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Ever since I was very young, my life has been filled with villainous plots, daring escapes, and heroic feats. It’s all in my head, of course; I am a champion daydreamer. Most girls go through a horse-loving phase early in life, but not me: I didn’t want a horse. I wanted a flying unicorn.
We enrolled in The Advanced Training Institute (ATI) when I was fourteen. I soon discovered that flying unicorns were, in general, frowned upon. In fact, all magic, fairy tales, and fantasy were discouraged if not outright banned. These stories glorified sorcery and witchcraft, which was likened to rebellion… and rebellion pushed you right out from under that umbrella of protection. Satan’s darts were just waiting for the opportunity.
Instead, ATI encouraged an imagination firmly grounded in reality. God’s seven principles governed the universe. Every action had traceable consequence. Biographies were good. Devotionals were better. The Bible, especially the one with the special Matthew 5-7 footnotes by Bill Gothard himself, was God’s best. Fiction was allowed of course, but only if it had a clear – nay, trumpeting – Christian message. Light fiction and fantasy were wastes of time, if not downright dangerous to spiritual health.
To an extent, this change in focus was good for me. I was writing stories by this time, and even the wildest flights of fancy need some elements of reality. And it’s not a bad thing for a fantasy geek to develop a taste for (good) biographies and nonfiction. Besides all that, it would take a very heavy legalism to suppress a healthy imagination, especially since my parents encouraged my creativity. But although I didn’t stop daydreaming or writing, I did start bringing my stories into line with “God’s principles.”
Female characters had to be under male authority at all times. “Good” characters had to fall in love according to proper courtship rituals. There was absolutely no magic or anything mystical unless God was clearly given the credit. Disobedience always ended in tragedy, obedience in blessing. Unsurprisingly, the resulting stories were less than compelling. Not even Bible stories follow all those rules, although Gothard tried his best with his interpretations of Abigail and Tamar.
I was so anxious not to communicate “false teachings” that I learned to fence in my imagination with The Institute in Basic Life Principles’ teachings. It was years later that I realized it had affected not only my storytelling, but my ability to relate to my Creator. I assumed that He too, preferred hard reality to flights of fancy. Did the choir sing soaring music that made me think of dancing in a cool, green forest? I should avoid that music. Did the sermon outline doctrine according to passages in Romans, citing Greek and Hebrew word studies and providing steps to follow this doctrine? I must have been edified by such good worship!
Obviously, as someone who dreamed of flying unicorns, I struggled to find God on such a dry, intellectual plane.
Gradually, I got far enough away from ATI thinking to realize that life didn’t always operate according to the Seven Basic Principles. I returned to Narnia, Middle Earth, fairy tales, and Harry Potter. These stories had color and life, and I could see glimpses of God in them.
Then my husband told me about something he’d heard: that one way to “meet God” was to imagine yourself with Him in a peaceful place. At first I resisted. I didn’t dare put God in a world of my own imagining. That was spiritually dangerous, even New Age. But eventually I gave in, and gave it a try.
The experience was revealing. I finally could reach out and touch God… and I found out that I didn’t want to. I didn’t want Him to get close to me. I knew this about myself already, but by skipping “devotionals” and “praying” and going straight to images and emotions, I understood my own heart much more clearly.
These days, I let my imagination wander beyond the fence, contemplating characters and events that don’t always fit in tidy categories. I meet God sometimes with written prayers, sometimes in music, and sometimes in a cool, green forest that exists only in my head. I can imagine reaching out and touching His hand, showing how much my spirit has healed.
I always knew that God gave me my imagination.
I’m just grateful that I finally know how to accept that gift.
Cutting off the imagination as a means to understand and encounter God is spiritually crippling for anyone; it's spiritually paralyzing for those who primarily understand the world through their imaginations. In this I think Gothard's teaching is (like many of his) just an extreme extension of the more common evangelical equation of truth with fact.
Truth is much, much bigger than mere facts (and facts also can lie), and so much of truth is beyond our experience that it can only be encountered through the imagination, through myth and metaphor and stories that don't fit tidy boxes.
