The leader of a Texas sect once wrote a letter to me in which he said that he wished he could open a vein for me in order to save my soul. That sounded quite nice, though I already follow Jesus—a point I had (fruitlessly) made in several private Facebook messages back and forth with this man.
He then went on to call me a wicked wolf, a dog, a false prophet, a seared-conscience liar, and a “territorial bear robbed of her whelp while the flames of hell animate your heart.” I’m not sure what that means, but it sounds unflattering.
He wrote all of this because I had published a post questioning his group’s beliefs and practices after the leaders let a baby die instead of seeking medical intervention. They then tried to raise the child from the dead for fifteen hours before calling 9-1-1.
Let me say that again, in case you missed it: the leaders of this group let a baby die.
They let her die.
Details, details, said the leader, in effect. Oops, we made a mistake. Could have happened to anyone. Who are you to judge? And by the way, you’re a sinner, so we don’t have to listen to you anyway.
He then went on to speak about his group’s exceeding devotion to God and how much they had sacrificed for the kingdom. Indeed, he said, they were at risk of being martyred because of their great piety to reach out to dangerous people. And the whole 14-page letter was chock full of Bible verses and written in 17th century thee-and-thou English. I believe this is because the group perceives that they live in a corrupt age and so they have decided to revert to ancient English in order to remain pure. Because everyone was much holier in the 1600’s.
I sat on the letter for a year, more amused than offended. But after mulling it over, I think there’s gold hidden in all that flint. And I no longer feel amused, because I think God feels angry when proud people hide behind religious words in order to appear humble. A lot of cult leaders and spiritually abusive people delight in false humility.
In Colossians 2, the Apostle Paul describes false teachers who delight in self-imposed worship, false humility, and the harsh treatment of the body. Their regulations appear wise, he says, but in fact they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence. False humility is the worldly counterfeit of genuine modesty and grace. Such empty philosophy is just rules taught by men, no matter how many thee’s and thou’s you throw in.
So how can we tell the difference between false humility and true humility? Let me offer some suggestions.
Fifteen Signs of False Humility:
1. Uses Religious Terms to Justify Cruel or Questionable Behavior. But a humble person refuses to use spiritual-sounding words as a smokescreen for sin.
2. Preoccupied with Self. But a humble person is as actively interested in others as in himself.
3. Listens to Others Only in Order to Speak into their Life. But a humble person listens to others with loving interest and with an expectation to learn and grow.
4. Admits Small Sins but Ignores Major Sins (Image Control). But a humble person admits sin and also receives an honest rebuke no matter how lowly the source.
5. Inability to Laugh at One’s Self When Others Do the Joking. But a humble person sees the humor in his own paradox of sin and sanctification. He can laugh at his own expense, because he knows that his worth is based not on impressing people but rather in the reality of being loved by God.
6. Publicizes Her Own Sacrifices to Impress Others. But a humble person avoids broadcasting her sacrificial labor.
7. Uses Himself as the Standard for Others’ Performance. But a humble person looks at the life of Jesus as the example, and points people to him.
8. Affects a Humble Tone of Voice While Saying Proud Things. But a humble person doesn’t need to affect his tone of voice to sound mealy-mouthed in order to convince others that he is humble.
9. Believes that Eschewing Money or Fame is the Same Thing as Being Humble. But a humble person understands that pride comes from the heart, not from possessions.
10. Professes Love for God and Neighbor but Acts in a Cruel Manner. But a humble person is consistent between what she says and what she does.
11. Delights in Debate rather than in Dialogue. But a humble person sees conversation as a two-way street with much to learn, not as a battle to win or lose.
12. Is Easily Offended. But a humble person is quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.
13. Believes that Asceticism Leads to Holiness. But a humble person recognizes that sin comes from the heart, not from pleasure.
14. Loves to Impose His Opinion on Others as Truth. But a humble person acts charitably to all, thinks the best of others, and avoids presenting his opinion on a 
disputable matter as ultimate Truth.
15. Enjoys Judging Other People. But a humble person hands judgment over to God and instead busies herself with loving her neighbor and serving God.
And here’s a bonus sixteenth sign: people who exhibit false humility spend a lot of time telling you how humble they are.
Spiritually abusive people understand that God values humility. They also realize that few people follow an obviously proud person. So they cloak their cruel behavior with religious-sounding language and get offended when other people question their motives.
As Jesus said, leave them. They are false teachers.
Maketh them feel like territorial bears, robbed of their whelps.
