14 Comments

1. 

   Teri August 9, 2011 Reply

   Faith, this is heartbreaking! I imagine that the parents who paid $100 a week for their child to serve at a Training Center would assume that their child would be FED! Bill Gothard always said to put people above projects. What a way to put people first!

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     Tammy August 9, 2011 Reply

     Faith, As a parent who has been set free from this cult, I am appalled at what you had to go through. There is absolutely no excuse for this type of treatment. Your story is another heartbreaking one. I pray that you and your sister will be able to reconcile someday. In the meantime, I pray that you are enjoying your freedom in Christ and learning to trust Him on a day to day basis to guide you.

2. 

   Jessica August 9, 2011 Reply

   I can remember times like that. I am so sorry that you had to go through this.

3. 

   Joseph Landeene August 9, 2011 Reply

   Faith, this is so sad and terrible! I think we all feel bad that by being part of ATI, we enabled them to do these horrible, ungodly things. :(

4. 

   Will Hunsucker August 10, 2011 Reply

   In another article, the obligatory Sunday fasting was mentioned. No breakfast or lunch on Sundays, so as to "instill the godly habit of fasting."
   
   In our case at the MTC, going to church on Sunday usually entailed 2-3 hours of traveling by bus and metro, round trip, not counting the 2hr (at least) church service.
   
   NOT an easy day to fast on.
   
   
   I don't know how the girls survived, but I do know (and thank God) that the fasting wasn't enforced for the guys at least. Guys, being guys, tended to try to have smthg. set aside for Sundays and would often put what we had together so as to have some sort of lunch.
   
   (There was also a hotplate/griddle that was very carefully protected and rotated among guardian-keepers, a status granted through inheritance. I.e., when one left, they made sure that particular item was NOT absorbed into TC property.)
   
   
   However, I do remember that the girls generally had a harder time of it in general, for some odd reason. This particular article is amazing and appalling. I think - I HOPE if I had been there, I would've gone and protested on behalf of my sisters in Christ... this wasn't a one day occurrence here, but systematic? Even through negligence, this would be awful - but purposefully...?
   
   When the Universal, Non-Optional Principles become more important than the actual PEOPLE they're supposed to be 'helping,' there should be red flags going up, air-raid sirens going off... someone should be sounding the alarm.

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     FaithR January 24, 2013 Reply

     Will, the over working and little sleep was for the entire time I was there - but that was just par for the course when you were working at a TC. There was mandatory fasting every Sunday but the real problem with no food "only" lasted a little over a week and (as far as I know) "only" effected the REFINE girls.

5. 

   JeannieB May 22, 2012 Reply

   I was one of the leaders during that Refine class! I remember that awful health conference week. I was drafted as a leader because I was completing my Equip service time, so I was somewhat of a prisoner in the place myself...I remember sitting at dinner and the program leader sneaked a jar of mayonnaise from her office and we discreetly passed it around to as many of the girls as could reach it, to try to give some flavor to the awful food. To this day I still remember the big bowls of bitter greens at breakfast, and being hungry all the time, and having awful food to eat (if we were lucky enough to get any after everyone went through the line).
   
   There was another side to it. Us leaders were slandered and criticized when we tried to intervene on behalf of our little class. One morning I got in trouble for taking the honey squeeze bottles from the closet so the girls could disguise the awfulness of the "healthy" and tasteless breakfast concoction. (I still don't know how on earth I got caught by Mrs. Ritchie's all-seeing eye...I was terrified that I would be sent home or something). I also remember one of the Life Focus guys was a real pill. He kept acting stupid, bothering the Refine girls, who would later get in trouble for talking to boys (funny, I don't recall the guy ever got in trouble). Finally I got fed up and went to him and asked him to please leave the girls alone and be respectful of us, just as we did our best to keep our distance from the Life Focus guys. That ended up in rumors that I was trying to flirt with the guys. Go figure. (For the record, I thought the gender segregation was silly, but just shrugged it off as one of those "oh well, there's good reason for it" ridiculous rules.)
   
   I remember you, Faith! I was friends with your sisters too. You were such a sweetheart, it was a breath of fresh air when you were around, your sunny personality always kept our spirits up! Even when you complained, you were so sweet about it...and like I said, we were hungry all the time too, but we thought we had to set a good example...which is why we couldn't agree with you out loud. I am so sorry for the pain we inflicted on you guys...I can honestly say we had the best intentions, but we had been somewhat brainwashed and our ideas were messed up. I remember calling home and recommending that my younger sis attend Refine...I'm sorry now I ever suggested it...it was not a good experience for her.
   
