Dear Mom and Dad,
I do not write this out of vindictiveness or anger; rather, I write it out of an inquiring and puzzled mind. I do not fault you for putting our family into the Advanced Training Institute (ATI) program. You wanted the best for our family, and I believe you sincerely thought you were doing the right thing.
It puzzles and saddens me, however, to see you abandon many of the things you taught us in order to excuse your defense of Bill Gothard and ATI.
You taught us early on that when the Bible and a human disagreed, the Bible’s authority always reigned supreme, because it was infallible. Yet when I mention the numerous Bible scholars and professors who find legitimate fault with Bill, you dismiss them as “having an agenda,” “untrustworthy,” or “giving a bad report.” You always tried to find a way to fit the Bible with Bill’s teachings—something that, in any other context, you consistently taught us was wrong.
When I bring up Scriptural inaccuracies in Mr. Gothard’s teaching, such as his definition of grace, you excuse it. You once agreed with Bill that grace is merited in some cases, a concept which you incessantly taught me as a child was false—that we cannot earn God’s grace. When I talk about the legalism present in Mr. Gothard’s teaching, you attempt to redefine the term or you make excuses to legitimize his adding to Scripture.
As children, we were constantly shown the immense importance of listening to and obeying our authorities, be they religious, civil, or parental. Yet, where is your concern over the fact that Bill Gothard broke the law by not reporting abuse cases to the civil authorities?
When I was younger and was alone with older guys on various occasions, you often took me aside afterwards to ask me if they had ever inappropriately touched me. You made clear that if that had happened, you wouldn’t punish or shame me, that it was not my fault. I had confidence that I could have shared an instance of that with you were it to occur, and that you would believe me. Yet, when many girls have testified that Bill was sexually inappropriate with them, you dismiss them as liars and “having an axe to grind against such a godly man.”
You ask why, if this happened, Bill never faced consequences, but you fail to consider some important factors as to why Bill never has suffered serious consequences. For instance, you haven’t considered the fact that the girls he harassed or touched inappropriately were taught that Bill was their authority, a godly man who only wanted the best for them. Also, many of these girls had no idea of the concept of sexual harassment. Thus I ask, how could they know that what he was doing was wrong? They were told to ignore their feelings because they were taught Bill was a godly man who was above all reproach. Why do you not believe these girls (some of whom are friends of mine) as you would have believed me? Why do you fail to consider that these young women, many of whom don’t know each other, all have the same story? Why, even in light of Bill’s admitting to at least some of these actions, are you not expressing disgust at what he did, which you’d be more likely to do in the case of someone else?
You taught me that children should always listen to the cautions of their parents, because their parents are older and wiser than they are. Yet when your parents made statements indicating their reservations about Bill, you shrugged them off. Why would you teach me differently than your actions communicated?
It puzzles me when you attend a church where your pastor has no qualms about criticizing public Christian figures such as John Piper or Chuck Swindoll openly from the pulpit. However, you take great offense if I criticize Bill Gothard on Biblical grounds. You claim that we who are against ATI must take the “Matthew 18” approach with Bill. Yet, over and over, that has been tried, and Bill always silences those who have tried to hold him accountable.
You taught us as children that sin isn’t something to be taken lightly. You taught us well the verses, “Be sure your sin will find you out” and “Whatever is done in secret will be shouted from the housetops.” You had no problem with denouncing those you deemed false teachers, yet because I consider Bill Gothard a false teacher, I am told to hush up? I’m not saying that you must agree with me, but perhaps we could discuss it without dismissing it.
Why is it that when a politician whom you intensely dislike is caught in a sex scandal, you crow gleefully about his ideology going down the drain and will quickly air his dirty laundry and grind an axe against him, yet when a self-professed Christian (who is held to a higher standard, nonetheless) is outed by multiple women on accounts of sexual harassment or molestation, you dismiss it as “unbelievable,” complain that “it needs to be handled privately,” or that “people sharing this stuff just have an axe to grind.”
Why do you continue to defend Bill when he fired a good friend of yours because your friend stood up to his bullying tactics? When a relative of yours was abused by his father, you had a heart for him. However, when I bring you testimony of my personal friends horrifically abused by their parents, and blamed for their plight by Bill Gothard, why do you refuse to listen?
