One of the things I respect my parents for is their constant search for truth. If I could convince my dad that he was wrong, he would apologize and correct our family’s future accordingly. This was a blessing and a curse. It meant that others could do the same.
My dad had attended a Basic Youth Conflicts seminar back in the 1970s, so he was somewhat familiar with Bill Gothard when some friends told him that Bill Gothard had started a homeschooling program. We joined.
At first, we accepted everything, but then my parents realized that some of it was a bit overboard, so they began to tell us kids that they didn’t agree with everything, but we should study the Bible to learn what to believe for ourselves. My family lived the ATI (Advanced Training Institute) lifestyle in moderation.
We didn’t drink alcohol because it could cause others to stumble, although my parents agreed that it is not evil in all situations. We girls were allowed to wear pants, but they couldn’t be too tight. We read the King James version of the Bible (KJV), because, although the others were still the Word of God, they were just not as good a translation as the KJV. We always tried to learn more about Jesus and become more holy and perfect as he is, out of love for God. After all, Jesus said, “If you love me, keep my commandments” (John 14:15).
I grew up wanting to help others. There are so many hurting people in the world, and I wanted to help them. I wanted to be Jesus to them — His hands and feet here on earth. I wanted to help bring those who didn’t know Him into contact with His love, to show them that He exists.
A recurring problem that I began to see was that so many Christians were so weak and self-focused that they didn’t have any energy left to help those around them. I wanted to help Christians fix their own problems, so that they, in turn, could help others. I wanted to be kind, and loving, and a refuge for others to talk about their problems.
A few years ago I began to see that Jesus wasn’t always kind and loving and a refuge in the storm. I realized that, quite often, he was recorded as being quite hateful and harsh, and I struggled to make that fit with my picture of a humble, kind savior. As I studied, I realized he was always kind to those who realized they were sinners, but he was unkind and angry with those who thought they had it all figured out. Jesus seemed to really, really dislike the Pharisees.
It made sense. After all, they had refused to believe him. They were so stuck in the old ways. They had added rules to the already long law of Moses. They persecuted the true believers who were following Jesus. They were proud, and God says that he resists the proud. Of course Jesus would resist them, too.
I remember once being at a restaurant and being served by a waiter with blue hair. My little brother, who was about three years old, asked the waiter, “Did you know God hates your hair?” I remember thinking how wonderful it was that the waiter heard the truth, without me even breaking social rules to tell him. I once asked a friend to adjust the clothing she wore when she came to my family’s home, so that she wouldn’t cause my brothers and dad to stumble. I used to think that people who drank alcohol would likely go to hell, because that was a sign of being a back-slidden Christian.
Over the last few months, I have realized that there are a few other things that describe the Pharisees too. They were the ones who were staying pure and doing the right things, who followed the rules, hated sin, and were living above reproach. They were the ones noticing when others messed up so they could help them “fix” their problems.
They were the ones who thought they had it all figured out, but Jesus called them “white-washed tombs”!
I thought I had it all figured out. I thought that following the rules would please God. But somehow, despite all their rule-following, despite all their seeking to do it right, the Pharisees had it all wrong.
The Bible does not say to us that others will see our standards and want to be like us. The Bible says they will see our love for one another. There might be nothing wrong with our rules, but are they hurting us? Do they make us think we are better than the “other Christians”? Do they convince us that we have no “beam” in our eye?
I was a Pharisee. Are you?
I can so identify with this article. I too have been a Pharisee and it is a nauseating identity. My identity is with Christ and by His grace, I am becoming like Him.
Thanks so much for taking the time to write this out. I've also been pondering the Pharisee issue in my life and in my parents. Saul (later Paul) thought he was doing God's will as he persecuted and killed Christians...... most of us now are horrified at the thought of killing others because they don't believe like we do. Yet we continue to justify the mean things we do by rationalizing them away as "God's will."
I also think about the passage where the people tell God that they did all these wonderful things in God's name - even good things - but God replies, "Depart from me, I never knew you."
It's very sobering, and a good reminder that though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, or understand all mysteries and all knowledge, or bestow all my goods to feed the poor, or give my body to be burned, if I don't have LOVE - for God and for others - it's nothing. My current goal in life is to know God's LOVE and grace for myself, and to then show God's LOVE and grace to those around me..... my husband, my children, friends..... and even strangers!
This was me. Yes it was. I still have little moments of it, but I thank God for pulling me out of that mindset!!!!
I, too, was a pharisee. And if I'm not careful to keep my eyes on Jesus, it seems to rear its ugly head in my life again.
I can definitely identify.
Great article! Regarding being a Pharisee... Some thoughts for all of us in this thread:
You May Have Legalism (And Not Even Know It) In Your Life…
1. If you believe God’s love for you depends on your efforts or what you do.
2. If you believe God’s love for you depends on how much you have done for Him lately and the love you... have shown him recently.
3. If you fall short in your mind because you need to be a better person, you haven’t prayed enough, or you don’t have enough faith.
4. If you believe God is predisposed to be angry with you because you are a sinner and let’s face it He knows you can do better.
5. If you know God’s law but don’t have a personal relationship with Him.
6. If you focus more on your fellow Christians church attendance, tithing, version of the Bible, outward appearance rather than getting to know others and accepting them where they’re at in their walk with the Lord.
