In daily life at the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP) Training Centers and Headquarters, it was always understood that the kitchens were to be closed on Sundays. The explanation I was given when I first arrived at the Indianapolis Training Center (ITC) in 1995 for my year of service with EQUIP was that the kitchen staff needed a break from their work, so everyone was encouraged to fast once a week on Sundays. This was not a new idea to me — after all, I had grown up attending the Basic and Advanced Seminars and in the Advanced Training Institute (ATI) homeschool program. Fasting was widely taught in all the IBLP materials as important to both your physical and spiritual health. So, while we didn’t fast on a weekly basis at home, I figured it made sense that the kitchen staff should have a break.
Because students were not allowed to enter the kitchen on Sundays or take food out of the fridge or pantry, and as we weren’t allowed to leave the Training Center to visit restaurants or grocery stores on Sunday, our only option, if we didn’t want to fast, was to snack in our rooms. So many students would gather extra food from the cafeteria during the week (bananas, apples, granola bars, etc.) that they could nibble on to get through the long day on Sunday. Some students would fast the entire day, but others chose to eat privately in their rooms. I tried to fast as often as I could, but I often felt so faint that I had to give in and eat something. Each time I gave in, I felt like a failure for not being able to make it through the whole day of fasting as other students seemed to be able to do.
In the spring of 1996, Mr. Gothard came for a weekend visit as he often did. Evidently he had heard that some students were eating in their rooms on Sundays, and he was not happy about it. I was standing in the lobby several feet away from where he was talking to Mr. McWha, the Director of our Training Center, and I overheard their conversation. Mr. Gothard made it clear, in no uncertain terms, that he did not want students to eat in their rooms unless they had a medical waiver. Sundays were a day for fasting, and students should not be eating in their rooms unless there was a strict medical need.
I was shocked! All this time, I had been under the impression that the main purpose of fasting on Sundays was simply expedience: the kitchen staff needed a break, so the kitchen was closed on Sundays. It made sense — sort of. And then I started thinking about it. If it truly was just an issue of the staff not working on Sundays, loaves of bread and jars of peanut butter and jelly, could have been left out on Saturday night, so that students who wanted to grab a meal on Sundays could have done so. That would have inconvenienced no one, and would have been a cheap and simple solution to offer. But that was never an option.
As I stood there overhearing this conversation, it began to dawn on me that the issue was not primarily one of expedience. In Mr. Gothard’s mind, it was truly a spiritual issue. He wanted everyone to fast for biblical reasons, because it was good for our spiritual and physical health. Access to food was, therefore, removed to “help” us spiritually. Mr. Gothard now wanted Mr. McWha to somehow enforce a strict “no eating in your room” rule for several hundred students!
I was only 19 years old at this time, and I had not yet been through formal Bible training, but even I understood that this was not true fasting — true biblical fasting is never forced! Fasting must be a personal choice if it’s done for spiritual reasons. Otherwise, it’s just withholding food from someone and hoping they’ll grow spiritually and physically through deprivation! It’s one thing to be given a choice as an adult, but it’s an entirely different thing to withhold food from minors. While many of the students at our Training Center were over the age of 18, we still had a large number of students who were under 18 — some as young as 11 or 12 — who had been entrusted to our care by the court system of Indiana. If they had known that the leadership was intentionally withholding food from minors on a weekly basis, there would have been serious legal repercussions!
All of this went through my mind in an instant. So in a moment of either boldness or insanity (I’m still not sure which one it was, since we were discouraged from questioning authority), I decided to speak up. I knew my year of service would soon be up, so even if I got kicked out for my questioning, I felt that I had to say something! Mr. Gothard finished speaking to Mr. McWha, and then he turned and started speaking to someone else a few feet away. While he was busy talking, I walked up to Mr. McWha, looked him straight in the eyes and half-whispered emphatically, “But that’s not biblical!” Mr. McWha gave me a sad little smile and shrugged his shoulders as if to say, I know, but what can I do about it?!
In that moment, I understood that Mr. McWha felt just as trapped as I did. He was a peer of about the same age as Mr. Gothard, a retired pastor, and the director of a training center, in charge of hundreds of young people, entrusted to the Institute’s leadership by their parents or government authorities. And yet he did not feel able to question or challenge Mr. Gothard on an issue that he also clearly saw as unbiblical.
