Former ATI students share stories of how they were watched, spied on, and tattled on regularly
At Advanced Training Institute (ATI) training centers, students and staff quickly learned not to expect privacy in any activity. E-mail, telephone conversations, and even letters and packages from home were monitored for contraband and for forbidden contacts, especially with persons of the opposite gender.
Tale-bearing, snooping, and similar behaviors that most parents try to discourage were actually encouraged — even rewarded — at the training centers. And, as in most communities in which such behavior is permitted, it soon became clear who was willing to carry tales to the leadership and who was not. Those who believed that they had the right to their own thoughts and beliefs were usually able to identify the “mole” in their midst. Some even enjoyed laying the occasional false trail to embarrass both the snitch and the leaders who encouraged their ungodly behavior. (And yes, it’s ungodly. Tale-bearers and busybodies are condemned in 1 Timothy and in several places in Proverbs, as well as by ATI’s own teaching on dealing with wrongdoing as found in Matthew 18.)
Following are stories from students who served at various training centers over several decades, beginning in the early 1980s.
Unspecified TC (Training Center). They told me when I got there that e-mails would be printed out and delivered to me. Someone warned me, “That means nothing is private,” and I thought they were exaggerating. Little did I know! — JT
Moscow, Russia. When my sister started courting in 1999, my best friend was at the Moscow Training Center (MTC). I e-mailed her to tell her the news. E-mails went through the MTC’s e-mail. They printed them and gave them to the person whose name was in the subject line. My friend later asked me if we had told anyone else at the MTC the news. We hadn’t, and neither had she, but the courtship was MTC gossip by that evening. So she and I started coding everything that went through e-mail. Apparently, we did a good job, because I once forgot to put her name on the subject line. When they finally figured out to whom the e-mail belonged, they gave it to her saying, “I hope you can understand it. It doesn’t make any sense.” — IL
Moscow, Russia. At the MTC, much of our mail arriving through HQ had obviously been opened, and I got in trouble for some clothing catalogs that my mom sent me. They would not have seen them unless they opened the larger envelope she used to send my stuff.
Phone calls home were also monitored and often listened to. I started skipping meals to call when I had a better chance of having privacy. Since I worked in the office, I also sent my parents faxes when there was no one around to read over my shoulder.
I was also forced to change rooms more than once during the year I was there, and it was quite obvious that they always put me with at least one roommate who would report on my activities. — DH
Moscow, Russia. I discovered that the MTC staff
actually read people’s e-mails because they lost access to an account — a login would not work. They thought somebody had changed their password without notifying the staff of the change. They got really jumpy over it, which I thought odd at the time — though it makes perfect sense now. They thought they were losing control. I do not think that was the cause of the trouble with that account, in retrospect. If I remember correctly, the actual problem was a network issue.
I was first made aware of the e-mail-reading situation through a father in the center who knew that they had read his e-mails because they knew things that he was sure there was no other way for them to discover. The same father had already told me that he had given his computer to one of the leaders “to fix,” and had been without it for months. He had requested that they return it several times — and his request was denied! He thought that he would get me to look at it, or that he would take it to a computer shop in the city. I realized that they had total access to anything on that computer (personal or family information) the way things stood, and that they were not shy about holding near-total control. — SL
Moscow, Russia. I complained about something minor on the phone one time to my parents. The next day, my staff mom scolded me for it. Took me about five minutes to realize that I had been alone on the phone, which means someone was listening.
Another time at the MTC, I was talking to my mom about a guy friend who happened to be there at the same time. I was pretty giddy. My staff mom scolded me the next day for not guarding my heart against that guy. By name. — JT
Moscow, Russia. I shared something about a courtship that I was praying about with a close friend. He broke the confidence and told the whole guys’ floor. I confronted them immediately and asked them to not spread anything because I had not told them and it wasn’t theirs to share. However, that didn’t stop it from getting back to the girl and causing serious “issues.” … I would not put my kids into this movement because they do spy on students and then use that information to control situations — intensely. — SL
Flint, MI. My phone was removed from my room at Flint, and was not returned for two months. I was supposed to ask a staffer to supervise my phone calls in the “girls’ lounge” — my parents were furious.
