The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse, Chapter 18: Renewing the Mind

We continue our Thursday series blogging through “The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.” The first post in the series is here.

Even after we leave an abusive system, we are likely to continue to struggle with damaging habits of thought. “God’s stance toward us is ‘earned’ and settled by Jesus. Yet how many of us have been trained to ‘put to death the deeds of the flesh’ by becoming preoccupied with self and ‘spiritual behaviors’?” (p. 193) Even when I do it in the name of God, preoccupation with self is still preoccupation with self.

“Lawman”!

The authors imagine a tongue-in-cheek computer game version of the Christian life that illustrates Paul’s remarks to the Galatians: “Where then is that sense of blessing you once had?” (Gal. 4:15) It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. You were running well; who hindered you from obeying the truth? This persuasion did not come from him who calls you.” (Gal 5:1, 7-8) The game would have a villain named “Lawman” that shows up and begins subtracting life from your character by demanding that you do spiritual-sounding tasks that steal away your life and energy. This is not freedom; it is slavery.

Clues

There may not be specific external symptoms of spiritual abuse, but the clues that it is happening include lack (or loss) of joy, tiredness from trying to measure up, disillusionment, and lack of trust. Is this the abundant life Jesus offered?

David spoke about abundance: “For Thou, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, and abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon Thee. “ (Psalm 86:5)

Paul wrote about abundance : “[how] much more those who receive the abundance of grace and the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ. (Romans 5:17)

And, “My God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:19)

Peter reminded us about abundance: “You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him, who has called you out of darkness into his marvelous light, for you once were not a people, but now you are the people of God; you had not received mercy but now you have received mercy.” (1 Peter 2:9-10)

Where has the experience of His fullness gone?

Paul points to the solution: “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Transformed is not about being forced into something from the outside but rather being changed from the inside out. This isn’t something done to you; it is something done by you. If your mind is renewed, you will be changed.

A similar thought in Colossians 3, “Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.”

Shame on You!

How do we set our minds on things on the earth?

“Spiritually abusive relationships demand performance and shame us for not measuring up.” (p. 197) In spiritually abusive relationships, we receive condemning messages aimed not only at our actions but at ourselves, at the core of our identity. “You are stupid,” “You are worthless,” “Big boys don’t cry,” “That’s just like a girl,” “Shame on you.”

In fact, outside of Christ, we are defective. The Lord loves us even so. Psalm 117 tells us that his lovingkindness is great toward us all; Matthew 5 says that God causes the sun to shine and the rain to fall on both the evil and the good; and John 3:16 declares that God “so loved the world.”

The wrong response to our defectiveness is to try harder to change our behavior or self-conception of ourselves. Romans 10:11 says that whoever believes in him will not be put to shame. The way out of shame is not more effort—it is a new identity. In Christ, we are a new creation. If it is true that we are a new creation, then all our efforts at giving the old creation a make-over are a waste of time.

A Twist

There can be a nasty twist with shame: if someone accepts a shameful identity as who they are, they may choose to continue to act in line with that identity, punishing themselves and confirming their faulty identity in a vicious cycle. If a person has bad habits or abusive habits, it can be a way of shaming themselves, which they feel they deserve, by doing more of their bad habits. They are living up to their (mistaken) perception of their identity.

Enter Paul’s comment in Galatians 6:15 that it doesn’t matter whether we have been circumcised or not. What counts is whether we have been transformed into a new creation. The solution is neither giving up nor trying harder. The solution is a new identity. If we drive ourselves into the ground trying harder and harder, we almost can’t help pressuring others do to the same.

Setting Our Minds on Things Above

We grow up learning to draw our identity from the opinions of others as well as our own behaviors and accomplishments. This is what Paul calls “a mind to put confidence in the flesh” (Phil 3:4). David acknowledged that there had been a problem from day one (Psalm 51:5-6). He needed more than a fresh coat of paint; he needed a radical change of condition. In the same chapter, he calls on God to purify him and make him clean, to create in him a clean heart.

This theme shows up in other passages as well.

Ezekiel 36:25-26 “Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” (Note that this is not the negative use of “flesh” we often see in the New Testament; this is a contrast of a living, beating heart vs. a cold, dead one.)

Hebrews 10:22 “Let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.”

Titus 3:5-7 “He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.”

2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, that person has become a new creation: The old has gone, the new is here!”

This is not about rehabilitation, this is about re-creation. We have a new state and a new identity in Christ. “It is this mindset that we must adopt daily to keep from falling into old, entrapping behaviors, or coming under the dictates of spiritual leaders who do not know how to lead us to real life and freedom.” (p. 200)

It can be a challenge for any believer, let alone one who has been abused in God’s name, to believe and act as though God has truly done this. It is so easy to accept our flesh-and-blood struggles as evidence to the contrary. It is an ongoing struggle to keep re-orienting our eyes and minds to “things above.”

Breaking out of the trap of spiritual abuse requires a renewing of the mind. This chapter has given us a Scriptural foundation and a head start in the direction of renewing our minds.

Click here to go on to Chapter 19 (Part 1)