The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse, Chapter 16: The People Get Devoured
We continue our Thursday series blogging through “The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.” The first post in the series is here.
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, because you devour widows’ houses, even while for a pretense you make long prayers; therefore you shall receive greater condemnation.” Matthew 23:14
When the sheep are used for the needs of the shepherd, the people get devoured. We meet Jill and Sally, two different people whose lives were devoured. And we get a small insight into how easy it might be for a spiritual leader to become plugged into manipulation instead of the life that comes from God in ministry.
In Hebrews 13:17 we read that we are to submit to our leaders, and in 1 Timothy 5:17 we read that we ought to give double honor to those who lead well. In abusive systems, these verses tend to morph into “don’t think, don’t question, and don’t notice problems,” and those who break the rule are labelled as unsubmissive, unspiritual, and divisive. But not all leaders lead well. A big difference between a shepherd and a wolf is that the shepherd looks out for the good of the sheep, while a wolf in sheep’s clothing is interested in consuming the sheep for his own needs.
A Childhood Devoured
Two painful stories are recounted. Let’s take them in reverse order: At the end of the chapter, Sally recalls a childhood in which appearances were more important than people, to the extent that when she was in need of emergency care, her parents went to a hospital in a nearby town, and, even there, hid in the parking lot for a while, due to their desire to keep up appearances. She deeply internalized a message that her own personal needs, even in an emergency, must be covered up and ignored for the sake of the ministry.
Jill was sexually mistreated by a church staff member. Like the false leaders in Jeremiah 6:14 who healed the brokenness of God’s people only superficially, claiming “peace, peace” when there was not truly peace, the leaders of Jill’s church covered it all up. The wounds for Jill ran deep, tainting her view of healthy sexuality. Her emotions were damaged so deeply that she was afraid to be alone even with her own father, a kind and gentle man.
Jill’s parents asked the church for help, but instead of receiving healing grace, the family experienced being devoured for the sake of the appearances of the church. Jill’s mother wrote a raw and touching letter, reproduced here in chapter 16. The letter is a difficult read. It contains this paragraph:
“My daughter was molested by a church staff member when she was 13 years old. My husband wanted to confront him regarding his behavior. My husband and I went to an elder to get direction, assistance, and support. We wanted him to go with us to confront the staff member. But the elder, my husband, and I did not confront the church staff member. The elder and his wife became involved. The elder, his wife, and his children became involved. The elder, his wife, his children and fellow elders, and their families became involved. The elder, his wife, his children, fellow elders, their families and the church became involved. They discussed, diagnosed and analyzed our pain.”
Role Reversal
Jill’s pain became gossip and some people blamed her. She was pushed outside by the church and eventually attempted suicide. Her family spent thousands of dollars on counseling, trying to get help for her.
A role-reversal has occurred. “Instead of the leaders using their strength, authority, and knowledge to build, protect, and nurture, they use those qualities to insure their own power, control, or recognition.” (p. 175)
Questions for discussion: How can leaders recognize and avoid this pitfall of using the people for their own needs instead of serving the needs of the people? How might the people recognize and avoid the pitfall of being devoured for the needs of abusive leaders?
Devouring Happens in Many Ways
Jill’s story is an extreme case, but a similar dynamic often happens in subtle ways. A Christian leader may begin in ministry with a great zeal for the Kingdom. Even the best of intentions may be subtly intertwined in the human heart with a desire for success or recognition. The leader who drifts away from being connected to God risks falling into the trap of pressuring people and using them for the sake of his own success. He begins to pressure and manipulate people to serve, not for the sake of their own connection with God and others, but driven by his own fear of failure.
Good Quotes
“Role reversal is simply the dynamic that occurs when, instead of the leaders being there for the true well-being of the flock, the flock is there for the well-being of the leaders.” (p. 175)
“Abusive systems don’t serve and equip people, they use people. Worse, they use people up.” (p. 175)
“In those religious systems where sheep are there for the ‘needs’ of the shepherd, people’s lives get devoured.” (p. 170)
Personal Interaction
I think this chapter really starts to tie it all together and to bring the point home. A major issue with spiritual abuse is when the sheep are consumed for the needs of the shepherds rather than the shepherds using their position and abilities to protect and nurture the sheep.
