I spent two full years working at the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP) headquarters, living in housing provided by IBLP. Unlike many of the students, this was not my first time living away from home. I had lived in the dorms during my four years of college, so the lifestyle accommodations required by campus housing were familiar to me. What I did not expect was the constant upheaval, with frequent changes of roommates and housemates, as well as unexpected changes of housing.
I first lived in the house known as Gracebrook, in the converted garage. I was very happy there. It was a large room, and had three closets, a separate bathroom, and enough space for two twin beds and two desks. Since the room was big enough for two or even three people, I was usually the hostess for the guests who came to visit. They might stay for only a few days, or they might stay for several weeks or months.
In the year that I lived at Gracebrook, I had about a dozen different roommates, for varying lengths of time. Being a naturally gregarious person, I didn’t mind this too much … though I know that several girls found this constant change in roommates very upsetting and hard to deal with. From my perspective, I got to meet a lot of interesting people, and I could deal with annoyances by reminding myself that the person was only there for a limited time. Still, looking back, there is no doubt that the constant change of roommates was emotionally stressful.
I had settle
d in nicely and had developed some great friendships with the permanent residents of the house when I was told that I had three days to pack, because I was being moved to another residence, a small apartment building known as Heritage. I am not an apartment person; I learned this very quickly in my college days, and I was not happy at the prospect of living that way again. Furthermore, Heritage was a mile from my workplace, while Gracebook was less than 100 yards away. It seemed stupid to move me to a place where I would have to either drive my car to work or get up 45 minutes earlier to have time to walk there. (I already got up between 5:30 and 6:00 a.m.) I was shocked and devastated. Privately, I wept and raged. To the leadership, I begged, I appealed, I pleaded. To no avail.
I was moved to an apartment on the second floor of Heritage. I lived there for 13 months, and had three different roommates. One of them was my best friend; the second was a short-term guest, and the third was an institute spy. The apartment was really too small for two people, with a tiny closet, tiny bathroom, and a bedroom in which you could just wedge two twin beds with a nightstand between them.
I watched many of the other girls getting shifted around this way, time and time again. It was almost a joke that when you’d finally unpacked and gotten comfortable, you’d be forced to move. But it was always unexpected and unpleasantly shocking when you got the notice to pack and move. It wasn’t uncommon to come across a girl with red eyes and a persistent sniffle, obviously trying to hide the signs of her emotional distress at being uprooted from the home where she had made friends and built her nest. I never understood it — it seemed like such a waste of time, energy, and effort.
Then the subject came up at a staff meeting when Bill Gothard opened the floor to general questions. One of the students asked about this constant shifting of the girls’ quarters, and pointed out that it didn’t seem to happen so much with the boys. Mr. Gothard’s reply horrified me (and my parents weren’t too thrilled about it when I related the story to them).
It seems that the young ladies were forced to move so often because Mr. Gothard did not want them to be settled. He said that women tended to place their security too much in their homes and surroundings, and this was unhealthy. They should place their security in the Lord, and not in the people or things around them. Therefore, he felt that it was beneficial to the girls’ spiritual development for them to move about once a year. Men, on the other hand, didn’t get attached to things and people like girls did, so it wasn’t necessary to move them around as much.
What I have come to realize in the years since I left IBLP and became responsible for my own home is that Mr. Gothard had it wrong. Women don’t find their security in their homes — they find their outlet for creative expression there. A woman’s home is a direct representation of her personality — an outpouring of her innermost dreams and desires. She decorates and arranges it in the way that seems best to her, so that it will be a place that speaks peace and contentment to her soul. Without such a haven, a woman finds it nearly impossible to rest. She will feel stressed, depressed, and restless, without being able to pinpoint why. God designed her that way, and deliberately short-circuiting that tendency is not only cruel, it is damaging to her emotional and spiritual development.
Of greater concern is the lack of Biblical support for this kind of capricious uprooting. Throughout Scripture, women are entrusted with the care and development of the home. Examination of the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 shows that she is well-established in her home, with an interest in every aspect of household management. Over and over, this woman’s well-established household routine speaks to her wisdom and her ability to develop relationships in the community. No one — woman or man — can develop such relationships or establish such routines when in a constant state of upheaval. That is not to say that there is not a time for uprooting and upheaval. The difference comes when there is a good reason for the change and when it is the whim of a capricious leader. God does not want us to be unstable, and He does not send change into our lives without a specific goal in mind. Christian leaders should not do so, either.
