Emotion – A Dirty Word

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Emotion – A Dirty Word

Emotion – A Dirty Word

2 May 2012, 06:00

I was watching Soul Surfer with my daughter the other day. (She is ten and LOVES this movie!)

I was enjoying it too, until something at the end got under my skin. . . No, not the shark attack–something else.

It was during the competition. They were almost out of time and her confidence faltered. Our heroine’s father took her aside and told her to “trust her instincts.”

Trust her instincts?! Really?

She did, and went on to catch the big wave at the end.

So why did that touch me so much that I wanted to cry?

I was never told that growing up. I was never told to trust my instincts or to believe in myself. I was told that my heart was desperately wicked and deceitful above all things. Sitting there watching the movie with my own child sent me back to my childhood longing for my father to tell me to trust myself.

Since that time, years later, I have learned that when I slow down enough to feel my feelings and listen to my instincts they are right, surprisingly! The challenge is allowing myself to feel.

And I am not alone. This is all too familiar an experience in many churches.

But growing up in ATI (the Advanced Training Institute) added to the church experience: How many of us were taught to deny, not express, not feel, and not trust our emotions?

Examples:

Love is not an emotion, it is an action.

Anger of any kind indicated un-yielded “rights” and was wrong, wrong, wrong.

Bitterness: one of the seven deadly sins; if you have cancer you probably caused it by being bitter. . .

Sorrow or grief over anything other than sin was simply not allowed. “Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice.” Or play the Glad Game as in Polyanna, or at least wear a “ministry smile.”

Crying over pain, emotional or physical, was not allowed (at least at our house).

And on and on.

The steps to conquering anger and the steps to conquering bitterness led to a complete denial of being angry and feeling bitter about it. I learned to bury my emotions instead of deal with them. I learned to hide my feelings from everyone, especially my family. If anyone in the family admitted to feeling angry they were asked, “Have you surrendered your rights?” by my dad. In fact I can still hear him saying this, the memory is so vivid.

Since then I have learned:

Feeling angry means a boundary has been violated. Usually there is an action I need to take when this happens, and yielding rights isn’t it.

Feeling bitter means I got hurt and wasn’t able to feel or deal with it at the time, and the best I can do now is LET IT OUT! This leads to forgiveness, but no one should ever be forced to forgive by an interfering third party. Forced “forgiveness” is nothing of the kind.

Sadness over something other than my own sin, or even petty disappointment, is NOT A SIN.

Crying is not only healthy (people who cry tears get fewer colds, did you know?), it can actually help you feel better after a “good” cry.

And love. . .

Love is the reason for living.

How many of us were told that love was not an emotion? If this is true, where is the fun in life? Where is the passion? What is the point if a person is never to feel love? How tragic! But that was the message as I grew up. It did not help that I grew up in a profoundly dysfunctional family. Thankfully, not all families in ATI are that dysfunctional, but many are. I had to learn that love leads to actions, but stems from an overflowing, desperately beautiful, powerful, self-generating (the more you create the more you have to give) emotion inside myself.

The first person I had to learn to love was myself. . .

. . .which was extraordinarily difficult considering my heart was so “desperately wicked and deceitful above all things.”

I learned anyway.

All articles on this site reflect the views of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of other Recovering Grace contributors or the leadership of the site. Students who have survived Gothardism tend to end up at a wide variety of places on the spiritual and theological spectrum, thus the diversity of opinions expressed on this website reflects that. For our official statement of beliefs, click here.

About the author

Helen is a former ITC resident and ATI student survivor, and a mostly sane mother of three teens.

51 Comments

Cheryl Chamberlain Duwe May 2, 2012 Reply

Yes, yes, yes! I can relate to so much of what you say, and learning now to love and trust myself is top priority. Thank you for articulating so beautifully what I feel.
M Hammond May 2, 2012 Reply

Yeah, my son had cancer at the age of 3- it's hard to explain that away as bitterness. "They" would probably say it was bitterness passed down from the previous generation! I actually felt a weird vibe in our ATIA church when we went through that- it led to us leaving to find more warmth elsewhere.
- Jaime May 8, 2012 Reply
  
  That is so terribly sad, M. Between all diseases being blamed on bitterness, and sexual assault being blamed on failure to devote your body to God, there was little, if any, room for true compassion in ATI. All the bad things that happen, apparently, are just your own fault. (Which I guess means the disciples were to blame for all that they endured, right? They must not have devoted their bodies to God, or else he wouldn't have let them be burned alive, beheaded, parboiled, crucified...)
- Heather June 19, 2012 Reply
  
  Nevermind that we are in a fallen world, and humans are NOT immortal, oh, you're sick because you sinned... Disturbing and wrong. Ugh. I'm very sorry for your experience with your son, but I'm glad you got away from that unfriendly church.
SaraJ May 2, 2012 Reply

It was a revelation to me, too, to find out that anger isn't an automatic sin. It's like pain: it signals that something is wrong. And you're right -- simply "yielding rights" doesn't resolve the problem.