I fear that you idolize. I fear that Bill is a product of your hero worship. You treat him with such awe, as if he is completely above reproach. You feel that, because he has done some good things, it outweighs the evil he has done. But why did you unceasingly teach me that “all our good deeds never outweigh our bad deeds before God?” Why are you making an exception for Bill? Will a judge overlook a murder committed because the criminal did “many good things in his life”?
Realizing that a man you put so much trust in, and whose ministry was a central pillar of our lives, is a wolf in sheep’s clothing is not an easy conclusion to reach. I understand that acknowledging this possibility is very difficult to swallow. Yes, it means renouncing what you believed in, much like Hindus coming to Christ and renouncing their caste system. Yes, it is hard, but didn’t you teach us as children that following God was the most important thing in life? Didn’t you believe that God would give one grace to do what was hard?
I pray that you will learn the value of asking questions concerning what you were and are taught. I hope to see you realize what a real relationship with God looks like—not one of fear, but of love. And finally, may you believe the words of John: “The truth will set you free.”
Jonathan currently lives in the South and recently completed his bachelor's degree. His family joined ATI in 1994, and over the past few years since leaving the program, he has realized the legalistic bondage that the teachings put people in. He is excited to be learning things about grace and Christian liberty that he didn't realize before.
July 31, 2024
I am a former ATI dad and we joined ATI about the same time that your family did. It was drilled into our generation to give people the benefit of the doubt, and not to be judgmental, especially to those who were more "like minded". A lot of error has entered the church because of that mindset.
God showed me some of the error of the ATI program and we left in 2005. It grieves me also, to see families who defend Bill Gothard in spite of all the evidence that has come out that shows that he is a false teacher, a deceiver, etc.
Parents/families/people not being able to comprehend that Bill Gothard is a false teacher is not an intellectual problem but a spiritual one. After I read your article, I sat down to read my Bible and this is what I read:
But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man.
1 Corinthians 2:14-15
Bill Gothard is a false teacher and those who are following him are not following Christ. Therefore, because they are following a false teacher they lack discernment and the things of God appear to be foolishness to them.
We wonder how can a person who is a Christian, not be able to understand that they are deceived, even when it is "proved" to them that they are. A similar inability to understand happened in Jesus' day with the highly educated religious leaders. In spite of their desire to live Godly lives and follow God's commands they could not understand what Jesus said. Jesus explained why, it was because they had closed their ears and closed their eyes to the evidence:
He answered and said unto them, Because it is given unto you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it is not given. For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath. Therefore speak I to them in parables: because they seeing see not; and hearing they hear not, neither do they understand. And in them is fulfilled the prophecy of Esaias, which saith, By hearing ye shall hear, and shall not understand; and seeing ye shall see, and shall not perceive: For this people's heart is waxed gross, and their ears are dull of hearing, and their eyes they have closed; lest at any time they should see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and should understand with their heart, and should be converted, and I should heal them. But blessed are your eyes, for they see: and your ears, for they hear.
Matthew 13:11-16
We need to pray that God will open people's eyes and their ears that they might understand and deliver themselves from Satan's deception.
I had always considered myself one of the "normal" ATI moms....tried to conform, but never quite getting there. I understood (somewhat) the navy blue and white uniform...some of the outfits did look nice and crisp...but dressing everyone in the same home made style was over the edge! We never fellowshipped with the families who adhered uber closely to the program, because we did see teachings that were not what we agreed with. Instead, we "cherry-picked" many things and supplemented with several other curricula. From day one, we stressed that God would never fail you, but man will....so we would walk carefully and do our research before the Wisdom book was presented.