"the young ladies were forced to move so often because Mr. Gothard did not want them to be settled. He said that women tended to place their security too much in their homes and surroundings, and this was unhealthy. They should place their security in the Lord, and not in the people or things around them. Therefore, he felt that it was beneficial to the girls’ spiritual development for them to move about once a year. Men, on the other hand, didn’t get attached to things and people like girls did, so it wasn’t necessary to move them around as much." ~NOW, THAT'S A NEW KIND OF SEXIST THINKING! CRAZY.
I experienced this multiple times during my years at HQ, as well. Whenever I expressed my deep anxiety over being moved AGAIN, I would be chided "don't get so attached, and then it won't be so hard to move." I could never pinpoint why this bothered me so much. Thanks for sharing, Wendy!
"the young ladies were forced to move so often because Mr. Gothard did not want them to be settled. He said that women tended to place their security too much in their homes and surroundings, and this was unhealthy. They should place their security in the Lord, and not in the people or things around them. Therefore, he felt that it was beneficial to the girls’ spiritual development for them to move about once a year."
Mr. Gothard's reasoning as to why the girls should be moved around so frequently is inconsiderate, has no Biblical basis, and is absolutely absurd.
Side note: People from this movement seem to think that if a woman is not perfectly content in the place where Mr. Gothard's teachings (and other similar teachings, like the Botkins') say she is supposed to be (stay at home daughter preferably...waiting for her dad to decide which young man is best for her, then wife and mother only, etc.), then the woman is "feminist" and "rebellious." Everything is completely black and white to them. They think there is no freedom in between. You are either bad or good...and to them, you're only good if you follow what (or most of what) IBLP teaches.
Absolutely unScriptural way of thinking. I left the teachings of IBLP and Gothard when I decided that I had the freedom to choose my own husband...needless to say, my family was less than approving.
Reading that theory just made me sick to my stomach. I've never heard it before, and it makes me ANGRY. I never got shifted around like that when I was at the RCI, but wow... If we women were to be homemakers and wives who joyously made our homes places of love and warmth, how the heck were we supposed to learn that if constantly moved around? So contradictory...
Yes! contradictory to how God actually made us!
If its any comfort, this general approach was at least somewhat applied to us guys living in the TC's. =) Complete, total loyalty to 'the ministry' was expected, but live like you're in a hotel for the year, and you might get randomly shuffled from room to room w/no explanation. Any sense of physical attachment/continuity wasn't kosher, unless you were a family living at the TC. I 'nested' in my own way, best I could, even though it wasn't particularly smiled upon. I defended it with "I'm living here, this is my home for 9 months, I want it to feel like home!" Fun times, eh?
I'm with Liz... this really ticks me off. If Gothard had a wife, would he have moved her around every nine to twelve months so she wouldn't *SIN* by feeling at home? Absolutely absurd. Glad you shared this, Wendy; I had no idea that Gothard's attempts to control and meddle went THIS far. Did he try to proof-text this practice?
I'm pretty sure this is why Bill never married. At some point, even the most saintly wife would tell him where he could stick his so-called Biblical Principles. And imagine what it would do to his empire if word got out that either Bill backed down or his wife divorced him!
"I had no idea that Gothard's attempts to control and meddle went THIS far."
Kevin, if it can be imagined (and sometimes even if not), Mr.G has an opinion.
...Sorry, I meant to say that God's Perfect Will in Every Detail of Daily Life for All Sincere, Committed, and Godly Christians has been revealed through His One and Only Prophet Bill. =)
Is this sort of thinking any surprise from the man who believes that sleeping with the light on will help prevent PMS? :)
Ah, David, but that's not just ANY old light. That's a 100-watt bulb. It makes a difference! :-P
Is this sort of thinking any surprise from the man who believes that sleeping with the light on will help prevent PMS? :)
This is so ridiculous it made me laugh. If he thinks that, he's obviously never dealt with a woman that has PMS.
Even though he never married, perhaps he supposed that keeping 15 & 16 year-olds up past midnight to be cuddle-"prayed" with was keeping the light on for them, even though they should have been asleep. All this time he was just helping them each with their months-long-lasting PMS!!!!! Wonder if his lawyer plans to use this excuse.........
To Nicole:
I know that I have absolutely ZERO compassion for this DECEIVER!! I met and spoke with him personally in the spring of 1979 during my first IBYC seminar. I remember how uncomfortable I was.... (I left telling myself that my being 'ill at ease' was due to his 'godliness' even though 'I felt as if he was staring right through me the entire time we spoke'.) Today, should I have the opportunity, I would SMACK that look from his face!!!!