We could laugh and cry and be angry in our household, but these teachings didn't help me navigate the confusing world of teenage emotions.

Thanks for writing this.
Gina May 2, 2012 Reply

I can only recall a few 'boundaries' that were promoted in ATI/IBLP, but they were called convictions and were intended to protect us from the world/outside. These covered everything from rock music, skirts, ouija boards, movies, etc. Remember "I've given my life to Jesus and I'm unable to do that"?
- Wendy May 2, 2012 Reply
  
  I remember "I've given my life to Jesus and I am unable to do that." It was in the early 80's and I was a teenager. I also remember thinking 'I have given my life to Jesus and I love Him with my whole heart but such a statement will get me ostacized and ridiculed. At a time in life when it is so important to fit in, this phrase seemed guarenteed to do the opposite. I wasn't trying to fit in with a wrong crowd (well, it probably would have been considered wrong by IBLP standards), I just wanted friends to sit with at lunch. Annnnd, I never denied my faith when it was called into question.
  Did this phrase help anyone explain why they didn't do/participate in certain activities?
  - Shana May 2, 2012 Reply
    
    That phrase always annoyed me. A lot of what IBLP said not to do was not considered unbiblical to many faithful Christians I knew. It sounds so pompous and condescending. I just could not use a phrase that made me sound SO self righteous!
  - KW May 8, 2012 Reply
    
    No, Wendy. Never helped. My reaction was much like yours. I never used that phrase. Seemed counter-productive. I knew people would just say, "Um...yes...I love Him too. What is your point?" Every desire to have friends, to be part of a community of local Christian teens, every desire to dress normally enough so I didn't stand out as being odd was noted as the onset of rebellion, which is as bad as witchcraft. I was always in inner turmoil because I KNEW i wasn't feeling in the least bit rebellious toward the Lord or his Word! Yest no words or actions of mine could convince authorities that my heart WAS true and straight as an arrow. Frustrated teen - that was me. And the Bible admonishes parents NOT to frustrate their children. Somehow that verse never got any air time.
Seth May 2, 2012 Reply

Well said. It is difficult to learn to acknowledge our emotions--and to validate them sometimes. It was a difficult process for me as well. I was afraid that I simply didn't have enough faith because I was uncertain about things and I knew that I shouldn't ever trust my gut-- I should some how have this clear God given direction pulled directly from scripture for eve decision in life. The problem was I couldn't make that happen. Thank you for writing!
MatthewS May 2, 2012 Reply

Good thoughts. I was told by my dad in no uncertain terms that my emotions were not valid because emotions were for girls, which was both untrue and an unfair slam against girls at the same time. (ironic how he was able to say these things with emotional heat) It's bad enough being shut down but when it becomes a spiritual issue, it adds such a difficult layer for us to work through.

So many of us are unskilled at being mindful of what we are feeling and being able to put names or words to those feelings. For those of us who believe that God created us, doesn't it make sense for us to accept emotions as being part of God's good creation? I have appreciated some lists of 'feeling words' that friends have shared to help me understand what I am feeling.

Thanks for sharing this!
- Heidi Sandoval May 4, 2012 Reply
  
  "Emotions were for GIRLS!?!?" Good grief Matthew, that is messed up!
"Hannah" May 2, 2012 Reply

Basic psychology here, but profound in its simplicity, and something as basic as this was lost on us while in the program. I had to run my emotions through a grid to determine their "rightness", before I dared to feel. And the emotions were usually "wrong" in some way, ergo, I was not allowed to feel. Thank you for writing this.
Alex S. May 2, 2012 Reply

Psalm 37:4 tells us we get the desires of our heart when we delight in God. As we delight in God, we'll want what He wants and love what He loves. Consequently, He'll be delighted to give us the things we want, because they will be the things He wants. So, even though our hearts are sinful, they're changed at salvation to the point that God CAN and WILL grant our hearts' desires.

I don't recall this truth ever being taught in ATI...
- Dona Stroshine May 2, 2012 Reply
  
  Oh, no no, no no no, no delight in IBLP.
Stephen M May 2, 2012 Reply

Perhaps you can deny your pain, sorrow, anger etc.... But according to Gothard your guilt is most likely rational - where it seems irrational it is probably because it is "misplaced conviction" - so it still needs dealing with. Generally, you can trust your guilt to be condemning you for some good reason somewhere.