In the end, Mr. McWha ended up taking a passive approach — he never quite “figured out” how to enforce the rule of no eating in the rooms, so, thankfully, nothing much changed. But this was the beginning of the end for me in my association with the Institute. I left the ITC three months later, feeling burned out spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. While I had some happy memories of times spent with friends, the end result of my witnessing the spiritual abuse and the leadership’s inability to express concern about some of Mr. Gothard’s more questionable decisions, was certainty that I would never again work at an IBLP training center. The negative mental and emotional effects of forced fasting hung with me for a long time. It was years before I could fast again for spiritual reasons.
A couple of years after I left ITC, Mr. McWha retired from leadership there. And a few years after that, he and Mrs. McWha returned for a happy reunion with some of the former students of the program. I was unable to attend this reunion, but heard from several friends who were there at the time that the McWhas used this opportunity to apologize, with tears in their eyes, for some of the things that happened under their leadership. They were genuinely sorry and asked forgiveness of the students. This brought a lot of healing to many who were there, and my heart was greatly warmed to hear about this after the fact. Shortly after making peace with the students, Mr. McWha passed away. To this day, I am grateful for the McWhas, for their leadership, and for their humility in coming back to ask forgiveness for their mistakes. That speaks volumes to me of their love for the Lord and their love and appreciation for the students who served under them.
The irony is, at the Institute Headquarters, at the same time as all the Training Centers were being required to fast all day on Sundays, attending the Sunday evening meeting and meal at HQ was a requirement, though you could skip the meal if you chose to fast. If you weren't fasting, you were expected to be present at the meal.
Seriously? They had an Sunday evening meal at the headquarters? You've got to be kidding! What a hypocrite Bill is! I'm thinking they might have had a light meal on Sundays at the OKC training center. Trying to remember.
As for Mr McWha, That was a touching testimony to hear how he apologized for his wrong doings and sought forgiveness before his passing.
Oh yeah, Sunday evenings at HQ were sandwiches and ice cream for as long as I was there (2000-2006).
Sorry for the lack of clarity in my article. It was a 24-hour fast, not a 36-hour fast--meaning they served dinner on Saturday night, and then offered a light dinner on Sunday night. It might not have been until after Sunday evening church though.
I was in Equip the year before you. We were not fed breakfast or lunch, but did have dinner Sunday night. Sunday was my favorite day because I could hang out with my roommate and have brunch in my room. My roommates mom kept us stocked up. ;)
Hi Shana, I bet we were both in EQUIP 1! (It ran from '95-'96)
Hi again Beverly, I bet we were in the same Equip, I must admit that I try to block that year out of my memory. ;)
I checked with one of my former Equip friends, and she said it was the 1st Equip. So long ago, and it feels like a different life time. I felt so good to here that about Mr. McWha. I was in for the most part not very impressed with the adult leadership, that could be a topic for an article in and of itself. I did find some respect and kindness in Mr. McWha, I was able to go to the chalk art sessions while there. I had no money to pay for it, I think it was Mr. McWha that saw to it that I got to go. Not sure, but that's what I think happened. It was a real gift to me. My college major was Art. Being to take a couple weeks off and just draw was a real gift to my spirit (which was being burned my such heavy waits!) Glad you are here, glad to see so many ex-ATI students have found freedom from the weight of BG
Please ignore the spelling errors! hear not here, being burdened by not burned my. I was not an English major, can you tell?
