Recovering Grace would like to thank an anonymous contributor for the following.
A teaching we heard often in ATI was the need to be an energy giver. Let me start by clarifying that I firmly believe that we ought to reach out to others, encourage them with smiles and kind words, look for ways to serve, and just generally be a friendly and nice person. But what happens when you take this idea to an extreme?
I recently pulled out a chart that was in my IBLP materials. It’s titled, “Are You an Energy Giver, Taker, or Waster?” The Energy Giver is compared with the person who is “hot,” the Energy Waster is “lukewarm,” and the Energy Waster is “cold.” (These terms come from the Lord’s rebuke to the church of Laodicea in Revelation 3. Incidentally, the Lord says He wishes the church were cold or hot, just not lukewarm.) The chart compares and contrasts approximately twelve characteristics of each person. Some of them are good, some are extreme, and some would be fine if you weren’t expected to keep all of them all the time. I’ll highlight a few.
The Energy Giver smiles at everyone, using the obedient, ministry, and joyful smiles as appropriate… The Energy Waster smiles at friends and is no better than a heathen (Matthew 5:47). The Energy Taker does not smile; his sadness draws attention, which is selfish.
Now, I personally enjoy being around people who smile. They’re encouraging, and I find myself uplifted from being around them. But this teaching shows why there were so many smiling masks in ATI. If you smile at your friends only, you’re no better than a heathen. If you allow sadness on your face, you’re selfish. In other words: If you’re hurting, cry alone where no one can see you. If you’re struggling, don’t tell anyone. You can always have a reason to smile, and there is never a good reason not to smile. Have you ever considered what might be behind the joyful faces?
The Energy Giver seeks God’s face, and his eyes shine. The Energy Waster seeks his friend’s face and forms cliques. The Energy Taker seeks the rebel’s face, and his eyes are dark.
This part sounds pretty harmless until you trade out the terms for the ATI definitions. “Eyes shine” – how can you tell? This characteristic really worked out to be up to the authority to decide whether your eyes were shining or dark. Maybe you didn’t sleep well, so your eyes were dark. Maybe you were trying not to cry, which can make your eyes shine. How can you judge someone by his eyes? “Forms cliques” translates into “spends time with friends, specifically a group of people becoming closer together.” You really should not be forming a group of close-knit friends when you’re supposed to be focused on serving the Lord. “Rebel” is anyone who does not line up with the authority’s perspective. Suddenly this teaching becomes very dangerous: “If you spend time with people, build close relationships, enjoy frivolity, or align yourself with someone we have our eye on, you’re not being an Energy Giver. That means that your heart is lukewarm or cold, and you need to confess and make things right.”
The Energy Giver enjoys humor and honors design. The Energy Waster enjoys silliness and joking (Proverbs 26:18-19). The Energy Taker enjoys folly and mocks design.
There is a time and a place for humor. I do not condone mocking others, and I do not encourage folly. But silliness and joking? Light-hearted fun? I learned that to be silly or joking was frivolity and showed a heart that was not aligned with God and His will. In my mid-twenties, I’m now finally learning to relax and enjoy joking and teasing with my friends. I can pull a good-natured prank without feeling guilty, and I can take one without getting angry. When I see a group of young people laughing hard, I no longer judge them for not having a right focus on the Lord. I rejoice that they can enjoy their youth.
The Energy Giver does more than is required. The Energy Waster does only what is required. The Energy Taker does less than is required.
In other words, any time you do not find a way to go above and beyond, something is wrong with your heart.
The Energy Giver lives frugally to be generous. The Energy Waster spends extra on himself. The Energy Taker squanders or hoards resources.
So if I’m saving up my money for something, or if I spend money on something just for the fun of it, I’m not following the Lord’s will. It’s good to give to others. It’s good to be generous, and it’s good to be a wise steward of the resources God gives us. But to make this into a command to follow?
