“For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Jesus Christ” (I Tim. 2:5).
That’s a verse that many of us learned early in our lives. It’s a special verse that assures us we don’t need someone other than Jesus to be our go-between with the Father. He is our Advocate. He is our Mediator. He is our Priest. But for many of us who grew up in the Advanced Training Institute (ATI), this truth was overshadowed by another teaching — the Principle of Authority.
We were taught that God speaks to us through our authorities. I remember being at an ATI regional training seminar and hearing, “Yes, God could speak directly to you as a young person. But because that would make you prideful, He will, instead, lead you through your parents.” I guess hearing God speak to them wouldn’t make parents prideful.
I had been attending Basic Seminars for a few years before my family enrolled in ATI. If there was one area where the authority principle was really, really emphasized, it was in the area of courtship. I knew the lingo. I was “committed to courtship.” If a young man asked for my address, I knew to direct him to my father, because if I started writing to him, my youthful emotions would get involved and then I wouldn’t be able to know God’s will. The assumption was that my parents could always be trusted to hear from God. Their emotions, apparently, would never get in the way.
In all areas of my life, if what I thought was God’s will was in contradiction to what my parents thought, I knew to submit to my parents’ feelings on the matter, because obeying them was obeying God. The teachings granted me room for appeal, although it seemed to me that appeals to authority didn’t usually get me very far.
This teaching stayed with me into my early 20s. But slowly, I began to sift through the filter of Scripture the authority structure that I had always accepted. Wasn’t I accountable to God for my actions? What was I to do if obeying my parents resulted in me violating my conscience before God? I never experienced an actual scenario in which my parents asked me to commit a crime. I was fortunate to have good parents.
But what if? Could a line be drawn? How could Gothard’s principle of authority hold up in a household ruled by horrific injustices? And even in what might be considered gray areas of right or wrong — if I was sure of God’s leading in an area, or uncomfortable with a command I was given — what was I to do? What if my personal convictions were different from those of my parents? What if my parents were requiring something that was violating my conscience? Wasn’t I being disenfranchised from a personal relationship with the God of the Universe? It eventually became a hard line for me to walk.
My adherence to Gothard’s principle of authority under my parents made my marriage feel like a relief. My husband and I became partners in a way that I had never experienced growing up. He didn’t expect to become the conduit between God and me. I could tell him that I couldn’t or wouldn’t do something, and he would respect my convictions. To this day, my husband has never said that he automatically knows what’s best for me. My foggy connection to God was released from its covering of “authority,” and I felt such relief!
“Therefore Eli said unto Samuel, Go, lie down: and it shall be, if he call thee, that thou shalt say, Speak, LORD; for thy servant heareth. So Samuel went and lay down in his place.” (I Samuel 3:9)
Several months ago, I read a woman’s courtship story. This story was different than many ATI courtship stories. When a young man approached the father of this woman as a young girl, her parents told her about it and then told her to pray and follow Jesus. They assured her that Jesus would lead her into His will. Further down the road, when she felt that it was right to work at getting to know her suitor without being sure that he was “the one,” her parents didn’t freak out that her emotions would cloud her ability to hear from God. They just kept encouraging her to follow Jesus. Throughout her entire courtship experience, this girl had been pointed to her biblical Mediator rather than being told that, because she was young and a girl and had emotions and all, God wouldn’t be able to get His will through to her.
When I read the way this young woman’s personal relationship was validated by her family, and how she was given the choice and responsibility before God to determine the direction of her own future, I actually felt angry. I realized with sudden clarity that I had been lied to — that God had been misrepresented to me by the teachings I had received about courtship and Gothard’s Principle of Authority.
I realized that the god represented to me by ATI/IBLP was a small god. He was too small to make his will clear to a young person blinded by the false emotions of youth. He needed to work through an extra mediator — earthly authorities — who could better interpret His will. That restricted god was not my God.
I certainly still believe that God can use whatever and whomever He wants to speak to His children. Sometimes He does use parents, pastors, teachers, etc. But He isn’t limited to the structural organizations of man. He can and does speak to an individual, even a child — and he can and does lead me in ways that may confound my natural “authorities.”
It made me angry to realize that I had been taught not to trust that still, small voice inside me; that I had been discouraged from making adult decisions because I might make the wrong one; that I was taught to walk in dependence on fallible people instead of dependence on my infallible God. It made me angry that the goal that my ATI training had given me to strive for was to never make a mistake or wrong decision, rather than to simply grow in my walk with God through the highs and through the lows.
You see, what I realized when I read this woman’s story was that her parents had given her the room to make a mistake, trusting that Jesus Himself would be there to pick her up if she fell. They didn’t place themselves between her and God to “make sure” she did what was right. They left that between her and her Lord and trusted God. And that taught her to trust Him, too.
