The principles of IBLP [the Institute in Basic Life Principles] teach parents that they are responsible to make sure their children make good choices. This places a lot of pressure on the parents to control their children. But I have begun to ask, “Does God control us? Does he force us to make good choices?” I do not believe so.
When God placed Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, he put the Tree of Knowledge in the center of the Garden. He gave us free will, even before the Fall. God lets us fail and fall and learn of our need for him. If God had not put the Tree in the Garden, Adam and Eve might never have learned how desperately they needed God.
I am not advocating letting children run wild, with no training or direction. God gave parents the responsibility to protect and train children to grow into adults. However, I believe that this looks much different than we were led to believe.
My parents were wonderful parents, but they chose to over-protect me from sin. I am a people-pleaser, and I did a good job of following the rules. I thought I was a good Christian, because I was living up to the biblical standards. Then I got married and moved away, and no longer had my parents there to help me follow the rules. All of a sudden I learned that it had not been my strength or Jesus’ strength that helped me follow the high standards, but rather my parents. I quickly learned a much deeper need for Jesus and his strength in me.
My deepest desire for my son is that he learn to love God, and learn of his need to be saved. I want to have an eternal perspective for my son. When we get to heaven, our sin will be gone forever. I want my son to have a heart that loves God and has chosen to follow Him.
My biggest fear for my son is that he turn into a hard-working, law-abiding man with a good attitude, who is in church every time the doors are open yet still doesn’t realize he does not even know Jesus. The Pharisees believed they were the cream of the crop of the followers of God, yet Jesus condemned them. They were doing everything God had commanded. They were following the rules, yet Jesus condemned them! If I protect my son from sinning, his heart is still just as sinful; I have simply whitewashed the outside for him while the inside is still a tomb.
I want to teach my son to seek God for himself. When he comes to me asking if he is allowed to do X, I want to encourage him to ask God about X. If he makes a different choice than I would like, even if it is in defiance of God’s answer to him, then he has learned that his heart is in rebellion to God and needs to be rescued. Is that not where we all were at some point? Jesus has taken my rebellion on the cross—can he not take my son’s as well?
I am not advocating sinning more! I am suggesting we let God put Trees of Knowledge in our children’s lives. I am suggesting that we allow our children not to be hypocrites. If I force my son to lead a better life than he would choose on his own, am I not teaching him to be a Pharisee?
Very well said.
Yes! Exactly!
Soooo good!
Yes! Following the rules too much is actually a bad thing sometimes, as I have had to learn. Thankfully, I have had some wonderful people to help me learn how to figure out which rules are the important ones and which ones are just random rules with no purpose.
YEEEEAH!!
SO good!
AMEN!!! Very true and a very important concept for us parents to grasp.
For those who may disagree with the article... A friend posted this:
I was digging through the Advanced Seminar Book and came across page 344...
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2. God Charges parents and grandparents, not teachers, with the responsibility to train their sons and daughters.
*Training until the time appointed by the father –
"Now I say, That the heir, as long as he is a child, differeth nothing from a servant, though he be lord of all; But is under tutors and governors until the time appointed of the father." Gal. 4:1-2
*Teach to children and children’s children –
"And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up." Deut. 6:7
"Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers." Prov. 17:6
*Responsible for faithful children –
"If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly." Titus 1:6
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What does RESPONSIBLE FOR FAITHFUL CHILDREN mean to you?
To me this means if a child is not faithful it is the responsibility of the parents. I’m not sure how this could be interpreted any other way. This is clearly wrong theology.
Each person is accountable for their own thoughts/actions/lives. Check out the Advance Big Red Book for yourself.
As an aside child rearing IS NOT the responsibility of grandparents.
Wes the emphasis have been twisted to suit the purpose of the author and also used verses in isolation its called eisegesis
Yes eisegesis... It's sad that people bought into this stuff hook line and sinker.
Wes:
"As an aside child rearing IS NOT the responsibility of grandparents."
Yes, it actually is. "Teach them thy sons, and thy sons' sons" (Deut. 4:9)
"What does RESPONSIBLE FOR FAITHFUL CHILDREN mean to you?"
Here are verses from 1 Timothy:
"One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)" (1 Timothy 3:4-5)
He knows how to rule his own house, therefore his children are in subjection with all gravity, and presumably he can do the same in the church.
"If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly." Titus 1:6
Best translation of "faithful children" is "children of faith", i.e. saved. Here in the ESV:
"If anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination."
This has less of a cause/effect statement, although it appears to be implied. I mean . . . what difference would that make on one's ability to govern the church if one has no control over it?
Such things cannot just be wiped away. What does it mean if it doesn't mean that we have control, even authority, to see our families gathered in and going on well?