A couple of years ago I heard that there was a program for young men in the Advanced Training Institute (ATI) called Life Focus. Apparently Life Focus came into existence right around the time I left ATI. When I heard some of my friends discussing it, I was intrigued and started asking around.
While there were many stated purposes to this program, one of the main purposes was providing “menial and difficult work projects” in order to learn humility and a servant’s spirit: “Life Focus students participate in intense physical labor, both indoors and outdoors. The goal is to help meet the needs of others in any way they can. Mowing, weeding, sweeping, painting, landscaping, laying carpet, drywall, construction, demolition, kitchen cleanup, mopping, vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms, and picking up trash are typical activities that Life Focus students may be involved in…. During the early days of the program, clear instruction is provided regarding practically every aspect of day-to-day life. Decisions regarding schedule and activities are kept as a surprise and are made for the students, teaching them valuable lessons in faith, humility, and having a servant spirit.” In other words, many parents would send their “problem kids” to this program in hopes that a boot camp-style experience would straighten them out.
The more I learned, the more disturbed I became. Two things stood out to me: 1.) The young men involved had largely been abused and mistreated within the program, all in the name of bringing their focus back to Christ. 2.) The majority were unwilling to talk about their time in Life Focus because it had been so damaging, and they had no desire to emotionally re-visit that time of their life.
Recovering Grace has decided to spotlight a few Life Focus stories in the weeks ahead. One story came from my friend Paul. When he first told me what happened to him during his time at Life Focus I was aghast—and yet, sadly, not surprised.
Paul was 17 when he arrived at the Indianapolis Training Center (ITC) for the second Life Focus class. He spent several weeks in the “Prayer room” for a very minor offense. After not hearing from their son for several weeks, Paul’s parents drove to the ITC to check in on him. When they arrived for their surprise visit, the leaders took them aside and made sure to let them know that their son was very rebellious and would probably tell them anything to be allowed to leave. While they were talking downstairs, Paul was taken by a Life Focus leader out of solitary confinement into a guest suite, and told to shower and get dressed, without any explanation as to why. When his parents walked into the room he came undone, begging them to take him home. He told them of the weeks he had spent in isolation in the prayer room. He had even tried to escape, making it as far as the lobby doors. (Others had also tried to escape the program, breaking out of windows in their attempt to leave.) His parents, having been warned, did not believe him. As soon as they left he was put back into solitary confinement for the remainder of his time in Life Focus. He returned home, forever scarred from the experience.
Fortunately he and his parents have been able to recover their relationship in the years since. He is the proud and adoring father of two beautiful children whom he loves investing his life in. He has a successful career. His time at Life Focus might have scarred him, but he has worked hard to not let it define him.
Some might say, “See, it all worked out.”
But at what cost?
There are hundreds of young men with similar stories who attended this program, their lives ill-affected by abusive techniques that the leaders in Life Focus perpetrated and allowed. Many of these young men refuse to discuss their time in this program with family or friends, some still suffering symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
One important note: I have been in touch with the young man who ran Life Focus. He has stated that he is open to talking one-on-one with anyone who was damaged by him while in the program, but he is not ready to make a public statement.
Speaking as a former student, I understand this. This man was just a young student himself, really, who was given a lot of authority. I’m not saying that we are not responsible for our actions. But I do think it’s important to remember that we were all brainwashed as students. We thought that we had all the answers. We had been taught over and over that anything that “raised a standard” was considered spiritual and good. We thrived on the praise of our authorities and did whatever we could to please them because it meant we were in “God’s will.” It’s very sad to me that the authorities often pitted student against student so often.
I hold the adult leadership of the ITC responsible for the damage done, as well as Bill Gothard himself, whose idea it was to start this program. Where were they? Why did they allow untrained students to have so much power over other students? Why did they encourage abuse by allowing student-leaders to push other students in hard-labor tasks, giving them power to send their fellow students into solitary confinement for weeks on end over small infractions? Where was the accountability? Questions like these concern me.
While the Life Focus program has since closed down, the damaging effects of this abusive treatment remain with many young men today. These stories are an opportunity for the young men to process and share publicly, some for the first time, their abusive experiences while in Life Focus.
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Rachel's family joined ATIA in 1985. At 17 she had the experience of her life by spending 8 1/2 months in Moscow, Russia. At 20 she moved to Chicago and worked at the HQ for two years where she saw first hand the workings of Bill Gothard. She currently resides in Texas with her three non-Pearl raised children. She is working towards her goal of becoming a Social Worker.