It makes me sad to think of the growth and intimacy with Jesus that I missed during my years of trying to live the IBLP Principles of Authority and Courtship. I can’t go back and change it. I can only go forward.
Today, I’m trying to learn to trust my instincts, to delight in my relationship with God, to not just follow rigid principles laid out by the dubious wisdom of men, to not look to other people for my security, but to run to and cling to Jesus Himself. He is my Advocate. He is my Priest. He is the One Mediator between God and man.
June 9, 2023
I can relate to this! I struggled with this greatly in my mid-later 20s
Absolutely :) So powerful.
And parents' emotions never get in the way of them discerning God's will... Forgive me, while I go bury my head under a pillow, for some maniacal laughter!
It is unfortunate that such a distortion of authority has been promoted. I have found that when I "hear from God" about a matter, it is wise to bounce it off both those who are in authority and others whom I trust. They can be used to confirm the decision or open my eyes to possible pitfalls. I would admonish those reading to still seek your authority's input and put great weight to that input and not totally dismiss their role in your life. However, we are all accountable to the Lord for our decisions and we are to "work out our own salvation with fear and trembling." As a parent, I know that some day I will have to let go and allow my little ones to fall, get bruised and learn to walk on their own - ultimately it will make them stronger ... Just pray like crazy that they continue to get up and walk, the Lord will take care of the rest.
I think it's important to think through the answer to the question "Who is my authority?"
I'm a married adult. My parents and my husband's parents are not our authorities. We may ask their counsel sometimes, but they aren't our authorities.
Authorities have specific jurisdictions. I'm a stay-at-home-mom, but if I had a job, I would probably have some "authorities" there. Going to your boss about every decision could be really weird. Not everything is their jurisdiction.
And, even though a pastor has "authority," they have a certain jurisdicion. I might get their counsel on some decisions, but ultimately, I'm accountable to seek God's will and decide accordingly. I probably wouln't go to my pastor about a decision to buy a car unless he had special knowledge about cars. When you have to get your "authority's" counsel and blessing on all decisions, you are moving into the "shepherding" movement and not taking responsibility for your own actions.
Point well made about jurisdictions, of which a parent's should diminish as the child matures into adulthood (imho). I guess I have just seen the pendulum swing from so far in one direction (dominant control) to the other (willy-nilly freedom) that I want to express a balance. I am passed mid-life and am self employed (so who are my authorities?), but I still bounce things off my parents - it's just wise to do so. And I put great weight to their counsel.
I have not heard of the "sheperding" movement, what is that? the "next great thing"?
Bouncing things off of one's parents may be wise, depending on the parents. But some people have very, very foolish parents. That's just a fact. Some people's parents disown them when they become Christians. So, the wisdom of doing that really depends on the wisdom the parents have.
And seriously, once marriage happens, going to the parents can get very, very confusing. Families have different ways of doing things and a lot times, each side will give completely opposing counsel.
The "shepherding movement" has been around for years. People have "prophets" or church leaders that they go to for all of their decisions. You are bound to follow the counsel of you "shepherd" since he speaks for God. (Sound familiar?)
Makes me wonder if perhaps the most important thing we do as parents is to train up our children to know the voice of God.
Excellent point. That adds a new dimension to the famous proverb about training up a child ... Bottom line - I need to pray more:/
J.B., you couldn't have said it better. Knowing the voice of God also implies a close relationship with Him, something you can't get by following a bunch of rules and principles.
Talk about a set up for abuse. It was always just an excuse for parents to control their children's lives.
There is no umbrella. And all authority was given by God to Jesus. How much does that leave for anyone else?
Really good story! You are more eloquent than I am, "I guess hearing God speak to them (parents) wouldn't make them prideful..." I think something that is often overlooked in ATI circles, is that parents tend to make their decisions based on ATI teachings, rather than actually waiting to hear from God. OR, a very prideful parent would 'claim' that God told them such n such (and whatever God told them always conveniently fits the outcome they desired... My ears are still ringing with a very recent scenario where my parent did just that... some really screwed up Scripture involved...) Oh, it's only too easy to abuse the Christian faith.
Were not Daniel and his friends only teenagers when they were taken? Possibly as young as 14? And how young was David when his story really began? And Esther, who was most likely around 16? Or for heaven's sake, Mary, who was anywhere between 12 and 15?
And, in more recent history, how about all of those 'heroes of the faith' who were called to be missionaries as children? Amy Carmichael, Hudson Taylor, John Hus... (if memory serves me correctly). there's no mention that their parents decided any such thing for them (although doubtless their parents were very influential) and at any rate, imo, being a missionary isn't a life someone can force on you, regardless of what you believe.