When I discovered that I had a clicial anxiety disorder (scrupulosity/OCD), I realized that successful healing needs to be predicated on the fact my guilt is quite often irrational and unnecessary. I remember walking home from an exposure work session at the hospital a couple years ago (where I rubbed a public toilet seat with my hands without washing afterwards or potentially made myself contaminated with toxic mercury which I will possibly harm others with); I walked away with a hope of freedom inside me as I intentionally stood down my guilt. I have thought this must be what true grace feels like.

Gothard's continual searching for faults and pressure to achieve might drive someone with OCD to ruin. Guilt helped put me in the hospital emergency room at age 19 when I saw my first psychiatrist (I had crashed my parents car on purpose). I will always remember this first psychiatrist telling me right then and there after listening to me "why don't you take all your guilt and kick it" (paraphrase). With my OCD I might be recovering legalist all my life but I now do so with the profound hope that Jesus took my guilt and kicked it. Funny how a secular pychiatrist can sometimes speak more gracious advice to someone than a Christian. Thank God He has given me other reasons to believe in Him.
- RachelG May 2, 2012 Reply
  
  Stephen - sometimes I find it amazing to hear someone talk about what we were raised to believe because I had long forgotten the specific teaching, but was left with the beliefs buried deep within me. I had forgotten that a nagging sense of guilt was "misplaced conviction". So THAT is why I still battle a feeling of guilt when I have nothing to be guilty about?!!!
  
  Emotions - for me I had to make a conscious decision to let myself *feel*. First it was an hour by hour decision - today it's a decision that faces me sometimes daily, sometimes weekly. I keep making myself choose to feel - and finally I am starting to feel GOOD emotions. Thank you HelenE for sharing!
  - Heather June 19, 2012 Reply
    
    I struggle with guilt too, can't tell if it's a real sin I'm guilty about or not. Very frustrating.. (wait, that's an emotion, right? SINNER!!!) smh..
Krys May 2, 2012 Reply

Having just found this site by complete accident and growing up completely in ATI, I completely relate to every word I read on here. I remember feeling extreme shame going to a counselor at 22 who I certainly did not have the ability to trust. How can you trust a person who doesn't have the same background? I had not lived a day without guilt from repressed anger and an obsessive way of repenting for it. When this counselor put anger in the most basic terms, however, I felt free to work on anger as a requirement to be free and move forward in life. Animals, she said, are angry. Animals in the wild get angry all the time... Well, now when you put it like that, I suppose I will be getting in touch with mine. :) I did allow myself emotions from then on. 10 years forward, I now choose to remove bitter emotions as I was also on the sexual abuse side that was so hidden by the look of perfection offered within the program. I choose freedom for myself. I choose emotions and most definately: I love myself. I cannot agree more with what I read up top. This website is pivotal for others also to heal and move forward. Wow. Thank you.
Tina May 3, 2012 Reply

I did not grow up in ATI, nor did I take any of Bill Gothard's courses. I can, however, relate to some of the stories here. I was part of an unhealthy church during my college years, and one of the verses used was "The heart is deceitful above all things." You couldn't trust yourself with anything!
Lora May 3, 2012 Reply

of course, it was always the negative emotions that weren't to be trusted. the positive ones were fruits of the Spirit.
Josh May 3, 2012 Reply

I agree with you. In ATI the we were told repeatedly "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" (Jer. 17:9). However, I truly believe that this verse is completely taken out of context, and the verses that talk of God's work in regenerating and redeeming our hearts (and even emotions) through the Holy Spirit were never mentioned-

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. Then you will live in the land I gave your ancestors; you will be my people, and I will be your God." (Ezek. 36:26-28)

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them." (2 Cor. 5:17-19)

By God's grace and through His Holy Spirit, in my post-ATI years I have come to understand those scriptures to mean that because of Christ's work in our lives, we have been given a new heart, we are a new creation, and we are no longer deceitful and wicked above all things.

Therefore, when we no longer have to live in condemnation or fear that our emotions are negative, vile, despicable things. In fact, we can trust that God has actually REDEEMED those emotions to where if we are abiding in Him, He can use those emotions to guide and direct us through His Holy Spirit.

With that being said, there definitely has to be a balance though. Galatians 16 draws a clear line between those things that are "of the flesh" and those that are "of the Spirit".