   I look back on my time with Equip and Refine with some regret. I truly, genuinely cared for the girls in my team, but all of us leaders were hampered both by the "ITC rules" and by various degrees of brainwashing. We thought the right thing to to was follow the authorities' recommendations. I remember a lot of things didn't make sense, but we had all been trained to believe that by "staying under authority" God would bless us and those under our supervision.
   
   I remember some of the girls in the group seemed to have attitude issues and were a bit of a handful. I knew that there was a lot of hurt under the surface of attitude or behavior "issues" and all I wanted was to let those girls know they were loved and that God cared. I remember one of the girls on my team was very loud and giggly (and seemed a little boy-crazy), nothing terrible just typical teenager stuff. I was told we would have to eat our meals in our room so she wouldn't try to attract attention. I remember thinking that was somewhat pointless because a need to attract attention was rooted in faulty self-worth...Common sense told me that what she needed was unconditional love and validation, not being singled out and cut off from everyone else. I remember I tried my best to make a good thing out of the situation, and make our little team the most fun and love filled team ever. I didn't see myself as a "Leader/authority" but as more of a camp counselor. I just wanted the girls to know we loved them and that they were precious in God's eyes.
   
   I don't think I succeeded in communicating that, but I tried my best within the restrictions of the ITC. As I said, a lot of us Refine/Leaders truly cared, but we had our hands tied and our brains washed.
   
   I was (and still am) friends with the Refine director and I can honestly say she was genuine in her concern for the girls and wanting to make a positive investment in their lives. A few years ago she said that looking back, though, she would have done so many things differently. That is probably true about all of us Refine "leaders". I think that most of us probably look back and cringe at our ati-brainswashed-refine-leader selves.
   
   Thank God for His grace...It's wonderful to know that He takes even our mistakes and works everything for good. The biggest thing I took away from my time in Equip and ITC, was that God is powerful enough to work out His wonderful plan even in spite of my clumsy attempts to help!

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     FaithR January 24, 2013 Reply

     Oh, JeannieB! I remember you too! I know that the team leaders who were with us girls 24/7 had it just as bad, if not worse than us. We at least got to sleep a little more since we didn't have to go to team leader meetings too. I don't blame any of the ATI students for enforcing the rules. We were all brainwashed into doing things I know we look back on with regret. If I had just told my parents what was going on and that the problem wasn't fixed maybe things would have been better for all of us. I know when the parents showed up for the father/daughter part of the program we had food!

6. 

   Alejandra May 22, 2012 Reply

   I went to REFINE !! And it was just as you described it.
   
   I remember feeling so impotent when we were restricted to no more than 10 minute phone calls per week to family. And we always had to have a leader sitting next to us, listening to the entire conversation, lest we should say something that shouldn't be talked about!!
   
   I also remember the hunger you describe. Especially during the conference week. It was horrible. So hungry all day long...we had to serve the food, but weren't allowed to touch it until everyone else was done...
   
   If you ask me, it was a brilliant idea for those up above in the chain of command... they got countless of naive families to PAY for sending their daughters to be free slaves at ITC. Horrible...
   
   My sister was a leader there, and it is only until now that she finally admits that she too was brainwashed and that REFINE did more harm than good.
   
   Thank God for those who have seen the light!

7. 

   Heather July 25, 2012 Reply

   SICK!!!!!!! I am so ANGRY! Anyone still think Gothard and his *expletive* teachings are a good thing?

8. 

   Ashia September 5, 2013 Reply

   Hi Faith!
   
   This is Ashia and I just want to apologize and say that I was so very wrong for how I managed the Refine program. Looking back, I see now that I had a skewed view of God’s love and grace and that this created a damaging environment for you girls. I was trusting flawed principles rather than walking by God’s spirit. I apologize for operating out of fear rather than love and pushing rules instead of showing the grace of Christ. I see how my fear was so ingrained that it made me unable to advocate for us when we were going hungry! Understanding how deeply I hurt you and the girls in the program makes my heart ache. I pray that you are finding healing and freedom from the damage caused by Refine.
   
   Ashia

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     MatthewS September 5, 2013 Reply

     I never get tired of hearing that someone has left the rigid principles behind in favor of walking in the Spirit!!

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     Joanna September 6, 2013 Reply

     Wow, Ashia, thanks for your apology. I was never a part of Refine, but just as an outsider, I say thanks. That takes a lot of courage.

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     Faith R February 6, 2014 Reply

     Ashia I'm just now reading this and I want to say thank you so much for this apology. It really means a lot. I know that you were just doing what you thought was right at the time and I've long since forgiven you.