Somebody told leadership that a young man and I were seen making out in the stairwell. The director publicly lied to the entire Training Center about me, and wouldn’t allow me to refute his allegations. — EP
Flint, MI. I was very close to one of my cousins, and we used to talk on the phone often as we didn’t live near each other. When I first moved to Flint, I was told that no calls to guys were allowed. My dad called and told the director that “T” was my cousin and not only was I allowed to talk to him, but I was encouraged to do so. That lasted until that director left and PL took over.
I had “T” on speakerphone one evening, and someone walked by, heard a man’s voice on my phone, and reported to PL that I was “flirting with a guy named T.” Flirting?! With my cousin?! This leader couldn’t have cared less that my father said it was okay. She told me that, in order to “prove my innocence,” I couldn’t talk to any males on the phone. I asked what I was supposed to do when I was on the phone with my dad? She then told me that “in order to avoid any appearance of evil” I was to talk to my mother and sisters only, and if I needed to speak to my dad or brothers, then my mother and sisters could pass a message to them.
So there you have it: a TC director telling a 21-year-old woman that she wasn’t allowed to talk to her father on the phone. No, I didn’t listen. I immediately called my dad the instant I left her office. — CF
Eagle Springs. E-mails were [monitored] at Eagle Springs when I first got there. They were sent to a staff member’s address, printed, and put in our box. When we sent e-mails, we put them in a text file and put it on a disk. They would put the text in an e-mail and send it from there. No privacy there. — LJ
Indianapolis, IN. I had so many snitches at the Indianapolis Training Center (ITC), I couldn’t keep up. One girl threatened to make something up about me and tell leadership if me and my sisters said anything about a particular circumstance involving her. After getting in trouble so many times over guy stuff that never happened, I was finally offered a bribe by an older couple in leadership: I was to chat up certain guys and turn them in, and in exchange, I wouldn’t get in trouble anymore (for stuff I wasn’t doing anyway). At first I accepted, misunderstanding and thinking that I was to report wrong behavior. When I understood what they really wanted, I refused. — MD
Indianapolis, IN. They systematically went through all my belongings when I was “transferred” to ITC from Headquarters. They did it right in front of me the first time, then I set little traps which confirmed they did it about once a week for the duration of my stay there. As if I were hiding cocaine, condoms, and weapons. Sure … that’s exactly what we, the mighty Jumper Mafia, were up to! — EF
Indianapolis, IN. At the ITC during Equip we had one long hall of phones on which we could call out. There was a designated time when we were allowed to make calls, and, during that time, staff members were stationed there to “help keep things moving.” But they were always easily within earshot of what was being said. — BP
Dallas, TX. A young man once delivered an e-mail to me at the Dallas Training Center (DTC) — he had a really strange look on his face. The e-mail, from a midwife friend with whom I had done some prenatal work, described in detail a recent birth she’d been on, in which the mom had unexpected twins. The big girl they’d seen on ultrasound delivered, and then a little foot followed by little boy privates, except she used [the clinical word for male genitalia] in the e-mail — which probably explains the young man’s strange look. — EM
Oak Brook, IL. When I worked at the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP) Headquarters, I had a mole who was unsubtle and unashamed of being a snitch. I will never forget her. Nearly 20 years later, I still remember her name, and I’d recognize her if I saw her today. She snitched on me for a long phone call “with a guy” one night, and boy, was Mr. Gothard unpleasantly surprised to learn (first from me and then from my father) that I had been talking to my brother, who was just back from Russia. That wasn’t the only thing that my “mole” snitched on me for, but it was the funniest. I will never forget the look on Mr. Gothard’s face when he had to accept the truth that I was completely innocent. I am convinced that he very much wanted to catch me doing something wicked. — WG
July 31, 2024
When I was at the Indianapolis Training Center (1993-1995) all mail would go to the Front Desk and then at some point in the day (usually around 1:30ish?) all mail would be arrayed alphabetically on the side of the desk for you to check to see if you received anything.
One day it was around 5pm and still no mail arrayed on the desk. People started to grumble (there was little other connection to the outside world since TV was forbidden and newspapers were discouraged). We were told that the front desk was still waiting for the leadership to "go through it".
I never remember any of my mail being opened but they certainly were checking the return addresses, etc. for anything that didn't comply with their "standards."