Overall, I think the teachings of ATI and IBLP took this concept way out of scriptural context and turned a blind eye to all the doctrines of grace, regeneration and sanctification that scripture screams out.

Just my two cents. Interesting thoughts. : )
dreamer May 3, 2012 Reply

I did not grow up in ATI, but I have attended the same church for most of my life. It was fairly charismatic, free, and full of love. In recent years, our church went through a horrible time that ended in a split when several (including our pastor) got sucked into the teachings of Doug Phillips, the Botkins, Vodie Bacham, etc. I remember being taught how the church in America had too much emotionalism and not enough doctrine. How those displays of the Spirit were really just people getting carried away in their emotions. How modern praise music was too emotional, too feminine, and didn't have enough "good solid doctrine in it." More and more, I was taught that studying doctrine and church history were good, and feeling was bad and weak. And guess what happened. I STOPPED FEELING GOD. Most of the time, I felt like I was praying to the ceiling. I thought God had forgotten about me. Thankfully God is restoring our church to one that seeks Him and His spirit and not the teachings of man, but it has been a long and painful process. I still grieve for my friends who are still caught up in this teaching.
Lynne' May 3, 2012 Reply

I think what Christians often forget is to acknowledge the verses that says God will give us the desires of our heart and how we are a new creation in Christ!!! Yes, we all start out as sinners with a desperately wicked heart, but our old selves die and we are given a new nature and heart in Christ! We are given the Holy Spirit to guide our lives. "Trusting our instincts" as Christians is right and good because God is speaking to us and guiding us and our new nature has desires that our old nature did not share. Many Christians who convert later in life realize that what they wanted when they were young (i.e. to not go to church and so on) find that they actually *want* to read the Bible and go to a Bible study. When we grow up in the church and those things are shoved down our throat we can often try to do things because we are supposed to rather than because we want to. Is a husband *supposed* to kiss his wife? Isn't it better if he does that because he actually wants to? There is nothing wrong with wanting to do good stuff and trusting ourselves to know what that is (as new creations in Christ we CAN trust our instincts because we are no longer completely lost in sin!) This is a VERY big deal to understand. "The Naked Gospel" book talks a lot about this and is well worth the read in case anyone is interested. :} http://www.amazon.com/The-Naked-Gospel-Nothing-Additives/dp/0310293065/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1336060140&sr=8-1
grateful May 3, 2012 Reply

i did not grow up ATI, but am peripherally in that world because of marriage. I come from a pretty sinful background and am relatively free from guilt because I know it is ALL Jesus and Not me - when I got saved, I got SAVED (if you know what I mean). I find it ironic that many ATI-raised young people that I come in contact with at church and other social circles struggle with guilt - even though they live a pristine lifestyle. Thank you for writing - I truly find this site amazing and eye-opening.
- Jaime May 8, 2012 Reply
  
  I have much the same background, grateful--not raised in the church, not raised "Christian," and when I got saved, it was this knock-down, totally amazing, 180-degree thing that completely and totally filled me with love and gratitude. Unfortunately, a Christian family I knew recommended that I attend several ATI functions, including all of the seminars and the EV program. It turned out okay--I met some of my best friends and my beloved husband there--but all that love, all that delight in just being alive and being in love with God, took a serious, serious blow. I'm still trying to get back to that simple, pure, wonderful relationship that I had with Him when we first met.
Jeanette May 5, 2012 Reply

Wow! Where do I begin to express my agreement with all that? Thank you for putting all this into words! Our emotions are as much a part of who we are as our reasoning, spirituality, physicality, etc. and definitely should not be ignored.
I'm so glad that you mentioned anger being a sign of violated boundaries rather than unyielded rights, or its twin, unreleased expectations. Protecting what is ours is not only reasonable, it's natural and healthy.
"Crying is allowed at my house, but we like giggling better." Love that! :) My family experienced that when we left ATI - we cried more, but after some time we laughed more too. Now we're taking both in stride as part of life.
Maddy May 6, 2012 Reply

I am so sorry for what happened to you growing up. Not being taught to trust in yourself. Unfortunately I did some of those same things to my kids. Shoot, I did it to myself too because of all the twisted scripture I was gulping down. I wanted to say that I can live with the way I failed myself, was duped, deceived and stumbled. But as a parent it is like a knife to my heart when I read your words and realize I did some of that to my kids. There I was wanting the best for my kids. Actually sacrificing and going to great lengths to try to give my kids what I thought was the best. It breaks my heart and shames me to think that the opposite was taking place because of the deception due to twisted scripture. Thank you for the insight I have gained through your article and I pray you will find blessings in your future and He will restore the years the locusts have eaten and bless you 10 fold.
Josh18 May 7, 2012 Reply

Both the Church and the world at large, tend to distrust emotion . . .