Huzandbuz,
Which seminar was that? He probably was looking thru you for a reason, someone had caught his eye! A new potential secretary. Every seminar he looked for new staff
Larne
To Larne Gabriel:
I never knew of Bill's devious actions until I began reading Recovering Grace just a year ago.
In the mid 1980s my eldest sister's baptist church was splitting over the realization that Gothard had been covering for his brother Steve's illicit activities as many continued to defend him.
A few years prior, after my 15 1/2 year old son began explaining that IBYC teachings were not biblical, I began to drift away.... but, as with most, the indoctrination was not so easily left behind.
Regarding my 1st Phila. Civic Center seminar in 1979: I was a 32 year old mom.
(It was often assumed that my age was 23-24. Good genes, I guess.) The packed convention hall held more than 10,000. I was one of hundreds who went forward with raised hands to ask questions. Bill then approached me inquiring if I had a prayer request....
I was a brunette with dark eyes and perhaps still 'a bit too old' for his desires. His countenance still haunts me....
Very well written Wendy!! I experienced this so many times that I don't even remember them all.
Wow Wendy. I had not heard that explanation for "shifting", or realized why it was so difficult for women in general. Very insightful. Maybe that's what instilled in me the mindset of always being ready. I like a simple compact life :-) I've been living as a missionary for 5 years, and though in the a same room for 3. I remember at the beginning being told to not "change things". I tend to take the simple too far (my ATI legalistic indoctrination) and don't do any thing to create the peaceful environment I need. I can see how that builds up stress and restlessness. Guess that's why I get the "homing pigeon" instinct and need to fly back to the "nest".
Michelle: I think that God can give a special gift of grace to a woman whose life circumstances require frequent moves --- missionary or military wives, for example --- but I think that it is a special "dispensation" if you will, rather like what He did for Sarah in the Old Testament.
Sarah and Abraham were from Ur --- the New York City of that day. I daresay that their home in Ur was the BC equivalent of a modern estate-type house in the suburbs today. And she was uprooted to become a nomad traveling the Middle Eastern deserts in a conglomeration of tents!
I also think that we can develop a traveling mindset if God helps us. A missionary friend once told me that she had two or three things that, once they were "in place" at their new home, made it home. I think we all have that to some degree.
But it is not God's plan for every woman. Or even for most.
Just for perspective...
I lived at Headquarters and never got moved around much. I'm wondering if this was one of Mr G's (many) phases? At one point I would have loved getting moved as I really didn't appreciate my room mate. ;-) I lived at Heritage most of my 3 years at HQ (in the late 90's) and for the most part enjoyed my stay.
Very well written, Wendy. I know from first-hand experience that Mr. Gothard likes to micromanage. This completely tramples on the freedom that we have in Christ. It grieves me that he justifies this and many other intrusive practices at the facilities that he oversees. His overbearing style of leadership has encouraged others to trample on the person-hood of countless individuals that were simply seeking to live godly lives. Only Christ has the right to lead oversee our sanctification in this way. In practice, Gothard has often become somewhat of an antichrist by setting himself in the place of our Lord rather than trusting that He who has begun the work in us will finish it.
The first word that come to my mind is that this guy is a complete jerk. Well, really other words come to mind but I want to be polite and not swear. He embodies the true definition of a misogynist. Bill seems to be obsessed with people having "idols". So he causes a constant forced moving around for the young women entrusted in his care, he is against people having pets because they will make idols out of them, etc and so on. He seems obsessed with this idea do to the fact that he himself has made an idol- himself. His ideas, his views, his whatever, he is always right, never wrong and God speaks to him. What a bunch of crock. To make some kind of blanket statement and belief that women settle down and make friends is akin to making idols is about a far fetched as it gets. He plays along with the Pearls idea that women should not have friendships with other women outside of their spouse. All of this is sick thinking.
From what we know now, his "reason" may have been a quickly contrived explanation. Maybe it was a big game, a way to break them down for grooming and to keep them from trusting each other and figuring him out together.
Definitely creepy.
!!DECEIVER!!
God's Word is so clear in that even though we may know Jesus as our personal Lord & Savior, each one of us sins every day. We need to confess our iniquities daily before a Holy & Righteous God. If we are serious in our relationship to Him, are we not to strive for holiness?
Romans 6: 1 & 2 - What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we that are dead to sin live any longer therein? (Should we exploit grace for evil ends?!?!)
