Editor's note: This story was shared four years ago on a Facebook group that I was part of for former ATI (Advanced Training Institute) students. I have kept it in its original form because it is the story that opened up many former students' eyes to the horror and extremism of ATI....and the fact that they were not alone. It motivated and spurred some of us forward to find healing, and to help others find their way out of ATI. I have since had the chance to meet and get to know the author. I have found him to be one of the most genuine and caring of souls. In a sense, his story was burned into my own heart and the effect has been life changing. RBG
My family joined ATI when I was five in 1984. We were members of the pilot family program (the first 100 families). I don’t know what ATI is now, I only know it as it was for me: A very strict Christian home school program. I hear they have changed some things, but that doesn’t really directly concern me.
My siblings were pulled out of school before I started school, and we started working through the curriculum together, while using Bob Jones books and A.C.E. PACEs for our subjects. I remember the day my dad told us that we had been accepted into ATI. I had really been looking forward to going to school. I was always so jealous that my brothers and sister were going to school while I stayed home, and I was so excited about finally going. So I was confused when I was told I would not be going to school. I remember saying, “I want to go to school!” right then in that family meeting. But I was told that God had opened a door for us, and touched us with His blessing.
From that time on things were different. I did my schoolwork. I memorized a LOT of the Bible, like the entire book of James from end to end, Matthew chapters 5-7, etc. Before I knew it, the Seminars came around, and we were traveling across the country for my parents to attend their first Basic Seminar.
I’m not really sure what they learned in there, but something started clicking inside them. It was like someone flipped a switch, and suddenly there were so many possibilities of losing salvation and being inhabited with demons that it was a “must” to become warriors against evil. The person who flipped that switch was Bill Gothard during the 1984-1986 time period.
Next thing I knew, when we got home, it was time to light the grill. We were told that we must burn anything that could bring demons into our home. My dad informed us that he had learned there can be demons inside of toys in our rooms, and checked with each of us to see if our toys were talking to us. Then he proceeded to burn Simon & Garfunkel, the Beatles, and every other “demonic” music album that we had, as well as other books and things I can’t remember. This was one of many burnings we had. But this scared me–I was just 5 years old, and I was worried. I remember being alone in my room and looking at my teddy bear, wondering if it had a demon in it, if it was alive, and was watching me.
When I got a little older, sometime between 8 and 10, I watched my two brothers as they were whipped on their backs, not their behinds. At the ages of 12 and 16, they bled from these whippings on different occasions. Today, they still have scars from those beatings, high upon their backs.
The Bible uses the phrase, “and with the stripes of the children of men” (2 Sam 7:14). Keep in mind that during that time, stripes meant to have a whip applied to your back in a single stroke so as to remove the skin. This is confusing why God would tell parents to be that violent in their spankings of their children. It was confusing to me then, as it is confusing to me now. Then there was a contradiction later on which says, “It would be better for a millstone to be tied around your neck, and you be cast into the sea, than you hurt one of my little ones” (Luke 17:2).
This is very confusing to me. I grew up hearing my parents interpret this Scripture as a license for them to spank us together in the same room, naked, at an age way past when this is “just silly to be worried about being naked.” They would spank their 2-4 year olds for up to 30 minutes, then request that the child stop crying for a specific amount of time before they would stop spanking them (supposedly that showed that they’d given in and were sorry). But how could they stop crying when they were still being spanked? It’s a catch-22 which led to 30 minute spankings, and kids trying to hold their breath just to keep from crying. I’ve seen a spanking where they used a tree branch as thick around as my arm to strike my brother in the hand and stomach… the list goes on, and this was done in the name of the above Scriptures, and in the name of God.
On some days we would be told, “You and your brother will get spankings when dad gets home.” Then I would feel sick all day, just waiting. I would listen to the screams of my siblings while I waited for my turn, and I wanted to save them. I wished from the time I was young and these things started happening, that I could show my dad and mom what it felt like physically and mentally to go through the things they put me through. When these things started, I began having violent thoughts about my parents from a young age. I hid an iron bar under my bed and dreamed of using it on them.
All I had to do was pick up the phone and call someone for help–Child Protective Services, the police…. anyone. But instead I just remember feeling, “What’s the use? They won’t believe me, and will just call it a family argument. After that they will leave us alone and then I’ll really be in trouble.”