It was only a few months ago, that my youngest daughter, now married and living in another state called to tell me about Recovering Grace. I went to this site, and was utter blown away!!! I called a friend who was also a former ATI mom and we cried, prayed, called our now adult children and begged forgiveness for what we all had done!!! We truly believed that we were doing the very best for them because we loved them dearly and wanted them to prosper well in their walk with the Lord. We saw amazing opportunities for them to see the world while ministering to others, and hands-on apprenticeship venues. All this...but had no idea of the price that was to be paid for all of this. I have cried many tears for the ones that have been exploited and have asked the Lord to wrap then in His arms and give them all peace and closure. I am grateful that mine did not have to encounter the things as the ones who have come forward, but I am sure that if they had, this mama bear would come to action!!! Who am I kidding....I am in action now!!!! I ditto: We need to pray that God will open people's eyes and their ears that they might understand and deliver themselves from Satan's deception.
I'm reminded of how I sat at times and watched through television this unreal occult type leadership... Myron... Bill seems to me as a problem, for you and for many. I've always tried to understand thing's that are positive myself... I wouldn't know what to say about being in Bill's shoes or yours Myron? I say still... Stay strong! Well... I've been young too... I know that thing's do change quick for me and I know that I'm not young anymore. I never wanted to hope bad... It's not me... somethings do hurt! A lot... I say that reading that other's are deceived by what we/they see... Hear too... Myron, you're right... Some times I wonder what it would be like to be wise.. have more knowledge... It's hard when wrong is done. It too, is hard when you're related too. What does one do? God bless you...
Idolatry - the one thing someone following the Lord would most hate to fall into, and yet, it is the best chosen word for many who embraced the teaching of Bill Gothard in order to secure a "spiritual" foundation for their beloved children. Having spent the last 6 months facing the barrage of evidence against Mr. Gothard and his "ministry" has been one of the most pain ridden journeys of my life...admitting to myself and others that I believed a lie and based my life and my children's lives on that lie. The evidence is clear to anyone who will listen...no matter what allegations are true or untrue, it IS true that this man did not live what he taught- he was not what he purposed for all of us to be. In my life, I chose that false and deceitful foundation to build my life on...I didn't see the glaring evidence of the truth because the only way I could keep looking at the brightness of the idol I set up was to quit checking each teaching against scripture...the idol became truth to me, and I failed to imagine that there could be any error. That is how idolatry is...you look to the image instead of looking to God and to Scripture. You might read the Scriptures, but the idol has the final say on what you do. Again, I chose this way, believing I was following the truth and it became the foundation of all that I named as Christianity. Sadly, our children had no choice. Although I believe we used some wisdom and balance in raising them, their foundation wasn't chosen...it WAS the foundation their lives were built on and as a result we gave them the confusion that comes from idol worship and false doctrine, and all the ramifications that have been shared well on this site. God is merciful, and His mercies are new every morning. I have a second chance to live out the remaining days of my life embracing the truth of God, apart from any man or idol. My children have the freedom to sort through the confusion of being given such a poor foundation, and they are doing it well. Am I sorry? Probably more sorry than for anything else in my life. I have wept for my children, whom I so loved, and misguided and for myself to have fallen into such blatant idolatry. It is not an easy thing to admit you have been deceived and built on a false foundation. But it is an even more horrible thing to have given such a foundation to your kids and upon seeing evidence that it was indeed false teaching, refusing to renounce it and embrace God's free grace and truth. I am sorry for each one of you who have had to sort through mountains of confusion from being taught that this program was Biblical when it was not. And I am sorry for those who refuse to call a spade a spade and renounce idolatry of a man and his "ministry" - some of you have been my closest friends down through the years, and I pray that God will give grace and the courage to recognize the truth and act upon it as God leads, and embrace your children while there is still time. Let's not leave the kids we love out there having to wonder why we have such inconsistency in our lives...excellent letter, Jonathan...thank you so much for saying hard things...they are true! My prayer for all ex ATI students is that they will see truth, and that God himself will wipe away tears and hurts, and God Himself will exchange the ashes for beauty.
This is my favorite post on RG so far. No one seems to want to admit they followed a false teacher and their lives were based on his teachings. No one wants to admit they were wrong. It's shameful. I wasn't a member of ATI and I've never done any of the seminars, but I went to a church where the pastor followed Gothard and I received some counseling based on BG's principles. This pastor does exactly what Bill does, sets himself up to be untouchable. He has his core group followers and they protect him. But, that's not what this reply is for. My point is is that I had to acknowledge to my kids the beliefs and teachings that were wrong. And we had to de-program ourselves. We must put our children above our pride and with all love and humility admit where we went wrong and go forward in God's Word with a renewed excitement to learn all about His ways. I know some people who still follow BG, will not read RG, and it is so sad. We should always want truth no matter the cost. So proud of you for talking about this issue and I believe you have just given others the strength to do the same.