Anyway, thanks for this article.
Yes! Exactly!
I was heavily influenced by this teaching. I didn't realize how heavily until the evening after I got engaged as I listened to my mom voice all her concerns about how the man I had just said I would marry was immature and the wrong one for me. I said, "okay." and went to take a walk.
Then all my Gothard taught fears hit me like a sledge hammer. How did I think that I was capable of choosing who I would marry without my Dad (who was dating a different woman every week at the time) available and my mom concerned by my choice?
It was a long walk and I seriously considered breaking off the engagement and the relationship and through tears told God I would if He said so. I had a long emotional argument with "God." I argued that I knew he wasn't perfect and my mom hadn't pointed out anything I hadn't thought about. What about my faults? I had plenty too, and I wanted to marry THIS imperfect guy because he listened to God and grew faster than anyone I had ever met. The argument died down when I finished listing all the ways God had been involved in the relationship and all the really good reasons that I did want to marry him. Then I realized, I hadn't been arguing with God. I was arguing with my old fears that I could not hear God speak without parents telling me what to do.
That imperfect man and I did get married and we have actually enjoyed growing out of our immaturities and faults together. The voice of God happily bears little resemblance to the voices of Bill or my parents.
LOVE your last sentence, "The voice of God happily bears little resemblance to the voices of Bill or my parents."
I think that ATI parents SAY that they know their child isn't going to marry a perfect person, but the reality is, that's what they expect anyway. That your future spouse should be wiser and steadier than their own grandfather, not to mention your spouse should be the ideal ATI follower.
"It made me angry that the goal that my ATI training had given me to strive for was to never make a mistake or wrong decision..." YES! That is exactly how I feel. Thanks for sharing your story. It is hard to heard God's voice when other voices are yelling so loud. God let many people make mistakes and wrong decisions, yet He spoke, they listened, and were heroes of faith.
Thanks for this article. I appreciated your insights. I also grew up in ATI..and although we weren't as 'intense' as some of the stories I've read here, I did definitely struggle with the idea of 'going out from under the umbrella.' For me, the umbrella was always there, but up until college. Once I left the 'umbrella' the world become a very scary place. It was the world after all! I was under the umbrella anymore and I didn't know how to function without it!! I love my parents, but it would have been more helpful if I was given more freedom in my late teen years to experience more things and grow in my relationship with Christ on my own..then being told what to do all the time. Thanks once again. I can definitely relate!
So very well-written! You clearly articulate a very unbiblical principle underlying some teaching that on the surface SEEMS super-Biblical.
It IS foolish to think that parents aren't influenced by pride or emotion. It IS wrong to limit God by insisting that He ONLY work through authority and not speak directly to an individual.
You wrote, "He isn’t limited to the structural organizations of man...he can and does lead me in ways that may confound my natural 'authorities.'” So true!
And THIS really resonated with me: "It made me angry that the goal that my ATI training had given me to strive for was to never make a mistake or wrong decision, rather than to simply grow in my walk with God through the highs and through the lows." I wasn't ATI; I grew up in a very strict IFB, KJVO home, but so much of what people write about here on Recovering Grace resonate with me. I had internalized the message of "never be wrong" so thoroughly that my first-grade Christian-school teacher wrote home on my first report card that I needed to learn that it was OK to make a mistake because I would collapse in tears if I answered a question wrong on my worksheets. I learned to hide that response, but in truth my entire life, I have tried to never make a mistake, to never be wrong. It's an overwhelming and crushing burden to try to live up to. At long last, however, I am trying to understand grace and learn that " Jesus Himself would be there to pick [me] up if [I] fell."
Like the writer, I too have felt that I wasn't even close to Jesus. My attempts at perfectly keeping standards obscured the relationship I should have been developing with my Savior. I'm so glad that I am beginning to understand how great my God truly is. (And sorry for writing so much!)
Thank you for this article. It's been a paradigm shift to realize that God can--and will--speak directly to me about His will for my life. And I'm not a parent!
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Thank you for creating this important website. I have watched the Basic Seminars, and nearly all of Bill Gothard's other videos, a few times and was fully convicted that he knew what he was talking about. I also associate with people who follow his teachings. I, too, have felt the "sledge hammer" of condemnation and fear whenever I made what they considered a mistake. Coming from a secular/worldly background, I think the thing that makes ATI teachings appealing is the idea that you can control what happens in life through your calculated responses. Humans have a need for control, and Gothad's teaching practically guarantee certain outcomes as long as you follow the "formulas" in his books. I am struggling with the truthfulness of this teaching and pray for wisdom.