Well, I’ll skip ahead a few years. I was in many arguments with my parents between the ages of 13-15 years old–mostly related to the spankings of my new younger siblings (Bill Gothard had paid for my mom’s reversal). I was in one major argument with my parents when I was 15, where I told them I didn’t want to live there anymore. They sent me to the ITC (Indianapolis Training Center), and I was accepted as an LIT (Leader In Training) in the spring of 1994.
The ITC was basically nothing more than an old 13-story hotel which had been converted into a study center for young teens looking to work in mission areas throughout the city, as well as a reform school. The LIT’s were the smaller percentage of kids at the Training Center and were made up of court assigned juveniles as well as the “bad kids” from within the ATI (Advanced Training Institute) home school program.
I was placed on the construction crew, with a group of other LIT’s and a few early-to-mid-twenties guys who were supposed to be good Christian ATI folks. Basically, I was thrown to the lions den when I was put on that crew.
To understand this, you have to get a good image of me at 15. Picture a boy, walking into the ITC lobby, with his luggage, he sets down his bag and looks around. He’s about 5’4″, brown hair parted on the side and slicked all the way to his head with hair spray so that his hair appears black. He’s wearing gold glasses, with big frames, and his pants are two inches above his shoes. He hunches his shoulders with poor posture, and looks at the floor. When you speak to him, he can’t bring himself to look at you, for lack of social skills. If you had attempted to shake his hand, his grasp would be quick and loose. He will only speak back to you in short sentences, and mumbles when he talks. This was the product of my ten years in ATI, by the time I was 15 years old.
The LIT’s on the construction crew in ITC were mostly assigned to ITC by the courts. I was of a different breed. These kids had grown up in public school. The other LITs destroyed me, physically and mentally. But the worse part is, the Christian ATI guys on the construction crew watched and laughed.
I am going to explain right here what changed me forever, and keep in mind I’m referring to the construction crew I was on when I speak of the Christians at ITC. At that time, when I was being beaten by the other kids, all that it would have taken is for someone to befriend me, and really have some heart-to-heart talks with me, and to watch out for me when the guys attacked me. They saw what was happening to me, but they did nothing.
I found my friend though. I found my “friendship” in that group of LITs. While I was there, any of the Christians could have befriended me, but I was too strange in social behavior for them to want to be seen with me in the dining areas, and they themselves were trying to “be cool” with the LITs.
My roommates were not on the construction crew, but they were too busy working with kids on the streets of Indianapolis to care about me. There was someone hurting just as much as those kids, right there in front of them, sharing a room with them, but they didn’t want to be seen with me. I could tell by the way they would try not to make eye contact with me when I sat down to eat that they hoped I would not sit with them in the dining area, because they were embarrassed to be seen with me as well. They would make suggestions about things I should do differently about myself, but they never wanted to be my buddy, or have a heart-to-heart talk, unless it was as a father figure, which scared me.
When I started seeking friendships with my fellow LITs, that changed my life forever. It was my fault completely. But I sure wished someone else was there for me. I did foolish things daily, just to impress by “LIT buddies.” I made a complete fool of myself. They were impressed enough to beat me even more. Once in a while, I would feel like I was part of a group of friends, because they would let me hang out with them before they beat me. It was in those brief moments that made me feel like it was worth it, just for those few moments of false feelings of acceptance.
But it wasn’t worth it.
I learned everything that was hidden from me all my life from those LITs, while the Christian ITC construction crew and my roommates could have been helping me down another path. I longed to try every indulgence that they spoke of, and when I finally convinced my dad to bring me home (by lying that I was ready to come home), I tried them all. This led me to the self-inflicted destruction of my life for 6 years.
For now, I now know my life in 4 stages. My childhood (0-5), the childhood I had stolen from me (5-15), the years I made a fool of myself (15-21), and the years I’m attempting to balance living a life with goals for my future and the future of my family (21-current).
I feel like I’ve only begun to live over the last 7 years. Everything before that is a blur.
Yes, I am hurt. Bitter? I’m not sure, and I don’t really care for the classifications on what bitterness is and how to be rid of it. I know not all Christians are bad. I’m sure people can find good anywhere, even in ATI or Bill Gothard. I know people even today whom I respect as good Christian people. I consider myself spiritual. But I guess I just got the bad luck of the draw and happened to bump into some really poor examples of Christianity.
