When I was approached by Recovering Grace to write articles related to recovery and healing, they referred to the analogy of “ripping the scabs off.” The idea is that people who are trying to get back on their feet–emotionally and spiritually speaking–open up old wounds, but then have no place to go to get help in putting ointment on and dressing those wounds. I often use that analogy when I work with clients, so I thought this idea of healing old wounds would be a fitting first article.
The one problem I have with this analogy is that typically when we see a scab it’s on the surface. When it comes to spiritual abuse, unfortunately, the wounds penetrate much deeper. It cuts to the very core of our being. Having been in spiritual abuse recovery myself, I know the feelings all too well.
When we think of deep physical scars, we can see that those scars can affect our physical movement. If scar tissue in the wound of a joint develops, for example, and is left unattended, it can affect the movement of that joint. The same is true with emotional and spiritual scars.
The good thing about emotional and spiritual wounds is that talking about them and getting them out in the open will help in the healing process. Yes, it hurts to dig into that scar tissue or rip off the scab, but healing can’t occur until you do. The first thing a wound care specialist does is clean the physical wound. That hurts! But if the wound isn’t cleaned properly, infection may set in, and the wound could get a lot worse.
If left untreated, emotional and spiritual wounds can just as easily fester and become infected as well. When there are multiple wounds and scars over long periods of time the consequences can be devastating. Just like a physical wound could lead to physical death if left untreated, spiritual wounds can lead to spiritual death if left untreated. I’ve talked with many people who have decided to walk away from their faith altogether. This is a result of infected emotional/spiritual wounds.
That’s why I’m 100% behind sites like Recovering Grace. It gives people a place to go to find answers, healing, hope, and a sense of companionship–to know you aren’t alone. It’s important to remember that secrets give fuel to emotional turmoil. When exposed and de-mystified, they foster an environment of healing and growth. For that reason, even if you never seek professional counseling, I encourage you to continue to seek assistance and community like that provided by Recovering Grace.
So remember, spiritual abuse recovery involves a cleansing, so to speak, of the innermost parts of the spirit and emotions. One needs guidance to dig deep and expose the scars and pain in order to clean and restore what’s been broken. Healing can occur, but remember that it takes time and patience. Healing is not a one-time event. It’s a journey; and as with any journey there will be bumps along the way. But as Zig Ziglar once said, “Success is in the doing not the getting, the trying not the triumph.” In other words, you are healing as you try to get healing. So continue to seek healing, and it will come.
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Brandon Santan is a licensed mental health counselor specializing in spiritual abuse and sex therapy. To find out more about Brandon, please visit www.HealingSpiritualAbuse.com. Brandon is also available for email and phone counseling. You can learn more about his services at www.OnlineCounselingInterventions.com
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Thank you for these encouraging and hope-giving words, Brandon!
Your comments about untreated wounds remind me of something - A couple years ago, I stepped on a small piece of glass from a dish that broke at a friend's house and it cut my toe through my sock. For a couple weeks, I kept thinking the cut would heal but I kept limping and the wound would reopen on occasion. Finally one day, a small piece of glass emerged - it had been hiding in there keeping the injury from healing. After getting rid of the glass that was re-injuring me, my toe finally healed.
I've thought that there can be a good analogy there to healing from spiritual abuse, that ignoring something which is still wounding someone internally does not make it go away. Some of the things we have heard and some of the ideas we have accepted can be like a piece of glass in a cut - they keep the injury from really healing. There are some things that need to be dealt with before real healing can take place. I think the good news is that we can address these things and we can heal. We may still walk with a limp in some ways but I hope for us to be able to move on and help others, who will help others, and so on.
What a great example, Matthew! I know that while I had experienced healing in some areas, there were other things I just didn't know what to do with, so I stuffed it for 16 years. Finally being able to process everything within this past year has given me so much freedom and healing in ways I didn't realize were even possible. I'm so grateful for God's work in my life--just knowing and acknowledging that I'm not alone in my wounds has been a huge part of my healing and freedom in Christ.
Matthew, you have a beard. I can't talk to you !!
Just Kidding!!! I used to work for IBLP some twenty years ago and the Lord graciously removed me from the group as I got hit by the HUGE MAC TRUCK!!
Bless You Man!!
Brandon,
Thank you so much for taking the time to write for RG! I was encouraged by your comments about the healing process - that seeking healing brings healing too, and that healing is a process that takes time. Thanks for the encouragement to get things out in the open and not let them remain secret. Your article was hope giving! Looking forward to reading further posts by you! Thanks for your contribution!
Thank you, Brandon.
Thank you Brandon. This is a much needed article!
Brandon, thank you so much for writing this. One of the first things I had to learn about healing is that, most often, it cannot fully happen without community. I was one who thought I didn't need friends. Mostly because I didn't have very many; my family was pretty isolated. Have I ever changed my mind on that!!! I would never have healed without numerous friends who helped along the way.
Thanks, Brandon. I'm on the journey! :-)