I really appreciate how you acknowledge that your children did not have a choice. It would mean a lot if my parents fully acknowledged the same to me. They tend to take a more flippant attitude about it.
Though my parents are no longer "in the mindset" like they were back in the day, many of these questions would still be hot-button issues. Thanks for putting together such a great list of talking points (at least that's how I'm looking at it - from an ex-student point of view!). I'm hopeful this will spark some good conversations...
I could have written a lot of this, too. Jonathan, you're not alone. Despite being out of the program for years now, my parents still quote Bill... and reference ATI teachings. It makes me cringe. Maybe with more time their eyes will be opened? For now, I choose not to engage in those conversations with them. Self protection.
Thanks for taking time to pen this reality. I identify with the boat you're in.
After having taken some time off from RG I read this article and I am left with one thought. With most cults it's the observers on the outside that look at the teachings and behavior of the followers and can clearly identify the cult. In the case of IBLP you have countless people that were once involved, bought in, 100% percent, who have evaluated the teachings, the fruit and the legalism and deemed it to be harmful and unbiblical in many ways.
Yes Bill has done some good, but just because rice is the most consumed food in the world doesn't make it the most delicious.
True dat.
Ryan,
The reality is that people want to believe in Bill and use the strawman arguement that "Well, Bill did some good" to dodge the reality that they wanted to be deceived. for those who think that is harsh, I reference the body of Scripture that describes the state of our hearts as fallen sinful man.
The problem is that this is unscriptural and utilitarian. In essence the logic is " if good comes out of a situation, than the underlying situation was good." In scriptural language, sinful acts can be redeemed if there is an outcome we consider positive. This skirts dangerously close to usurping God's role of defining what sin is. It also supposes that we can accurately define what God would consider "good". Furthermore, it is illogical. a person can fight cancer and provide an inspirational story of perseverance, etc, but the cancer underlying the story is still lethal.
For those who say: "Bill did some good" and "we all are sinners", I would respectfully ask them to study what the NT standard of "good" is for those who present themselves as scriptural teachers.
1Pet 1:17-19 you address as Father the One who impartially judges according to each one’s work, conduct yourselves in fear during the time of your stay on earth; 18knowing that you were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold from your futile way of life inherited from your forefathers, 19but with precious blood, as of a lamb unblemished and spotless, the blood of Christ.
I actually think it's somewhat of a maturity issue, as well. Sometimes, when we feel passionately about something/one we loose the totally ability to think with any kind of objectivity at all! That has entered in here....of course we all live w/bias's in some form or fashion in many, if not most areas. However, it takes painful maturity get past seeing 'things' (even our own beloved children, let alone our pet spiritual doctrines) so subjectively. ''Look, this is how I see it, this is how it's always been and this is how it will stay'' is that mindset. It takes work to step back a bit and see things for how/who they really are....ESPECIALLY if we've always seen things one specific way. It's as old as the hills....'we've always done/seen it this way so we can't change it now'.
I have heard people from Team Bill say things like, 'I won't believe a word of it no matter WHAT others say'. REALLY? Are you in denial THAT much? Have you sold your soul THAT much to some earthly man and his schtick? Are you THAT blind? Are THAT immature that you cannot even entertain another's viewpoint? How lacking. How sad.
Also, there obviously is some total embarrassment in play here....I mean who wants to admit that they have been passionately wrong for so long?! Some for decades. That's tough to take. However, if they would choose to open their minds and heart just THIS much, they might, just might begin to see truth and facts. And hey, God is still very much in the redemption business....He can redeem the time/energy and money spent on non sense. He does it all the time!
I could have written this entire thing myself. I want to know WHY. Why are there different rules for him than everyone else?
I believe that this sums up what is in so many of us. We are not being hateful rebels. We are just trying to make sense out of the inconsistencies.