This was a seriously scary thing. You couldn't trust anyone. Even your closest friends. Unfortunately, there was a couple of times that I can remember that I was one that told private information about a friend to the leader of the ITC. Fortunately I was blessed by true friendships and they readily forgave me. It is amazing how good leadership was at manipulating conversations to get the information they wanted. By having to always be under authority there was no way to get out of it.
Our staff family was told not to have any contact with another family that had recently left because of leadership driving them away. We maintained contact with them and I ended up marrying the oldest son. Glad that worked out!
There were a lot of people hurt by tattling whether the situations were true or false. The last straw for me at the itc was when people went to leadership about me. It is really sad to carry guilt around for years because of people I hurt through this stupid practice. It becomes a way of life and survival. How sad and small minded!
Scary when you think about it, that this was accepted as normal. But in an authoritarian system, you have absolutely no recourse.
While I was at home, patiently waiting for the "golden ticket", the invite to headquarters (this was in the earlier days before all the training centers) one of my friends came by our house to visit. He barged into my bedroom and opened the closet to see if things were organized. It was a mess and he told me my chances of ever being invited to HQ had just taken a big hit. I had wanted to go to college but since that was not allowed, an invite to HQ felt like my only hope and my only future.
Eventually I was invited. My friend told me that the reason you feel like the walls have eyes when you first show up at HQ or Northwoods is because they do - people are watching your every move.
I remember being warned not to be seen around a guy who was a rebel. Never mind that my parents had arranged with his parents for me to stay at his house while visiting HQ. I suggested that I might try to be a good influence and I was told that you are being watched for who you associate with, therefore you should associate with people who will increase your chances of success and not be seen around "rebels." That is not Christ-like; that is political and calculating, putting one's own plans as more important than people.
It's amazing the kind of thing that landed you in the "rebel" camp at HQ. In my case, it's because I wore a sweatshirt with a Quicksilver logo on it to the grocery store my first week on staff. I didn't know that the unofficial dress code was a collared shirt. I remember being very excited when I received my first paycheck because I could afford to buy a few polo shirts and not be a rebel any more. Never mind the condition of my heart or anything.
Does this kind of thing go on at Verity as well?
It depends...it is a lot more low-key at Verity seeing that the group is a lot smaller than most training centers (60 on campus) but it depends on if you are on the good-boy/girls list or the bad list based on what things you may have done (conversations with a person of the opposite gender without a sponsor is a BIG no/no and sure to put you on the bad list).
I remember being told by a certain classmate that I would never make it to the esteemed title of RA (resident assistant, also code for rule-enforcer/edifying conversation monitor between genders) because of my laid back-who cares attitude...when really all I lived for was just lowering the stress of cutting a 4 year degree in half (very stressful).
At Verity the main rule is...girls and guys are bros and sisters and nothing more. They way you treat your sister is limited to very open and uplifting interaction. My roommate was getting close to a female classmate and was reported to Dr. G by someone on staff, who, during Journey of the Heart (required each year, unless your Distance) was questioned about the situation. Dr. G told my roomie that he HAD to take a year of single service vow. My roomie asked his parents what to do and they told him that was retarded and not required. My roomie told Dr. G of that converstation (he's 19 and under his parent's authority) and Dr. G had him expelled for not taking the vow (please note that this vow is not required or mentioned in the student handbook, which you need to sign when you are a student stating that you will follow the rules)...so snitching goes on...in severe cases like, I dunno, finding a person of the opposite gender, one whom you study with 40 hours a week, attractive and a possible love interest.
A REQUIRED vow of singleness?!!! That is unbiblical to the nth degree! The NERVE of Bill Gothard to require that or expel someone from the program! I knew he encourages the extra-biblical vow of singleness, but requiring it or forcing someone to be expelled from a college study program takes things to the level of a cult leader/dictator.
Seriously, David! He got expelled?? And this was just in the last couple years, right? Yeah, my good friend who's studying at Verity right now did complain to me about how much Mr. G is involved with Verity...in fact, very much still in control of it. She was telling me of how hopeful the students were that the skirts-only-even-when-playing-volleyball-rule would soon be lifted. I haven't seen her for awhile, so not sure if this happened yet, or not. But apparently, the school could not allow things because Mr. G refuses for them to. I used to really want to study at Verity...but the more I hear...yeah...and I couldn't afford Verity anyways, since it is quite expensive and doesn't offer scholarships either...not really that suited to homeschooolers from big families...so don't know how people really do it.