HOW does someone purposefully & willfully continue to PRACTICE DECEPTION for YEARS....inflicting psychological, emotional and physical pain on another human being WHILE proclaiming to know, profess and teach what he feels to be the Word of God?? Where IS the Holy Spirit in Bill Gothard's life?? Can he truly believe that he is showing the LOVE of CHRIST and that our Lord delights in his work?!?! HOW can he NOT be AWARE?!?! Is he deranged??
The SUFFERING we have experienced due to his leading us via such treacherous teaching lingers....(The TORMENT that those young ladies experienced is immeasurable!!) Yet, he dares to speak of satan and strongholds....?!?!
Personally, I find it nearly impossible to have any compassion for him....
I wonder what he will think and do if or when da Hilda gets elected in November!??
Well, maybe they can become good pen pals because both of them seem to be always accused of doing something wrong, everyone is out to get them and finally everyone just misunderstands their actions. But really maybe both Bills can get together and talk about pretty girls and how both of them are always misunderstood by all these pretty girls. Remember, everyone is out for Bill G because he is against rock music.
Yes;and in the heart of disappointment I take righteous defiance against this bully with these words.
Yes, a diabolical big game where he shifts the girls around so much that none of them can figure out that he is picking out some to be his footsie partner for the day. The is not only a sign of a complete jerk but a totally evil mastermind. He is an evil genius for sure but the game is up now and it is time to reap what he has sown.
!!I hope he is 'SOWN right into the GROUND'!!
After all this garbage that has happened with what I would call the botched prosecutor,I want to throw up.Right where I'm at I think its like a big punch in the gut.I have nothing in common with him you guys consider him evil;so do I;I can't fathom why it worked for him to keep the black show going,but the longer he resisted repentance the more evil he became.Give me a break about God must not be wanting to punish because he's always come out on top.He seemed to have gotten away with ripping out the delicate fabric of many hearts yeah he'll do it again.Replacing them with manipulated mechanisms;puppet strings.He must be stopped;if sidelined he'll grab,bully,eventually attack,kill,maim,rob,steal.
When this was written in 2011, I don't think any one really knew what Bill's strange behavior and reasons were really about, all the pieces of the puzzle were not in place or known yet. But now and thanks to the bravery of Dr. Cornish and Kari Underwood in starting this blog, the pieces of the puzzle have come together and they don't paint a pretty picture of Bill which is a morally corrupted man. He obviously knew what he was doing and that it was wrong and to cover his tracks, he mixes up the girls to the point of constant chaos for them. I am sure when Wendy wrote this in 2011, that she didn't understood the real reason which wasn't to "spiritual" grow the girls to depend on the Lord (his pathetic excuse when questioned) but to cover his pervert tracks.
Yet another tactic he used "to bind their hearts to [him] instead of to God." Creepin' me out!!!!!!!! btw, does anybody remember ever hearing him refer to "the Lord"? Because I only remember him admonishing us in reference to "God", not to "the Lord". Since "the Lord" means "the Master" I can understand why not. BG: "Who???? What Lord?!?!?!?"
Nicole,
This is an insightful comment.
It is easy to talk in the abstract about "God" and expound on theology and abstract theories about God without actually getting personally involved with the Person Himself. But if you call Him "Lord" you are acknowledging that He has the full right to be personally involved in your life and even be the Head over it.
Actually, this strikes me as a key to knowing who to follow as a Christian leader. Is this a person who calls Him Lord, from the heart, and also lives under His Lordship and Headship?
Your comment brought several verses to mind, somewhat at random:
Matthew 22:43
He said to them, How then does David in spirit call Him Lord...
Luke 6:46
And why do you call Me, Lord, Lord, and do not do the things that I say?
John 13:13
You call Me the Teacher and the Lord, and you say rightly, for I am.
Romans 10:12
For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord is Lord of all and rich to all who call upon Him.
2 Timothy 2:22
...pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
2 Timothy 2:22 expounds on the bare basic, which is to call on the Lord from the heart; this in itself is not the only stipulation for who to align oneself with. Ahhhh, to have those IBLP years of my life back.......! I would spend it pursuing the Lord.
Oh, no, not the only stipulation. That's why I said "a" key, not the key. I wasn't trying to be thorough in what I said about following people. I was just musing on what you said that had touched me.