7. If you have grown accustomed to living by the expectations of others, especially those in positions of authority or your local church, as this is essential to your life.
8. If your sense of worth is based on the opinions of a Christian leader, your reputation, your church membership, or a group’s opinion of you rather than a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
9. If you are more concerned with your reputation than with heart change in your life conforming to Christ.
10. If you tell your children not to do something at church or around other Christian families that you allow in your home or elsewhere.
11. If you believe that what people wear, skirt length, swimsuit type, tattoos, piercings, hairstyle, length of hair, etc. is a clear indication of a person’s spiritual maturity and character.
12. You look at people’s lives and instinctively judge them rather than see them through God’s eyes – a work in progress for those who Believe and potential children of God for those who do not.
13. You believe you’re standards somehow make you superior to others.
14. When you miss a service or program at your church, even with a legitimate reason, you feel guilty.
15. You’re so loyal to man-made tradition you don’t think any significant change could possibly be from God.
16. You believe you’re church/denomination is the only group really focused on teaching God’s Word.
17. You believe that those who have been divorced are less valuable in the eyes of God and you feel superior to them.
18. You believe that how your kids turn out is solely your responsibility and the measurement of your success or lack there-of as a Christian parent.
19. You believe that even associating much less discussing ideas with those different than you is sinful compromise.
20. If you believe that the expression of spiritual gifts (provided by the Holy Spirit) is evidence of one’s personal walk with God.
These are excellent. Thanks!
I am a recovering Pharisee. I have been a Christian since 1971 but only in the last couple of years have I realized that all sin was forgiven at the cross, which means God is no longer in the business of forgiving sins. I was so concerned with managing my sin account that I had no time for anything else. I finally got it - that my sin account was mailed to that Roman Cross with my Savior two-thousand years ago, and that I didn't have to strive and struggle any more to be righteous enough for heaven. Jesus truly meant "It is finished!" I am free! I am out of prison!
Thank you Joanna! I was a Pharisee. By the way, I love the picture of the blue hair. (Such a change from a few years ago!)
It's no coincidence that this attitude is exactly the kind of thing you see in the Duggar children.
Joanna,
You gave me the link to this site and not even looking at the author this is the first story I read! To get to the bottom and see that it was you and our family blew me away. I am so incredibly grateful for the woman God made you and that I am alllowed to call you my sister. Such an insight into the way my husband grew up and why he has some tendencies toward this way of believing. I am so blessed ☺
Incorrect to say most people that have standards are legalists... its actually very judgmental.... slanderous...
I missed that. Can you point me to where someone said that simply having standards makes one a legalist? Thanks.
John Doe, you keep calling names and leaving these unkind comments that do not invite conversation.
I ask you to consider the worst-case scenario from RecoveringGrace's perspective: suppose everyone here besides you and Mr. C. is blinded by evil. In that worst-case scenario, here would be a suggestion from Peter:
But now consider the worst-case scenario from your perspective, which would be that you are in the wrong and the people here are genuinely pursuing fellowship with God. In that case, you would be slandering your brothers and sisters and falling far short of the golden rule and of the fruit of the Spirit in your speech.
You know, there are a lot of blogs where the style you have adopted here, hiding behind a pseudonym, would be normal. This isn't one of them, brother. My challenge to you: man up, use your real name, and take Peter's advice for speaking to people. Otherwise, speaking for myself, I would appreciate it if you'd take it elsewhere.
Well he can't be calling anyone here names this time...as no one i can find has said that simply having standards makes one a legalist. He must be responding to some absent party...
If motivation is self righteousness, that is sin... if motivation is loving God, its not legalism
You go to church? Some could call. U a legalist bc you do....
Maybe. But I have never seen anyone on RG use the label of legalist simply for what a person chooses to do or not do. Seriously, if you can find anyone on RG who does this, let me know where and I will join with you in calling them on such a position. If not, then it seems you are making a point that isn't applicable to the situation. Which makes me wonder why.
There should be more articles about the need for grace and love for recovering pharisees and legalists who thought they were doing God's will and work. Sadly, the attitude toward recovering pharisees, or presumed pharisees, can often be very judgmental and legalist too. One can wear blue jeans and still judge those who wear suits and dress. I once made a public apology for my attitude but people still treated me ungraciously. Please, for the sake of the Gospel and Christian love, make sure we do not replace one set of legalism, judgmentalism and ungraciousness with another forum.
Very good point hurting. Thank you for posting it. May I add that there is a fine line between righteous anger, and unrighteous anger. (Course if you're on the receiving end of it, you're probably gonna assume it's unrighteous anger automatically, regardless of what the case actually is. haha)
Yes, totally true. An eye for an eye and the whole world goes blind. The golden rule, bearing with one another in love, speaking the truth in love, remembering the beam in our own eye - these are all concepts that relate to being gracious to folks across the spectrum. Jesus got snippy with people who were closing the door to the kingdom, but never with those truly seeking the kingdom. And since we can't read hearts, it behooves us to err on the side of assuming the best wherever possible.
I also see this in the light of fruit of flesh vs. fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5). If our hearts are responding with a vengeance toward someone, that's a clue there is "flesh" involved. If we find ourselves being motivated to show love, patience, etc. that is fruit of the Spirit.