Since our readership has rapidly expanded over the past few years, and especially during the past few months, we want to take some time this summer to draw attention to earlier articles for those who may have missed them. Today's article was among those from our first few months and was published on Recovering Grace in August of 2011. This gives you a glimpse into the "why" behind the start up of Recovering Grace.
They were raised in a normal America. They had children and then, in reaction to the symptoms of societal misdeeds, they were drawn to an organization (the Institute in Basic Life Principles) that held a checklist of answers to life’s every question. (clothing, hair style, vocabulary, music, activities, toys, pets,education, culture, friendships, dating, marriage, raising children, finances, etc.) “If you do A, B, and C, the results will be success. If you fail to do A, B, and C, the results will be heartache and chaos.” And so these seeking individuals joined the Advanced Training Institute, the exotic inner-sanctum of this Institute in Basic Life Principles, subjecting their young children to the ideals, principles, teachings, and “standards” of the organization.
Now remember that we did not grow up in a normal America. We grew up in the homeschool/ATI culture chosen by our parents. And, in time, we reached an age where we “got out”. But when we finally left, we left our first culture. Remember: Normal America was our secondary culture. Therefore, recovery is going to be a process.
So let’s talk about recovery. In the beginning, I think it’s normal to feel guilty. I’m opposing the only thing I’ve known. On one hand, I’m sure that getting out is the right thing to do. But on the other hand, I feel like a rebellious child.
I watched Disney’s “Tangled” with my family recently and was struck with the number of analogies throughout the story. Here was a soul, trapped and made to believe that her captivity was in her best interest. When she finally escaped her captor, she felt liberated. But then her liberation scared her. Notice the confusing dialogue that proceeded and how spot-on that dialogue is to our confusion when we –the children of the Advanced Training Institute- realize the deception we’ve been under for so many years!
“I can't believe I did this. I can't believe I did this. I CAN’T believe I DID this! Mother would be SO furious. That's OK though,... I mean, what she doesn't know won't kill her. Oh my gosh. This would kill her. THIS IS SO FUN! I am a horrible daughter. I'm going back. I am never going back! I am a despicable human being. Woo-hoo! Best. Day. Ever!” [cries]
Not only are we afraid of being wrong, but we’re afraid of hurting the ones we love who are still involved in the system: leaders, friends, parents, pastors, relatives, God,… Yes, I included God. Because, although God has not been properly represented in this religious sect, all we know is to connect Him to it. If we have swallowed false teachings about God, and if we’ve been fed a misrepresentation of his character, (particularly throughout childhood and the teen years) then a lifelong task lays before us to get to know the real Him. A genuine, simple, sweet relationship can be developed with the true, loving Heavenly Father. At first, however, it is natural to think you might be running from Him as well as from the cult. What a terrible, terrible feeling.
The next phase many of us reach is the questioning phase. It can get pretty confusing as to what exactly needs questioned. We question the “standards” of the organization. But maybe we also question the existence of God or the truth of the Bible. Unfortunately, I’ve seen former cult members stop and plant their feet here. They’ve turned to a lifestyle opposite to their upbringing merely because it’s the opposite. The thing we need to remember is that the families who bought into the cult did so in order to be different from normal society, while hoping for promised success. I call this a pendulum swing. (See https://www.recoveringgrace.org/2011/07/religiousnoose1/ for a better understanding of how this swing began.) It is critical, though, that we guard ourselves from a pendulum swing in the opposite direction, resulting in further damage. Also, remember that a swing like this indicates that we are still being controlled by the organization …albiet, in the opposite way.
I’ve watched former Advanced Training Institute members (who are also my dear, sweet friends) become atheists, claiming that there is no God. Or, some become agnostic. Because “If there is a God, then why would He be so cruel?” To them, IBLP meant God. To them, the beatings they received to comply with the family standard was received as coming directly from Him. So, the thinking is, “Who needs God? Why would I want to voluntarily invite that kind of heartache and pain into my life?”