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Steve graduated in 2012 with his Master's of Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary in the Media Arts in Ministry track. A 2005 graduate of Taylor University, Steve has a passion for victims of spiritual abuse and wants to help them discover God's redemptive plan for their lives. He lives with his wife in Columbus, Ohio.
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I love this article! I think the reason so many people in the Church are fooled by false humility is because we, as church people, WANT to believe the best of people. Even if there are red flags galore in how one person verbally abuses another person in the name of Christ, most Christians *want* to overlook the red flags, because questioning an abusive person is difficult and feels un-Christian. And the spiritually abusive person will make the questioner doubt what they've seen (gaslighting), or make the questioner feel unspiritual for even doubting their "humble" sincerity.
Another thing that amazes me to no end is how some Christians would never say "eff you" to someone's face, but if they communicate the same thought, couched in Christian language, they can still feel super-spiritual while letting their anger loose. By dragging God's name into it, the only ones they end up fooling are themselves.
Saul (poor guy always gets picked on) immediately came to mind when I read through your list. Great post.
Has that leader forgotten to realize that he is a sinner as well?? I know of a family who are the core of a group in Australia and they refuse to allow their followers go to the hospital unless of course they are on death's doorstep, or the person themselves go anyway. Even their own children aren't allowed to go unless it is very very serious.
People back in the 1600's were no more holy than we are, I would hazard to guess, so talking like the English back then isn't going to do a thing for them. That would be making it necessary to practice works to do the right thing instead of allowing God to do it.
Lottie you're right they were no more Holy than we are... or anyone else for that matter we have the same sin nature as Adam. The Old Testament shows us that we are the same then as we are now.
Gen 6:5 And GOD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.
Gen 6:6 And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart.
And here in the New Testament
Mat 24:3 And as he sat upon the mount of Olives, the disciples came unto him privately, saying, Tell us, when shall these things be? and what shall be the sign of thy coming, and of the end of the world?
Mat 24:4 And Jesus answered and said unto them, Take heed that no man deceive you.
Mat 24:5 For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many.
Mat 24:6 And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet.
Mat 24:7 For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places.
Mat 24:8 All these are the beginning of sorrows.
Mat 24:9 Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name's sake.
Mat 24:10 And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.
Mat 24:11 And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many.
Mat 24:12 And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.
Mat 24:13 But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.
Mat 24:14 And this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations; and then shall the end come.
Mat 24:15 When ye therefore shall see the abomination of desolation, spoken of by Daniel the prophet, stand in the holy place, (whoso readeth, let him understand:)
Mat 24:16 Then let them which be in Judaea flee into the mountains:
Mat 24:17 Let him which is on the housetop not come down to take any thing out of his house:
Mat 24:18 Neither let him which is in the field return back to take his clothes.
Mat 24:19 And woe unto them that are with child, and to them that give suck in those days!
Mat 24:20 But pray ye that your flight be not in the winter, neither on the sabbath day:
Mat 24:21 For then shall be great tribulation, such as was not since the beginning of the world to this time, no, nor ever shall be.
Mat 24:22 And except those days should be shortened, there should no flesh be saved: but for the elect's sake those days shall be shortened.
Mat 24:23 Then if any man shall say unto you, Lo, here is Christ, or there; believe it not.
Mat 24:24 For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect.
Mat 24:25 Behold, I have told you before.
Mat 24:26 Wherefore if they shall say unto you, Behold, he is in the desert; go not forth: behold, he is in the secret chambers; believe it not.
Mat 24:27 For as the lightning cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
Mat 24:28 For wheresoever the carcase is, there will the eagles be gathered together.
Mat 24:29 Immediately after the tribulation of those days shall the sun be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken:
Mat 24:30 And then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven: and then shall all the tribes of the earth mourn, and they shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory.
Mat 24:31 And he shall send his angels with a great sound of a trumpet, and they shall gather together his elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other.
Mat 24:32 Now learn a parable of the fig tree; When his branch is yet tender, and putteth forth leaves, ye know that summer is nigh:
Mat 24:33 So likewise ye, when ye shall see all these things, know that it is near, even at the doors.
Mat 24:34 Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled.
Mat 24:35 Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away.
Mat 24:36 But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.
Mat 24:37 But as the days of Noe were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
Mat 24:38 For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark,
Mat 24:39 And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
I should add a small explanation. We are no more or any less sinners than anyone else in history starting with Adam. We tend to think that in our modern times sin is worse now than it was in the beginning. I think because of the internet and all our other modern innovations that we see it more but from what the bible says sin is sin. I think the only difference is that it is practiced more openly and also it is in our faces through media.