Those who are in church leadership are often under great pressure to not rock the boat. But look at how The Message renders that passage from Jeremiah:
“Everyone’s after the dishonest dollar,
little people and big people alike.
Prophets and priests and everyone in between
twist words and doctor truth.
My people are broken — shattered! —
and they put on Band-Aids,
Saying, ‘It’s not so bad. You’ll be just fine.’
But things are not ‘just fine’!”
It takes courage for people who are broken to step up and admit it, and it takes courage for leaders to acknowledge that this brokenness happened on their watch. What we must not do is settle for band-aids and “it’s not so bad; you’ll be just fine.” I wish to clarify that this is not an invitation to those who are shattered to label themselves victims and use that as an excuse for bad behavior. It falls on each of us to take responsibility for ourselves to pursue our own healing.
But when someone close to us begins to take responsibility for their healing, will we be the one who says, “It’s not so bad; you’ll be just fine,” or will we be the one who is willing to journey into that brokenness with them and pursue healing with them? It can be so tempting to doctor the truth and sweep all the ugliness under the rug.
A closing thought on the heels of that: It’s hard to help someone else go where we ourselves have not trod. This is motivation for us to step up and address our own brokenness and healing in order that we might help others in their time of need.
(Click here to go on to next chapter)
So many good aspects in this article! I really like this: "It’s hard to help someone else go where we ourselves have not trod. This is motivation for us to step up and address our own brokenness and healing in order that we might help others in their time of need."
Just a side note but the English Translation of Hebrews 13:17 is a deliberate mis-translation going back to the reformation and the Latin Vulgate. The Greek says be persuaded by your leaders and to allow them the benefit of the the doubt/deferring to them. The Greek makes the relationship bi-directional between church leader and lay member.
Andrew, interesting - can you link to a good source for that? Thanks for bringing this up. This is a new thought to me, and intriguing.
The text is this: Πείθεσθε τοῖς ἡγουμένοις ὑμῶν καὶ ὑπείκετε... (both Tischendorf and UBS4, I believe, http://biblewebapp.com/study/#ref=Hebrews%2013:17|ver=el_wh,en_nasb ).
The word πείθεσθε (πείθω) is present middle imperative. It looks like peitho has a complex etymology, with a semantic domain that mostly refers to persuading or being persuaded. Friberg's analytical lexicon says that with dative of person or thing, it connotes obedience, and they show Heb 13:17 as the lone example. I notice that the Mounce Reverse-Interlinear (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=hebrews%2013&version=MOUNCE) takes it as "continue to obey". I'm wondering if perhaps the intended result of the author is that people would obey from a place of being convinced. The imperative is to those under the leaders, so the emphasis is not the exactly the same as a direct command to the leaders to make a clear case. The rest of the verse speaks to the leaders being able to give account on our behalf that we were a joy for them to serve.
I don't have a BDAG handy. Danker's Concise Lexicon doesn't help much - it names the use of the peitho word in Heb 13:18 but not in verse 17.
Anyway, taking a step back: the semantic range of this word is clearly focused on persuasion (persuading and being persuaded) but I'm wondering if its usage as a middle imperative with dative of person might in fact be correctly translated as "obey" (and perhaps nuanced with obeying from a place of being convinced)?
correction: Danker's concise does say something about this. It says that peitho means to bring about a convinced state in regard to something. There are 3 subpoints, the second is "b. of promoting compliance" and the beta subpoint under that is "pass. in act. sense submit (to), comply, conform to" Acts 5:36f, 27:11; Rom 2:8; Gal 5:7; Heb 13:17.
The one thing that confuses me from this is the comment about "passive in an active sense" but it's not in passive voice here, but maybe that's not what he means by "passive"?