The physical stress that goes along with pre and post-recovery varies in form. I have friends and loved-ones who still carry literal, physical scars left by the whippings handed out under the approval of the IBLP organization. Other stress-symptoms have come in the form of frequent sickness, anxiety, nightmares, emotional problems, attachment disorders, marital problems, sexual confusion, divorce, suicide, hostility, anger, nausea, clenched teeth, or other signs of stress. The longer or deeper the person or his family has been in the group, the more painful these symptoms can be.
The final stages of successful recovery from a religious organization such as the Advanced Training Institute comes with the realization that I am precious to my Heavenly Father. It comes with taking hold of the true meaning of grace in my life and making it personal. The key is learning to lay myself out there naked to Jesus, knowing that I don’t measure up. And I never will. But get this… it’s still understanding that, to Him, I AM TO DIE FOR. I’m priceless. It’s integrating my old personality (the one who was trained to please, and to hide imperfections, and to fit a mold) into my new personality (the one who sees my Creator for all He is. The one who “gets” that grace makes everything okay. The one who is learning, day by day, to keep centered in Jesus while living in normal America. The one who rests in Him, learning to live fulfilled, growing, thriving, and loving others to Him along the way.) This is recovery. And this is what the ministry of Recovering Grace is all about.
July 31, 2024
This article resonates with me as one raised in the conservative Christian homeschooling movement (though not ATI). The author states "If we have swallowed false teachings about God, and if we’ve been fed a misrepresentation of his character, (particularly throughout childhood and the teen years) then a lifelong task lays before us to get to know the real Him." A skewed picture of God is, perhaps, the most painful negative effect from my upbringing. Because God was overtly taught everywhere--practically all the time--any wrong views of Him were really imbedded in my brain. I find myself grieving over this.
Has anyone ever watched "The Village"?
Yes. It's been an few years and I should watch it again. Many parallels with IBLP. Like IBLP, the Village used fear to control its people, as all cults do.
Just recently watched The Giver and read the book. That also make me think of IBLP; the loud speakers throughout the community; the eyes that see everything that goes on; all affection between men and women is to be eliminated- once a person reaches the age for "the stirrings" medication to remove the feelings; the snitching on others to authority; but mostly the lack of freedom and the keeping the truth from people and creating an alternate reality to help keep them in bondage. I think Gothard's dream Utopian society would have looked very much like The Community.
There was one particular line that really made the connection; it was when the Chief Elder, played by Meryl Streep says: "When people have the freedom to choose, they choose wrong."
That is so Bill Gothard.
In The Giver, as with the teachings of IBLP, your authorities make your decisions for you.
Re: "The Village" - Incidentally, I have seen The Village. It was one of the first films that I saw after leaving ATI. It took about 20 films before I could effectively follow a plot line and be able to tell what a movie was about after having seen it. Being one of the very first films I saw, all I can recall is winter, wind, sticks, birds, a wooden house... and something yellow, but I don't recall what it was. A coat or purse/bag or something. I don't know... am I on track??? Lol.
Yay, I'm right about the yellow part! I heart search engines. :)
Wasn't there an article on here that discussed how ATI sent out a communication denouncing the movie tangled due to its anti "authority umbrella" teachings?
Claire, I believe that was Vision Forum who sent that out. To my knowledge ATI/IBLP haven't really delved into the world of screening movies, that was VF's deal, with the San Antonio Christian Film Festival and all that.
Now that we see what Doug Phillips did, we could probably make a movie about that, but it sure wouldn't have a family rating.......
I've been so tempted to make a movie that would revolve around these two cults, explain the what and why, something that would make the church understand what the danger is in the different theology types through a well told story. Not necessarily a movie meant for secular audiences, I doubt they'd find something like that very interesting.
I guess I was blessed enough that I only got a bit of this and that was bad enough. I never got beaten and we didn't have to wear skirts all the time. I however, came along later in life when my parents relaxed their IBLP standards some. I remember as I got older I joked about ''the Gospel according to Bill.''
I didn't know any other families who were Bill followers so in that respect I didn't know of beatings leaving marks etc. That was shocking to me. I do however believe it.