Isn't it good that the Lord has rescued us out of the darkness and the lies and we can pursue Him now! I have received so much enjoyment of the Lord just by simply calling on His name -- "Oh, Lord Jesus." Such a simple prayer, but I gain Him in all His riches by praying it from my heart, even sometimes all day long.
Regarding my own regrets over lost years, the Lord comforted me with Joel 2:25, which says in essence "I will restore to you the years which the locusts have eaten." This promise has helped me many times over the years.
I didn't say properly what I meant- all that I really examined was the one verse of many you provided (although I'd like to study the rest). The entirety of it, that you provided, has both "the bare bones" which is "calling on the Lord" from the heart & the tissue "out of a pure heart" also pursuing righteousness, faith, love & peace. What you/the Bible said has it all altogether. I was splicing the verse due to the apparent lack of "the bare bones" of Mr. Gothard's IBLP-churching. And how can a body of Christ have no structure that upholds Him as head???
Interesting!!! I have to think about this!
I know that God's meaning of it is not meant to be spliced- it's meant as a "whole package", as you originally pointed out. But I see verses such as this one getting the buffet-treatment by IBLP having people's theology subtracted from, added-onto, & just plain twisted. Calling Jesus "Lord" seems to be pork to Gothard! So he passes it up.
I think I might be not completely following you, possibly because I wasn't in ATI and so you're referring to something I'm not familiar with. Our family was affected by IBYC before ATI existed.
Today the verse that I'm enjoying is Romans 10:12, specifically that He is rich to all who call upon Him. I want to be a caller on Him today so He will be rich to me!
Grace, He is rich toward us BEFORE we call out to Him. We should call out to Him BECAUSE we know He is Good and Kind and Trustworthy, not because that will cause Him to bless us. He already has blessed us beyond all comprehension. That is why Paul prays for all in Ephesians that we will "know" how wide, deep, etc. is the Love!
You know, Don, after I posted that I thought about what you are saying, and I realized that I was going to touch a nerve on this board. I wish I'd thought about it before I posted, and I would have worded it differently. Now I have to try to clear up what I meant.
It's not a matter of "I'll do X to get a blessing from God." I'm not quite as sensitive to this admittedly wrong way of thinking as most of the people who post here, because I just wasn't as immersed in what everybody else was immersed in. You can tell I wasn't, because I hadn't even thought of it that way when I was writing. At any rate, it's not what I intended to say, and it's not what the Spirit meant by this divinely inspired verse, I'm sure.
For one thing the "rich" in this verse has nothing to do with material blessings. It does *not* say that if you call on the Lord that He will give you something tangible and material. It says that "He is rich toward all." "He is," not "He gives" something or other. "He is rich" means that when we call on Him we are gaining...what? We are gaining Him. And He is rich! Everything in the universe that we need is in Him. But we need to access these riches that are in Him. We need Him to be rich "toward us," and there is in fact something that we need to do to receive Him as such unsearchably great wealth and richness. So what is that, according to this verse? It is not the evil legalistic requirements that we have all been so seriously damaged by. This verse says that He is rich toward all who "call on Him." Not do everything right and obey all the commandments. No. Call on Him.
I like the footnote in the Recovery Version of the Bible on this verse, referring to the word "rich":
"This shows that God selects us, redeems us, justifies us, sanctifies us, conforms us, and glorifies us in Christ in order that we may enjoy His unsearchable riches in Christ (Eph. 3:8). The secret to this enjoyment is to call on His name."
Here's the link to that:
http://online.recoveryversion.org/FootNotes.asp?FNtsID=3987
Thanks. My only complaint about this board is the inability to edit posts! I figured you got it, but just don't want to leave anything out there to confuse some of the hurting who wander by and read our stories and discussions.
Context is everything. The context of Romans 10:12 is justification by faith. The (v. 12) "calling on him" is (v. 10) "...with the mouth confession is made unto salvation", (v. 9) "confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus..." and (v. 8) "The word...in thy mouth...the word of faith, which we preach". Thus the calling on him is the confession of faith that the heart believes. It is the result of conversion, not the cause of blessing. I love your confession of His graciousness. (I hope I initially presented a positive addition and not any kind of rebuke.)
Actually, Don, even if it did come across as a rebuke, I'm glad you pointed it out, because it needed to be cleared up. And I love what you said, "calling on him is the confession of faith that the heart believes." He comes to us as the charming and attractive One, and our heart spontaneously turns to Him and believes and we call on Him. Just like when He came to Peter and said "Follow Me," and Peter was so attracted that he spontaneously dropped everything and followed Him. This is awesome!