In the summer of 2011, a small online group of people began regaling each other with funny stories of their past experiences growing up in the homeschool environment of ATI (the Advanced Training Institute). It didn’t take too long for friendships to form and a sense of “coffee shop” type community to bond them. It was within that safe environment that people began to slowly open up and share personal stories, ripping off bandages covering old wounds they had received from legalistic and at times ridiculous teachings as children, teenagers, and even adults. Some stories were downright funny as you realized how odd some of the teachings were, but other stories reached to your core with the pain of abuse, strained or destroyed familial relationships, and people who looked “together” on the outside, but inside were crying to be heard and understood. The concept of Jesus was often taken to a level of legalism so acute that understanding what a real, true relationship with Him was like meant eradicating the list of do’s and don’ts and starting fresh with the idea that God LOVES and accepts ME–for who and what I am, nothing more…nothing less.
It was those stories–those raw feelings of finding out that you were not alone and your struggles and questions were shared with hundreds of others–that germinated the idea of Recovering Grace (RG). Why not have a website where we could share the stories of where we had been and what we had learned, with others of hopes of letting others know that they are not alone? And so, with a small group of people who had a passion for sharing the grace and love of the only One who can heal wounds and see beauty in the scars, Recovering Grace was born.
And here we are today, exactly one year later–and the impact of RG has grown beyond what any of us could have ever imagined. We’ve had over 135,000 unique visitors to RG with almost one million page views. Visitors from over 80% of the countries in the world have viewed RG in the past year, and in any given month, nine to twelve thousand people read our articles. The emails pour in from people all over looking for help or thanking us for sharing. But the most common words we hear are, “I’m so glad to know I am not alone.”
No, dear readers, you are NOT alone. Not alone in knowing that yes, there are people who can identify with what you have gone through or are still going through. Not alone in that your pain and story IS valid. And most definitely not alone in that there is a God who loves you and seeks to hold you in His arms and does not require you to follow a list of to-do’s in order to receive his wonderful gift of love and GRACE.
The following are some of the testimonies we have received from our readers about the impact of Recovering Grace on their lives. We would invite you to share your own comments or thoughts about the ministry of Recovering Grace using the comment box below.
What has Recovering Grace meant to you?
Like re-breaking an arm to set it properly? Like cracking open a chest to do open-heart surgery? Like medically-induced hypothermia to reset the brain? Recovering Grace has been awesomely, painfully healing. Just realizing I wasn’t alone in this was earth-shattering… I feel like RG has helped me begin to get to the deeper, more painful parts of healing–like major surgery, gotta go deep to cut out the bad, and then the returning-to-normal-function part is what takes forever (and causes all kinds of pain). –S
It’s pretty much turned my life on its head and then shaken it around like a snow globe. It has helped me realize to a much larger degree how I am not alone and therefore mostly not at fault. We were told that our feelings and opinions weren’t valid so it made me doubt myself constantly. I’m coming to accept that my opinions and feelings are valid. –D
As my focus has shifted to what Jesus has already done, I’m responding out of love and gratefulness, not fear. All of the “good fruit” we were supposed to bear, is the byproduct of living for Jesus because I love Him for what He did for me. And in that economy, yes, the yoke is easy and the burden is light and yes, my weary soul has indeed found rest. It’s been an interesting year . . . Last May I wanted to take IBLP (The Institute in Basic Life Principles) down because I was angry. Now, I want to take it down because it perverts the gospel. –R
I don’t think I can adequately express how RG has impacted my life. I have evaluated every area of my life. I have an understanding of myself and why I do what I do. I am a much better mom. I am starting to understand love and grace. I have been able to keep moving forward, knowing I am not alone. I feel things again–and I am learning to express my emotion. I have also been able to let go of relationships that I held on to out of guilt. I will forever be grateful for RG and inspired by those who took a leap of faith and started it! One of the greatest impacts on my life is that I finally have a voice! I am able to articulate to others about my past. I am also no longer ashamed of my past. I really could go on… I love RG! –K