Pam and Elsa
I want to speak as a parent who "gets it" and for many more like me. (we were in ATI for 11 years with it 'in us' for about 5 more years)
We SO want Bill held accountable for his actions and for the laws he has broken - labor laws and laws dealing with sexual harassment and worse. Those who have been directly affected are the ones who can see this through to litigation. I have said so often in the past year "if this was just some guy, he would be under investigation right now for sure and possibly locked up until the process is over..." Or AT LEAST watched.
This is very frustrating for so many parents. We have come clean with our children by agreeing with them on the part we had in all of the hurt and wrong teaching. I am so very sorry some are still standing up for him and the bilge we were taught and passed on.
Quite frankly, with all the evidence at this point, I am in utter disbelief that people are still in this program and that it has not been dismantled.
Please know, many parents do not, in any way, fit into this great article Jonathan has written. Quite the opposite. Our ATI Parent Recovery FB page is filled with parents who 'see'.
My husband and I have voiced our concerns to our daughter and son in law for at least 17 years. We have been concerned about the older children having way too much responsibility( an 11 year old being responsible for cooking all the meals). Having 8 children when our daughter is physically and emotionally fragile. Having a 9 year old boy take too much responsibility in running a farm. And these people were Techies, not farmers, who gave up the Tech life. So nobody knew what they were doing. Accusing us of being evil because our younger children were allowed to listen to Christian Radio stations.
Whenever we voiced our concerns we were blown off. We are still blown off. Their oldest is almost 22. It looks like courtship is the way they are going to do it.
I get these interesting birthday and mothers day cards filed with Bible verses. I honestly think that they think we are not saved because we don't embrace the lifestyle they have.
So obviously they don't even recognize us as an authority, yet they rule their children and young adults with an iron fist.
Sorry for the vent. This really struck a cord with me
like
Leslie,
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
Please do not take offense at your children and grandchildren. Keep loving. So much of this is driven by a mixture of motives: yes, there is a domineering spirit in many men both in the faith and out of it, but in those of us who have tried to separate ourselves from the world, grasped onto courtship, family business, rural living and/or home church there is a desperation based on knowing that the days are evil, people are evil and we and our children may be swallowed up by the evil. It is based on fear even more than pride.
Pray for your daughter and help any way you can. Children survive work and mothers survive childbirth and I can't think of one who mother would not willingly give her life for her children. See the good in their intentions and pray for their deliverance from fear and desperation. They are trusting in their own devices rather than in Jesus and His finished work.
Show them love by trusting in His work enough to overlook their errors and serve them any way you can. Try to discover the joys they do have in the life they have chosen and celebrate those. If they will not let you visit and help, send them money. If they will not cash your checks, send them cash anonymously from their hometown post office, or go to their bank and make an anonymous payment on their mortgage. If they have no debt or monetary needs, commend them for their wisdom in that area.
Love, love, love. Pray, pray, pray. Do NOT be alienated from them by THEIR hard hearts. God NEVER lets our hard hearts deter Him.
Don - That's SUCH an encouraging post, and I appreciate your writing it (for the benefit of all who will read it, and not only for its intended recipient). I've considered writing a book someday, whose golden-thread theme will be "perfect love casts out all fear" - based on 1 John 4:18 - and believe that this is a message which can't be overstated. Continued blessings, -J.
Thanks for your response Don. What we have been doing is sending them "extra's". Little luxuries. New clothes, gift certificates for dining out, sheet music, etc. while I agree with you that children survive work, I think it is a shame that at least the oldest three never had a childhood.
Amen!
Start a college fund for those three. My oldest of 8 had to contribute a lot to our family. I had an oldest sister who has always been bitter about her burdens as a child, so I purposed to reward my oldest daughter for her babysitting, etc. (One year she watched little ones in the mornings and did her school work between lunch and evening.) She ended up with about $5,000 saved earnings that my others never enjoyed and she was able to use that later to attend Westminster Seminary where she met her Christ following husband. Rather than eschew big families like many oldest do, she has had 2 boys in three years of marriage and is very happy.