Most of these examples seemed to be so engrossed in carefully performing each of their actions/speech so that other Christians around them would be impressed by their commitment level and would respect them more, that they did not take time to do what I needed, and what others like me may have needed. They did not take time to be real, to be a friend, to show love for others.
If you want to write me and talk about God’s grace, or bitterness, or how much Jesus Christ will show me His love, that’s fine. I’ve heard it all, and done it all, prayed the prayers, got the t-shirt, etc, and here I am again. I’ll take any love or prayers, or whatever Jesus or anyone wants to give me. But any words that you write will not change me, my thoughts, or my past. The hurt is here, and it will stay.
NOTE: ITC solitary confinement – http://www.rickross.com/reference/gothard/gothard3.html (This is real – I’ve been in solitary, they made it like a prison cell in the ITC)
UPDATE: I have just began to mentally recover my ability to be there for my immediate family after learning last year that my father had read scripture to a girl under the age of 12 while molesting her as my mother looked on. This happened when I was very young but the betrayal is a huge impact obviously.
I actually called CPS on my father last year when I found this out and attempted to have my younger four siblings taken from him if they wished to go. All of them wished to stay with him and my mother and are no longer speaking to me. It goes without saying that I am not in contact with my parents as well. My younger siblings may feel I ruined their social lives due to the CPS investigation. They may understand when they are older and appreciate the courage that I had to make the call that no one made for me.
I feel that Bill Gothard’s “umbrella of authority” program needs to be revamped to teach children what to do in case they need to reach out from the umbrella. My brother has asked Bill to do this and we have not received a response past something about him talking to my dad about it. I welcome the opportunity to discuss things with Bill in a civil manner for the sake of the children in that program, but I doubt he would be interested.
The hurt is no less then it was when I wrote the words in 2008, and I am glad it has not lessened. I feel that if the hurt goes, I go with it. You see, a large part of me is devoted to holding true to the memories of those young siblings I still hold so dear and to remember the suffering we endured. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
August 21, 2020
This is so hard to read. I actually just scanned it, as I've heard this story before. I am so sorry for what you have endured. Thank you for sharing.
And fwiw, I don't believe God commands us to spank our children, and certainly not in a cruel manner. Not as NT Christians. I realize that opens up a whole 'nuther debate, but I don't for a minute believe that God condones any part of what you went through.
Hannah, I do not believe in spanking either. Not after my horrible experience in unfortunately using the Pearl book as guidance. People are being exposed to spanking using the Pearl book in ATI, as I was. I believe the scripture supporting spanking is being misinterpreted and twisted. I do not believe a loving parent should ever raise a hand, or any other implement to correct their child. A loving parent/child relationship where communication and respect are desired, should not ever need physical punishment in it.
Somehow foster parents, who are not permitted to use corporal punishment, can train the children in their care. I knew of an ATI mother who was taught to keep spanking until the child could "smile with his/her eyes"' How in the world can a child be expected to do that?! All chastening is grievious. To keep administering painful chastisement and refuse to end the ordeal until a child can "smile with his eyes"?! This is child abuse. I am writing this with tears and trembling, it is so painful to read these accounts.
I am so thankful that the Holy Spirit showed me this was wrong. When my husband left bruises on a young child's body, I, the "rebellious woman" that I am, objected and intervened. My husband didn't like my interference, but I was able to keep the spankings reasonable, though they didn't solve the behaviour problems.
The Lord says he hates every false way, and that we shall know the teachings by the fruit. That is how to judge Gothard's teachings.No excuses allowed, no justification for any "good" that anyone ever got from Gothard, none of that will ever make up for all the pain and destruction caused by his teachings.
I am so so very sorry that you went through this.
Dude-- thank you for sharing. There is no way to make abuse "good" or have some great redeeming purpose. I am really glad to hear that you are beginning to live life in a healthy way for yourself.
Seth, I think what you just said is key. SO many times we are told that good can come of it - as if that makes it okay in the end. It is never okay. You can heal and move forward, but that does not change the fact that the abuse was very wrong.