Those who think they are holier than thou are what is known as Donatists "A schismatic Christian religion in northern Africa from the 4th to the 7th century; held that only those who led a blameless life belonged in the church or could administer the sacraments".
This heresy has existed in various forms ever since this time. Those who hold to this view variously hold to the idea that they have obtained sinless perfection or think that they are no longer under the power of sin. As Steve alludes to in this post, those who hold this view either deny any wrong doing or diminish sin to being errors in judgement or minor mistakes.... but never sin which they need to confess.
The central issue is their view of imputed righteousness and justification. They see this as being immediately fulfilled.
Where Bill Gothard and those who follow him are concerned they hold a wrong view of justification and sanctification and therefore salvation. Grace is something we can earn, not something we receive. Donatism falls into the same error except it denies the need for ongoing sanctification.
Chris, I would rather you not talk to me at all. I know this is a public forum, but I think you know perfectly well why I am asking this.
Lottie if I think it appropriate to comment I will and its not personal. This is a public forum and speech is free. You can always approach the admin to change the rules if you wish
It really sends up a red flag for me when a female asks a male not to interact with her and he brushes that aside. Of course it's a public forum but perhaps the better part of being a gentleman would respect someone's request, Chris? I've read your response here several times, Chris, and each time I grow more concerned. I do not know the back story of this but let me emphasize that when a female asks a male to leave her alone, a gentleman rarely needs to be asked twice.
Mathew I was responding to the content not the person and it was not in anyway aimed at anyone on this forum I am unapologetic because I have done nothing wrong or offensive. However that being said some of you do make ad hominem attacks on others which has been fair game.
For all I know, you are a wonderful person. But your response here is very much in line with how an abusive person would respond.
Note that you were asked by someone who seems to know you not to interact with them. You clearly disregarded that request, making it clear you will interact with them on this site at will. That would have the effect of making this site an unsafe place for someone who does not want to interact with you, wouldn't it? I pushed back, and your reply to me is an attack against "some of you" and a statement that you are unapologetic and feel that you have done nothing wrong. Is this your normal way in life, my friend? To trample people's boundaries, then point fingers when they ask you to do better? Come on, man - you can do better.
apparently not
Chris, where in Africa? Can't blame a whole continent of countries without presenting real details like city and country and tribe.
Christianity as you describe coming from Africa may have well came from any other continent into their continent. We are aware that evil exist throughout the world and this practice may have been simultaneously practice in many areas of the world especially if those that are spreading Christianity from Europe and other continents travel around the globe with it's own teachings on how Christianity should be practiced.
I apologize if I offended anyone
Thanks for this article. It is good for me to review this.
I hope it is OK for a little humor. Did you hear about the guy that got a "Humility Award?" They had to take it away for him because he started wearing it :)
He should read my book when it is published. Working title: "The Ten Most Humble People in the World, and How I Met the Other Nine".
Hahaha! You got me Matthew. I saw the first line "He should read my book when published." I thought, that looks interesting. Matthew is writing a book. So sucker that I am I clicked to find out more about your book. Got me!
I should admit that I left out an important part of the joke. The award was a clip-on button.
This is very very insightful. Im working on this fruit of the spirit(meekness) and genuinly am wanting to be more like Jesus, and jesus is truly humble. Reading this helped me to see that I've got a lottt yo work on, and I am more prideful than humble as it turns out.. Meaning there is more of me and less of Jesus while it should be more jesus and less of me.. Thank God I dont have to do this all in my own power, might, or strength but the only one who can change my heart is always there to help me. And everyone else too. Do not be discouraged or feel hopeless if youre like me and have found that you struggle with the fruit of the spirit meekness
We serve and believe and trust in the one true savior, redeemer and deliverer brothers and sisters! Keep ypur eyes directly in front of you and he will make my paths and your paths straight!
Lord help me and anyone else who is struggling with humility. Take us through this process because i know it is your will💕 thank you lord in jesus christs name amen
but what do we do if we think we are showing false humility unconsciously? how do we make sure our actions are truly coming from the right place? i find myself trying to act with humility but worry that my motivation is to look good in the eyes of others.