I see know after going through my own stuff and having a major breakdown in relationship with God the Father and being terrified of Him I am having to literally relearn scripture. I went to every basic seminar from the time I was old enough so I had my work books and sat through them over and over. Now that I am old enough I am able to see not only the error, but the negative impact it had on me. It is so anti woman. I grew up feeling like a lesser human to God. I always felt like He was disappointed in me and the driveness, performance and perfectionism I faced was daunting to please God. It wasn't until a few years ago I heard a teaching on the Father's Love and finally started to heal of a lot of stuff and learning how much He loved me.
I also see why growing up there was a slant on women being at fault for any moral problem a man had. It must be the clothes she wore etc. I always felt dirty about being a woman. Now that we know what Bill was up to it makes sense that he taught the stuff he did. I really believe that Bill was used by a demonic spirit to twist scripture and hurt people to mess people up.
Very well said. This is very true.
The article is good, but I disagree with the final stage. The final stage is discovering yourself and what you believe and being comfortable with that. For some, that will be agnostic or atheist and it has nothing to do with a pendulum swing. It's just the conclusion they've come to as an independent person. For some, it will end in some form of Christianity, but it's by no means THE final step in the healing process.
Kevin you said,
"It's just the conclusion they've come to as an independent person."
Kevin, this adds a new perspective for me. Thank you. Maybe the heathen are going to burn, but maybe their current conclusion (stage) is temporary. How long have I been on my "lifelong task" of many steps?
Perhaps the final stages of a "successful" (redemptive ?) recovery is bowing the knee to Christ. However I must be careful to value all on their journey, who Christ died for.
Kevin,
I believe the final stage refers to the belief on this site that "truth" is knowable and resides in the person of Jesus Christ. Everyone eventually asks the same questions, who am I? Why am I here? Where did I come from? Is there meaning in my existence? Is there anything after this life? There are those who claim that we can all find our own truth, which in essence means there is no absolute truth. When Paul wrote to Timothy, he urged prayer for everyone . ." it pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and come to a knowledge of the truth. For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus" 1Timothy, 2:1-5. I believe this is true, so I will pray for my agnostic/atheist friends to also seek truth. I will also pray for those who have been misled by Christian cults to find the one who calls them to come and find "rest for their souls."
Thank you, Kevin, for voicing my thoughts exactly. This website provides so much support for many because it maintains a strong bottom line that Christianity is the space in which grace will be recovered. If it were to agree that there will be those of us who will find "the peace that passes all understanding" outside of a Christian framework, it would likely not be considered a safe enough place to share one's story, especially for the women who have bravely felt comfortable to share such devastating stories of sexual abuse.
I cannot be more grateful for having found this site as it is helping me work the lack of dialogue and emotional openness on the part of my parents who recently surprised me and my siblings by bringing out an ATI "quiz" on marriage as a "game" for my youngest brother's wedding rehearsal dinner. After 15 years of being out of ATI, I thought my parents had moved through the extreme stances of Gothard's teachings, and was grieved to discover this was not at all the case.
Parents of ATI children were raised in an era of cultural/moral changes, and it is no wonder they clung to the beliefs that gave so much assurance that what they were doing, from the clothes they wore to the music they listened to, was right under the eyes of the Lord.
It is understandable that the vast majority of us ATIers will maintain Christian beliefs, as there is so much more to the breadth, history and depth of Christianity than what can be discovered in Wisdom Booklets alone. But I agree wholeheartedly with Kevin that the "final stage" is finding what you believe, for yourself, and being comfortable that these beliefs are not necessarily going to be found in a red bound, one-size-fits-all book of life principles. Whatever the outcome for one's personal beliefs, we've all come from the same "first culture", and I believe we need to be open and supportive of each other regardless of the outcome.
"It is critical, though, that we guard ourselves from a pendulum swing in the opposite direction, resulting in further damage. Also, remember that a swing like this indicates that we are still being controlled by the organization …albiet, in the opposite way."
I thought this is an excellent point—that reacting to something results in us being controlled by it. In reality, this was part of ATI and IBLP—no blue jeans, for example, because the world wears them and we want to be different from the world. Unfortunately, this places us in the position of being controlled by the world, instead of just following what Jesus wants us to do.
The caution about a "pendulum swing" is a concern of mine as well. It is so easy to do... "Bill said this, he's a false prophet, so therefore the opposite must be true." What if the truth is only slightly different than what Bill taught? What if, that particular time, he was actually spot-on correct?