This made me think... No, abuse is never good. But God can redeem and forgive. In this way, "good" comes from it. It becomes a backdrop for God's grace. The Apostle Paul saw the potential danger of people misunderstanding this truth and using it as an excuse for sin by saying in Rom 6:1: Shall we then sin so that grace may abound? May it never be!" I repeat, abuse is never good. But let's not fall into the hopelessness of saying that it is irredeemable.
I remember reading your story in an online group years ago. It makes me sick every time I think of it. Your story hastened my departure from all things ATI, to the point where I now stand solidly against the abuses that went on, and I would strongly warn anyone thinking of using this program or related materials. Thank you for your courage to speak up.
Thank you for stepping forth and sharing your story. I hurt for the child you were so deeply in some of my own wounds that insist in groaning, and I hurt that I was not the only one to endure this, though I also find healing in that I wasn't alone. Thanks for taking a stand when you wrote this four years ago to others. Thanks for opening up yourself, for reaching in to places you never wanted to visit again and naming wrong for what it is. Thank you for saying "Enough" when you hit a send or post button those years ago. I pray you are still healing, still regenerating into a man more and more in the likeness of Jesus. Be blessed.
Your story truly makes me sad. I hurt for all that you and your siblings endured. As a parent, I cannot wrap my mind around this kind of abuse. I cannot for the life of me understand how a parent could possibly justify this kind of abuse. It makes me angry just to think about it.
I know it took a lot of courage to report your parents to CPS. Even though it didn't turn out like you'd hoped for now don't lose heart. I pray your siblings will come around to the truth of what you were trying to protect them from.
This article mentions that things may have changed, possibly for the better, since the early days. Can anyone help us understand what has changed, and are they helpful changes that will prevent some of the problems we read about on this website? In the early days you weren't supposed to even use outside curriculum, and it was so difficult to give a well rounded education with just the wisdom books and whatever we could design on our own. Not just education-wise- are there safeguards now? What's it like now? Is Indianapolis still active?
Curious - The Indianapolis training center is no longer active; the building has been sold. While educationally some of the restrictions have been lifted, the doctrinal and cultural problems remain solidly in place. In other words, the overall appearance might seem better to someone from the outside. The results, however, will be just as devastating because of the underlying theological problems.
My heart broke as I read your story and I am so sorry for the very difficult road you have traveled. You are a courageous young man and God has already used you to open doors and shine light on what has been hidden. You endured what no child should have to face. I pray that God in His miraculous power will continue to work as a result of these tragic circumstances for His glory, and bring those held in bondage to freedom. I pray God will bless you and reward you mightily as you continue to stand for truth. Thank you for the boldness, strength, and fortitude it took to reveal your painful childhood.
so very heartbreaking. O God, show your justice and mercy!
Does anyone know what the outcome of the 2002 investigation of the Indianapolis ITC was?
I don't think it came to anything. However I know that shortly after 2006 they stopped the LIT program (I think after a second investigation occurred). Since then the entire ITC has been closed down.
My parents teach music classes at Indy, but in more recent times it's moved to the "South Campus". Still working on getting them out of that program....
I attended many gothard seminars but my children were not home schooled. Maybe Bill has some control and manipulation issues that the board of directors need to expose so their are not any more abuses.
We are grateful for your honesty and hopefully you will be healed.
The need for Bill to step down and for an investigation of his conduct by the bd. of directors is urgent. It is their legal obligation to ensure children are not abused.
I know I had to burn Darth Vader in the fireplace because of this BS, and had to throw out all of my StarWars toys that now would be worth some pretty good cash.
Mitchell, I also agree that there is a "need for Bill to step down." Anything less is akin to the Catholic Church blatantly ignoring the abuse that took place in their camp for many years.
However, My sincere hope is that the legalistic teachings and "principals" would be exposed for the erroneous teaching that they are and the church of today would embrace the grace that Jesus offers. Jesus shed his blood to give us life. Abundant life. Life free from the bondage of legalistic rules and principals. I pray that Bill Gothard would repent and turn to Jesus for the empire of bondage he has built and the hurt and pain he has caused.
And Jeff, I had my 10 year old daughter get rid of the Cabbage Patch Doll we had just given her for her birthday, following a seminar. You're right, childhood memories marred by the influence of a man twisting the word of God.
For Jesus said :
It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea, than that he would cause one of these little ones to stumble. (Luke 17:2 NASB)
Maddy, you are so right here on many things. Bill really needs to step down especially after all of the sexual harassment validations that have come out recently.
