About the author
More posts by Moderator
There is a difference—sometimes an enormous difference—between the God of our doctrinal statements and the god we live with every day. Our theological convictions may be thoroughly orthodox, but we may actually serve a god who is quick to anger and slow to forgive. Or a god who shames his followers. Or a god who is punitive and rejecting.
That was my experience. I was close to graduation from seminary when I first really faced the fact that “getting it right” in my head (or on a theology exam or in a doctrinal statement) didn’t matter very much if the god I lived with every day was not really God. The god I served was the god-who-is-impossible-to-please. I had served this god for most of my life. It is not a god that I would recommend to anyone. My theology was orthodox. My statement of faith would not have said that God was impossible to please. But the god I woke up to every day—the god whose character and demands shaped my life—that god could not be pleased. It was a god who was not God. Not even close.
Let me be clear about this. The god who is quick to anger and slow to forgive is not a “distorted image of God.” It is the opposite of God. It’s the wrong god. It’s not God at all. It’s not that I was looking in the right direction but just couldn’t see clearly. I was looking in the wrong direction entirely. It was the wrong god. There is, of course, a whole pantheon of not-Gods. Take your pick:
The angry, abusive god
The abandoning god
The inattentive god
The impotent god
The shaming god
There are many others. I no longer believe that such gods are merely distorted images of the living and true God. They may be distorted images of abusive parents or distorted images of people who have hurt us, but they are not distorted images of God at all.
This conclusion makes a huge difference. If these gods are merely distortions of the true God, then what we should do is to try to undistort them. Maybe we can rework them somehow. Negotiate with them. Restructure them. Reframe them. This is not, however, the approach suggested in Scripture. What ought we to do when we find that we serve a god who is not God? There is only one answer in the Bible. Throw the bum out. Get rid of him. It is an idolatrous attachment, and it can’t be reformed, restructured, rehabilitated or restored. This is not a point where it is appropriate to be moderate. We need to clean house. The god who gives us nothing but fear or shame is not God. Fire him. Or her.
But what about the baby in the bathwater? There is no baby. If we live in relationship with a god who gives us nothing but fear and shame, there is no baby in that bathwater. We need to throw the bum out.
But what about all my good theology? Do I have to throw that out? Well, not necessarily. But we may need to give it a rest. We need to take time to clean house. We need to find out why we have tolerated an abusive god for so long. We probably need to get back to spiritual kindergarten. We may have missed—or have forgotten—the basics. I needed to go back to the most basic of spiritual truths: There is a God and it is not me. All of my abusive gods were internalizations of my experiences with mortals. If as children we experience abuse, we may learn that all powerful people are abusive, even God. So what is most familiar to us is a god who abuses. And we may find ourselves attracted to what we are most familiar with. But like all not-Gods, these abusive gods are a part of me. They are my internalization of my abusive experiences. They are gods of my own creation, crafted out of my experiences with other people. Recovery can begin only when I fire these non-Gods and find a God who is not my own workmanship.
It takes a good deal of humility to return to spiritual kindergarten. But my experience has been that anything more complicated is best saved for later, when we’ve had some practical experience in a relationship with a God who is grace-full and loving. It may not have been our theology that got us into a relationship with an abusive god. But our theology did not protect us from that abusive god either. So we need to give it a rest. We need to get back to basics. If the god we have today is not God, we need to fire him. We can figure out all the theological details later, when we have some safety in a relationship with a non-shaming God.
But what will God think about all this? If we have served abusive gods, we will of course expect to be punished. We will perhaps be firing the only god we have ever known. The result will be, in all probability, a season of spiritual brokenness. A season perhaps of doubts, second thoughts, spiritual confusion and spiritual loneliness. After all, those not-Gods did provide us with some benefits. They were familiar. They were what we knew. And sometimes the familiar—even if it is abusive—is less terrifying than the fears that come when we fire the only god we have ever known. What will happen now? Will the spiritual loneliness and brokenness ever come to an end?
How will God respond? What is God’s attitude toward this painful spiritual poverty? The gods we craft from fear, shame and rejection will shame, blame and intimidate. We need to keep looking until we find a God who says, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” There is a God we might want to get to know better.
I won’t pretend that cleaning house of idolatrous attachments is easy. It isn’t. It takes time, and we will not be able to do it alone. We will need help. The not-Gods may return to disrupt our lives. We may need to “throw the bum out” more than once. We may need to return many times to the most basic of spiritual truths. But the living and true God will see our spiritual brokenness and will not shame us. In our spiritual poverty the true God will see sure signs of the coming of his kingdom. May God be praised.
WOW!!!! Amazing article! Thank you!!!
Well said!
Throw the bum out. Yay, what a great article! It explains a lot about why I've reacted as I have to God and spiritual matters over the past several years. Thanks!
Yes, returning to spritual kindergarten is painful and humbling, but it's the only path to real spiritual growth. What an amazing reminder to do some spiritual house cleaning! Thanks.
Exactly what I had to do! It was a 6-month process and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but it was soooooo worth it!