Although we weren't in ATI, my parents believed EXACTLY as described in this article. To this day, they prefer biographies or Bible study books. I don't know if either of them has read a novel in years. Thankfully, they encouraged us to read and did allow us to read fiction, although they were strict about the content of the stories (for example, Narnia wasn't allowed). Drama was suspect. TV and movies were forbidden. Anything that moved your emotions was considered charismatic and not appropriate. I often heard the verse "casting down imaginations".
I'm so glad that I've learned that God is a God of wonder, of mystery, of creativity, and that I can worship Him both logically and imaginatively. As long as I'm not directly going against Scripture, I believe we are given a lot of freedom in how to live. Someday (even if it's not until heave), I even hope to dance as an expression of joy and worship to God.
"Fact = truth." I hadn't summed it up like that in my mind, but that's exactly the problem. The idea that if something isn't "real," then it has no value.
Mercy, that' s exactly the kind of thinking that I was talking about! Because of ATI's emphasis on "real," it attracted people who, like your parents, viewed imagination with suspicion. So it was pretty widespread in the ATI culture. BTW, you definitely should practice your dancing while here on earth. :)
i can so relate to this! i've never been very comfortable sharing my deepest imaginations with people, so writing has given me an outlet to share the worlds and heroes that exist only in my mind: Cantara, devastated by bio-weapons; a mighty battle cruiser that surfs the stars and brings hope to a crushed people. i'm grateful my folks let us read narnia and LOTR growing up. it was the romance stuff they weren't too keen on.
WOW, Harry Potter. That truly sums up what was espoused by the author. Too bad, too sad
Of the 737 words in the article, these were the only two that stood out to you? Then I can say Wow, too.
I um... don't understand Mike's comment.
John Eldredge wrote a book called Epic. It is amazing! It really helped me understand myself better even! Thanks for this article. I loved it!
Wow. This is such an EXCELLENT article, and so very true. I, like the author, am a person who has always had a very active imagination, but felt the need to "rein it in" during my 12+ years in ATI, and the stories I made up in my head had to fit all the "principles" I was taught in ATI. I have since moved beyond the ATI legalism in my daily life, but I struggle to get past it in my mind still, at times. Your article has actually FINALLY helped me understand the writer's block I have been fighting with for literally YEARS. I feel like anything I write has to have a godly "point" to it, some sort of moral. And all my main characters have to be "good examples" at all times. And it is absolutely crippling my efforts at writing a compelling fantasy story. Yes, fantasy... because after coming out of ATI I learned how much I absolutely LOVE fantasy, especially the books you mentioned (Narnia, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter. My efforts to actually WRITE the fantasy novel I have been dreaming about and working on in my head ever since I was a child (even when it was a "guilty pleasure" to do so, in ATI, and even when I had no good examples of fantasy literature in my life because I wasn't allowed to read any!) has been hampered and made extremely difficult by the fences and barriers and "rules" that still live somewhere in my mind. Thank you for your freeing article. I will work on breaking down those barriers and just writing a story... and if there are any "points" to it, I will let them develop organically... rather like C.S. Lewis did. He never set out to write allegorical or "teaching" novels... any allegorical elements simply grew out of who he was and what he believed. I need to trust the Holy Spirit to work similarly in my writing, and stop trying to force it.
I've been struggling with the same thing for years...I love fantasy and I love to write fantasy, but I would always stuff my stories with extremely contrived symbolism and morals. I felt so guilty about not being able to do it like C.S. Lewis, and I felt guilty in general for being so into fantasy in the first place. Slowly but surely, it's wearing off, and God is beginning to enter my writing more naturally.