I truly hope as well that all of his legalistic teachings and misinterpretations of Scripture will be made known. There are still way too many people in bondage to his erroneous teachings.
We got rid of so many things too in order to cleanse our home. Sigh.....Oh how I wish I could have do-overs.
Tammy, I know that what I needed to get rid of was my self righteousness and pride, not the "demonic" toys, movies, and TV programs!
Absolutely heart-breaking. It makes me so angry that people fall for this kind of deception and so many innocent children suffer for it! Where is the justice?
Nevertheless, God will not let go of you!
Rebecca, you bring up a very good point. In fact it is one that I have thought about a good bit..........How was I so deceived???
I got saved, came into a personal relationship with Christ. I wasn't even in church when I got saved. Then I started going to church, and I was a baby Christian from a lost background. So it was at church, where one would expect to be the safest that I was introduced to the IBLP seminar. I wasn't buying any of it in the beginning. None of it whatsoever. Didn't even like this Bill guy. Ahhhhhhh, but then Bill starts making promises about my kids. My weak spot. I desperately desired to raise strong Christian children who loved the Lord and served him, and I did not know how to do that. Didn't have a clue. And here is Bill making promises that if I do what he is saying, I will have "godly" children. So I started to sip the Kool-aide just a bit. Cause of course, I would walk on hot coals if necessary for my kids, I wanted the best for them so very much! So it started subtly at first. Then before I knew it we are wearing dresses to our ankles, we were isolated, throwing away things in our home to cleanse it, getting rid of our NASB version bibles that my kids were already memorizing scripture to excellently and joyfully, and began to struggle to read and memorize the "true" version, the KJV.
Rebecca, I don't know how, I still don't understand. The Kool-aide went down smooth, and in the end it was poison. But why should I not understand? Corinthians states...........the letter of the law KILLS. This is the reason for the pain, the hurt, and the destruction. It is by His grace only.
who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. (2 Corinthians 3:6 NASB)
I understand. I guess I was referring more to the physical abuse and beatings that seem SO blatantly abusive. I suppose people really think it is their responsibility to 'train' their children to godliness and beating them, rather than loving them, is the way to do it? I'm not sure I follow the reasoning... And the sexual abuse?!! That line of reasoning, I can't even BEGIN to follow...if there is one going on in their heads. And in BG's head. What on EARTH is he thinking treating teen girls like he does in these other stories? I digress...
I went to a BASIC seminar as a teen, read through a friend's Advanced book, and knew several families that belonged to ATI. I remember thinking even as a teen that some of the stuff in the Advanced book, especially, was pretty off the wall (I specifically remember, I guess because I was a teen, the 'sex once a month' part...and God will bless you with children as reward for your self-control-hah!.) I grew up in a Christian home that, while legalistic is some ways, was pretty open about discussing things. My brother had a reputation in our homeschool group for his sacreligious speeches! (they weren't really...he just wasn't afraid to criticize what he saw as weak, silly, 'Christian' arguments that so many people swallowed without question. He used to say as a 12 -year- old that Bill Gothard, a bachelor with no kids, was nuts for trying to tell families to have 20 kids and how and when to manage them and their marriages. :-) He's a successful salesman now, although sometimes I think he should have been a lawyer :)
I knew some wonderful people who followed a lot of Gothard stuff. I still know, more distantly, some who follow some of it. I do understand. A lot of it sounds really good. Who doesn't want steps for success-guaranteed to work? Modesty, sure, that's good. Respecting parents-check. Conquering sin-yup. It is scary though, that so many get so sucked into such a tight, narrow-minded, un-Biblical way of thinking. I've learned so much about grace from slightly 'liberal' Christians in the last few years. They usually have a better handle on grace than those of us who fall easily into thinking we can earn God's good favor! Reminds me of the prostitute Jesus forgave. He who is forgiven much, loves much!
In the interest of rightly understanding Scripture, I looked up that passage in 2 Samuel 7.
That verse is in the middle of God's promise to David about his descendants being on the throne of Israel. God warns David that if his descendants stray from Him, God will use other nations to punish Israel militarily in order to bring the nation back to Him. The "beating" is metaphorical and corporate, not individual. Or if you take it a little more literally to refer to David's individual descendants, it's still talking about the way GOD deals with adult men in positions of power.