You know, reading this stuff is really creepy. I hope someone's taking notes to make a horror movie about ATI.
For the sake of equal time, I'll say that my letters and packages came through without tampering. I didn't live at a TC for an extended time, however: the longest was three months at Oklahoma City. (This was in the late 90s, before email was really a force to be reckoned with.) The director there showed us a lot of grace, as I recall.
However, knowing very well the atmosphere we lived under (girls half-jokingly hiding family pictures where they wore jeans, second-guessing a funny comment in case it would be taken as "silliness," etc.), I don't find these other stories hard to believe.
I'm not sure how Verity is now. I was in the first class at Verity, and snooping was something that happened all the time. We had more privacy than ITC or MTC since most of us had phones in our rooms, but they had their own set of spies. At one point we were required to be in (assigned) accountability groups, and I know that there was a spy in my group. I think people figured out who the snitches were pretty quickly. At one point I was approached by a staff member and asked point blank if I knew who was behind a particular anonymous student publication. I told him yes, I knew, but I wasn't going to tell. I was one of the rare people who could get away with stuff like that.
I well remember this kind of behavior, both at OTC (Oklahoma City Training Center) and MTC (Moscow Training Center). Both places, all emails would be printed out, folded, our names written on the outside, and they would be put in a basket or on a counter for us to retrieve. I do remember especially at MTC, the feeling that you were always being watched, and judged for the slightest little thing. I had to learn to be a good little hypocrite, just to survive there. I had to learn to apologize quickly and act repentant, even when I didn't actually feel that I had done anything wrong, because that was the only thing to do. If someone in leadership felt you had done something wrong, there was no way to appeal or explain or change their mind... any attempt to do so would be seen as "rebellion". It was truly like something out of "1984". But what was also obvious was the favoritism and double standards. I remember one instance, where after a lot of agonizing and soul-searching, I felt it was necessary for me to approach the lady who was sort of like the "dean of women", to report how a certain young man had been flirting outrageously and obviously with one of the Russian interpreters, when I had gone out with the two of them to a school to teach English. (Note: I am now ashamed of having been a snitch, as I now feel that it was absolutely none of my business at all, and the two involved were just having a little harmless fun... but that was the culture we were involved in. We were taught that any "wrongdoing" we witnessed, we were supposed to report to our "authorities". And flirting was seen as VERY wrong.)
The weird thing was, the lady I reported to, at first seemed very concerned and serious about what I was reporting, and asked me for a lot of details on what had been said and done, and seemed especially concerned that when we had stopped at a small open-air market on the way home, the two of them had "ditched" me for a 10 minutes or so, (and I was new to Moscow and spoke next to no Russian at all, so I had been very frightened...) she got graver and graver about the whole situation. And then she finally asked me for the names of the guy and the girl. When I told her, she immediately brightened up, gave a big sigh of relief, and then told me not to worry about it anymore, she knew the young man and he was "very trustworthy".
Come to find out, her family had been friends with his family for like 15+ years. So in spite of the fact that we girls could get into HUGE trouble with her for far less, for even talking to a guy for more than 30 seconds in a public place, he got a total pass on flirting and running off alone with a girl (but hey, she was one of the Russian girls, not one of us highly-protected ATI girls, right? Argh!) for 10 minutes with no chaperone! Just because his family was friends with "the powers that be!" That was one of my first hints that something was VERY wrong with how things were run at MTC.
This sounds eerily like the book "Inside Scientology!"
After being *sent home* in disgrace over a boy, I was offered the privilege of returning back to IBLP HQ if I agreed to "turn in" the others on staff I knew to be dating. I declined.
I was thankful to have a roommate (@ the ITC) that worked for the travelling Basic Seminar. He wasn't bound by the rules of the TC and allowed me to have friends send emails to me through his account (which he never read and didn't care to read). (1998). Thanks Steve.