God's whole purpose is to save messed-up people in a messed-up world, so we're not going to be a tidy moral box before He gets to us, or after he gets to us, for that matter. He loves us despite our flaws and despite the untidiness of everything, and even rotten characters can be saved in the end. :3
After years of sneering at people who dared take delight in the evils of Harry Potter, my sister and I finally got over ourselves and decided to watch the movies. And we found them completely enjoyable! Yes, they are witches and wizards, but they aren't REAL witches and wizards. I was utterly liberated from my trepidation about certain fantasy novels and franchises when I had a eureka moment: The witchcraft God doesn't like has to do with DEMONS and SATAN. Harry Potter and the like uses a fictional element called...MAGIC! And it is all imaginary! God gave us our imaginations because He created us in His image, and He was the first to imagine. I would think he would want us to create wild fantasies and strange alternate realities for others to explore and enjoy, just as I'm sure he wants scientists to discover more about the real world around us. Imagination is a gift that we use to make other people happy, and to make the world a more interesting place. David must have had an imagination, because he wrote a lot of *gasp* MUSIC! Adam must have had an imagination, because he named the animals. Bill Gothard must use his imagination, because he comes up with a lot of kooky ideas about the Bible. Go figure.
Fantastic article, SaraJ! My children are young and they live fantasy every day, whether one of them thinks she is Ariel or another thinks he's Darth Vader. What always strikes me about watching them play is how HAPPY they are.
Even as they age and become a little more grounded in reality, I hope that they are able to retain that spark of imagination that brings them so much joy. I'm so glad you were able to reconnect with yours!
I thought I was the only one!!!!!! My story is a tad different, mom didn't disapprove of my creative ability, only that it took precedence over everything else, and I wasn't disciplined in my flights of fancy, i.e... in the middle of school, I'd catch myself in the middle of a daydream. Well gee, Mom, maybe if life had been a little more pleasant and joyful for us kids, I might not have NEEDED my daydreams as an escape from reality!
She would harp on my lack of character qualities, such a attentiveness, thoroughness, diligence etc.. and bemoan that I was tearing apart my 'house of character' one board at a time, and soon, my 'house of character' would collapse! (I lived in fear of growing up to be a reprobate murderer or something, because of my struggles with said character qualities..)
But I didn't stop. I literally couldn't. I begged God for years to change me, and take away the 'bad habit' of imagination, so that I could be what my mom considered a 'godly young lady'. One day, out of the clear blue, I distinctly heard Him say, "Heather, I gave you your imagination for a REASON! Stop asking me to take it away from you!" Well I heard that! And I felt justified that I wasn't an awful person because I was constantly daydreaming, even though I couldn't 'imagine' what God had in mind.
BTW, guess what I do today? I write Christian screenplays, and am a Christian actress! Booyah! Couldn't do any of it without a practiced imagination! God is forever merciful, and I couldn't be happier, doing what I love best, and am good at doing!
YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!
I used to write..... Used to. My mom got into the habit of "editing" my writing, and would send my carefully (and lovingly) crafted pages back with enough red marks on them, it appeared that someone had died. My punctuation and spelling were PERFECT, no arguments there. it was the content she had issues with. At the tender age of twelve, I wrote the most horrifying story imaginable to her.....An young girl is orphaned and left to her own devices with only a horse and a dog as her faithful companions, while she cares for her six younger siblings and dodges CPS. The main problem...I let the gril out from under her "God given authority" and allowed her to belive that she could hear her dog and horse speak to her telepathically. Demonic, right there. I stopped writing, having given up on original thought. Creativity. The pure love of putting down my wild flights of fancy to computer.....
I hope one day you will pick up your pen again and begin writing. God is so creative! In your creativity as a 12 year old girl, you were exemplifying God and using a gift He'd given you. I'm so sorry that creativity in you was crushed! Your last sentence causes me to think you still haven't lost that spark of creativity and originality. Blessings to you and your future writing!
Sounds like an exciting story- hoipe you get to write it and when you do, call on me, I would love to illustrate it...see my story "Designed to be a Finger".
God gave us our imaginations and they are a wonderful thing! We would be unable to comprehend most of God's word without using our imaginations. Imagination is also essential for participating in many of the necessities and joys of life, both practical and creative. I do think that they can be used to deceive and veer us off course, though.
When I was a girl, I was absolutely besotted with fairy tales, fairies, mermaids, etc. I think this caused me to find Bible stories rather boring by comparison. I do believe I'd have been better off if I hadn't had so very much exposure to them from such a young age. (By the way, I've never been involved with ATI or IBLP but I have friends who are, which led me to this great website.)