It is NOT by any stretch of the imagination a prescription for parents in dealing with minor children!!!
The Bible does talk in other places about the use of corporal punishment, but never (that I can recall) does it make any mention of discipline that leaves physical marks or causes lasting harm. Certainly the whole concept of punishing children until they stop crying is diabolical, not Biblical.
Unbelievable! But wait, it is believable. So many lives hurt. Yeah, we all memorized the scriptures. We knew it all...the three hour bible studies, the secret battles with lust, the masquerades to make home schooling seem amazing. It was like we were trying to protect Christs reputation, when all along it was to not make Bill look bad. Thanks for sharing your story. So many people have been thru similar crap. Thankfully, I never experienced the physical stuff you did. I am praying for you.
I remember being a part of the Life Focus program and one of the guys being locked up in solitary confinement for 10 days...until he broke and became a "good" Christian kid...being in solitary twice myself, I can attest to its ability to break you down mentally.
It's ironic...but I was locked up in solitary confinement to keep me from the investigators - http://www.rickross.com/reference/gothard/gothard4.html
I had an outburst of anger built up from being treated badly in a pilot program (equip for kids leading LITs at the age of 14...14 I was supervising LITs...).
Yeah, after us they never did that again.
This breaks my heart. Parents are supposed to protect and guide their children, not abuse and control them. Thank you for sharing your story - I know it had to be painful.
I am truly sorry about what you have endured. You sound like a good soul that pain has not destroyed. Praise God!
I have a similar experience with my mother spanking me with a leather belt for so long I was hyperventilating and she shook me and told me to stop doing that or she'd keep going. I figured out in that moment how to will myself out of a panic attack.
My mother was influenced by Gothard (and good old-fashion Bible-belt culture) but I was never a part of ATI or the institutions (thank God). I will be writing a book about Gothard, however so I welcome your input and the input of others on what you would like the public to know.
I think it's fascinating that Bill made a living telling folks how to do marriage and children and yet never did either himself. There is something obviously screwed up about that.
Peace to you brother.
Grace
Grace - if you ever need more input I can direct you to hundreds of former students.
In these situations I was also part of, you learn to just "take it". Different Methods helped. Biting your shirt, Holding your breath. I remember a spanking that went on for 30 min. I begged my mom to stop, but she just "laughed".... Those days, the neck to ankles was "free game" and you couldn't move at all, or it started all over again... Anti social? I Used to be. But Jesus has given me something to be social about... I'm a childrens pastor, and I love this ministry. For those of you out there, who have had similar experiences being abused in an ATI home, there really is hope.
Oh how my heart is breaking for you. I am just so very sorry and I wish with all my heart I could erase all your pain. This should never have happened. I do pray that today you find yourself in a good place and are recovering.
How I grieve any involvement with this man (BG) and his organization. How any parent could do this though is beyond me. Oh I am sorry, grieved and physically hurt for you and the abuse you have suffered.
Thank you for your willingness to share.
I was on the maintaince crew at ITC when you first came. Your story was painful to read but became almost unbearable when you mentioned the behavior of the construction crew. While I don't know who you are, I do remember being selfcentered, arrogant, unloving and immature. Certainly our paths must have crossed; so at best, I failed to be a friend. I am so very sorry, embarrassed and appalled when I think back on my behavior during those years. If you read this and want to hear a heartfelt apology please call 402-604-0398.
As i read your story it broke my heart and I just cried. I just wanted to reach out to that young 15 year old boy and just hug him and tell him he is valued by God and that Jesus cares for him. I have 7 sons and 2 daughters. It is inconceivable to me to beat them repeatedly as to break their spirit. We have been doing the wisdom books since 2010 right before this website came to be. We prayed that we were doing the right thing in using the wisdom books as my time teaching the older ones, it has been positive. We never used the principles as our only way of life and alienation. We have only met one ati family since beginning ati and have not been able to afford the conferences. At first I was disappointed, but I am now glad as I am seeing the falsehood of the iblp doctrine, now even creeping in the wisdom books. In reading your story I felt such compassion for you, I think of my boys and how as middle teens it can be confusing, it is a time when a young man needs all the love and encouragement he can get, especially from a mother and a father who are suppose to love him the most. I am so sorry you did not receive that. I have been praying for you and your siblings. I encourage you to fight for their safety, even if it means trying to get custody of them. They will grow to understand you had their best interests at heart as they come out of the fog. May God give you courage as you live for him.