Romans 2:8 has the present middle dative participle form of the word (which one would expect to be syntactically similar to the present middle imperative plus dative in Hebrews 13:17, correct?), and the basic thrust of "obey" does seem a good fit: it's about people who act in line with truth vs. those who act in line with unrighteousness.
Matthew
Unfortunately I am not a Greek Scholar and don't normally always refer to the the Greek. However to answer your question I use an Interlinear Scripture Analyzer that I downloaded from Scripture4all.org. The Greek text that it uses is Scriveners Textus Receptus 1894, and has Strongs Concordance reference numbers. For the English text it is compared to King James, Young's Literal, and Concordat Literal Version. Most King James only folks would say through out the Lexicon if it disagrees with English But I have read a King James Only article saying that this verse is mis-translated a blames (not-surprisingly given man's history) the Catholic church.
A good example of the saying that "all translation is interpretation." It's not possible to translate without making some interpretive decisions along the way.
btw, I'm not a Greek scholar by any measure, either. I have a seminary level of Greek, which is considered to be entry level. Sources like BDAG and critical commentaries are wonderful resources for "the rest of us" to be able to benefit from the hard work of those who have gone before.
It sounds like there may not be a real strong case to be made for the verse being a deliberate mistranslation. Mounce is a respected Greek scholar and he really knows his stuff. And, if this is a big deal to someone, he's not Catholic, he's a true-blue evangelical. When Mounce takes it as "obey", I'm guessing there must be some reason to do so, and my guess is that it has to do with syntax, in particular the fact that the imperative is being teamed up with the dative case. For a real fun time someday, check out all the datives in this small little booklet (ha!): http://www.amazon.com/Grammar-Beyond-Basics-Daniel-Wallace/dp/0310218950/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1350021681&sr=8-1&keywords=beyond+the+basics+greek+grammar The dative can be a tricky little number.
All that said, it is still pretty interesting that the word here is one that in general indicates persuasion.
Andrew, isn't being persuaded by and deferring to an authority essentially submission? I don't really see much difference.
Erin
The difference is the leader is required to persuade and not issue an order. Obedience, or authoritative submission if you prefer means to follow an order or command without question. For example a church leader can persuade the congregation to sing a certain style of music in a church service but does not have the right or authority to tell you what you can listen to on your own. Think of it this way. What the Greek says is the church leader must make a business case. An even better example are the Bereans in the book of Acts who never took anyone's word what scriptures said. Instead they would look it up themselves to see if what so and so claimed was so.
In regards to the Lay person this verse encourages them to consider giving the church leader the benefit of the doubt and the reason for doing so which is the church leader will be held to account by God for how he ministered to the members in his church.
A practical reason why you would submit is in the case of a church tribunial which the Apostle Paul instructed the church should do in cases of small matters such as small claims.
I know I kind of rambled here but I hope I clarified what I wrote.
Thanks for clarifying. The examples helped your position make much more sense to me.
Matthew.
Thanks very much for this article. I especially liked the end quote that has already been referred to, but I'll include it again," It’s hard to help someone else go where we ourselves have not trod. This is motivation for us to step up and address our own brokenness and healing in order that we might help others in their time of need." I myself have been through ATI teaching, and have had to heal in many ways. It was so hard at the time, but am grateful for the better understanding of grace that I've come away from as the Lord has walked with me through my experiences. I was just wondering if you could offer any more advice of how you view your own pain as a pastor and how it helps you to continually be aware of other people and their own pain. I'm hoping to study counseling in the future..and was wondering if you could offer any other personal advice that you might have from your own experiences. Thanks again for the great article.
God Bless,
Daniel
Daniel, thank you for this! Where to begin...
I love that the Lord can redeem every story, including bringing life out of our ashes. That's his resurrection power at work. Second Corinthians 1:4 resonates with me: God brings help and hope to us and we are able to pass it on. This is one way he can use our weaknesses as strengths. I am slooooowly working away at a degree at Grace Seminary and College; it's a hybrid seminary degree where I take the counseling classes from the grad school. It's not a surprise that the profs who understand abuse issues the best experienced it themselves. Amazing how one life can be redeemed and used to benefit dozens, hundreds, perhaps thousands of other lives. I have benefited so much from excellent professors and classes. My wife will also readily attest to this, though she herself continues to be more of a help than words could ever express.