. . . And yet, God breathed into us a LIVING SOUL that is not only mind, but will and emotion.

What if we embraced the totality of that soul God gave us and really lived out of it?

Would that be the "abundant LIFE" Jesus came to give!

Thank you for sharing. I have been through a journey to learn to trust my instincts (will), but I have had a much harder time embracing my feelings (emotion). I just realized the other day that I have been learning for years how to really love others, but only in the mind (understanding and acceptance) and the will (actions). I do not know how to FEEL loved or to have loving feelings for others.

But God is waking me up!!!
Josh18 May 7, 2012 Reply

Also, learning that we have "good hearts" is so key.

I found that systematic theology ideas about original sin and deceitful hearts kept me from grasping the ORIGINAL GLORY we were created for and the newness Jesus brings when He comes to dwell in our hearts.

John Eldredge's "Waking the Dead" helped me on this journey last year. But the real answer was when God showed me two verses within two days that confirmed that I have a GOOD HEART. Both times, it was like God spoke to me and said, "I have placed a good heart in you . . . why are you striving for something you already have!"

Luke 6:45 The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.

Ezekiel 36:26: And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.
Jaime May 8, 2012 Reply

"..no one should ever be forced to forgive by an interfering third party. Forced “forgiveness” is nothing of the kind.

Sadness over something other than my own sin, or even petty disappointment, is NOT A SIN.

Crying is not only healthy (people who cry tears get fewer colds, did you know?), it can actually help you feel better after a “good” cry.

And love. . .

Love is the reason for living."

Oh, my. This resonated with me so very deeply. I always would feel just astonished and hurt when I would share with someone my testimony, only to have them tell me that I must surely be bitter, and needed to give it to God. Reall? What part of my testimony did you not understand? I HAVE recovered--that's what makes it a TESTIMONY to God's goodness! I don't know how many times, when I explained to someone that my birth father was an abusive alcoholic, and largely absentee, and that I had been sexually abused, verbally abused, and neglected, I would hear that shpiel. Yet I KNEW I wasn't bitter, because at the moment I'd met Christ, I had entered into the most amazing freedom. Over all the years of ATIers preaching at me that my bitterness was keeping me in chains, I slowly felt chains beginning to form around me--not because of my childhood, though, but because I was upset to know that in the minds of ATIers, I would never, ever be anything other than tainted and untrustworthy. Once a sinner, always a sinner, apparently. It mattered very little if I protested that I felt nothing but pity and compassion for my abusers. There was no expectation that that could possibly be true unless it had been rehashed countless times, and my emotions smothered in an ATI-approved way. The idea of finding freedom in Christ alone, instantaneously, without any counseling from BG whatsoever, or any time at Eagle Springs, or any Anger Seminar--it was unfathomable.
tangent May 8, 2012 Reply

How about that?! God is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think. He is the healer of broken hearts. Not by might, not by power, but by my Spirit, saith the Lord.
Shelley May 8, 2012 Reply

I never attended ATI/IBLP. I have read a number of publications by Bill Gothard and others in the ministry. And it is interesting how close I feel to you all. I got these same messages and I didn't grow up in an ATI/IBLP home/atmosphere. Quite the opposite. What I am hearing here is not a lot different than what a lot of people are experiencing with all kinds of different backgrounds. I think a lot of what I have read is typical of growing up human, Christian or not. We all grew up with parents and they had parents and they had parents, all human. They all did the best they could with what they had. I don't know any parent who tried to screw up their kids. I didn't grow up in a Christian household. I was sexually molested by my best friends dad. My mom was bipolar and she did the best she could. Did she give me a lot of misunderstandings about self, emotions, love, God, guilt? She sure did. I have been through a lot of therapy in my life. My husband and I have raised our children the best we could. We are Christian. We homschooled. We taught purity before and after marriage. And I told them all that I would pay for the therapy when they get older because I know I have made mistakes and we never know what our children will carry with them. Do I pray for Grace and Mercy on my words and action? Absolutely, daily, sometimes minute-by-minute.
As for trusting ourselves or our instincts, I call this the Holy Spirit. If God lives in me and I trust that He is the guidance and direction that I need then those instincts are Him. As for the Soul Surfer incident that was written about. The girl in the movie is a Christian and of course she should trust that instinct, she is a Christian and God lives in her. Even in Alcoholic Anonymous, which was started by Christians, their "Big Book" says once you get on the road to recovery and start following God "you will intuitively know how to do things that used to baffle you". I call that the Holy Spirit. If you are a Christian then those instincts should be from the Holy Spirit. We just have to learn how to follow those and not the worldly man that tries to rear his ugly head in our lives. Please find forgiveness for the people who have messed you up, at this very moment you are messing someone else up and they will have to find forgiveness for you. I hope you all will forgive me for being so honest and so blunt. You are all special and God Danced the Day You Were Born. Rejoice in HIM!!!!
- MatthewS May 8, 2012 Reply
  