For grownups to show a child of 10 or 11 that they are respected for taking up large responsibilities can be very empowering and encouraging for them. Your preferences are understandable but your encouragement and respect for these young ones will build them up. Half the children in the world and most in history had no "childhood" as we know it in the post-modern West (which now extends to age 27 according to our government). Honor these children (and take them to a park or ballgame when you can!) They are very blessed to have loving, caring grandparents. You are part of God's all sufficient grace toward them.
College is not allowed.
When they are over 18, they will have the right to make their own decisions and some may do so. Let them know when they are ready, in the meantime, a couple hundred in mutual funds for each child will accumulate a lot between now and their 25th birthday. It's still a wonderful way to honor them even if they spend the money on their first tractor. :-)
"When they are over 18, they will have the right to make their own decisions and some may do so."
I think those of us raised outside of this culture don't always realize how different it is for those raised in this culture, even if it's our own children. We know they will have the right, but do they know it? Watching my young adult nieces ask their father for permission to do things children would have to ask permission for tells me they have no idea they are actually adults.
horse, the ones that rebel know their rights and skip out when they can. Too, parents who say at 11 that their children will NOT go to college do change their minds, it is a rarity that ALL the children stay home until married, and if an 18 year old knew their grandparents would help them, some more might look for those opportunities to get a degree. I'm sure that Leslie is doing everything possible to love the grandchildren and be there for them. I'm only making the suggestions because the control that the system presumes is a delusion and there are very many ways to actively respond other than sorrow and mourning. Every way possible can be pursued. No future possibility should be discounted.
Many families try to make it on the farm and debt pushes them back to town after 8-10 years, back to hourly jobs, the kids into hourly jobs and the family back into the society where an education looks better than being a store clerk.
God does to us often what we purpose not to do. He shows mercy in spite of our hardhearted foolishness. I know many families that ruled out college at Gothard's insistence whose children ultimately got degrees, some not until their 30s. It doesn't have to be on our timetable, but it may yet come to pass. Death of a vision and all!
I'm sorry Leslie.
Dear Jonathan,
I appreciate your letter, as an ATI student, to your parents.
I am an ATI Mom. We joined ATI in 2000 and graduated all but one of our children as proud ATI parents. We even--until recently--were on staff at one of the still-existing training centers.
Until recently. We quit.
Maybe you could share this with your parents:
It all began February 3, 2014. Just learning how to use the tablet given to us at Christmas, we needed a quick refresher course from one of our available children. After he placed it back in my hands and I began scanning the newsfeed on fb, something appeared that shocked me!
It was an article from RG regarding BG's wicked behavior with one of the IBLP staff girls. I was immediately aghast! I was physically ill, meaning I was vomiting through the night.
(Before this moment, I had heard of RG; I obediently did NOT read it because, "...it's all lies by bitter ATI children." The only way God could providentially get my husband and I to read it was this way! Interestingly,it disappeared before my husband could see it. We looked for it on the newsfeed all night, like desperate novice tablet owners. Found out later it was erased before anyone else could see it.)
Well, we persisted. We went to RG and found it. And we have been reading everything ever since. Very, very devastating.
Why did this devastate me so terribly? Because I was one who idolized this man, BG. He has been my main mentor since 1975 when I attended my first Basic Seminar. Yup, my idol.
Not anymore.
So, when I read the first testimony of one of the innocent IBLP staff girls being spiritually and sexually abused by the one and only BG, I was done with him.
So what do we do now? We were currently staff at one of the IBLP training centers. We did our best to persuade the leadership and staff to read RG. We did our best to convince the leadership that they needed a third party to investigate in lieu of the ones currently chosen. It seems everyone wants status quo.
So we resigned. With God's day-by-day direction, we are in a different place...recovering.
And we are so glad we did.
If parents/staff cannot quite bring themselves to believe this evidence against BG, they would only have to see the spiritual abuse trend happening in many, many other "spiritual heirarchies" around the country. It is not just happening with IBLP! It is an epidemic! And I believe the devoted staff and parents will not read this either, so they stay ignorant. Not good.
Of course, that is one of the play cards of spiritual abuse: Don't let them read anything unapproved by the "Leader." Keep them stupid.