I wasn't saved until my daughter was five years old and I ended up exposing her to those things just as I was, not realizing at first that it might have some unintended consequences. She, however, was more attracted to Middle Earth than to the realm of fairy tales, beginning with her acting in a play based on The Hobbit, and strengthened by my reading her the novel. I encouraged her in this.
I then introduced her to Harry Potter when she was eleven by reading the first book to her. I found it quite innocent and delightful and I wondered what all the fuss was about. She began reading the subsequent novels in the series herself, as did I. However, as time went on, I began to see the novels becoming darker and I became concerned. My daughter continued to devour each new novel as it was released. It began to dawn on me that, at nearly every turn, the stories were enticing the reader to delight in the practice of the occult arts and/or in taking revenge on those who have mistreated us - things that God hates. I never told my daughter that she should stop reading the novels but we had some great discussions about the issues(she was a young teen by then). She became more and more disturbed by them herself and finally abandoned them in disgust after seeing one of the movies, which she found extremely dark and creepy.
I disagree with those who say that the magic in the Harry Potter stories is in no way related to the magic which God condemns. It's sorcery and witchcraft - an attempt to exercise power over nature using occult forces. The Bible tells us that this is an abomination to God. I asked myself: Would I delight in stories which revolved around the heroes and heroines practicing fornication, adultery, thievery, murder, or homosexual activities? Why should sorcery and witchcraft get a pass? It wasn't legalism but love which led me to desire to love what God loves and to hate what he hates. I don't always succeed in this but his grace leads me in that direction.
Later, as a young teen, my daughter became a bit obsessed with The Lord of The Rings, especially after the first movie came out. I started to become concerned that it was taking up so much of her time and thoughts, but I respected her growing maturity and prayed about it rather than presume to try and impose restrictions, though I did share my concerns with her. I read up on Tolkien and found that the "history" of Middle Earth was based on a pagan-type mythology that contradicts the truth that God created the heavens and the earth. The magic was also disturbing as it is quite central to the story, inviting the reader to embrace it. We talked about the implications of these things and I listened to her thoughts on them - but I respected her freedom to decide. In fact, I told that I thought it could be very valuable for her to be familiar with both Harry Potter and the Tolkien stories because of their popularity. Just as Francis Schaeffer's knowledge of culture and philosophy helped him to understand how people thought and thus to more effectively witness to them, this knowledge could help her to do the same. A couple of years later, I was so thankful and relieved when she fell head over heels in love with Jane Austen and left her obsession with the Lord of the Rings behind.
My daughter is now 25 years old. She'll still watch one of the LTR movies now and then, usually with friends, but it doesn't concern me at all. It has no hold on her. She's a mature Christian young woman who loves the Lord and has a strong grounding in his word. She's a great example to me. Now, as a student beginning her third year studying English literature, she's not only been exposed to all kinds of ungodly theories, philosophies, and works, but has had to learn about some of them in depth. It has only strengthened her ability to explain and defend the truth of God's word against the many false beliefs that oppose it, while increasing her understanding and compassion toward those who are caught in those false beliefs.
I hope my story shows how Christians can caution against the embracing of unbiblical occult or pagan fantasy without becoming controlling, harsh, judgmental, or legalistic toward their children or others. I think Bill Gothard's approach is more likely to push people toward these things in the long run, rather than protect against them. I seems that when people wake up and reject his unbiblical methods of control, they often conclude that any cultural elements that he warned against must be okay. (But, as the saying goes, even a broken clock is right twice a day.) The Bible teaches us to accept one other in love, and when necessary to patiently reason with each other according to the scriptures, which pretty much excludes trying to force outward conformity and employ mind control. Of course, blatant false teaching is a different matter; when the gospel and foundational truths are at stake, the false teacher should be vigorously and publicly opposed, as in the case of someone like Bill Gothard.
Thank you for letting me share. I know many will disagree with what I've said but it's okay because we who belong to Christ are still one in the Lord - and fully accept each other because of his wonderful grace toward us. :)