I remember while I was in Indy (1995 - '96) going downstairs for something in the middle of the day. The place was pretty quiet as most people were either working or in class. I got on an empty elevator to head back up to the 13th floor (where my class was taking place). Just before the doors shut a guy came dashing around the corner and joined me in the same elevator. We road to his floor (an ALL guys floor) in complete silence. When we arrived and he got off I waited for the elevator doors to shut but something was wrong with the timing of them (they were sooooo old, those ITC elevators) so it seemed to take forever to finally start to close. Just then the guy returned and stuck an arm in the door. He asked me a quick question about the class I was taking, which I answered in about 2 brief sentences and he left. Again I waited for the stupid doors to shut. When I reached the 13th floor I was immediately called into the office and grilled about what I was doing "on a boys floor for at least 5 minutes". I was dumbfounded!! Someone at the front desk had apparently seen us enter the elevator together and had watched the floor we stopped on and then felt "we" were on that floor MUCH too long and called up to report me! I spent the next hour trying to convince my instructor that that guy and I were not making out on the elevator for 5 minutes!!! The whole thing was so stupid!!!
Oh my gosh I remember those elevators! At conferences me and my family got stuck in one of them, with Jim Sammons nonetheless in the elevator! I remember my mom was pregnant and the elevator was PACKED with people, ventilation was a huge issue in there, and my poor mother was having trouble breathing. Sorry to go off topic, just remember those days. God forbid you were a family at conferences and needed to go to one of the higher floors for your room! We always requested the 3rd floor.
You could also be sent home for refusing to inform on someone else. It worked like this: Get caught, be threatened with being sent home, be offered a plea bargain where you will be allowed to stay if you turn in your friends who have been doing the same thing. This happened to a friend of my brother's, at headquarters.
I'm especially shocked that someone was told NOT TO TALK TO HER MALE COUSIN, BROTHER, OR FATHER! This is unnatural and unloving, legalistic and controlling and utterly unBiblical, IMO.
after reading these accounts, it occurred to me that this happened to me, too, but I shrugged it off. My Mom sent a box to Moscow (early trip) with a staff member and expected it to arrived unopened. She included gloves which we needed for a potato sorting project...and we received none. when she asked, I said I hadn't gotten them, but later a friend told me he found them among the "general tools" for everyone to access. Sad that you couldn't trust even CLOSE friends.
I also should have known this because everyone on staff seemed to know a secret about me that I in confidence told BG. I was expected to accept the fact that he told others "for my good" and I did, for a while. It's all very communist.
Ridiculous to the nth degree. No wonder so many who came thru that program were hurt and wounded. It's incredibly sad that such things are done in the name of godly Christianity, because this is no where near it.
SO glad I got out of going to the training centers for more than a week at a time. My parents forced me to go to the counseling seminar at ITC, where because I got sick and the doctor couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, and I started freaking out & saying I didn't want to die, my team leader assumed I wasn't "sure of my salvation" and then proceeded to tell me I needed to confess all my sins to my parents. Um, no thanks!
When Xanga first got popular the then current Director at Flint requested for me to add him to my blog. I didn't know him. I was single. He was much older and married. I was CREEPED out. I had a close guy friend attending Verity and asked WTH?!? He told me Director P was merely trying to keep tabs on him. Needless to say Director P was BLOCKED!
I attended EXCEL which was an awful experience for me. I thought it would be a "finishing type" school for girls. I had no idea that we had to follow rules from sun-up til sun-down and had no freedom. There were only a few telephones in the downstairs lobby and I would head down to breakfast early so that I could call my family without prying eyes (and ears) everywhere. I was a people pleaser and always followed rules, yet I somehow got in trouble MULTIPLE times at EXCEL. The stupidest time was when my roommates and I were called into the office of the director and his wife. He was very serious at our bad conduct and said, "Who does this belong to?" holding up an incriminating clothesline like it was a murder weapon! I told him it was mine because I had no idea it was a banned item. I was then told that it was against the rules to have a clothesline in our room, according to page 47 of the ridiculously large rule book that I guess I was supposed to have memorized. Even though I was drying my pantyhose on it - a required piece of clothing! Ahh! I could go on and on about their stupidity. I seriously was in disbelief at the things that went on at that place!
I was very upset that I didn't get asked to go back and be a team leader, I guess because they thought I was rebellious, when I was the opposite of that. THANK GOD for saving me from going back though!! So glad I didn't have to be responsible for causing so much grief to other girls!
oh, and a floor monitor would walk down the halls at night to make sure there was no talking in our rooms after curfew. Talk about a prison!!!
