This is part one of a three-part series detailing the damage done to one student as he experienced several of IBLP/ATI's programs for young people in his teens and early twenties.
Beginnings. I was raised in a normal home until we joined the Advanced Training Institute (ATI) in 2000. Up until then we did normal family things and went to church. I had friends and held normal expectations of myself — as did my parents.
Our family attended the annual conference in Knoxville and quickly afterwards the Basic Seminar [Children’s Institute (CI) for me back then]. I quickly latched on to this as I saw the concepts of “success” and “Godly” thrown around with a list of rules and check-lists with Bible verses punched into each one. Finally, I thought, I had found a tangible way to be “all that I could be.”
My dad found an ALERT Cadet unit (he was ex-Army) and I became an ALERT Cadet — where I knocked out all the expectations of me in record time and climbed through the ranks. I also wrote some of the curriculum for the program (at age 14). On my thirteenth birthday, I had a “Rite of Passage” in which I quoted the Book of James from memory and had my dad sign my “Courtship Covenant,” binding myself to my father as the one to choose my wife for me.
I searched avidly for ways to serve others in my church and in the ATI program. At each conference or Basic Seminar I attended or worked at, I found different programs that promised to help me grow closer to Christ in service to Him.
And then a friend of mine told me that he had just come from Life Focus and that he really grew from it. At age 14 I signed up for Life Focus 5 and was shipped off to the Indianapolis Training Center (ITC) where I discovered what was on the other side of the looking glass.
Life Focus. I was with a group of kids who all seemed ‘normal’ enough — and we were put on “voice-lockdown” in order to learn to “Be still and know that I am God.” [Note: I recently left the United States Military Academy at West Point, and it is illegal for us to use this treatment on cadets there.] At one point on day four or thereabouts, I raised my hand to ask a question and my leader said, “You have more time on voice-lockdown.” The effects of this treatment continue to this day. I still seldom talk, but prefer to sit and shut up. When I do speak, I cannot communicate with confidence — I stammer a lot.
I mentioned to my leader (ex-ALERT man) my desire to join ALERT and he spent his time picking me out and hazing the life out of me (pushups, flutter-kicks, sit-ups). At one point he put me in the bathtub and told me to hold two gallon jugs of water at arm’s length and keep them from spilling — all of this, as far as I can tell, was done just because he could.
In order to graduate from Life Focus, you had to earn a shirt that proclaimed you to be an improved individual. All of the other guys earned their shirts one week to the next. But I was constantly being bullied by the other guys (some were juvenile delinquents) either physically or emotionally. At one point in the dish-pit at ITC, a bunch of guys were taking turns spraying me with hot water (100 degrees plus). After repeatedly asking them to stop, I finally snapped, “I’m going to kill you.” I ripped off my hair-net and went to hit the guy. But my glasses flew off and I missed. They put me in solitary confinement.
The leader of the organization asked me what my problem was, why I had not earned my shirt. I sat across from him and had a blank look on my face, “I have no clue what my problem is. You tell me.”
The day the fathers showed up to collect their kids, I had never felt so happy to see my Dad. I was crying and just holding him for protection from the leadership. He had no clue what was going on with me, but I received my shirt the next day and all I had was gratitude for the leadership in showing that I passed the test–whatever the test was–apparently I passed it. We quoted the book of James and I was sent home.
But it was nowhere near the end for me. It was only the beginning.
Click here to read Part 2
Wow
OH MY... SO sorry this happened to you. My heart just went out to you, not being defended in an abusive situation. Praying the ending is just.
Did you have similar experiences at Verity? We went to an "open house" of sorts, and we left feeling like we had more questions about rules that weren't being stated!
I would love to hear your take on this.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Blessings,
Amanda
Amanda, stay tuned! The Verity part of the story is yet to come ... probably in two weeks. :-)
what year was Life Focus 5 held? My son attended LF also.
heartbreaking...
Great post Dave. I love you, Bud! God bless.
TylerG...luv u too :D