My Indianapolis Training Center (ITC) prison sentence started in 1996, when I was 18 years old. My parents had gotten to the end of their rope with me. I had been the family project, constantly in need of guidance and discipline, ever since our family joined ATI when I was ten. I desperately wanted to be the model ATI girl. But I now know that I struggled with ADHD, and my parents’ extreme structure and scheduling of every minute of my day was smothering me to the point of massive depression and spiritual disillusionment. Suffice it to say, I was not fun to live with.
Even though I wasn’t a rebellious child by anyone’s standards, I constantly failed to measure up. My parents were ready to throw in the towel when an invitation came in the mail from IBLP introducing their brand new Cosmetology School in Indianapolis. My parents knew I had some interest in this sort of thing, so they served me an ultimatum: Go to this school at ITC or move out! I was in shock! I had no where to go! There was nothing to even consider. With a heavy heart I started packing. I was to leave in three weeks.
When I first arrived at the end of June, I was lost. I didn’t know anyone. I was one of the first girls from this inaugural class to arrive and no one was there to greet me. But, within days, all 20 of us had arrived and been paired up with roommates. Most of us were between 18 and 24 years old. I was one of the youngest and was quickly singled out and made to feel immature and socially awkward. Because of my ADHD, I was a little slow to adjust and pick up on the new way of living. I was constantly called out for being “too friendly,” usually with the opposite sex, but sometimes even for choosing the “wrong” girls to hang out with. I was so confused. Before long, it didn’t matter that I avoided all the things I was told to avoid. I was constantly under suspicion.
By November I was drowning. The training center was oppressive. Our classes were so disproportionately focused on “inward beauty” that our academic instruction in cosmetology was sorely behind. Our instructor would assign homework with little to no classroom instruction — but we had almost no time to do homework!
We were required by law to log eight hours a day in the Cosmetology School. But training center life was expected of everyone in the building, regardless of the program your parents were paying for you to attend. We had to participate in song, prayer, and meeting times as well as helping with general cleaning around the hotel and keeping the school sanitary and our own rooms inspection-ready. I simply wasn’t able to do all of this and complete the homework too. I didn’t ask around — I just figured the other girls were struggling like me. Nothing happened when deadlines came and went, so I concluded that the homework was optional study helps and nothing more.
In mid-November my parents came for a visit.
While meeting with my instructor they heard that I was behind on homework. This was no surprise to them. Deadlines and I didn’t go well together, and time management was not my strong suit. They were, however, embarrassed that others were noticing my failures and it showed in irritation and disrespect for me. They told the instructor to “do whatever you need to to motivate her.” What followed is, by no means, what they had in mind, but I don’t think that’s how it was communicated to my instructor. I think she took from that meeting that she now had free rein to deal with me as harshly as she wished. And that’s just what she did.
A few days after my parents left, I was called into the office. “You are the only girl who hasn’t turned in homework in over a month,” she said. I was shocked. How in the world was everyone doing this? As if reading my mind, she sheepishly added that most of the other girls were turning in things with only a few questions completed — but at least they were turning in something. I had no idea I could have been doing that! I had hundreds of papers in my room with one or two questions answered on it. I could go get them and turn them all in now. But no. I was informed that was no longer an option. Now I must complete every question on every page of back homework or face further punishment.
I had no idea what “further punishment” meant, but I didn’t want to find out! I was told not to leave my room except to attend meals or classes. I asked about other “mandatory” training center activities and she said if I must, I must, but for everything else: Don’t leave your room until it’s all caught up. With tears brimming in my eyes, I left. Why me? Why was I being singled out? Why did all of my homework have to be brought up to date and not everyone else’s? It seemed par for the course for me at this point. I seemed to attract leadership scrutiny like bees to honey!
Share this post:
Tweet this Share on Facebook Stumble it Share on Reddit Digg it Add to Delicious! Add to Technorati Add to Google Add to Myspace Subscribe to RSS
Jessica F was homeschooled from kindergarten through twelfth grade and was part of ATI from 1987 to 1997. She completed the cosmetology program, passing all her classes. Shortly after she returned home, she got married. She lives with her husband and children in South Texas.
More posts by JessicaF
Alfred denied directly to me she and Sacred Honor ...