  Shelley, you sound like a very authentic person, and I like authentic people! Coming from an ATI perspective, I would say that I had to learn that my dad was not representing God very well to me. It was a major step for me as an adult to be able to separate God from my dad (and mom). I think it would have helped me much earlier if I had realized they were mistaken rather than believing the umbrella of authority idea which I had been taught and had accepted as truth.
  
  Either Yancey or Smedes, I forget which, said, "A victim is a dangerous person." I think part of why that's so is because we forget how much we need the grace of others and others need grace from us. It's a bit of a journey sometimes from an abusive home to good health but always one worth taking. It's not uncommon for people who leave behind spiritual abuse to have some things to vent along the way.
  - Shelley May 8, 2012 Reply
    
    Thank you Matthew. It was amazing the day I realized my mom was not perfect. My mom and dad divorced when I was 7. The whole authority issue was lost on me until after I was married and trying to raise our children and had to explain it to them. We had to explain to them that God put us in authority over them to protect them, but that we were still human and would make mistakes, so we all have to learn forgiveness at a very early age ;) All while trying to forgive my mom for being human and not that perfect authority figure. I think it is so wrong to explain that our parents are a representation of God. We are so fallible.
    And a victim is a very dangerous person. Very wise. Venting is a great tool. I am so glad this site exists for all those who have been affected by these misconceptions. And, hopefully, the venting will eventually turn to listening to others who are following in your footsteps.
    Bless you,
MITCHELL CHAPMAN May 9, 2012 Reply

I attended the basic seminar in march of 1973 in philadelphia, pa. Bill was just one of many teachers I was following at that time. We choose to put my kids in a christian school and than a catholic school. Bill is not qualified to give medical advice. He has no medical training and he is way off base with his teaching on medical issues.Bill has no training in helping people with mental issues.He is way off base with his teaching on mental problems. He really should get a good lawyer that can help him understand what his limitations are because he has a big mental block.
I have gained some good teaching from Bill but also from secular scholars also. We need to teach our children to think and not just take everything that is being taught as the gospel.
- WendyA May 9, 2012 Reply
  
  Mitchell, you make some good points. But I would like to point out, as was pointed out to me some years ago by a very wise Biblical scholar, "What's good in Bill Gothard's teaching is not unique, and what's unique is not good." His point was that we shouldn't drink from water that we know is tainted if there are other, purer sources available. And, as you have pointed out, there is clear evidence that Mr. Gothard teaches on issues that he ought to leave alone because they are well beyond his area of expertise.
  
  I would also suggest that while while mature adults who have been well-instructed in solid Christian theology might be able to sift through Mr. Gothard's teachings to find the good, a child brought up in his home-school system does not have the same advantages. The very teachings of ATI and the atmosphere of the training centers makes it impossible for them to question the teachings.
  
  Certainly, we should teach our children to think. But if we, ourselves, are sitting under this man's teaching, then it is all too likely that our children --- who are prone to think that we know everything (at least until they turn 11 or 12) --- will accept all that he says at face-value, rather than evaluating it for truth, simply because Mom and Dad listen to him.
  - Maddy May 9, 2012 Reply
    
    Wendy,
    I appreciate and agree with your comments. I did want to offer another perspective. I came from a lost background. My family was Catholic, but everyone was lost. I was saved as a young woman of 22 years old. Upon marrying shortly thereafter, and having children, we would begin to homeschool. I felt I was inadequate in so many ways because of not having a strong Christian heritage to draw from as I raised my children and homeschooled them. Of course we desperately desired the best for our children. When someone comes along who presents themselves as being an authority on scripture and having all the answers, a young, naive Christian can be easily duped and deceived. The mistakes are occurring before the spiritual growth and maturity take place that are necessary to withdraw from the twisted scripture and error. It was more than the students, it was parents too. Parents like me, moms like me who denied their instincts because they would not be "submitting" and be considered rebellious.
    Praise God I have now begun to think for myself. I do live with the heartache of not having the opportunity to teach that to my children when they were little.
    - WendyA May 10, 2012
      
      Maddy, you are absolutely right. The young, new, or naive Christian was vulnerable --- if not powerless --- when confronted with someone like Bill Gothard and his teachings. They didn't have the knowledge that mature adults who have been well-instructed in solid Christian theology would have --- knowledge of how to check all those hundreds of proof-texts in the seminars, how to identify and refute the logical fallacies and faulty hermeneutics, how to spot the old heresies dressed up in new clothing.
      