Finally, the instructions on how to become an Energy Giver, copied directly from the chart:
- Acknowledge your need for God’s energy – Grace: the desire and power God gives to do His will
- Recognize and reject self-effort (Iniquity) – Christ’s yoke is easy and His burden is light
- Dedicate your body as a living sacrifice – Yield members each day. (Romans 12:1-2)
- Be committed to God’s will – and find it! – Check every action against Basic Principles
- Learn verses on endurance
“If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small.”
“Be not weary in well-doing, for in due season ye shall reap.”
“Be thou in the fear of the Lord, for surely there is an end…”
“If you have run with footmen and they have wearied you…”
Truth: We cannot live the Christian life in our own strength. We need the Lord’s help to carry on. If we’re following the Lord, His yoke is easy. We need to surrender to the Lord, and we need to obey what we know God has commanded. We should not give up when life gets hard.
Problems: God’s grace again becomes merely the energy to live up to these standards. This man-made burden is not easy or light. It’s closer to impossible. To find God’s will, check every action against what? I believe the correct answer would be God’s Word, not the Basic Principles.
Once again, the Christian life becomes standards to meet, principles to follow, and external rules against which you must measure your life. When we know and understand God’s love and grace, smiling and enthusiastic service will naturally follow. But it’s ok to cry. It’s ok to admit that you’re having a hard day. It’s ok to have friends and to allow them to help you get back on track. And it’s ok to laugh and enjoy life.
Ah the memories! I first remember hearing this teaching at one of the Knoxville conferences in the '90's as a teenager - and subsequently journaling about trying to live it. I've since grown up and left ATI - but to this day fight with feeling that I shouldn't let others close to me or minister to me since I am taking energy from them rather than being the strong one. Yet that's nonsense - why would any of us ever go into ministry if it was wrong for anyone to struggle, hurt, be weak, and need ministry? It's illogical.
One of the worst aspects of false doctrine - it affects the lives of people long after they've quit believing it.
Brilliant! You nailed this. I constantly hear how happy people who follow this look, and want to scream that of course they look happy--that is the only acceptable emotion. Thank you for speaking up and for all that you are doing to help others find grace that doesn't depend on our own desire and power.
I'm glad someone wrote on this topic. I was just thinking of it the other day. Connecting energy giving/wasting/taking to Rev. 3 is such a misuse of Scripture. And, it's a set up for spiritual abuse. I mean, if you don't always go above and beyond the call of duty, you aren't spiritualy hot. This might explain why so many who were "called to serve" at TC's ended up with adrenal fatigue/exhaustion. And the idea that to be spiritually hot, you can't seek out the face of your friends? How crazy is that?
Good post.
Wow. I can't believe the instructions to becoming an "Energy Giver" say that every action should be checked against the "Basic Principles" and does not say to check them against God's Word! I remember from one of the seminars hearing about smiling even when you don't feel like it, and Gothard saying that it was just like burping when you don't feel like it. This is evidence, unfortunately, that what's going on in the heart is not as important as the external in the world of IBLP/ ATI.
Thank you so much for that article! I am just stunned. I discovered this website because I am concerned about a friend who seems to be going deeper and deeper into IBLP. Since I myself was not raised ATI, I knew nothing of that teaching on "energy giving", but it suddenly shed so much light on my friend's situation. I feel like a light bulb just went on, and my heart is breaking for her!
We met 8 years ago in a newly-formed small group bible study at our church. We were all young wives and mothers of small children, and at that time she was a joyful, open, faith-filled sister in Christ who laughed freely, chatted about movies, joked about toddler tantrums, etc. etc. Gradually over the first year or two she began changing... first they decided to homeschool their children and began attending a new church (I later learned a much more conservative church that emphasized submission of women to their husbands and fathers). Our church was struggling with the role of women in church leadership at the time, and many people left for various reasons so I thought nothing of it. And I was fully supportive of her choice to homeschool... we don't homeschool but I was excited for her because she was so eager to get started and clearly felt it was God's plan for her family! They already had four little ones, but her husband went through a vasectomy reversal and she expressed the desire to have more children. Again, I thought that was wonderful, if they felt led to do that. They got rid of their television, all the girls started wearing skirts, and she dropped out of our bible study.