I just recently discovered this website inadvertently while googling the duggar family and doing further late night research (im an insomniac); on what became of IBLP. I was pleasantly surprised to see that I am not the only one who has dealt with a long recovery from this program. I spent most of my teenage years wrapped up in what I now refer to as an occult. In fact, I spent 2 years at one of the so-called training centers so to speak; the one located in New Palestine, Indiana. I helped with much of the renovation of that place; working in the woodshop and also beginning the renovations on the Flint, Michigan facility when it was first acquired by ATIA. My experience there was mostly pleasant, in fact, we would occasionally go to downtown Indianapolis and race mountain bikes through the city late at night. I even went to a gun show at one point in time and purchased a high- powered rifle which I kept in my room at the training center. There was a fair share of nonsense that went on in my life when I expressed interest in and began communicating with (via mail); a young lady who would come down from Ohio with her family to work at the center on occasion. Of course the letters were harmless ramblings about our lives, but they eventual led to my demise and I was returned home to my parents. Apparently, those letters and that harmless friendship was considered to be more dangerous than the rifle and pistol I kept in my room.
My life has been a constant battle since then. Shortly after returning home; I was kicked out on the streets over some Christian rock cds my mother discovered in my truck. I eventual fought my way through college and into the business world successfully. However, 13 years later, I rarely speak to my parents (who I haven't seen in over a decade), have no relationship whatsoever with my other 4 siblings, and have been fighting ever since to understand how to have healthy relationships with others. I am now a recently divorced father of 2 still trying to repair the damage those beliefs have caused in my life.
Welcome, Skippy! I would like to invite you to join one of Recovering Grace's "recovery groups" on facebook! These can be found by clicking on "Recovery Groups" at the top of the page. There is a group for former parents in the ATI program, and one for former students. Those who were neither, can join whichever group they feel most closely approximates their experience with Bill Gothard.
Skippy: Glad you caught up. Incidentally, I discovered this specific website shortly after observing the Duggars on TLC and swearing that they MUST be in ATI. I couldn't believe an ATI family had become a reality show on TV... it still puzzles me, but I suppose the reasoning is that they can be witness to so many people and don't have to watch TV themselves... I don't know.
I'm really sorry that you are still picking up the pieces after this long, but the process can't really be rushed, so peace to you as you go through it. You'll find there are many things outside of your control and you have to be okay with that, and only deal with what's directly in your court. I'm sure you are a great parent and your kids adore you, so that is a really great source of joy for you now.
With the leaders manipulating and controlling students by using their peers to turn on them, I'm wondering if this was a taught skill? I never attended the programs or lived in these facilities, whoever My parent seemed to know this skill by using my siblings and friends to "help in keeping me accountable" Still to this day as all of my siblings are married and on their own, my mom will call us and manipulate the conversation to get information about ourselves and or my siblings. The strange thing is, we don't have anything to hide! We would gladly tell her whats going on in our lives. But yet we are still treated this way and when I least expect it, I will end up in a fight with one of my siblings all based on twisted information I would hear from my mom. I don't know if I'm making any sense. I just know that I never found privacy within my own home
Wow! I was in ATI for 2-3 years and had only been to the New Zealand TC, which as I recall wasn't this controlling, possibly because they were halfway around the world and perhaps a bit harder to control from HQ, plus the director wasn't such a bad guy. I had no idea that in the other TCs they were treating many of you like convicted criminals! I remember during that time when I was a "true believer" in ATI/IBLP, I would wish that I lived in the US so I could take part in more of the student opportunities. Thank God that never happened!
Regarding what you said, Jennifer, could I share some ideas? It seems that some people are naturally better at manipulation than others (when a strong, charismatic personality becomes twisted), and some may not be naturally skilled at it but just pick it up, sometimes as a way to survive in an oppressive system. That includes the skill of getting loyal people to turn on each other. One of the tricks of the trade is using buzzwords (e.g. "accountability") to cloak their true intentions. Although RG focuses on this sort of abuse within IBLP, it certainly isn't limited to that organization and may be done by any person who needs to exert domination over another, in homes, churches, even workplaces. A healthy organization, on the other hand, is unwelcoming to these sort of people due to its acceptance of individual liberties, or keeps their controlling force in check. Just my two cents' worth. :)
This is so interesting, that you all were experiencing the antithesis to what I thought "went on." I thought those work places and training centers were like a Christian camp, and probably would have been a lot of fun. It sounds like you felt you were in a sick family system. (Dysfunctional). Everyone plays a role, no one is allowed to be their real self. That is such a shame.