Wow...thank you so much for sharing this. I plan on working on this right away...and I think it is important to also forgive those who caused you to believe in the not-god...people in our lives who mean well (ususally) but who have not-gods in their lives and believe they are doing right...they need the truth and they need our forgiveness for their part in our troubles.
This was kind of what I have been thinking over the last year. I was raised to know the wrong god. I've been trying to throw him out, but how to get to know the real God?
HJ, I like this book: http://www.amazon.com/Discovering-Our-Spiritual-Identity-Practices/dp/0830810927/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1334023425&sr=8-1
I think something like this can help someone connect with the real God.
My perception of God as often having a condemning attitude toward me changed after I stopped disobeying the fourth of the ten commandments in 2005, even though up until that time I never thought that commandment was applicable to me. If you are interested, the About Me section of my website explains a little about why I think that happened.
[...] to a level of legalism so acute that understanding what a real, true relationship with Him was like meant eradicating the list of do’s and don’ts and starting fresh with the idea that God LOVES and accepts ME–for who and what I am, nothing more…nothing [...]
[…] Yet despite my efforts, I always felt that God wasn’t close to me. I felt like one of the so-called “lukewarm Christians” that ATI also discussed. I never sensed closeness to God the way ATI said I should. I felt that God wasn’t pleased with me, because I never had the same zeal for spiritual commitment that ATI said was required of those who really were on fire for serving God. I often felt dull and drab in fulfilling these rules that ATI taught were necessary for pleasing God. Although I didn’t think of it this way at the time, I later came to realize this: If what ATI is teaching about Christianity is the real thing, then I want nothing to do with it. […]
This article hit the nail on the head for me and answered a struggle I've had - I know the God I learned from ATI is distorted but since it's all seemingly backed by scripture - the old and the new - how do I untangle the distortion? Fire the bum! That's a much clearer explanation, and then give God space to show me His true self. Any other books or resources people have found that helped them discover the true, loving God?
The Inspirational Study Bible Max Lucado editor. A balm to a sore heart. And it is New King James and helps you love the verse you read. You will wonder off to the study helps and devotionals on the side bars but that is ok. You are meeting a Wonderful God.
Books by Phillip Yancey (my husband likes these) and Max Lucado and Erwin Lutzer. Corrie ten Boom Don't Wrestle Just Nestle. Oh how I have prayed to "the God of Corrie ten Boom" when we were in ATI IBLP. That might sound immature but her God is the true grace filled God of the Bible and I saw such contrast between hers and who I was being taught to follow and emulate.
I agree with Grace M completely - we all knew who that REALLY was.
Thanks for your agreement, Julia. I admit I was a little nervous about making such a bold statement, but it's still true that coming to that realization was crucial for me to go on with the Lord.
Stephen Arterburn's "Toxic Faith" was extremely helpful to me. I was not ATI or a Gothard follower per se (I'm of the age bracket of ATI parents), but I went to a very spiritually abusive church in my college years (which strongly encouraged members to go to the Gothard seminars) and I carried the aftereffects of that church for years. This book was very helpful in pointing out the errors of such an environment and majorly validated my discomfort at what had occurred.
Kelly, I was helped very much by coming to the stark realization that the so-called "God" I had *sometimes* been perceiving who was harsh and abusive and mocking and narrow and intolerant and .... you know what I mean .... not only was not God but was....it's almost frightening to say it....the enemy. The devil. Masquerading as God.
It took me a while to be able to say it, because I was afraid of blaspheming what I had been taught was God, but eventually I was able to boldly say, this perception that I *sometimes* have "is not God." It is His enemy. (That doesn't mean that I had never contacted the real God. That's why I put the asterisks around *sometimes*.)
The devil masquerades as an angel of light. The devil is mean and unsparing in his evil tactics against human beings. The devil desires to be worshiped and will take over the human mind to deceive people against God, to accuse God to people, to tell people that it is God who is unrighteously angry, who is trying to unfairly punish and hurt them, when all along it is NOT God who is doing that, but the evil one who hates human beings because they are made in the image of God and they are the ones who will eventually defeat him. He will even use and twist the scriptures in our mind to accuse God -- accuse him of what?? Accuse him of what is actually the characteristics and actions of the devil, the great liar in the universe.
If I were you I would ask the Lord to show you who He really is. The real God who loves us and is not out to get us is eager to answer this prayer, to reveal Himself to us in His abounding love and mercy and grace.
I would also take a look at Hebrews 4:15-16. "For we do not have a High Priest who cannot be touched with the feeling of our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all respects like us, yet without sin. Let us therefore come forward with boldness to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace for timely help." This verse has helped me countless times to get past my wrong perceptions of God and come forward to speak with Him and find Him as He really is.
And one thing I can testify without a doubt is that this real God is not only real, but He is gentle. I think a lot of us can testify that we have experienced this, even many times. When I find myself in fear, that is a clear indication that whatever I am perceiving is not God. When I am contacting God, I sense the utmost gentleness being extended to me.
I hope this helps!