We must read. We must become informed. We must not be stupid. (Stupid: lacking ordinary quickness and keenness of mind; dull)
Our children are on their own now, with our love and guidance ever available to them. In time, past issues will perk up that we will have to work through with them, but at least we have taken the first steps of healing.
Bottom line: BG has disguised very wicked behavior for decades, and needs to admit it. (Ditto to others with him...) BG needs to come to grips with all this and take the consequences.
And all the devoted ATI parents and staff need to read the evidence RG has graciously provided for us, humbly release their hold on BG and his deceit and pray for recovering grace for themselves, and all the hurting ones.
Jonathan, may the Light of Christ reveal to your parents the Truth, as it was for us.
Sincerely,
Betty
Betty, from what you write, it appears that IBLP tried to control what information you as an adult, had access to. While I'm not getting sick, I am getting angry.
May many read this entry of yours, and take heed.
Your comment blows me away. Thank you so much for sharing! My heart goes out to you. "I was immediately aghast! I was physically ill, meaning I was vomiting through the night." oh, boy...
"With God’s day-by-day direction, we are in a different place…recovering." wow, love it!
Wonderful post, Betty! Thank you for sharing and for your efforts to persuade. I'm sure you made an impression on some, and they may be slow to respond. Continue praying!
Betty,
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I pray for you and your family as you are on this new journey of rediscovery; it can get rough, but it is worth the end result of freedom!
Betty,
I, too, am former IBLP staff (HQ for 8 years), and my experience was similar to yours. I would love to chat with you "offline" -- if RG would put us in contact.
Betty,
Thanks for your feedback, and for sharing your story with us. I know that trying to talk to the IBLP leadership about things like this is never easy. Kudos to you for your courage.
You mentioned the "don't read anything unapproved by 'the leader'" mentality. My mom did that to me once as well; upon finding out that I had been reading some articles by Bill's critics on the Internet (about 10 years ago), she quickly told me that I was not to read those again since they were just spreading lies and inaccuracies about Bill. A few years after that instance, I was looking at going to HQ for a while to get some practical experience in a certain field. At this point in time, I was starting to reject some of the teachings, namely in the area of personal standards. My mom again told me that I should never say *anything* even remotely disagreeing with Mr. Gothard. Even a "I don't agree with him on everything, but he is the authority here" wouldn't satisfy her. I don't fault or hold ill will against my mother for those things; she got taken in by the whole formulaic mentality like a lot of other people.
I'm glad you found this site, and that you're discovering and re-thinking what you were taught. It's not an easy process (especially when you have detractors), but it is rewarding in the end.
If you don't mind, Betty, I'd like to ask a couple of questions:
1) What communications were relayed from headquarters to the training center staff about BG's being put on leave of absence and then later his resignation?
2) You said, "We did our best to convince the leadership that they needed a third party to investigate in lieu of the ones currently chosen. It seems everyone wants status quo." Was this the top leadership, or the leadership at the training center?
3) Did others leave?
4) Did you notice a paring back of staff due to less interest in IBLP or to a downturn in finances (may have been too early for that)?
5) Did individuals and/or ATI families begin demanding answers?
Thank you.
Vanessa,
We are thinking that we should wait on these questions...♥
Betty, I really appreciate your sharing your story!
Practically speaking, are y'all doing okay? I don't know you personally, but I know many ATI staff families sell homes to move to a TC - do you have a place to live? Income? Anything we as an RG "family" can do to help you? I'm sure that if you need anything, you need only write to the RG staff & they would do their best to put you in touch with any help you may need in your transition, whether it's temporary housing, job leads, or emotional support. :)
Thank you for your courage in taking a stand! I wish you and your family all the best in your future.
No, they did not keep RG from us; but they made/make you feel like a traitor/disloyal if reading it. If you did read RG, you certainly didn't talk about it with others, out of fear.
My verse has been: "Fear of man brings a snare; but those who trust in the Lord will be safe." Proverbs 29:25
According to most, "...even if BG is in trouble, we can still do 'this' without him." (= status quo)
That concept of loyalty jumps out at me.