      They wanted to do better by their kids than they had been done by. They wanted to give their kids a chance to know God more deeply than they did ... to grow up in the faith, rather than having to look back on a youth that was spent outside it (and maybe dealing with some unpleasant sins). They wanted to protect their kids from their mistakes.
      
      Yes, I TOTALLY agree with you and get where you are coming from. And I think God is just as angry over the misleading of the "children in the faith" as He is over actual children or over taking advantage of young women who, due to a sheltered upbringing, had the innocence of children.
  - mitchell chapman May 10, 2012 Reply
    
    Wendy
    I used Eric Erickson material on psychosocial development in raising my kids. His material helped me understand my childrens developement and gave me a lot of insight on how to give them a good self image. I wish only now I would have been more positive with them.
    I think Bills material helped me get grounded in scripture.
    I also was reading r c sprouls material and some of pope john pauls material.
    I am in an Assembly of GOD church and we were exposed to a lot of great worship music so I was not fenced into the Baptist mode of worship. We raised our hands and sometimes a little dancing also. Hillsong and michael w smith are inspired by God as many recording artist are.
    Which brings up another point and that bill needs to loosen up and learn to worship the Lord.
Samuel Lundmark May 9, 2012 Reply

Teach our children to think.... Amen!

There is one little problem: When students in his program DID THINK and ask questions, Bill slandared them in front of their friends.

Bill, we remember your less-than-gracious handling of those situations. We remember the unfounded and unjust claims. We remember that you taught us your techniques, and that is going to come back to haunt you. I am no longer sympathetic to your cause. Go ahead, smear my name. Slander me. If you wish to communicate, it really is better to write what you wish to say so there are no "misunderstandings."

Bill considers people in rebellion if they wish to think for themselves--even in the pursuit of God. He cannot handle that people are free to think. It's sad that this man is so misled.

I have no personal bitterness against Bill, but I reject both him and his teachings. My opinion is that Bill Gothard is a false teacher according to the Scriptures. His message is that of the Judaizers in that he pushes people to leave the free, unmerited gift of grace and to attempt to pass the tests of the law in order to merit increasing dosages of the Holy Spirit's power. The failings of his system of error are evident.

My prayer is that Bill would come back under the authority of the Scripture. The problem here is the rebellion against the authority of the Holy Spirit.
- Jessica (Pellascio) Bischof May 10, 2012 Reply
  
  Very well put Samuel, I completely agree.
Stephen M May 12, 2012 Reply

I just found an interesting quote on a local church's website:

"Because Truth is not only a pursuit of intellect, but also a journey toward relationship. The discovery of Truth then is much more a matter of heart than we may care to admit. It’s interesting to note that even secular neuroscientists have concluded that any human knowledge that leads to life change is one part information and six parts emotion. In other words, it’s what you care about that changes your life. We can have info that doesn’t change us; we all have that. Information doesn’t take things to depth—there has to be something else that drives things deep. You see, it’s possible to believe without caring, but you can’t care without doing."
(http://www.churchonthewestside.com/qry/page.taf?id=216)
Dan May 12, 2012 Reply

I came across Gothard's teachings in the early 80's as a brand-new Christian. My pastor (who did not subscribe to his teaching) had one of his early Institute youth handbooks lying around the church library.

I remember an instant chill going up my spine. All the glib language and all the pretty little schematics, cooked up in the mind of a man who had never married or tried to raise a child of his own.

I am amazed by the number of people who come out of his "ministry" firmly clinging to their hope in Christ. I don't know whether it's a testament to Christ's keeping or to their character, but I'm pretty sure I would have gone completely ballistic as a youngster under his "care."

I think it's the fact that so many of his ex-followers remain committed to Biblical teachings of grace, forbearance, and judgment deferred despite their time with him that has kept a class-action suit from ever forming.

I do know that for my part, no political candidate who has ever had a documented tie to Gothard will receive my vote for office; I don't care whether it's for President or dogcatcher.