Then they sold their large, lovely home and moved outside of town to a much smaller house on a large piece of land where they kept animals and a big garden. She told me that her husband wanted to be out in the country where his kids would have the chance to do chores, etc. and that they wanted to get out of their mortgage and live debt-free. But I began to realize that she felt very isolated out there. She was not a "farmer" as she put it and was overwhelmed by the work on top of homeschooling and her large family. Slowly, she became uncomfortable with any negative conversation, any discussion of "worldly" things like fashion trends, contemporary music, etc. She lost that easy, spontaneous sense of humor, but she was always pleasant and smiling and grateful, and never complained about ANYTHING anymore. Everything was always a blessing, or it was an opportunity to practice patience, dependence on the Lord, etc. She was always giving, serving, helping, "going the extra mile," with this pleasant and smiling countenance. I thought she must be happy, because she always look so content and serene. But I think that was merely her obedient smile or her ministry smile or whatever. You article just makes so much sense to me, it all just clicks.
I had no idea that she was involved with Bill Gothard's teachings because I knew nothing about him until she mentioned using Wisdom Booklets in her homeschool. I happened to have seen some episodes of 19 Kids and Counting and recognized that the Duggars use the same materials and I did a little online research and eventually ended up here. I have learned a lot about ATI/IBLP since then, and I am so concerned, especially about the way BG abuses Scripture and redefines Grace.
Thank you again for this article. It might seem like a little thing, but the smiling masks play a HUGE role in this. I speak from an outsider's perspective. The smiles are very convincing. I once admired the Duggars on television because they were all so bright-eyed, energetic, hard-working, positive, encouraging, unselfish, enthusiastic, and so on and so on. I mean it really makes an impression. I thought to myself, "I don't have the same convictions, but if they look so peaceful and joyful that must be the fruit of the Spirit who is at work in their life. Good for them, God is good!"
I am sure you are not surprised that my friend has cut off all contact with me. I have shared this website with her, but she never responded to my email. We have been drifting apart for a long time (now I fully understand why) and so we don't have the foundation of a close friendship. In there anything else I can do for her, other than prayer?
Amy, I think it is wonderful that you see the bondage your friend is in and wish to help. Speaking not as a professional, but from the experience of one who has been in that same bondage, I would say the best thing you can do other than prayer, is to stay present as a friend, insofar as she will allow it. You have expressed a dissenting voice, now stay present. This is a powerful psychological hold. Someday she may have enough of the Scripture-twisting, control, even abuse, and be ready to get out. She may need help to do that, and she may come to you for help if she feels safe with you. Thank you so much for caring.
I can only imagine that your being stunned will turned into utter shock after you read many of the stories on this website.
I wish the answer to your reaching your friend would be as easy as just exposing this website to her. Please don't underestimate the power of prayer. It is very difficult to reach someone who is caught up in gothard's cult. I would pray for her often and show love to her as you have opportunity. Seeing the love of Christ in others had a huge impact on me when I was in gothard's cult. It was something that I just couldn't deny and got me to thinking and questioning his teachings for their accuracy. Gothard tells his followers that those who disagree with him are in rebellion and have sin in their life. (And who doesn't have sin in their life?) None of us are perfect or will be this side of heaven. He also blames their rebellion on the unclean music that a person listens to. Unclean music is any music with a rock beat. He is able to lure his followers into his cult by promising them godly children if they will do this and this and such. Who doesn't want their children to be godly?
Glad you found this website so that you could have better insite into what is going on with your friend.
Wow, what a scary teaching. As for energy giving, there's more than one way to enable someone. Pretending a hurtful doctrine is actually helping you is one of those.
BTW, Gothard is not anything resembling a Christain. He follows none of Christ's doctrines. He has built a religion out of Freudian psychology and wallpapered it with Scripture.
Pippi, that is an elegant, succint portrayal of Gothard and his teachings!
Pippi, there is so much potential to this comment to be expanded for a better critique of ATI. I have also, with my limited knowledge of the it, noticed humanistic and Freudian psychology in Dr. Gothard's teachings. Someone should really write an article for RG on this subject.
This makes me tired just remembering it.