Reminds me of Joy's story: "One thing that did seem to work was the admonition to be loyal. Loyalty was a buzzword during this time, and the attempt to impose absolute loyalty was not new. Prior to our arrival, the imposition of absolute loyalty was managed by having the staff members sign a Loyalty Oath. This exercise instilled fear in many staffers, especially those who had counseled with Bill." article here
Some quotes from the series through the "Subtle Power" book,
"The Trap: In abusive systems, the trap is constructed when leaders build a system which demands loyalty and obedience. Fear: if you leave the system, you are leaving God’s protection and leaving God himself; there is also fear of all the perceived evils that are waiting outside the system."
article here
6. Misplaced Loyalty
Some ministries require signed statements of loyalty. Abusive leaders may make it seem that questioning them is equal to questioning God. This reinforces the walls that hold people inside. Misplaced loyalty may be built using three factors: 1) a mindset that “we alone are right,” making it unsafe or punishable to leave; 2) scare tactics, equivalent to spiritual blackmail–including threats that God will destroy your family or business, that you will come under a curse, or that Satan will get your children if you leave; and 3) humiliation, specifically the fear of being publicly shamed.
This third tactic may include phone campaigns against you to your employer or family and friends. Some leaders have written letters of character assassination, publicly attacking those who speak up. This is a very real tactic, and it can and does cost people their jobs.
article here
3. Unspoken Rules
Unspoken rules are powerful things. You may not know about them at first but as you break them, you will suffer either neglect, such as the cold shoulder, or extreme legalism, such as being questioned or asked to leave, as a consequence. In a healthy system, topics are up for discussion and it is allowed to agree to disagree.
The most powerful unspoken rule is the “can’t-talk” rule. Exposing problems threatens the system, because the system might have to change in order to address the problems. Therefore, if you speak about the problem, you are the problem. For example, when a woman is mistreated and she speaks up about it, the problem is not that her boundaries were violated but rather that she said something about it. However, the peace that comes from never challenging the leadership is a pretend peace.
article here
Absolutely true. All of it, Matthew. Even before the Feb 3rd moment, I was feeling much of this, but didn't know what it was. We now call it the "trickle-down" effect.
Good evening Jonathan. I attended various Basic, Advanced and Anger Resolution seminars from 1972- 2011, as an adult. Was never involved with ATI, so its interesting to read all these stories of what went on behind the scenes with folks like you who are eyewitness participants. Those of us who buy IBLP materials and attend seminars can easily get into the "BG can do no wrong" mentality due to lack of information. Thanks for writing your story and God Bless your family as you recover and continue to walk with the Lord.
I attended probably 2-3 Basic life Seminars & came home with the books each time. Fortunately for me, I only read the books @ the seminars & just recently threw them away. I haven't paid attention to Bill Gothard since the 70s (when I went to seminars in Phila) so I was ignorant of what happened. I want to thank all of you who have postes your experiences here because now I know. I was someone who could have gotten taken in by the Advanced Life / Bill Gothard but I was fortunate to have a friend who could discern the truth & tho she never said anything specific, I went to the 2 Basic Seminars with her. I don't drive & couldn't have gone without her & she never mentioned going again so I didn't go. She would say "Never look @ man
& worship him (even if a Preacher) but read the Word & see if what he says matches Word of God". If it doesn't, he is a false prophet & YOU SHOULD LEAVE, today, my friend, who brought me to the Lord, is with him now. My Pastor has said the same thing about knowing the word over the man. I am blessed to have had a friend with the discernment that I didn't have because I could have been pulled in without her.
*** Thank all of you for putting your experiences down for others to see. I am sure you will save others from this entrapment.
May God bless you & your families safely in His hands. I will keep you & all who are involved with ATI in my prayers for freedom!
Thank you!
Thank you for sharing, Betty. (Part of my story is here: https://www.recoveringgrace.org/2014/04/a-long-nights-journey-through-the-iblp-system/)
I have so many friends who are wonderful people and are currently on staff with IBLP. I have this feeling that if I were to even try to say anything, their immediate response would be to block me on Facebook and shun me. I'm not afraid of that, but just think that surely there is a way to get them to see. Do you have any insight on what to say or do that may possibly open their eyes to the truth? If you had been sent a gentle personal message on Facebook with an RG link, how would you have responded to that?