I think Bill if you are doing something for someone else out of your own heart, not out to be seen , not out to get a reward back, not out to get compliments, then I don't think you have to worry about false humility. I love the parable about the Pharisee and the tax collector in the temple. Now the Pharisee was doing all the right things then he goes to the temple to remind God how great and good he is. The tax collector couldn't even look up and was praying for mercy. The Pharisee was there to bless God with his presence, the tax collector realized that he didn't deserve any blessing from God. The issue Jesus was pointing out was not what someone was or wasn't doing, but what was the attitude of the heart and the reasons why they did or didn't do things.
I wanted to thank-you Bill for commenting on this old article because reading it and the subsequent discussion was a big answer to prayer for myself and gave me clarity of mind and heart over something I was struggling with. Now I just need the strength to follow through which all of this just gave me.
There is a treasure-trove of gems in the articles on here. This one is so spot-on in ringing bells for me.
What do we do? We tell the Lord only He is perfect, and we are so thankful to be found in Him and His righteousness alone, and we don't worry about trying to make our motivations perfect before Him, because we can't. What we can't do, He can. So we turn our hearts to His perfections as we become more and more conscious of our own imperfections and sins. Every day believers have to contend with doing things to look good in the eyes of others, and the best thing to do is take it to the Lord, admit it, and don't let it paralyze you. Worrying about whether your motivation is perfect or not to the point of self-absorbed introspection is not healthy. You are trying to do something God has done for you.
great comment, LynnCD. I agree.
Amen to that, Lynn.
"He is our portion & we are His bride, warmed to redemption by the faith in His eyes, oh how He loves us, He loves us"
I think the title of these lyrics is "Love Like a Hurricane."
Ouch. I am grateful for the love and forgiveness of God.
"The Cult Next Door- Documentary By Jake Youngman" airs online tomorrow night at 7:00pm. Wish I could watch it right at that moment but work has been too short-staffed for me to get the night off. Does anybody know if I can catch it later? The Facebook page is informative but I haven't asked on there yet.
http://www.youngmanfilms.com/
I was SO BLESSED by watching that documentary!!! It was so inspiring to SEE real people, hear their actual voices, & be encouraged by their perseverance & articulateness!!!! God bless them all even more for their transparency, vulnerability & courage in speaking to these issues. They all were conscionable, sincere, clear, & succinct, this last part considering of the weight of what they spoke to.
I never had to meet Bill Gothard in person, just went to his video seminars 4 times & was in an organization for 10 years that was led by a die-hard follower of IBLP. Also I was an unwitting subordinate of another such leader for an additional few years (because this one kept his Umbrella-worship secret for that long). Because of this "satellite" type of affiliation that I had, I had wondered if Jake Youngman's interviews with actual survivors would indicate a different preliminary cause of the damage wreaked; I wondered if he would present the Umbrella as a side-note among many tenets of abuse. Apparently, it had been a big deal in indoctrinating most survivors into becoming eventual casualties of IBLP.
I here transcribe Bill Gothard's words in the opening video clip:
"Now I wanna tell you one of the most exciting things....... the lord.... the lord.... we* found an answer...... I've been looking for an answer........ for a question, for 45 years. And it's a pretty important question. I even, uhh, tried to write a Master's thesis on the answer and I, uhh, I didn't get- I got some ideas.** I didn't get the real answer though. And uhh, it's a very important question because it's the last command that was given to us by the lord jesus.*** He said 'Go into all the world'- he said**** 'all power is given to me in heaven and on earth- go into all the world and make disciples of all nations.' So the question is, how do you know when you've made a disciple?"*****
*the Lord makes "we" in Gothard's "I" have "found an answer"? Since when has Jesus waited 45 years to find an answer?
**The answer to the ??? Bill finally outright asks at the end is "found" in John 8:31,32 "So Jesus was saying to those Jews WHO HAD BELIEVED HIM, 'If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.'"
***John 8:31,32, as we all know, is NOT "the last command given to us by the Lord Jesus." Nor is the answer that is contained in John 8:31,32 (& likewise in The Great Commission that forms the bedrock of "believed Him") on a par with any one question that one or both of these passages answers. Here Bill is literally saying that The Great Commission is a QUESTION, rather than THE ANSWER; and that he & his lord found the answer to it after 45 years of searching.
****The words "he said" here are interjected by Gothard so quickly as to be almost unintelligible. What the listener is left with, then, is that Gothard seems to be speaking of himself when he interjects the "me" statement of all power in heaven & on earth given to me.