I remember dinner being served around 4:30 or 5pm at most of the training centers where I was at - which I think I managed to visit all the TCs in the US. I must say though, most of the time when I was working at TCs I did eat for medical reasons - I was so grateful I had a genuine reason to go to the kitchen Saturday night and get food for Sunday! But I did feel bad for eating in front of others and tried to find a private place to eat. Also, I remember the last TC where I worked - sometimes food was offered on Sundays and sometimes not. I don't think it was ever fixed on Sundays (unless there was a church pot-luck - yay for church pot-lucks!), but sometimes we could raid the fridge if we wanted. The fasting rule went back and forth - sometimes it was enforced and sometimes not. I was so glad when the leadership at the TC where I worked saw that fasting needed to be for a reason and purpose, not just a rule. Another blessing was the state regulations which required that all students under age 18 be offered three meals a day, plus a snack. Not sure if all the leaders actually offered it, or if the students felt guilty for eating what was available. I remember when I couldn't fast for medical reasons sometimes thinking I would be closer to God if I could only fast. How sad! :)
Wow--Apparently, BG doesn't know or understand the difference b/t being a leader and being a dictator
You're absolutely right that fasting is a personal decision and ought not to be coerced by someone in authority.
WOW!!! That is awesome about Mr. McWha!!! Everyone makes mistakes!! But it takes a true man of God to admit them!!! Awesome!! And what a fantastic, eye-opening story about how God was able to show you the truth!!!
HUGS!!!
I have so many memories of forced fasting. I wish I'd had the nerve/brain to say something like you did, Bev! At the MTC, I passed out one Sunday as I got off my bed to head down to the Sunday evening meal. My dad told me from now on I had to keep a snack handy for Sundays to keep my blood sugar up. So from then on, I felt SO guilty and unspiritual for not being able to fast like everyone else.
Yep. Once again, it was all about the APPEARANCE of spirituality, and not the heart of what Jesus really meant.
I loved Mr. & Mrs. McWha! They truly cared about the staff. I will forever be grateful for how they handled situations I found myself in!
I think most of us guys ate on sundays at the mtc. the frustrating thing was trying to get out to the corner store for provisions if we hadn't stocked up during the week. often getting permission to walk a few hundred feet to the store was harder than it was worth. when and if possible, we stopped somewhere after church 'on the way back' to the mtc. =)
Never once did i think that i should really fast... on sundays, at least - when there's no choice it kind of sours the 'spirituality' of it all. i wondered more about paying for room and board and then when i missed 4-5 meals a week from being at school, i was told it was tough luck, and not worth expecting any leftovers. (not to mention possible money back...)
I remember the IBLP publications (Wisdom Booklets maybe) about fasting for all the "benefits" in Isaiah 58 (vv 8-12).
A few months ago my pastor gave an excellent sermon on that passage. It opens by pointing out the self-serving hypocrisy of the Israelites' fast (vv 1-5). Then God describes the fast He honors: sacrifices that we make for the sake of helping others (vv 6-12).
Now I can read that passage again without guilt.
A friend of mine whose family was involved with ATI ended up in Indianapolis (ITC) in the early 90's and feel ill with pneumonia. She tried to communicate with the leadership there that she had fallen ill, but was ignored and reprimanded for giving into weakness and blowing things out of proportion. She was required to attend prayer meetings and other events, despite having a high fever, etc. Finally, on a Sunday, with no food and no care, she could not get up to go to the prayer meeting and one of the other girls had to sneak out of their room to call my friend's parents. She was sick with pneumonia for weeks after that occurred.
While I was involved with the home school movement and some of the more restrictive church elements that went along with that, I have always been very glad my parents did not choose to go with Gothard program, even if I did have to do some of the workbooks.
I soon discovered that most of the veteran female staffers were classified as 'low blood sugar' and could eat on Sunday with permission. I was in a 'privileged' position, but couldn't handle the all-day fasts. In the quiet of the Sunday afternoons when we were supposed to be napping or studying our Bibles, I used to sneak down to the kitchen and fill a paper cup up with chocolate chips. I never got caught. That used to get me through every Sunday!
I remember God's chosen fast, and the only one that ever produced results...i was so deep in depression over not being able to be what
God (according to BG) wanted me to be. I did not eat or drink for 3 days (and never felt a need for either) but spent that time on the couch reading scripture and praying and asking God to cure or kill me. When I finally broke through God showed me my real sin was not how I dressed or things I liked to do but my lack of faith in living the way God made me. And what a relief that I did not have to live up to BG standards or requirements.
Yeah, you know it's a problem when fasting just becomes a way of "fitting in" and looking good. And when you feel as if you've sinned, since you didn't/couldn't keep the regulation and fast all day...
and yet, if you fasted any other time, you'd most likely go unnoticed. So you could really fast out of choice, and not even be thoughts good of because of it, but then you could eat on Sunday and be considered less spiritual...