Best wishes and prayers to you and to all who have escaped this insidious false ministry.
R May 25, 2012 Reply

every month during wisdom searches, we dreaded having to read psalm 22. especially verse 6: "but i am a worm and no man, a reproach of men and despised of the people."
for some reason, my dad found this very amusing. the unlucky kid was forced to read it out loud, usually to the sound of laughter - from dad.
"you're a worm! you're a worm!" he would say.
"but i'm not!" the kid would protest, full of hurt and shame.
"yes you are! you're a worm and no man!"

and parents wonder why we're a little screwed up.
- Stéphanie July 13, 2012 Reply
  
  I'm so sorry to hear this, R. Not amusing at all. What's worse, your dad's completely taking this verse out of context.
  David is saying he's being despised BY OTHERS. He's so low he feels like he's not being treated like a human being at all. Ironically, your dad did exactly the same thing to you. He was giving you the same treatment the "bad guys" were giving David: humiliating, despising, mocking to the point of feeling subhuman. If he had paid more attention to the actual Psalm, and less to the cruel jesting he might get out of it, he would have seen that God does NOT approve of such treatment. God does the exact opposite, when He sees His child despised and made fun of: "For He has not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; Neither has He hidden His face from him; But when he cried to Him for help, He heard." verse 24
  God never viewed David as a worm, no matter how cruelly he was treated. In addition, God knows what it feels like to be humiliated and despised just like this. Jesus Himself felt the pain of being mocked with some of the very words of this Psalm as He was being humiliated and shamed. This Psalm is speaking about Jesus! That doesn't mean Jesus was a worm. Only that cruel, sinful men enjoyed treating Him like one.
  I'm sad to think that your dad thought this was an acceptable form of "humor." God sure wasn't laughing.
- Heidi July 25, 2012 Reply
  
  So sorry R. That is called verbal abuse.
Melinda June 12, 2012 Reply

So, I read this article awhile back and loved it. It was so true and I am working on slowly getting some of those emotions back. This morning I was reading Matthew 5. I struggle with reading Matthew 5,6, and 7 because of all the baggage in those chapters. However, usually, I am shocked at how much of what I was taught in those famous "Wisdom" Booklets was warped and taken out of context. I find myself learning new things and loving that sermon of Jesus' all over again.

Today, I specifically noticed verse 4 of chapter 5 which says "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." (ESV not KJV...*yikes*) Reality slammed me in the face yet again, as I realized that this isn't just talking about mourning over sin. I've been struggling with my emotions...trying to get them back. After all, as the author of this article said, I'm only allowed to be angry at wickedness, mourn over sin and all the other times, be in a perpetual state of joy and delight. Imagine me just this month, trying to really weep with those who weep as a dear friend I know was in a serious accident and her family was hurting. I struggled with simple sympathy. I was shocked and saddened by my extreme apathy. It opened my eyes.

I'm really praying for God to work in my heart and give me my emotions back. I want true sympathy and love for others (that I may actually feel sometimes...what a novel idea). I want to be able to weep and cry over truly sad things...and happy things. I want to be able to be discouraged and know I'm not going to be struck dead.

So, thank you for your article. It was an encouragement, and I really appreciate all you are doing here at Recovering Grace. :-)
Heather June 19, 2012 Reply

You know, we were created in the image of God. We have feelings (emotions) because He has emotions. He said He is a jealous God. Is this a sin? He has admitted to being angry. Was that sin? He's even said He HATED something! Gasp! How can a human being separate from such an essential (GOD GIVEN) part of their nature? You don't stop feeling until you die, and even then, you simply move to the place of perfection in heaven. It's your motives and possible wrong actions that you can choose in the heat of an emotion, that becomes sin.
Another Hannah August 4, 2012 Reply

So do a lot of other ex-ATI-ers also face the problem of having a problem with crying...eg. not being able to be a "normal" emotional person...you can't cry when you want to/should/etc or are embarrassed for anyone to know you cry, because you are ashamed of it... ?
- Heidi February 7, 2013 Reply
  
  Yes Hannah, I think so. We talk about emotional recovery. We have recovery groups for X-ATI-ers. Have you checked out the one on Recovering Grace?
  
  And there seems to be a pattern of mourning. Sometimes an X-er will go through a crying period where they cry a lot. I know I did. Sort of like making up for lost time. But I feel so much happier and better afterward.
  
  Bill Gothard used the verse from Matt. 5 "Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted." to say it was all about mourning over sin. But the verse does not say that.
  
  I think it has a much bigger meaning. If we allow ourselves to grieve and mourn when we need to, we can actually heal. If we stuff, we get stuck and sick.
  
  Hugs to you Hannah. and try to find a friend who will let you cry. It can be wonderful and comforting.

Emotion – A Dirty Word

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