*****The only place (either in the Bible or the seminar!) that Bill's question actually has a direct answer is in John 8:31,32. Here, Jesus answers directly to the person harboring this question. He doesn't say "them", He says "You." It's an introspective assessment more than an extroverted one. I am supposed to be asking myself this question & basing my answer on whether I, as someone who has believed in Jesus, am continuing in His word. Even though Bill Gothard would assess me as one who is an "un"made disciple of his own. Of course, his stealing from the clout of The Great Commission tries to say that this means that this equals not being a disciple of Jesus, either. Or that, at the very least, this is in serious doubt even concerning the person knowing truth & being thereby being set free. THAT is the question!!! It's calling Jesus' answer in John 8:31,32 into question........ even regarding those already living the proof of this..... casting doubt to pave the way for Gothard to sell the IBLP "answer."
I transcribe a little more:
"We have- for every one of you- THE answer." Well, there it is.
Some years ago my parents, who have a well on their property, received a notice from the electric company. All their neighbors did, too. It stated that this utility company was there to provide them with water & they were coming out to install meters on all the wells. They owned water itself, apparently. And they were offering it in such generosity! All everyone would have to do is to start paying THEM for it. Mind you, my parents had paid for every penny of the installation of their $8,000 well & regular pump maintenance. Thankfully, the utility company was not able to make these millions off of people by monopolizing the wells. IBLP did do this. Except it sold contaminated water after calling the Living Water into question (claiming 45 years + a Master's thesis of exploration that still came up dry & unsatisfied with what Jesus had to say).
The same dishonor that Bill Gothard visited upon the viability of Jesus Christ has come back onto himself. Only this time, rather than being used to detract from Jesus -Jesus having given the specific answer- dishonor is instead spotlighting back onto the corrupt guy who peddled lies. Those who deny Jesus- even though they may feel that they must in order to effectively champion themselves- will nonetheless be denied by Him.
As Micah Murray said: "This system, whether intentionally or unintentionally, I don't know, has been engineered to cause psychological & emotional damage." I'm with Micah in not knowing whether or not Gothard is an intentional or unintentional engineer. But I know Satan is definitely an intentional engineer of damage to God's kingdom. Thank God for the survivors coming out on the other side of this, now proclaiming truth about those lies. Set free........ Amen.
Good documentary. Just enough info in the time they had.
There are so many "theaters" within IBLP/ATI that it would take a few hours of documentary to look into the unbiblical teachings and the ramifications in the lives of the participants.
No fire of hatred in my soul for Bill Gothard. He is an 83 year old who is leaving behind a legacy of destruction caused by his unbiblical and extra biblical teaching. God told us not to add to His Word and He meant it. Each time we add, love and grace are pushed farther out... We see the fruit of this in IBLP/ATI.
I actually feel sorry for the man. What great ruin he has brought about. The girls... the families. I am partly responsible for bringing this into our home - and that is not on the scale he has caused hurt. So, in that, I identify with him.
I am just glad we are this far into getting truth for ourselves and our families and for those who may still think of this as an option for education or for Christian growth.
http://www.crisismagazine.com/2018/spiritual-pride-honest-humility-g-k-chestertons-hammer-god
I thought this review of Chesterton's book "Hammer of God" in his Fr. Brown mysteries fits all too well with our main subject here about false humility. The cure to false humility (i.e.. pride) is genuine repentance which doesn't blame anyone else but oneself for ones own sins I would highly suggest this prayer to Bill (and all the rest of us) https://www.ewtn.com/devotionals/prayers/humility.htm
I am attending a Celebrate Recovery group and I am having to answer this question: In what areas of your past have you used false humility? In my mind I could not understand false humility so I asked my computer DESCRIBE FALSE HUMILITY and from the list of descriptions I chose your site. I am very quiet and do not go deep in conversation with others so your dialogues helped stretch my heart and grow me in understanding this area in my own life and witness. Thank you for going on-line with this topic.
Mary, I also attended Celebrate Recovery during a time of seeking healing and understanding in my life-- it helped very much. This website, Recovering Grace, has been one of the greatest sources of help and understanding, putting words to my questions and confusion, and giving direction in sorting out the hurts of life. I encourage you in your journey: Keep on the road to healing and wholeness! It gets worse before it gets better when you're unpacking the pain of the past, but it is SO worth the effort when you see how far you've come in healing! Hang in there, do the hard work, and continue to seek freedom and peace and a clearer relationship with God, yourself, and others. You will be thankful you did!
Good article and true. I was not raised under Gothard but know many who were and were screwed up spiritually when it was over. So peace for those of you on this journey.
my comment on false humility is a comment my late father used often when preaching on humility. "Most people are proud of what little humility they have."
I really appreciate this article