[...] only did I have no idea how to tell my parents what was happening, but also much of my communication with them was monitored. Regular mail came and went through ATI/IBLP Headquarters and was all opened. Faxes and e-mails [...]
[…] was a mistake. Little did I know—the resident snitch in the group was standing just a few feet to my left. He instantly ran and tattled to the team […]
[…] a standard” was considered spiritual and good. We thrived on the praise of our authorities and did whatever we could to please them because it meant we were in “God’s will.” It’s very sad to me that the […]
I am very happy to see I'm not the only one affected by this fundamantalist way of thinking and doing, it brought so much shame and guilt that had not it s place in my life i had nothing to feel bad or "ungodly" as they like to say! It is in my point of view a cult! thank u for this website. Karine (from quebec) i served in russia in 1996 and at the ITC in 1997. take care xx
Were Bob and Aileen Bair a part of the snooping at MTC?
Bob was a director of mtc for few years... What do you think?
What a way (NOT) to encourage true Godly trust and fellowship with your brothers and sisters in Christ...feeding the earthly drives of the power-hungry and busy-body types, and subjecting the weaker or more timid to abuse.
I grieve for those that have been affected, especially in their own married lives.
I have shied away from being too frontal about my experiences with ATI/IBLP. My experience with ATI started in my sophomore year of High School through graduation. The year was 1991-1994. So socially maybe I was not as delayed as some of the kids who never experience social settings with people who were not fundamentalists, let alone Christians. I went to both public and private schools prior to starting ATI. I will also admit that I was not very disciplined in the traditional classroom setting, which also encouraged my parents to choose home school.
During my family's enrollment into ATI, we went to all of the Knoxville summer conferences, and I individually did trainings in both Indianapolis and Dallas in 93' and 94'. I just recall always feeling like I wasn't good enough. Our family still secretly had a TV, but when ATI visitors would come over to our home, we would hide the TV. Basically after time ATI turned into a very work orientated activity, where being visibly righteous was equal to actually being righteous, no matter if the persons motives were made in vanity.
It turned into a phony virtue signaling. The pressure to not date, to not listen to rock/pop music, to not have any hobbies that were not advancing Gothards vision of "god's" kingdom, really turned me off.
One time when I was in Dallas April of 94'. I was 17 almost 18 and away from home. I was actually getting to hang out with kids who shared my ATI experience. One night we decided to hangout after "lights out", not really doing anything wrong, but [name redacted] didn't like that, and called all of our parents the next day. I think that was my epiphany that I no longer cared to be apart of this group. Later than summer I opted out once I became an adult and I enlisted in the Marine Corps, which actually taught me the socialization skills that I had been lacking.
In fact it was ATI/IBLP that really led me to question Faith altogether. I would say I now teeter on agnosticism. I don't think there is much evidence of a higher power other than the evidence of nature, and what that is, Im not sure, but I am certain the Abrahamic Faiths are not factually based other than their limited historical significance.
Not all things ATI were bad. Even though the maths and sciences suffered under the curriculum, I was way far ahead than most of my peers in regards to civics and history, just plain common sense.
Again I try not to be bitter at my parents. They were doing their best, and Bill Gothard had a way of charming people with his calming presence. Plus I also gathered some very life good life lessons about financial responsibility that I have been able to apply.
While working at Oak Brook in 1994, I had confided in some of my housemates that I thought a certain guy was cute. This guy was more straightlaced than myself and wouldn’t be interested in me, but I liked him nonetheless. Within a day of me sharing this with my “friends”, I was called to Mr. Gothard’s office and questioned about the matter. So much for friends!
I met a boy at an ITC counseling seminar in 1993 and we exchanged addresses. He wrote me after I went home, and continued to write while I was working in Oak Brook later that year. My letters were opened and read before they were given to me.
PE,
That makes me sick to my stomach. That is probably illegal, and regardless, an extreme invasion of privacy.