There is a great novel called The Wisdom Hunter. One character in there says something about pain being like a language and you can pick up quickly on whether someone speaks that language. We can often tell fairly soon if a person is not going to "get it". Someone who has never been there, has never known what it is like behind closed doors when the private reality is different from the public image, who has not felt suffocated by conditional love and acceptance (or perhaps by some form of "gaslighting"), such a person is likely to completely miss what is happening right in front of them. I know pastors who unwittingly enable abusive parents while the children quietly suffer. If you talk to them, it's not that they don't want to care but they truly don't see and don't want to see. I'm sure I would be the same way if I hadn't had a taste of it myself. It's a different matter for those of us who have felt the pain to others going through it - we see it more clearly and it's harder for us to turn away. We want to find ways that we can truly help and make a difference. For me, this has meant digging into good theology (as opposed to Gothard's harmful theology) and into good Christian counseling. Those of us who have walked out of such things have a blessing in disguise from it: we have received an education in life about human interactions that no book, no classroom, could ever fully teach.
I will admit that sometimes I have a thirst for justice. I am constantly re-realizing that there is a gentle power in a healing touch. That power is more effective and productive than exacting "justice" (or at least my conception of it) could ever hope to be. Such "gentle power" may seem weak in the short run but in the long run it outlives the violence. In the long run, seeking out ways to help people (including even the perpetrators when possible) is more rewarding and life-affirming.
If you have a desire to go into counseling, let me know if there is any way I can help fan that flame. You can send an email to [email protected] and ask to be put in touch with me, they will forward that on.
btw, RG is always soliciting personal stories. If you are interested in writing up any of your experiences, including some of the things that have helped you heal and understand the Lord and his grace more, I would encourage you to do so. Email it to that same contact address and they will let you know if they can use it.
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I am a former ATI parent and sorrow for all the wasted years and damage done to many of you young people. Many of us parents have not only seen the damage done to our children and other students, but suffer from memories from our own experiences as children. Growing up in the public school system was no bed of roses. When we were taught atheistic evolution and watched our families and friends devoured by drugs,drinking,fighting,and fornication-heartbreak and sorrow was the result. My husband was beat up daily in school. They would force him to give them all his money. He had his coats stolen and thus attended school cold and hungry. His parents had plenty of money but thought he was losing his coat. He got kicked in the face and has permanent eye damage. A couple of girls would turn my friends against me. So I was lonely and shunned. We grew up on opposite sides of the country one in the city and one in a small town. The evil in the school system permeated the whole country. We went to college, became Christians, married and decided to homeschool our own children. Then we wasted years teaching false doctrine.( Thank God we got out of ATI before we damaged our younger children,but our oldest son suffers from the false teaching. He has been reading this website and it helps.) I am glad that many of you students are finding the truth in your 20's and 30's so more of your life is not wasted. We parents in our 40's and 50's are bearing two types of sorrow(public school years and some homeschool years) along with the loss of some of our children. So please pray for us also. Hopefully we all can see some joy in our lives along with the sorrow. I was reminded recently of all the fun I had as a child via a friend on Facebook. We used to play football, basketball, kick-the-can,etc. from after school until dark. We would hear come for dinner,feed the dog and doyour homework. Otherwise we were free to explore and play. My husband played ice hockey and swam on the swim team. He also had a paper route and rode his bike all over town. When we as a family dwell on the good times we had while they were growing up, it is much more comforting. However, we do need to also work through problems the false teaching has caused.
Lynn, thank you for acknowledging that ATI harmed your family. How I wish my parents would do the same. I understand that most parents joined the program because it promised such beautiful things, and they desired to do the right thing, so I do not fault parents for that. You will only help your children and oldest son by being so open and candid, asking for forgiveness and working through recovery together. Thank you for your comments.