Sometimes I wonder if those who were in charge at the various training centers really thought about what they were doing when they put young people “in charge” of other young people. I know that age does not always matter when it comes to authority and respect, but it can sometimes be very important.

There were four of us girls put on a “leadership team,” all in our early 20s, charged with the task of creating an urban-based, mission-oriented program for apprenticeship students. The idea was that mornings would be for studying, assigned reading, and group discussion, and afternoons would be filled with service. We hoped to line up opportunities in the community, but if not, there was always work to be done around the training center.

I am not really sure how I was picked to be a “staff member”, but I was always glad that I had been. As a part of this team, I was trusted more—though I had done nothing to prove my trustworthiness. Being quite a bit more reserved than the other three girls, and liking being behind the scenes more than being out in front of people, I was put in charge of ordering books and supplies and setting up the curriculum plans. The task often seemed overwhelming, but I loved the challenge and felt that I thrived in my duties. I really had no desire to talk in front of groups or be the one who had to confront or correct wrong behavior. Usually, this was not a problem and I was able to stick to my organizational duties. However, I remember one particular encounter vividly.

A group of our ministry students had bonded very well with each other. This small group consisted of both guys and girls, which was reason enough to suspect them of mischievous intent. From the point of view we had then, their group was cliquish and they were always suspected of doing devious and rebellious things. I’m not sure how the suspicions started, or even if those suspicions were well-founded, but this group always seemed to be in trouble for something or other.

One day, after several incidents had occurred, it was decided that those of us who were part of the leadership team needed to have heart-to-heart talks with some of the girls in this group, on a one-on-one basis. The girls were divided up among the four of us leaders. I knew some of the offenses, but I personally didn’t think that these girls were always in the wrong. However, I wanted to do my job and be a good leader, so I psyched myself up to have a talk. I’d been taught all my life that respecting authorities and submitting to them was one of the highest qualities that a person could possess, and this thought influenced everything I did. This kind of obedience was akin to doing the will of God.

That afternoon “Lacey” came to our little office. My stomach was in knots. I didn’t want to talk to her, and I hardly knew where to begin or what to say. I think I remember these words (or something like them) coming out of my mouth: “It seems to us that you have a problem with authority.”

Lacey looked highly offended and very shocked. She protested, strongly, but graciously. I don’t remember what all was said, but I have distinct impressions of the feelings. She was extremely upset. She felt completely misunderstood and un-trusted. I felt inadequate to be talking to her, and I didn’t want to offend her, but I felt it was my duty to do what I’d been instructed to do. My words came out haltingly and there were long, awkward pauses. The only people I’d had to correct in my lifetime were my younger siblings, and that was easy. However, I wasn’t experienced or trained in how to counsel people about attitudes and behaviors. Especially not people my own age.

Eventually, the conversation ended, she left, and I wondered what she thought of me. I didn’t want her to dislike me or avoid me after this. I desperately wanted to be liked. Especially by Lacey and her group of friends. They were always so happy and close. I wanted friends like that. I didn’t want to be ostracized because I had been instructed to correct her. In the following days, I didn’t notice any particular differences in our interactions, and she was always gracious and friendly.

Eventually Lacey’s time at the training center came to an end and she returned home. Over time, my rosy view of the training center life and IBLP world became clearer, and I saw things about Lacey and her friends that I had not been able to see before. Most of the students who were part of that group, Lacey included, had incredible relationships with their parents. Having a problem with authority was the least of their problems. The label of “having a problem with authority” that we so quickly stuck to them was very wrong. Instead, they were reacting to the fact that we had demoted them to the status of irresponsible teenagers when they were used to being treated like adults.

Today, Lacey and I are friends. In fact, that entire group is now part of my circle of friends, thanks to their forgiveness and readiness to forget the mistakes of the past and move on. They are some of the most sincere and incredible people I’ve ever met. Their friendship — welcoming me into their group without reservation — is an ever-present example to me of the true grace of God. It’s unexplainable and I am undeserving, but still it is there.