No wonder they closed down that center, with minors not being fed! I love this story. I love the story of the man in charge asking forgiveness. That is a real story of reconciliation. It showed real humility for that man to admit that wrongs were committed under his leadership. I bet he knew what the wrongs were, yet he was loving enough to say, "I'm sorry, will you forgive me?" I pray that we can all be reconciled on this earth. We know we will be in heaven, but why not now? (That's my two cents worth.)
One of my favorite stories, ever, is A CHRISTMAS CAROL, because Scrooge changes, and in the end it is said of him, "he kept Christmas well!"
Why is it that the institute decided that Sunday is a fast day? Historically in the Church, Sunday has been considerd a feast day, a weekly celebration of Christ's resurrection, not a day of mourning. When i've told others of iblp's practice of fasting on Sunday's, they're really surprised. My PCA pastor's wife went so far as to say that it almost seemed sacreligious. In googling "fasting on Sunday", all I could come up with was that it's a Hindu practice, an act of worship to the sun god. Y'all have any thoughts on this? Is this just something BG just came up with because it worked well with his schedule, or is Sunday Fasting a accepted practice in some orthodox Christian churches?
I think it comes from Isa. 58 referring to the Sabbath and fasting in the same chapter. That and the fact that manna wasn't provided on the Sabbath. (He seems to forget the miracle of double manna and manna that lasted overnight on Friday so that people could eat on Saturday.) I've discussed it with Messianic people and they think it is crazy. The Sabbath is for feasting and rejoicing, not fasting and abstaining. The Hindu connection is interesting. A few years ago a friend of ours came home from an iblp medical conference all excited about the healing power of drinking one's urine. We tried to research it and found it to be a Hindu practice called "The water's of Shiva."
EEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwww Yuck!!!!!Not to mention That's just un-kosher!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peggy, it's just Bill's bent toward inflicting asceticism on others 'for their own good, so they learn how to please God.'
The idea is that if Sunday is the Lord's day (as opposed to the other 6 days of the wk, which contradicts the NT,btw.), then Sunday is naturally THE day to 'suffer a little for God.'
Maybe that could work ok in a family setting, where at least it might be open to discussion. To make it mandatory for hundreds of volunteers living away from home is a bit questionable, especially since health needs weren't particularly taken into account.
Sunday was a 'go to church, fast, meditate & be extra spiritual' day in the TC's. However, at the MTC, where I served for 3 years, getting to church involved walking, riding a bus and the Metro, a 1-1/2hr trip one way, mostly standing up in public transport. This was followed by an at least 2-hr service (and no coffee or snacks like at many American churches) w/the same trip back.
I had no health problems, and I could handle being hungry, but for people w/problems, or even a high metabolism, Sundays must have been a real trial. We should welcome all trials, right? Even ones created for us by our spiritual leaders...?
I was at ITC in 1996-1997.
I never liked the fasting thing on Sundays. Even more, I hated watching most of the "leadership" go out on Sundays after church in groups to eat, while we sat in our rooms watching them drive away to feast!
True...if we were smart, we gathered plenty to eat ahead of time so we didn't have to fast on Sundays. We were allowed a lite dinner! That was kind of them!
Oh the one thing, besides fasting, (speaking of food) that drove me nuts was not being able to go to Wendy's! Ha! Leadership didn't like us going there without 24-48 hour notice...then sometimes just plain saying no to written request. :-)
Hey David, Your name is a blast from the past! I knew your sister Emily, and met you at one point too, probably at the ITC. I left in '96 so we might have overlapped. Anyway, fun to see you on here and remember your name. :-)
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Thanks, Beverly. I've been struggling a bit with everything going on recently. I really looked up to the McWhas and saw them as kind people. I'm so glad to know they humbly tried to make things right later. Mrs McWha would clean rooms at ITC right alongside me, and I always respected her for that.
I'm not sure why it matters so much now...I guess just knowing that someone in leadership realized that things weren't right. Its hard reading about so many awful things that happened and thinking that they allowed, encouraged or horrors, dictated them.