work is your favorite!" (That segment reminded me of your slave labor assignments in IN.) I have done A LOT of "slave labor", and being physically storng, did not mind it, but when it is used like in Nazi internment camps, to break an individual down and cause them to give in to tyrannical abuse, I vehemently object, and I percieve that this is what I am reading about here.
(The German citizens, after W.W.II, were always claiming they knew nothing about what Hitler was doing.)
this website reeks of slander and hate
Good Widdle Gothard Fangirl...
Slander refers to a false statement. What statements do you see which are false?
Nah, I think you just don't agree. Which is cool, we don't all have to agree on everything. Peace.
Sorry, I am really not trying to be rude. I'm just astoundedly baffled that, if someone shares a story about a horrible experience they had, they are attacked as hateful and slanderous?? Wow...
I mean, the prayer rooms were awful...
i know this is an old article but i had to comment. my parents sent me to to life focus when i was 16 (don't remember which group number) and it turned out to be one of the damaging events of my life. i too experienced the "prayer room," "talking fasts," and was ultimately discharged from the program for having an inappropriate relationship with a female at the training center. like evan, i've mentally blocked most of my time in indy. there was some truly awful stuff going on and it took years of severe alcohol and substance abuse before i finally learned how to deal with it. thanks for bringing attention to this.
Jay, would you be willing to tell your story for Recovering Grace? We will be highlighting the Life Focus program the month of November. If you are willing you can contact us through: [email protected].
I know that many guys from LF have blocked that part of their lives. Or do not wish to dredge it up. I understand. But if you are even willing to do a Q & A type article that would be most helpful!
Thanks!