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What really is a ringer for me is that these 'Christian' people knowingly and deliberately lied to the parents about anything at all, much less what they were doing to their son. To me that shows that some of them knew it was wrong at some level. And yes, Bill is responsible. I've heard plenty of other stories where he knew xyz was going on, and turned a blind eye to it. Sick!
I was a student in the pilot program. I am a bit disappointed in myself, that I couldn't contribute my experiences. I just didn't want to revisit that period. There were times I would recall the first weeks of the program where we were put on "voice-lockdown," which is exactly what it sounds like. That's a military boot-camp tactic, which I later personally experienced in Navy boot-camp. I'll restate that: That's a MILITARY tactic. I excused myself from sending stories like that to Recovering Grace, thinking, "Nah, that's too nutty to have actually happened! I must have just imagined that."
One of my fellow students was one of the ones who actually managed to escape. Of course, we never found out why: hush hush, no bad reports, and all. I remember a pool party we attended at the end of the program. It was really more of a party at a house that happened to have a pool. I have video evidence of us swimming in our normal, everyday clothes, which were khaki pants and polo shirts. I'll restate that; we swam in KHAKI pants and POLO SHIRTS.
I'm 99.9% certain that one of my roommates had been ordered, by the court system, into the program. I remember him telling me stories of drug deals and showing me pictures of him posing with stacks of cash he had made in drug sales. I remember him being a good-hearted kid who wanted to turn his life around. That being said, I just asked my father if he remembers the program disclosing the fact that his son would be roomed in the same living space with young people who had been through the court system. He had no recollection of such disclosure. I also remember this same roommate being ordered to change his athletic shoes, which looked like any typical athletic shoe you would find in a sporting goods store today, because they were, "too flashy." Another young man, who I remember as a court-ordered delinquent, punched me in the stomach. Again, being so long ago and me being much younger, I don't remember if it was a serious and very painful punch or if it was just playing around. I do remember reporting it to my leader, being the "good-boy" I was.
Ironically, during my time at Focus was where I first heard the word "p___y" used in the derogatory sense. I remember, because I had to ask what it meant. I also heard the word "s___t." It was a French Canadian I heard that from, and apparently it's no big deal in that culture, because he was shocked by our shock of his use of the word. I also remember getting mooned. Yeah, even in a training center, we were all just folks.
I also remember memorizing and publically reciting the entire book of James. Today, I can't, with confidence, even explain what the book is about. I'm not off the hook for not knowing that; I acknowledge that a long time Christian should probably be able to give a short synopsis of its books. However, it is very telling that I learned the words but not the meaning. I also remember being on a work project in a poor housing project and my interaction with two of the local boys. One was a fat kid and the other made fun of him for it. Being a "good-boy" and in a stroke of argumentative genius, I asked the antagonizing boy, "Don't you know that that's the way he is because God made him like that?" He replied with, "He's fat because he eats too much." Yeah, I had just been out-debated and burned by a kid younger than 10, and he didn't even know we were debating, like we were in my mind. I remember wanting the guys around me to sing hymns as we worked so that the people around us would "know" that we were "Christians."
All of these are fragmented memories, but I'm looking forward to reading the experiences of others in the coming weeks.
AS I read your story, tears welled up in my eyes. I was abused as a child (not anything associated with Bill Gothard's organization) and this is exactly the type of behavior and reaction you are sharing here--ABUSE!! Only through years of prayer and God's grace was I able to forgive the ones who abused me. I too cannot go back to that time and think about what happened because it brings back the feelings and fear. May God continue to gently pour His healing grace into your heart and life. Thank you for having the courage to share your experience--it may encourage others to call what happened "abuse" and begin to work towards healing.
I want to be careful not to overstate the connection, but I'm reminded of this TED talk by Philip Zimbardo: http://www.ted.com/talks/philip_zimbardo_on_the_psychology_of_evil.html
People want to think that a few guys who were bad apples ruined it for others. But it runs a lot deeper than that. "Unchecked authority creates a bad barrel." It's not just a few bad apples, it's normal apples getting tossed into a bad barrel.