What I have loved the most is when comments are left from people who had NO IDEA there were others out there who felt the same. I have cried and been heartbroken when reading the stories of personal experiences. At times I’ve had to step away because the pain was too much. THANK YOU to each and every one of you who put your heart and soul out in front of the world on RG. I think one of my favorite articles so far really is one of the first, Christian Karma…because it goes beyond ATI to a lot of teachings out there in the Christian world. It really helped me internalize that teaching and throw it out! –R
RG has brought a community of people into my purview that I never thought existed. The site, yes, but more importantly, all of YOU have affected me in a way so positively that it has helped me discover much more about myself, others, God, and grace in a way that I don’t think any other avenue could. My personal development in the past year has been an awesome adventure for me and God has used all of your stories to help mold me more into who I am today. So thanks to you all who have shared on RG. It has helped me process in a way that I could never have otherwise. –J
I had a sort of “ATI Lite” experience, and did not realize how traumatic the experience was for some people, and the long reaching effects it had on various aspects of ex-students adult lives. I also realized I had repressed some negative experiences/feelings regarding ATI/IBLP, and realized the domino effect it had on my life. –M
It has made me realize that I am not alone in having a childhood/young adult life that was seriously messed up by ATIA and Bill Gothard. I’ve learned that my abusers were not justified in their abuse. I see people who grew up like I did raising children with love and compassion when we often didn’t get that in our own childhoods, I see people going to college and getting degrees when we were only given a crap educational base, I see people giving love when we were frequently subjected to violence, I see nonjudgmental people despite being raised under the idea that our every emotion and thought was automatically wrong, I see us learning, adapting, and surviving and it inspires… me. –R
Many of the articles have put rational explanations on experiences that were bad but unclear to me. I really appreciate the energy & thought that people have put into working through & sharing things. –R
I found RG shortly after it was formed (I didn’t realize it) but God was leading me all the way toward truthful thinking and I’m so thankful that piece by piece I’m claiming my inner life back, making it more about God and the Bible and LESS about the cult and what I thought was truth. –L
I knew that RG had been launched but my first impression was that it was for those with ATI baggage and issues. I didn’t really have that (I thought)–I wasn’t kicked out, sent away from home, etc. [But I realized] I don’t feel so alone. There are others out there who feel the exact same way that I do and we are all beginning to talk about it. Thank you for accepting me in advance. To all of you who have reached out to me in the past. You did sooo much! To feel needed, wanted, and accepted is a hard thing to admit because it’s just admitting we’re losers. To be actually cared about is such a powerful thing. You made this awkward person feel worth something. So, thanks RG, for letting me know that I’m not alone and I don’t have to feel worthless. –B
Recovering Grace brought assurance, validation, encouragement, and sustenance into my life. Assurance that I was not going insane or suffering judgement for daring to question supposed, permanently ordained authority, but that the cognitive dissonance I was experiencing between knowing Jesus as He is and how He was portrayed within IBLP was entirely understandable. Validation that I wasn’t alone in connecting internal struggles and external abuses with direct teachings and demands from a group espousing heretical teachings and legalistic behavior. Encouragement in knowing there were others making a journey in Grace far from ATI and not being cursed by God to a life of drugs or and auto accidents to ‘take us out’, contrary to the things taught in ATI sessions. Sustenance to a heart and mind from the love, understanding, and blessings of the broken, imperfect, non-elite, beautiful hearts of those I’ve come to know as friends in the recovery groups this website has provided a place for. -R
Happy birthday to Recovering Grace!!!
amen and amen! Love this site! God has used ya'll to open doors in my thinking... I'm on the road to recovery, and I couldn't be happier! Thank you!