How sad. First there's a long list of exhausting demands on you to always be an Energy Giver and then a Biblical exhortation that God's yoke is easy. Thus, if you're overwhelmed, you're in sin! The problem is obviously with YOU not with the overwhelming and constant expectation to be strong and perfect.
What a heavy burden!
Being happy is the only option. How true!!! What mental gymnastics we went through to put a positive spin on everything that happened. To the point that pain = love.
Anyone remember the teaching that we were supposed to respond to "How are you?" with "Rejoicing!"? Yeah, that took some mental gymnastics too.
Wow, yeah. This idea/teaching was used to abuse so many people who labored so hard for the ministry. Having a "tough time" was simply not acceptable -- at least not in public. I will say that *most* Christian ministries/churches have this problem, but most of them likely don't have it delineated for them in quite this fashion.
I'm so glad this article was helpful. I'd been pondering the subject for several weeks, and then I found the information in my EXCEL materials and decided to write about it. At this point I choose to remain anonymous, since my parents are still deeply involved with ATI/IBLP.
I remember being complimented on my bright smile. Being told I was an Energy-Giver and trying so desperately to fit the description in the IBLP materials. There's no wonder even the thought exhausts me now. We HAD to smile, HAD to look happy, HAD to show the world that we had something they didn't. Look at us, aren't we joyful? I wonder how many smiling faces covered hearts that were broken. I don't have to wonder...I think I know.
I came across this same chart the other day while clearing out old stuff....I started reading it, snorted in disgust, and tossed it out! My children still laugh about the whole thing and make fun of it. (We tried to use it with them when they were very little...it got old fast.) It was all the rage when I was at HQ...if you felt "down," tough luck....get out your "ministry smile." Oh, brother. Does honesty not have a place in displaying outwardly our inward feelings? Uh...yeah...
"If you allow sadness on your face, you’re selfish. In other words: If you’re hurting, cry alone where no one can see you. If you’re struggling, don’t tell anyone." I guess he's forgetting the verse to weep with those who weep.
"But silliness and joking? Light-hearted fun?" My family was always like this, but I felt as if I couldn't be myself when I lived at a training center. It drove me nuts!
And here we see again that once "grace" becomes "the power and desire to do God's Will" and the person who initiated the definition change is allowed to determine what God's will is, You get extreme bondage- either to pride (if you are praised as having been able to measure up), or to depression (because most will never measure up).
The real answer: none of this is in the Bible!!! So, as the writer said, yes, we encourage and uplift others but not to be "someone" but simply because of "love." The love He gave to us because of who He is, not because of anything we have done.
Wow this concept still plagues me and has sent me over the edge of total physical and mental exhaustion! Thanks for the post...I needed that
Rejoice with those who rejoice; give those who mourn a guilt trip. Rom 12:15 (Gothard Standard Version)
This actually happened to me twice at South Campus/Verity. First, an authority was bellowing at me for being down cast and the effect it on the other works. The next time, a few years later, the authorities were disciplining and starting criticizing me for being gloomy (which surprised me and my friends). When I stared to explain, one of them just interrupted me in a 'shut-up' manner and the other one started asking personal questions in an inappropriate manner and situation. I often wonder if they thought criticizing me for being sad would make me happy or if knocking me down for being down would force me to get up.
Gothard regards the strong and considers the weak insufficient, while God considers our frame that we are dust and makes provision for us!
The constrasts are endless.
I remember this teaching. One of the many ways my mom interpreted it to mean was, 'rise before dawn' and no naps in the middle of the day, you work! (of course if she ever needed to take a nap, she could take it, and don't you DARE wake her up.)Bleh. Today I don't fuss about stuff like that. Ecclesiates is clear. There is a time for this a time for that, including resting, working, laughing, playing, etc... in ATI there is no room for a body to simply be physically tired or getting sick, because you'd be an energy taker/waster.. GASP! Sinner! I know one lady who used to say that if she got tired, it was the devil attacking her body. (I'd think, maybe if you got a sufficient night's sleep every night, instead of competing with whoever to see who gets up earlier, you wouldn't be so tired!)