In that talk, he introduces 7 steps on the slippery slope to evil:
+ Mindlessly taking the first small step
+ Dehumanization of others
+ De-individuation of self
+ Diffusion of personal responsibility
+ Blind obedience to authority
+ Uncritical conformity to group norms
+ Passive tolerance of evil through inaction or indifference
It is interesting that Jesus simply said, "Follow Me." It was not to a boot-camp that the disciples had to go. It was simply to learn of Him freely by grace through faith alone. Paul used terms to be a soldier, but never in his teaching did he go further in this analogy to being in a boot-camp to learn the things of God and His Son Jesus Christ. Incarceration to learn the things of the Lord? No! It is grace through faith alone!
Amen!
I was in the pilot program as well. It was hell. But it's strange, that whole period feels like such a blur to me. It's really tough to remember, and it's not that way about any other segment of my life. I remember that there was a pool "party", but I didn't remember the polo shirts & khakis until reading Clay's comment. The "voice lockdown" sounds so familiar, but I don't remember. I do remember mopping the 13 floor stairwell what felt like every other day. I remember feeling totally alone; with nobody on my "side". I've never felt the kind of isolation/abandonment that I felt during those months. I was 15. I remember going through the list of people in my head that I could call; wondering if they would take me in if I ran away. I remember knowing there was nobody. My dad told me that if I called _______, that he would ensure that they wouldn't take me, and would return me back to him. Sorry, I'm a better writer than this; I'm just typing this out on my phone.
Luke,
It pains me to read what you went through. Such loneliness. Such rejection even from family. I appreciate your courage to "remember" even in what little you expressed. You're expressing yourself well; the disconnectedness and lack of memory trauma come through in your writing. I'm sorry you went through that. No one should have to go through what you went through in the name of Jesus. He had strong things to say about anyone who abused children, and what you went through was abuse.
Does anyone have any stories, good or bad, about the ALERT program? We are parents looking for some answers before my son attends that program. He has REALLY wanted to go for a few years, but we a very skeptical. Some of his friends have gone and now he wants to go. He is 19 and plans on paying for it himself, but we only hear really good things about it. I posted this question on the Life Focus The price of a White Polo as well. We have not used the ATI or IBLP programs, but do know others who have and have had their sons in ALERT. Please help us find some REAL answers to the ALERT program. Thank you so much.
Great question. I hope you get some good input. One of the people who comments here has mentioned his experience with it in the past: https://www.recoveringgrace.org/2012/08/bill-gothards-tornado-that-didnt-happen/#comment-10166.
The author of a 3-part post here on RG discussed it a little as well: https://www.recoveringgrace.org/2011/12/my-life-in-ati-part-two/
ALERT was after my time. Something that would concern me about a program like ALERT is that when there is a situation where some kids have a mission to subjugate other kids, if the authority of those on top is not monitored, checked, and balanced very carefully, this will create an environment where abuse becomes part of the culture. For discussion about extreme examples of that, do a search for Philip Zimbardo's TED talk about evil (the examples he discusses are extreme cases). The problem in that kind of a situation is not a few bad apples but rather a bad barrel, a bad environment.
A well-meaning kid can feel like an utter failure when his best has not been good enough. It can be such a damaging thing for someone when their "failures" are used against them by those in authority, and when the message is being sent that this authority is sanctioned by God. With those considerations in mind, and with the track record of the Institute (though I realize there is some space between the Institute and ALERT), I would be extremely wary.
But I can totally understand that the graduation ceremony and earning the shirt and having the skills promised would make a young man's heart beat faster. I hope if your son goes for it that he's one of the success stories and that he gains skills that are useful to him for the rest of his life.
Thank you Matthew. We appreciate the information and will read up on it.
Kelly, I too am interested in what others say about ALERT. I worked there for about 2.5 years as a female staff member and knew many of the guys in the program, some of whom I am still in contact with today. If you have any specific questions, I might be able to help. My time there ended in 2002. Overall, most of the guys I knew there I think would say it was a valuable worthwhile experience, though not maybe worth the financial cost. It is a pretty crucial time in a young man's life when he probably only has a few years to prepare for marriage and family. ALERT may not be the best way to do that for someone already 19.
I was Life Focus 5. It was horrible. Oddly enough when they invited me to try the pilot of Life Focus Advanced I begged my parents to let me go. The Advanced program was probably as bad as the first, you had 1 LIT and you were a leader and had an assistant instead of being the LIT (similar to Equip, but for 14-15 guys who had zero training or experience leading squat.