THANK YOU to all those who have written for RG. I’m blown away by the stories of courageous people who keep fighting to find truth. Who haven’t given up hope. Who share to give hope to others. I wish this website didn't HAVE to exist - that there wasn't a need because there wasn't such a twisted ministry as ATI. But as we live in a fallen world - I am grateful that; “We few, we happy few, we band of brothers. For he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother; be never so vile. This day shall gentle his condition. And gentlemen in England now abed shall think themselves accursed they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks that fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.”
The phrase 'cognitive dissonance I was experiencing between knowing Jesus as He is and how He was portrayed within IBLP' IS SPOT ON!
Amen. The gospel of Jesus Christ is wrongly portrayed by IBLP and ATI. The dissonance is difficult to overcome because you end up making compromises and taking stands that you know are not in accordance with God's character in order to 'just make the system work.' By the time you realize that it is indeed incorrect, you've already set many of your ways of thinking, and these take years to correct.
Counting it all dung is what I ended up doing, and I feel true freedom to live according to the scriptures despite what BG might think or assert. He's just another man who has his own ideas.
As pertaining to the permanently ordained authority, Bill Gothard never had it--over any of us. He simply asserted that he had it.
After hearing Bill teach us how to project a perception of special insightfulness (in his Counselling Seminars), I began to doubt that he ever had power from God or any special revelation from God. That seriously diluted his credibility in my mind even as far back as 1989. Still, it took me almost 17 years to come to the place of discarding the rest of the system.
Stick with the text of the Scripture and discard the rest. If teachings are distilled or derived from the Scriptures, scrutinize them extremely carefully for they are most likely divergent from the Scriptures.
Hold on to the New Covenant of Jesus' blood and never go back to the lessor things of the law.
I'm surprised Gothard hasn't been struck by lightning for such blasphemous manipulation.
I am very, very grateful for Recovering Grace. I am glad to know that there were others who spotted many of the same things that I now do in ATI, and as well as having a good resource to learn more about how Gothard contradicts and misuses Scripture.
I think that my relationship with God has improved over finding this site and reading it. I feel like I'm rediscovering what grace is, and it has helped me greatly in sorting through issues brought on by ATI/IBLP in my own life.
I've come to self-acceptance in Jesus Christ far beyond possible in any system of phsychology--especially one as severe as the principle system of IBLP.
I've come to realize that to forget Jesus' ownership of me by placing myself under the law is to reject His grace and the sacrifice of His blood given for me. It's not about law, it's about the free gift that God bought for me--redemption. Jesus redeemed me from the curse of the law and made himself to become a curse for me. Jesus absorbed the evil that was coming to me from all of my failings and violations of principles. I am set free!
I'm a bit of an onlooker since I wasn't exposed to Gothard growing up, but I can relate in some ways though as I was raised very sheltered, isolated from the world, and focused on keeping high standards; my authorities talked about grace and Jesus, but they lived legalism. It's been hard stepping away from that and receiving the condemnation of family and former church members who think my new understanding of the Gospel means I've "gone liberal."
I have appreciated the spirit of Recovering Grace and the emphasis on truth and grace. There is an attitude here that to me is so God-honoring and gracious, truly loving and compassionate, devoted to calling out error and supporting people in pain and loneliness.
So thank you for this site because even though I wasn't ATI, I too learned a warped concept of Jesus - "The concept of Jesus was often taken to a level of legalism so acute that understanding what a real, true relationship with Him was like meant eradicating the list of do’s and don’ts and starting fresh with the idea that God LOVES and accepts ME–for who and what I am, nothing more…nothing less" - and am rediscovering anew that I am loved and forgiven which is amazing. So while your purpose was to help those raised in ATI, your insightful articles discussing issues of grace and law have benefit to people like me.
Recovering Grace has helped me recognize the damage that the faulty theology of IBLP had done in my life. Realizing that IBLP/ATI gave me a man-centered, man-powered gospel that stole the simplicity and the joy of knowing Jesus has helped me so much in recovering what grace and the Biblical Gospel truly are. Thank you, RG!
Thank you thank you thank you, RG!!! Happy Birthday!!! I am SOOOOO glad this site exists! Yay for healing!