"In reality, this was part of ATI and IBLP—no blue jeans, for example, because the world wears them and we want to be different from the world. Unfortunately, this places us in the position of being controlled by the world, instead of just following what Jesus wants us to do."
Very good. True.
At the beginning of this article, the "why" behind the start up of the Recovering Grace website was mentioned.. I'll give you another "why" for the continuing of the website and the help it is giving to victims and their families.
Only a few days ago, a friend called me in surprise that she had just found out that Gothard had resigned way back in March. I, also, had not heard about it. I have very little history regarding Gothard or knowledge of his ministry. I attended a seminar in the early '70's and that's it for me. I have not heard much about him since then.
She, on the other hand, has a daughter who suffered sexually abusive conduct from Gothard somewhat recently. (within the statute of limitations) Her daughter was emotionally and spiritually mature enough to handle the situation correctly and, as a result of Godly parents who protected her from further abuse, was able to recover from the horrifying experience with minimal damage. There are, no doubt, many such victims who need to tell their stories and benefit from the telling and from the help that RG offers. I'm sure that there are many who don't know about the website or that Gothard has been exposed. There is yet much work for Recovering Grace to do. I applaud you and thank God for you.
Gayle,
I posted some links to another comment that you made, regarding agencies to report sexual abuse and hotlines. Here are some more. I really hope that your friend reports the abuse so that he will finally be stopped. I don't see anything that will stop him from continuing his behavior, and as long as he has individuals who refuse to accept what he has done to these girls, they will continue to send their daughters to him. Though he may have stepped down, this type of predator will find a way to access young girls again. Enough is enough. I pray that they will report him.
Illinoise Department of Children and family services:
http://www.state.il.us/dcfs/child/index.shtml
http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.6069283/k.DEE1/Reporting_Child_Sexual_Abuse_to_the_Authorities.htm
Victimsofcrime.org:
http://www.victimsofcrime.org/media/reporting-on-child-sexual-abuse
Child Abuse hotline: (800-252-2873)
National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1.800.656.HOPE
Yes, they reported the abuse back when it happened. But I do appreciate having these links you sent. Thank you!
I was praying about this this morning, and the thought came to me, "What if this was the very means, the road, to bring us to an understanding of grace? What if, if the last generation hadn't gotten into the BG stuff, then this generation would have fallen for it?" I'm not saying it was good by any means, yet we don't always know how God takes us from point A to point B, and, since we are all as easily deceived as Adam and Eve were, maybe this is what it took to help us see. It's so easy to blame our parents and pride ourselves in believing that we would never have fallen for the kool-aid, yet really? Can we be thankful? Would we have fallen for worse? Can we see the hand of a gracious Father, redeeming the years of the locust, and keeping us from something far worse yet?
Sunflower, that is a very good thought. I know this Scripture can be triggering for many here, but what you spelled out sounds very much like, 'God works all things together for good.'
It reminds me of something I read about the Holocaust, that God may have 'allowed' (and I use the word loosely) it to wake up the collective conscience of the world, and put them on alert, to steer mankind away from more and greater evil. Keep us all from plunging into an abyss, so to speak.
I am bookmarking this Sunflower. You should get the "ten foot pole award" for touching a very difficult and controversial concept.
"There MUST be heresies among you, in order that those who are genuine might be made manifest." (I Cor. 11:19) God hates heresy because it lies about Him to His people and sets those who believe heresy on a course contrary to the Truth. But He allows heresy of all kinds in the church because when confronted by heresy and error -- even if you fall for it for some time -- if you are true to God and continue to seek Him, He will guide you into the Truth. HE will show us the error or unbelief or ignorance in our heart that gave place to the heresy to begin with -- and then we can then repent of it -- and be all the stronger in the Lord in the Truth. Again -- God hates error and heresy -- but if necessary will use it to expose the error in us so that we can then be brought into the Truth. It is, of course, also possible to hold to error and refuse the light. Many do this as well. But the question is: Do we want the Truth at all costs? Do we want to walk in the light as He is in the light even if this will expose our entire Christian walk as one that has been in error up to this point? God is a redemptive God. It is never to late to turn to Him.