Sincerely,
Carolyn
What you describe is clearly abusive and why your father isn't in jail after sexually molesting a 12 year old is curious and makes me wonder what the other side of the story is. He that is first in his own cause seemeth just; but his neighbour cometh and searcheth him.
That be as it may nothing in the Bible, the ATI training material, or conferences teaches parents to abuse their kids in this way.
Saying someone should quit ATI because your dad was in it is not logical. Do you recommend people stop reading the Bible because your dad did while he was molesting someone? Even the devil misquotes the Bible. We all need to learn to rightly devide the word of God.
Saying we shouldn't spank children is not biblical. Kid's need to be spanked. Spanking, or disciplining your children in ANY way while angry is wrong and the Bible is very clear about the dangers of anger, the rod on anger shall fail, provoke not your children to wrath, etc. etc.
The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so do stripes the inward parts of the belly. And that's not talking about just kids either.
The threat of violence is all around us and governs every aspect of our lives and culture. If I go berserk at work I will be physically removed. If I don't pay my taxes I will be locked up. If I resist a police office I may get shot. Our entire nation is kept safe by the threat of physical violence. And all our lives are the better for it. Without it wandering bands of marauders would be raping and pillaging in your neighborhood this very night. Just look at what happens every time there is a riot and the looters outnumber the riot police.
The institute has been aware of the tragic problem of angry dads for a long time that was the whole point of the anger resolution seminars. I am a bad ATI dad that was angry and hurt my kids. It was at one of the men's seminars where a father with genuine tears of repentance begged the other men in the room to conquer anger before they destroyed their family as he did his.
It was at this seminar that I also wept over my sin and begged God to deliver me. God revealed to me a bitter life experience as a young boy where in that moment a voice said to me "whoever get's the most angry wins" it became so clear to me that was my true belief system that I was living by and the beginning of my lifelong battle to conquer anger.
This is to illustrate how we can hold beliefs and not even realize it and why it's so important we lean not on our own understanding.
I heard Bill say once he did an experiment for a month where when he had a question he would note what he thought he should do then read the Bible to see what the Bible said he should do and he always got it wrong. Good to think about even if didn't always practice what he preached.
Do what he said but not what he did? That's what Jesus said:
Mat 23:1 Then spake Jesus to the multitude, and to his disciples,
Mat 23:2 Saying, The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses' seat:
Mat 23:3 All therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do; but do not ye after their works: for they say, and do not.
I am so sorry you went through this. I grew up with a religious zealot adoptive mother. Every day people would gush about how great it was that she'd adopted me, and how grateful I should be. After all, all adopted children were unwanted and unloved, and the people who adopt them due so out of the sheer goodness of their hearts.
I tried twice to tell someone about the abuse, as everyone tells abused kids. Because she was so religious and because I was adopted, nobody believed me. A teacher actually called my mother and told her what I'd said, then gave me a lecture that ended with "You should be down on your knees to them!"
I committed the unpardonable sin of leaving in my teens, and going to therapy. I endured staged "interventions" by relatives and friends, all aimed at getting me to "forgive" the adopters (I quit calling them "parents.") I'd be lectured about the virtues and healing power of "Forgiveness."
Christian "forgiveness" means you forgive the offender, "put it behind you" by "not living in the past" and never bring it up again. I wouldn't need therapy if I just forgave, because that would heal and free me....in addition to giving the adopters a pass, preventing public embarrassment to relatives, and sparing everyone the discomfort of having to hear the gory details of exactly what they had done to me. Oh, and of course it would shut me up for good.
I'm now in my 50s, and an outcast from family members. I am a liar and mentally unbalanced (because sane people don't need to go to therapy).
Bitter? Yeah, I get that word a lot, even from non-Christian friends. Bitter? Yeah, I am. No child should be forced to keep a journal so she can be sure she really does remember what really happened after she's beaten and then told repeatedly that it never happened and she has Satan in her heart for making things up. It's horrible to be a bad guy to everyone in your small town until you finally have to leave just so you can get a job.