I am very grateful for a place to exchange experiences and ideas as we each work to carry our own load and yet help carry each other's burden (Gal 6). Healing and being healthy doesn't happen on accident, without effort. It touches something deep inside to run across fellow refugees who have experienced similar journeys away from the fear and manipulation and towards grace.
Having written some pieces for RG, I know from experience that we all benefit from the behind-the-scenes work of the editors who coordinate, schedule, and polish the articles that are posted. They are the best!
Thank you RG for this site. I went to my first Gothard seminar in the early 80s as a newlywed & new Christian. Biggest mistake of my life. I can't believe how I let this man influence me so much that it turned my marriage & my day to day living into a complete nightmare. I can't get back those years & my life choices are limited now, but it's the stories here that help me to cope with what's left of my life. God bless. I honestly think you save lives.
I am so thankful for the RG administrators who followed their hearts desire to share the grace and love of Jesus with others. I appreciate how you point people to Jesus who is the One who can bring hope,healing and restoration regardless of the situation.
Having been out of ATI for about ten years, I have moved on. However having said that, RG has helped me to realize areas of my life that I still needed to deal with for continued healing.
I am thankful for new friendships within the various recovery groups and support that we have been able to give one another. Thanks RG for your part in making all of this possible.
I'm praying for God's continued blessings on you and for thousands to find freedom from a lifestyle of bondage and legalism.
"Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever." Ephesians 3:20
I am profoundly grateful for this site!!!
I have cried in empathy over the stories.
I have wondered at the way scripture was twisted and used to control. I guess a sword is still a sword, even when swung by a drunk.
I have grieved over those still defending this "other gospel".
I have been moved to pray for those I know who remain chained in deception.
I have become honest about my past.
I have spoken out about the damage IBLP/ATI has caused-not because they were mis-used, but because they were followed perfectly.
Happy birthday Recovering Grace and thank you from the bottom of my heart.
You have helped me find a voice.
This site is like a breath of fresh air! I love visiting it and reading from people who "get it."
Jesus said His burden is light and His yoke is easy….I know what that feels like now when I follow God’s personal plan for my life which looked nothing like th plan that legalist religion says to follow.
And following that plan for my life looked like sin to the legalists, QF, patriarchy and Gothardites…Here is what they considered sin- Riding and owning horses, wearing pants, several cats in the house, enjoying being outside rather than doing house work or cooking, doing minimal housework, ok, less than minimal, working outside the home in a public school, not having children, college educated BUT Jesus made me as I am and my longsuffering husband loves me for who God made me to be.
Although I am an onlooker having never been directly involved with IBLP or ATI I have seen its effects firsthand.
I was involved in a mission organization 22 years ago that had a very parental structure. Some of the leaders appeared to have mystical glasses so that they could peer into your soul and determine how spiritually mature you were and whether or not you were 100% committed to Jesus.
Counselling known as tutorials or tutes depending on how much you conformed to the groups teaching could be a time of fun or in my case a time of dread. I never measured up, was seen as resistant, and sins that I confessed were used as weapons to control me where I was forced on one occasion to confess publicly.
I left after two years and eventually suffered an emotional breakdown because of depression while at University. Since then I have struggled with trusting anyone or even letting anyone close to me.
I have a basic mistrust of most people in authority especially church leaders (some of which is justified)and generally avoid getting too involved.
In the past two years I have met a number of people who have been and are still involved with IBLP and ATI. I recognized once more the hallmarks of a cult. I notice the women are mostly subjugated while the men are self righteous to the point of being narcissistic with none or very little discernment regarding truth.
I have read a few apologists on Bill Gothard very few of them will go beyond calling him off beat or a little legalistic in some area's. So far as I am concerned Bill Gothard is an heretical cult leader.
My heart bleeds for those I know and love who are blinded or trapped within this system. One of them I love with all my heart but am unable to contact now so all I can do is pray and plead with God to free her. I know many of you can relate to this.