December 4, 2024 When did Alfred or Holly deny that she was Mormon? ...
December 4, 2024 Facts are this JM, Alfred denied when directly con ...
December 1, 2024 Interesting you bring up the Jinger/Jill controver ...
November 25, 2024 Here is the facts JM, Holly is a Mormon, part of ...
November 20, 2024 Because she isn't a fraud. I'm sorry that bothers ...
November 18, 2024 JM, let me be very clear to you. Holly is a fraud. ...
November 13, 2024 I don't disagree that that action is what should h ...
November 13, 2024 I have a very long-term view of Bill and IBLP whic ...
November 12, 2024 Some would say the posts here are just spin and fa ...
November 12, 2024 Curious that you would bring up "Charlotte" becaus ...
November 3, 2024 I have seen the Amazon series, and I've seen the r ...
October 29, 2024 Did you ever watch any of the Amazon series? The s ...
October 25, 2024 Yes, it does. Claims must be addressed because the ...
October 24, 2024 I never claimed to work in finance, but I do have ...
October 24, 2024
July 31, 2024
JM, What you're missing is that just because some ...
July 31, 2024 Good points Rob. There is also true irony in th ...
July 31, 2024
I love you Jes... so so sorry to hear about your experience at ITC. It has hurt my heart so much to hear one common experience after another coming from the TC's. Thank God for His deliverance and grace that we are under in Christ Jesus. I'm so glad that we have re-connected and grown from our experiences. Looking forward to part 2.
I happened upon this site tonight quite unintentionally, and to my surprise after reading this article I find out it's YOU, Jessica! I had no idea this is how you ended up at ITC. Let me tell you, in the early 90s your family was the ideal ATI family in my eyes, and if only my family could have been like y'all, everything would have been perfect. You mentioned that you "desperately wanted to be the model ATI girl." To me you were, but little did I know what it cost you. (And now I don't feel like such a bad ATI daughter knowing I wasn't the only one having problems:))
This was a very enlightening article, and I'm looking forward to the end of the story. Praise the Lord for His grace!
Looking back I think now how much pressure we as families were under to project the proper image. Mine worked ridiculously hard at it! Thankfully my parents have grown past and repented for much of the this horrific period of my childhood. It's still very hard for them as they understand more and more of what I struggled with having ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). It really sheds a whole new light on my behavior as a child and teenager. But ATI had no room for such "weaknesses". Only under grace can we love and understand those who are different than the "norm".
I was in ITC for the first Equip and I must confess that many times I studied in the bathroom way past "lights out" time. How else did they expect us to study all the stuff they gave us???
I also remember a time when I was so exhausted and feeling faint and my leader was upset because I wasn't folding sheets in the laundry room as fast as the others and "didn't I know that everyone was tired?"
I am so sorry about your story!! And I look forward to hearing (rather reading lol) the rest.
Yup. No feeble humans allowed in Training Centers(TM).
Only the 'Cream Of The Crop" of the 'New Generation' seeking 'A New Way Of Life'(TM).
Feeble human beings, or at least those who allow themselves to appear as such are to be disciplined and trained until they have the Ministry Look(TM), the Ministry Smile(TM), and the Godly Behavior(TM) down pat.
If they fail to comply and conform they are to be a)confined to toilet scrubbing or kitchen duty, or b)sent home.
Why this BG-TC-BS(TM) has failed for so long to send concerned and loving parents into attack mode is beyond me.
Because the parents don't know. That's why we're here. :-)
Yeah, you are right. Parents really probably didn't know a lot. I think a lot of us just assumed that our parents were ahead-of-time okay with anything that happened at the Centers. I now know better.
I remember doing EQUIP 1 work in the bathroom too! Ha... How is it that we were afraid of getting caught doing the work that we were required to do? roflol. Only in ATI.
[...] 0 This is part two of a four-part article detailing one young woman’s bewildering confinement in a “prayer room” at the Indianapolis Training Center. Part one can be read here. [...]
[...] the spiritual destruction that has taken place. His refusal to acknowledge or address the sexual, physical, emotional, and spiritual abuse that is daily being brought to light by Recovering Grace and other [...]
[...] my fate, my leaders led me as a prisoner to the Prayer Room, aka Solitary Confinement. It was an empty room. The windows were barred with metal bars. The only [...]