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One of the things Jesus has been so faithful to show me throughout my journey of healing from ATI is the beauty of grace. Grace is something I never fully understood until recently. Although I had heard people talk about grace, my understanding of what it really meant ended at knowing that I was saved by grace (Ephesians 2:8-9). However, in the past couple of years Jesus has led me on a journey to understand more fully what His grace actually means. I am learning that grace is such a beautiful gift that restores my soul and brings so much life. Here are a few of the truths Jesus has shown me regarding grace:
Grace means that the cross was about so much more than my forgiveness and redemption. It means that when Jesus suffered on the cross, He took my pain and hurt, not just my sin. Because of grace, I can find healing, restoration, and deliverance. Grace means that redemption includes the wounds of my past, not just my sins.
Grace means that Jesus cares about my pain. When Jesus looks at me, his heart is filled with compassion for the things I have been through. Because of grace, it’s okay to let myself feel pain for the hurtful things I have experienced.
Grace means that I am Beloved. Jesus looks at the messiness and brokenness of my life and embraces all of me. No matter how many times I mess up, Jesus still loves me unconditionally and forever. He sees incredible beauty, worth, and value in me.
Grace means that I can just be. When I am exhausted in every way possible, I can come to Jesus and find the deep soul-rest that he offers (Matthew 11:28-30). Grace means I can walk away from service opportunities because sometimes rest means running to Jesus instead of doing things (even good things).
Grace means that I can feel lost, overwhelmed, and confused because that’s where I’m at right now and it’s okay. Grace means that it’s okay to cry when I’m hurting. Jesus understands and cares, and part of accepting grace is letting myself feel and inviting Him into the emotion.
Grace means that it’s okay to question. Jesus welcomes the “why” questions, the “I don’t understand” questions, and the cries for answers. He invites me to come to him and pour out the confused and jumbled thoughts, even when it doesn’t always make sense.
Grace means that Jesus helps me understand how my parents got sucked into an organization as destructive as the Advanced Training Institute (ATI). Because of grace, I can still love them in spite of all the negative effects I experienced as a result of their involvement with ATI.
I’m so grateful for this beautiful gift of grace which Jesus pours into the messiness and brokenness of my life.
Because of Grace…
I. Am. Loved. And it is beautiful.